A Captain and a Gentleman
by gingerbread11
Summary: A Jack's POV accompaniment to my story 'Ianto Jones's Diary', in which the gaps in the development of their relationship are filled in and some extra 'fluffy'moments are added just for fun!
1. Jones, Ianto Jones

**A/N: **_Hello to anyone reading! For those of you who have read 'Ianto Jones's Diary' my other fic (which I am still working on, I plan to write both simultaneously!), this is similar sort of idea but from Jack's POV instead of Ianto's. I am basically trying to create Jack's commentary to his developing relationship with Ianto and tie up some of the loose ends/fill in the gaps between various moments between the two characters. Whereas my other story remains quite focused on the adventures of the team __along with the Jack and Ianto story, in this one it is much more focused on just Jack an Ianto - after all we already have the Captain's view on most things from the show! It's basically just about me having a bit of fun trying to capture the nature of their relationship which is never really established until series 3. Hope you enjoy, reviews are welcomed! Hannah xxx_

__NB: I am only going to say this once (it's too much effort to keep writing it!) as predicted I own nothing sadly, all characters etc are properties of the BBC and Russell and the gang.__

* * *

><p>Work today had been fairly standard, a Weevil sighting at 11.00 am and an intercepted police call about a headless man wandering the streets of Cardiff that turned out to be a teenager's prank. The rift seems to be taking a vacation. About the most exciting thing that happened all day was Owen mouthing off to Suzie about some of his dissecting kit that she had borrowed and broken and Suzie returning with as good as she got. As usual Tosh was on the outside of it all, sensibly sticking to the rift alert programme she was working on.<p>

As for me well, with nothing much to do, I was just observing everyone else doing nothing… UNIT had asked for me to dig up the file we have on the Gelth, I have no idea why it centuries since their attack and there's never been a return, but I'll be damned if I'm doing that any time soon. The archives are in a right state and it could take days to find them; maybe I'll just get Owen to do it if he turns up late again tomorrow.

I sent everyone home at six; I couldn't stand listening to Owen and Suzie arguing any longer. I'm not sure exactly what's been going on between them, the sexual tension between them in a room used to be unbearable, but now they just fight all the time. I noticed Toshiko seemed slightly pleased by their falling out; she must have fancied Owen for nearly a year now; I doubt she'll ever make a move though. It still seems odd to me how shy people from the 21st Century can be, she's intelligent and beautiful there's no need for her lack of confidence.

PC Wilson called at about 10.00 pm; a 'Werewolf' (Weevil) had been sighted lurking on the outskirts of the city. I didn't want to call the rest of the team back in, and I was fairly sure I could handle one Weevil by myself; after all it could only kill me. So I headed out by myself, risking it with a sedative as my only weapon.

As I took off in the SUV I had the strangest feeling that someone was following me, the same car had been driving behind me for a good few miles, and then parked on the same street as me- only a couple of cars apart. Weird.

Well, capturing the Weevil didn't go quite to plan…

I chased her into a small park on the edge of town, I expected to see a few youths still hanging about but the park appeared to be deserted.

I lunged at the Weevil from behind and started wresting her to the floor, but the bitch sunk her teeth into my neck before I could get a sack over her head or inject the tranquiliser. No matter how quickly I knew it would heal, it bloody hurt and my grip loosened, I thought I was going to lose her.

Then out of nowhere an unfamiliar figure appeared, striking the Weevil across the back knocking her temporarily to the floor. But the young man was inexperienced and startle, and so didn't react quickly enough when she bounced straight back up again – this one was a tough old bird.

As she held him pinned to the ground, about to rip his flesh with her fangs I quickly gave her the tranquiliser.

I turned to face a rather alarmed and surprised young man, who was gasping for breath. Even with his dark hair matted from the struggle, his clothing now grass stained and his face drained white in the moonlight, he was still gorgeous. He had an adorably boyish face; slight dimples hinted a small and delicate mouth, perfectly shaven jawline and pale blue eyes. I grinned widely and thanked him – there's nothing like a spot of Weevil hunting in order to pick up guys… or girls… or something equally beautiful.

"Jones, Ianto Jones" He said in an attractive Welsh accent, when I asked for his name. Ianto, such a traditionally Welsh name, it suited him.

My smile stopped all together when he mentioned Weevils. I tried to blow it off, but I think he saw through it. Damn it if he wasn't cute I might have knocked him out there and then- taken him back to the hub and administered the retcon.

Nobody knows about the Weevils aside from us and nobody should know. No matter how hot he was, if he's encountered Weevils before or is even just aware of their existence he could be a threat. I'm going to have to get Toshiko to run a background check on Jones, Ianto Jones first thing in the morning.

I couldn't help smiling a little to myself though as he complimented my coat, was he trying to flirt with me or simply catch my attention? I didn't respond though, I'll wait until we've eliminated him as a potential risk before I allow him to appreciate my dress sense.

I'm not sure what to do about this one; the information that Tosh has found on him has made me sure that our run in last night was more than a coincidence. I think he has been researching Torchwood Three and has managed to track us down.

At first glance, he was harmless; just an average citizen of Cardiff, with a minor shoplifting incident from his teens being his only claim to shame.

But he worked for Torchwood One. Torchwood one who fell and died under the hands of the Cybermen and the Daleks only a few months ago. Torchwood one who had killed so many innocent creatures just because they were scared. Torchwood one who still saw my Doctor as the enemy… I don't care if he was only a junior researcher, he was still part of all of that and I don't want anything to do with him, to do with anyone who worked for that monstrosity. And if I ever see his prefect face around here again I will make that very, very clear.

Job sorted. I spotted him on the CCTV hanging around the entrance to the tourist office this morning and after it became clear that he wasn't leaving any time soon I went up to get rid of him.

I have to admit that a) he was even more attractive in daylight and without the wearing effects of a Weevil attack, and b) he sure knows how to make one hell of a cup of coffee. Of course none of this was enough to change my mind about him.

When I reeled off the information we had found on him, he looked almost pleased, as if he thought it meant I was interested in hiring him. I told him that we were nothing to do with Torchwood one, I need to separate us from that corrupted mess.

He started begging, offering to work for nothing; he was quickly becoming irritating so I lashed out:

"There is no job for you here and there never will be" I stated bluntly, coldly.

I had to force myself to remember what he had belonged to in order to keep my resolve when he a look of sheer disappointment fell across his face.

"I really like that coat" he called out in desperation.

I turned and started walking away from the hub. I needed to go somewhere and think, to find a roof to stand on and clear my head. It sounds crazy, but I always feel closer more alive, closer to the stars and my past when alone, so high up. The team could manage without me for an hour or so.

I returned to work within the hour, I hadn't managed to clear my head at all. I was hoping work might be a distraction, but I spent half the day on the phone with Brigadier Marsterson (God I hate that man) from UNIT and there was not even so much as Weevil sighting to divert my thoughts. Even confiscating the Gameboy I found Owen using when he should have been finishing off some back dated medical reports didn't cause the usual joy. I just hope that's the last I see of Jones, Ianto Jones.

He just won't give in! I practically ran him over just now. I haven't changed my mind, I still can't offer a job to so someone who was associated with Torchwood London and what they stood for. But this pterodactyl sure does sound interesting… and that suit looks rather fetching…

He had the cheek to look down on my lack of equipment! I think I know how to catch a dinosaur thankyouverymuch Mr junior researcher.

When he mentioned my aftershave I thought he was simply still trying to flirt his way into a job. But he seemed genuinely surprised when I told him it was simply my pheromones… not that I would expect him to understand what 51st Century pheromones were. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from laughing at the inappropriateness of his timing; we were about to storm in on a pterodactyl with no weapons and he was bringing up my 'aftershave'.

He was still begging me for a job even whilst we were thinking of a strategy. He said he was willing to even work as a butler. Perhaps I should break the habit of a lifetime and give him a second chance – to work for Torchwood but the right Torchwood this time? It would be going against my personal principles to hire a former employee of Torchwood London, but perhaps it was worth the risk. He seemed so enthusiastic about this pterodactyl after all. The way he interacted with the it, gently offering it the chocolate, not wanting to capture it through hurting it or backing away in fright, just calmly reacting to its movements

Maybe I was too hard on this guy, he was just a researcher, he never called any shots over at Torchwood one, he was never responsible for the needless deaths, he probably didn't even know the full nature of what went on there. And yet he has been left with the scarring memories of all that death and destruction from the fall of Canary Wharf, it doesn't seem right. He's barely an acquaintance, but I imagine that he must be wearing quite a mask, to cover up the pain from it all.

I barely had time to think about all of this however, as I suddenly I ended up circling around the roof of the warehouse we were inside, clutching to a dinosaur's leg. Nobody can say that times with the Captain are ever dull.

He stood arms out, ready to catch me when I fell. If I had the time I would have told him that he should move out of the way, that I would heal quite easily even if I was dropped from 10 times higher than this, that he could be more seriously hurt just through catching me than I through falling.

But as it was I didn't have the time, so I landed directly on top of him.

Suddenly he realised, sooner than I did, that the sedated pterodactyl was quickly making it descent. He rolled over taking me with him, and with him lying on top of me we just stayed there laughing for a second or two. Yes, a Welshman as beautiful and thoughtful as this was definitely worth taking a risk for.

Quite abruptly he got up seeming flustered, I suppose I position was a little awkward, and went to walk away. I gave him the news he had been waiting to hear, told him to report for work first thing in the morning. He just carried on walking. I tried his tactics:

"Love the suit" I said, and I did.

He paused but didn't turn back, perhaps he felt a little embarrassed about what had just happened. But he started flirting first didn't he? Or maybe that's just me; I put added innuendo onto every innocent compliment.

I have no doubt that he'll turn up for work tomorrow though, bright and early.


	2. Initiation

I hope I've made the right choice giving Ianto a chance to work for us. From what I've seen he is a long way off from the heartless gun wielding types that used to run Torchwood London, but it's not just whether he'll pose a threat to us that I have to consider – it's how well he'll adapt to it all too. He's been through so much, seen so much destruction and death through the hands of other worldly creatures already, how will he cope facing it every day? How well will he cope with constantly being reminded of what his colleagues and friends were put through, what he survived? And he will he react on one of those rare and wonderful occasions when the aliens we find aren't bad, will he revert to automatic and still try to kill them? He doesn't look like the kind who would but… oh…

You can see why people say that big decisions should be slept on, a goodnights sleep would help order my thoughts and everything would seem clear in the morning. But of course, this is easier said than done. It's not that I can't sleep; well it's not that I'm physically incapable of sleeping at least. I just don't need to, and knowing that you don't need to do something, makes it so much harder to actually do it. If I'm very lucky, and have had a stress free and smoothly run day, then I might catch a few winks. But not tonight, not when I have all these doubts running round my mind.

So with it being nearly 2.30 am, I've headed to one of my, if not favourite, then most needed places; the roof of the shopping centre car park. Usually Being this high up helps me to concentrate, and block out the world below, so whenever I need time to think I head here. Tonight was luckily no exception; if ever I needed to straighten out my thoughts then it was now. I still think that I am taking a huge risk, but it is a well advised and worthwhile risk. The gentle sound of the little amount of traffic moving by as I soak up the night's atmosphere has rolled away my doubts.

Occasionally, on nights when I've sunk into depression or am so stressed it's too much to bear I come here, not to clear my head, but to think of him. The height from the ground and the closeness to the stars can make me feel nearer to him again, nearer to the life I used to have travelling out there. Rose and the Doctor and I in the TARDIS, it seems a million light years away now. Being here reminds me that I mustn't give up hope of getting it back again, that travelling life and more importantly my mortality. Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly low, angry with myself or the rest of the world, I jump. Just to see if I might have changed back. Because feeling the wind whipping at my exposed skin, staring out to the city beneath my feet and the sensation as the darkness of the night's sky blankets me; makes me feel alive again. Properly alive. So Alive that if I jumped right now I wouldn't bounce straight back up again. But I always do.

I'm not suicidal; I'm not even an adrenaline junkie. I'm just tired, so tired of waiting, of outliving my friends and of watching the world going by, moving on without me.

But that was on a bad night, and this is a good one, after all it's not every night that you rescue a distinct (supposedly) creature with the help of your new (and rather attractive….) employee. I think perhaps I'll keep his duties to paperwork for now, give him some filing or research tasks to do, ease him in gently. It's boring, I know, but he's used to admin from Torchwood one, and it's the safe choice. Hopefully I'll be able to get him prepared and excited to enter the field within a couple of months or so though, rift activity has been steadily increasing and it's getting to the point where we could use an extra pair of hands.

It's starting to get light and I'd better head home. I want to be prepared to welcome Ianto Jones properly and I'm sure he'll be in early.

Yep, I was right. I met him up by the Millennium Centre at just gone 7.00; he may have even been there earlier. I smiled when I went to greet him, he was wearing a suit again that look definitely suits him, if he wears one everyday it will certainly make work a little more… entertaining.

I couldn't help letting my grin grow wider when I saw that he was holding two cups of coffee, yes I definitely made a good decision hiring him!

"I think I'm going to like having you work for me Ianto Jones" I said, extending my hand to take the coffee he was offering in my direction. He smiled back, genuinely enough, but his eyes didn't connect, he seemed to have something else on his mind. I didn't pry.

"You're bright and early" I commented.

"I didn't want to risk being late on the first day, I'm sorry I rushed of so suddenly yesterday, I think I was just a little in shock" He replied, turning slightly pink, almost flustered but not quite, he didn't seem like the kind who's calm resolve was easily ruffled. I'm glad I've decided for him to stick to paperwork for the time being – if a pterodactyl shocked him then god knows what a red eyed Ood might do…

"Don't mention it, it takes a while to get used to it all, with the safety harness of your desk and a good encyclopaedia removed" I couldn't resist teasing.

"I guess so" He replied, smiling.

"So are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be, lead the way Sir."

"Well that makes a nice change, you'll have to introduce Owen to manners, but please call me Jack. Nice suit by the way". I got the feeling that he would carry on calling me Sir, but hey it is nice to be shown a little respect!

It's shameful, but I don't even feel guilty for tricking him in the way I did. I might have done if he'd been angry about it, but of course he wasn't. I just couldn't help myself, I saw the opportunity to play a little joke and the child in me just went for it. As I pulled out the key to the tourist information centre I almost burst out laughing, ruining the whole thing, but somehow I kept it inside.

"Welcome" I said, opening the door.

I needed to bite my lip to keep myself from smiling as I watched him taking in the interior of the office. Part of me expected him to ask if it was a joke, but he simply said:

"It's… cosy" damn Brits and their politeness!

That was it, I couldn't hold it in any longer, I just burst out laughing, louder and harder than I had done in a long while.

"Sorry Ianto couldn't resist" I just managed to get out as I hit the button to open the real door.

I was still chuckling lightly by the time we got to the main floor of the hub; I hoped he didn't think of me as rude or mean or anything for doing something like that. The thing is, I imagine that he'd be too polite to say eve he was, so I'll just have to hope that he understood I was only joking.

In an attempt to convey a friendlier attitude I placed my hands on his shoulders and said: "A lot to take in isn't it?"

"It is indeed Sir" He replied. Guess I was right about the Sir thing then.

"The rest of the team will be here in say a half hour or there about, so I have you all to myself for now". He blushed furiously at that. I'm starting to think that he almost certainly wasn't flirting with me last night. Oh well, it was quite amusing to see him looking almost flustered again, and the pink tinge to his cheeks only made him look gorgeous.

"I'll introduce you to the team when they get here but for now just settle yourself in and take a look around" I continued more serious now, as I rushed off to my office to complete the last few bits of paperwork required for his employment. I should have done it last night but I never have been a fan of admin.

When I came back down to introduce him to the rest of the team it seemed as if I'd almost snapped him out of a trance by talking to him. I love how seeing the hub for the first time has that effect on people, even I, after almost 100 years here still find it amazing to look at. It's quirky and brilliant and every time I look at it I'm sure I notice something new.

I wanted to give everyone a good introduction, to be both honest and complementary and to give the three of them the credit they deserved. They're all brilliant, but how on earth to sum that up into three sentences?

"Owen Harper: the resident medic, sarcasm specialist and dodger of work" I found myself saying, not exactly complementary but I like his sarcasm most of the time, and I could have said a lot worse, I could have mentioned his lateness or tendency to play on his game boy. Poor Ianto looked a bit apprehensive as he shook his hand.

"Suzie Costello: second in command, the team's scientist, incredibly serious, she has both brains and beauty which seems just a little unfair don't you think?" She didn't really need the ego boost but it was all true.

"And on that note Toshiko Sato: Our technical whizz, don't be fooled by her shyness, her intelligence matched equally with her looks. One might almost think that's why I picked them" I concluded. Now Toshiko really did need the ego boost, and hopefully Owen might pay attention to what I said. Sometimes I really do wonder if looks factored in to how I chose my team; I'd like to think it was more of a coincidence than a requirement because that would make me very shallow. I have my doubts though, especially considering what the newest member looks like…

"And Torchwood meet Ianto Jones: Pterodactyl tamer, the brewer of the best coffee in Cardiff and he looks sure can pull off a suit" I said grinning, I have yet to work out whether he's the type of person who needs a confidence boost or the kind who would be insufferably smug about it, but I thought it only fair to accurately reflect him in his introduction. After all, I'm already craving another cup of that coffee. I was secretly hoping he might blush again, but surprising he didn't and instead replied:

"Careful Sir, I think that might just constitute harassment" Much too my amusement.

"Oh Jones, Ianto Jones. Welcome to Torchwood." I finished grinning widely.


	3. Butler's Uniform

"Right, pleasantries over with; Suzie, Owen I need you to go and check out a potential Weevil sighting, located between zones 2 and 3. Hopefully it's still earlier enough for it not to have encountered any humans, but just in case takes these." I found myself saying as I thrust a bottle of retcon and a medical kit at them. I don't know why I always get like this when someone new joins the team, or someone comes for a 'visit' to the hub. I suppose I'm just always trying to impress, to live up to the reputation I have built for myself.

"Tosh, I need you to get to work fixing the rift activity detector, a pterodactyl has managed to cross through in the last few days without us being alerted. And Ianto, with me, office." I continued. The poor boy looked a little startled by my snappy commands, but Tosh gently grabbed his arm and said something which seemed to reassure him before he quickly followed me up to my office.

I had quite firmly made up my mind the other evening that I was going to restrict his role to managing paperwork, just for now, until he found his feet and hoped that he didn't take too much offense as I broke it to him.

"So Ianto" I began, "After what I saw of you in action last night, I think you could make an excellent field agent. But I don't want to push you, after the awful things you must have experienced at Torchwood one, I can understand that you would be hesitant. So for now, it might be mainly paperwork if that's alright with you?"

Thankfully, he actually looked relieved at that. I guess what happened at Torchwood one has messed him up more than he'd like to let on.

"Certainly Sir" he replied "I wasn't joking when I offered to be a butler, I'm just grateful for the opportunity." Bless him. I had thought at first that the etiquette might have been an act to win my approval; whilst looking through the research Tosh found on him, I noticed that he had grown up on a council estate on the rougher side of the city. I couldn't help wondering where he had learnt such polite manners from, but perhaps that was me just wanting to stereotype the kind of person that came from one of those estates. Perhaps many people from his childhood home wore sharp suits daily, and called their bosses Sir.

"Ah, yes, I had forgotten about the butler offer…" I mused, allowing a wicked, flirtatious gleam to shine through my eyes. "You'd better not keep reminding me or I might take you up on that. But today I'd like you to go down to the archives and gather up the files we have on the Gelth if you'd be so kind?" I continued.

I felt guilty as hell for sending him down to that god forsaken mess that we like to refer to as 'the archives' on his first day. But UNIT were on our case again for those stupid records on the Gelth, and they still won't explain why. It sounds terrible, but not only do I not have the patience to spend hours trawling through the chaos down there, I don't have the time either. The rift just doesn't want to leave us alone at the moment, to add to the Weevil case that I've just sent Suzie and Owen out to; there's now the worry that there might be even more going on, after all, the pterodactyl Ianto and I brought back to the hub last night managed to slip through unnoticed – how much more rift activity was going on when our backs are turned? Hopefully Tosh will fix the problems with the activity detector ASAP.

"My pleasure Sir" was all he replied, as he left my office to head to the archives obediently. Which only made me feel guiltier; he was actually genuinely willing to do such a mundane task. I hope I don't start to take his enthusiastic attitude for granted, I imagine it would be very easy to.

He started heading up the stairs to my office at only 3.45, was he done already? Move over superman, we have Ianto Jones the filing ninja to take your place!

"You were quick, I was expecting not to see you until home time - the state those archives are in" I said, accompanied by a large grin despite the slight lingering feelings of guilt.

"Yes, I couldn't quite get the hang of the old filing system … so I started re-organising it all, well I say all, but I've just finished G". He replied and I felt my grin widening. Yes, I could so very easily learn to take this magnificent Welshman for granted. I really can't believe I had reservations about hiring someone who would actively take it upon themselves to reorganise the filing system!

"You re-organised the files?" I couldn't help asking, just to check I'd understood him correctly.

"Yes, I hope that was ok Sir?" Remarkably, he seemed rather nervous all of a sudden, like perhaps he'd done the wrong thing by being helpful.

"Oh that is so more than ok, remind me why I was unsure of hiring you in the first place Ianto? How about coming to help Owen and I catch some form of Cnidarian that has fallen through the rift?" I asked, hoping he would say yes, he deserved some excitement after this boring drag of a first day.

"I think, if it's quite alright Sir, then I'd like to finish off this filing, if you don't mind?" He replied, ever so politely.

"Of course, whatever you like, I just don't want you to feel like you're stuck down there with the paperwork missing out on the action." I was quite surprised that he declined; hopefully I didn't let it show.

"Don't worry I am quite content down there Sir"

"If you're sure, and stop calling me Sir!" I replied as giving him a friendly elbow dig in the arm. I still liked the idea of him calling me Sir though… sometimes I like being reminding that I'm in authority here, and besides that every time he says it I can't help but picture him in a Butler's uniform ready and willing at my side… Snap out of it Harkness!

"Owen lets go" I called as we headed off to find this new child of the rift.

In the end our alien turned out to be nothing too threatening, in fact after Owen carried out several tests and scans on the creature, it appeared to be nothing no more harmful than a common jellyfish, despite its otherworldly DNA complex. When Tosh said that from the scans she'd picked up it was apparently some form of Cnidarian, I hadn't really put two and two together… We settled for releasing it into the sea and heading back to the hub.

Whilst we've been out, Tosh has got the rift alert programme up and running in full working order once again, and within almost two minutes of firing it up the equipment began signalling that there was rift activity occurring nearby the city's drama school. Luckily it's not quite term time yet so whatever was out there wasn't slaughtering the entire student population, I decided to take this one by myself, seeing as it was nearly five and I didn't want to risk sending the team home from work late – again.

It turned out to be an Ood, one with red eye as well. I spent a while chasing it frantically around the buildings, breaking many windows as I went along. It's alright though; Torchwood's budget has an extremely large amount dedicated to accidents and reparations.

Despite knowing how dangerous the creature was, I couldn't bring myself to kill it when I eventually tracked it down to backstage in the school's theatre. I couldn't do it because, although I knew that if it got lose, the whole of Cardiff could be in danger, deep down I can't help seeing the poor helpless, eager to serve Ood who has been infected with this terrible disease through no fault of its own. So I put my gun down and drew a sedative out from my pocket instead.

When approaching, I remained calm and quiet, trying not to startle it into attack. Not that it did me much good in the end, as I clumsily dropped the sedative. Leaning over to grab it back gave the Ood the opportunity to strike, I should have seen it coming but I didn't, and I wasn't quite quick enough to avoid its translation device which secured itself to my forehead, electrocuting me to death.

Several hours later I woke up, gasping for air. There was no sign of the Ood anywhere, it had got away. That's probably the most frustrating part about bouncing back to life every time an enemy kills you; you are reminded that you let it get away. Never mind the pain I may have suffered through dying for the 'I've-lost-count-it's-been-so-damn-many-time', it's the irritation and bitterness at having allowed a harmful creature to escape that always gets to me. I am supposed to; expected to, save the world, not die trying.

It was dark when I left the theatre, I glanced at my wristwatch – it was nearly 11.00 pm. everyone would have left for home already. That suited me just fine, all I wanted to do was go back to the hub and pour myself a glass of scotch. It's funny how people always say that alcohol doesn't help anything, as for me that really is the case. I can't drink away my sorrow or anger because I can't get drunk, damned immortality and all. I never usually drink in front of the others, but sometimes when I'm by myself, just being able to taste it is good enough to remind me of the effect it used to hold.

So that's exactly what I did. I lazily made the climb up the stair to my office, sank down heavily into the chair and pulled out the bottle from my desk draw.

I was just thinking of retiring to my bunker below, to lie on my bed and contemplate the day's events when I noticed something on the CCTV. Something in the archives. Ianto was still here!

Now I've seen dedication, I'd like to think that I myself was a dedicated individual, but that boy really takes it to the extreme. He had arrived here earlier than I expected and now was here way later than I would ever like to keep a member of staff. I felt terrible, I'd given him the worst job to do, and neglected him throughout his first day, yet he was still so eager to impress, to earn his place. I sighed; I'd better go and relive him.

"Ianto!" I started, feigning slight anger in my voice, I was trying to act as if I had just caught him still working here and not let him in on the fact that technically I had been spying on him. "What on earth are you still doing here, it's gone 11.30!"

"Oh I'm sorry Sir, I just wanted to finish" He said, much to my amazement.

I looked at him incredulously for just a moment before replying "Sorry? Why are you sorry? I should have checked back in with you hours ago.", sighing as I finished.

"It's fine, honestly. Don't worry about me; I've only got Z left to go now" - Still he was trying to prove that he had been worth hiring!

"It's late Ianto, just go home, you can finish it tomorrow. Not that I have anything against you staying here with me tonight" I finished with a wink, and he with that beautiful blush I had been waiting all day to see again.

"Goodnight Sir" he managed to get out, just.

"See you tomorrow, bright and early" I replied with a hearty laugh. With the mention of Sir I just couldn't help picturing the butler's uniform again…


	4. Metal Fetish

Ianto's been working with us for almost 2 months now, and I find myself genuinely questioning how the hell we had ever managed without him. Suddenly we were always on time, the hub was always spotless, all reports and artefacts were filed away on schedule and there was an unlimited supply of the most delicious coffee in Cardiff. I kept telling him that he didn't need to a) keep calling me Sir, and b) keep clearing up after us and providing his coffee magic. But he insisted he didn't mind every time, so I've let it be now – I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't secretly pleased by this.

Despite being worried that he may get bored with the mundane administrative tasks, he seems to be enjoying his duties well enough. But I the rift is showing no sign of becoming less active again, so I intend to start training him up for field work asap, I'm quite looking forward to getting him in to the firing range…

The only issue so far is that Owen just can't help teasing the poor boy, keeps calling him 'teaboy'. I've told him to stop, even used my most deadly of threats (cleaning out the Weevil's cell) and still he hasn't stopped. But Ianto never seems to want to retaliate, I don't know whether I should be worried that he doesn't seem to want to stand his ground or admire him for remaining so civil.

I'm currently leaning towards worried, in fact for the past few days I have done nothing but worry about our new Welshman. When you talk to him, or see him compiling a very thorough report or even simply making a cup of coffee, you could easily be fooled into thinking nothing was wrong. He always bares a concentrated, neutral expression, not allowing anyone to see past the mask he has clearly perfected to seal off his emotions.

But very occasionally over just the last week or so I have seen him staring longingly off into the distance, clearly distracted, or noticed him out of the corner of my eye sighing when he thought nobody could see. He's clearly got something going on inside his head that's causing him troubles, as his boss – and hopefully his friend, or acquaintance at least – I feel I should talk to him about it. But I don't want to press him; we don't know each other very well yet, but he seems quiet and fairly shy and I'm not sure he would be comfortable opening up with me.

He doesn't really talk with anyone much but I suppose that's not really his fault: Suzie has been anything but friendly towards anyone after hers and Owen's relationship fizzled out, Owen only ever speaks in sarcasm and Tosh is quiet enough herself (although from what I've seen the two of them seem to be forging quite a close friendship ). And then there's me, he's friendly enough but I think sometimes I scare him off a bit with my flirting and innuendo but I really can't help it! He's just so hot… and adorable when he blushes – really, he brings it on himself! Perhaps I'll just wait things out and let him come and talk to me, or Tosh, or whoever when he's ready.

I was walking through Bute Park this evening; it was dark and fairly deserted. I noticed the strange portal like blue ring of light that was a common sight during rift activity and sighed to myself – I was hoping to have an evening without a Weevil attack, or worse. I hadn't brought any equipment with me, and I didn't even have the SUV nearby to try and haul whatever was about to come through the rift. I visibly shuddered as I remembered tackling the Ood attack from the other day; I really didn't want to die tonight.

To my surprise and relief all that came through was a peculiar metal glove. And when I say came through, it was more or less thrown through. Just as the gap in the rift was starting to close, the glove came flying through, almost striking me across the face as I dogged its path. I went to grab the item that had landed about two feet behind me, it was unnaturally cold, but didn't seem harmful but I brought it back to the hub to let Suzie take a look at it all the same. She's always been the best at identifying artefacts, for all I know it's not even useful and some futuristic or alien species just has a metal fetish; however until then I didn't want to leave it lying around on the streets of Cardiff – or rather grass of Cardiff.

She didn't seem at all amused when I presented the glove to her in the morning and flippantly told her about my fetish theory, that girl really can't take a joke at the moment!

After much analysis she concluded that it was almost identical to a set of gloves that had been found and used by Torchwood in 1895. Meaning it was used just before my time here began, but none of the old team had ever mentioned it to me…

Apparently it's a 'resurrection gauntlet', why we can't just give the artefacts normal names is beyond me. Basically it can bring people back to life. I'm not too sure I like the idea of that, people shouldn't be brought back out of that darkness only to be sent back moments later, after all I should know I've been there enough times myself.

She wanted us all to try using the glove, from the information she'd found in the old Torchwood records the glove didn't work for everyone, you had to sort of make a connection. She said we should use the body of Chris Cartwright, our most recent Weevil victim, and take it in turns to try and bring him back. I wanted to say no. We had no idea how long the glove's effects would last for, and what the consequences would be.

I would have offered to be a guinea pig myself, but they don't know yet. With the exclusion of Ianto, who I already trusted entirely anyway, the three of us have been a team for nearly two years now, yet I hadn't been able to face telling them about my immortality. Secretly I'm terrified that once they find out, they'll start treating me differently which is ridiculous – I'm Captain Jack Harkness and should not be afraid of anything.

Still, I didn't speak up and we all had an attempt with the glove. I don't think anyone but Suzie had the determination or need to make the glove work, because we all failed to coax so much as another heartbeat out of Chris. Ianto especially looked terrified as he reluctantly placed his gloved up hand to our victim's head, and nothing but relief washed over his face when he failed to make the necessary connection.

Suzie however, well Suzie was determined as hell. You could see it in her eyes, the sheer willingness and need for this to work, so it did. Chris came gasping back to life right there on our autopsy table.

I was surprised to see Ianto pull out a stopwatch, but I immediately realised why he had done it, he obviously had it ready to time how long our victim was brought back for.

"Nice stopwatch" I said winking – I just couldn't resist. He ignored me but I think I saw a hint of a blush spreading out from his cheeks, and was that a sneaky eye roll Mr Jones?

Poor Chris was so damn disorientated when he woke up that he kept begging us to call him an ambulance. Explaining to him what had actually happened was clearly a bad move as he just began screaming and thrashing about, saying it couldn't be true. And then he was gone, after 1 minute and 52 seconds as the Welshman informed us. I felt the corners of my mouth tug upwards slightly, under more pleasant circumstances I might have managed a chuckle; he really is adorably meticulous.

Suzie began saying that she knew she could hold on longer next time, that if she had a bit of practise she could get it working much better. I didn't like the sound of that, or the look in her eyes for that matter. She seemed… obsessed, fixated even.

I went to speak with Suzie privately later, after everyone had left bar Ianto who I assumed was still up in the tourist office and probably wouldn't leave until I literally asked him to.

"I want you to stop using the glove." I said seriousness in my voice.

"Why? Don't worry; I'm sure next time it will be long…"

I cut her off "That's not it" I sighed. "I think it could end up being dangerous"

"Jack, don't be silly. It's wonderful; we potentially have the power to resurrect, to bring back loved ones, to find murders… surely you want that?" She said, in that annoyingly persuasive tone of hers.

"Look, all I'm saying is be careful" I let out another sigh, I was giving in.

"I promise I will" She replied.

Honesty rang through her words, so why did I feel like I'd just made on of the worst decisions of my life?

I sent Suzie off home on the invisible lift, and ran up to the tourist office to relive Ianto. Sure enough, as I predicted, he was sat there still buried under a pile of paperwork. I'd given him his own proper desk down next to Tosh a good few weeks ago, but he still liked to retreat up here in the evenings. I opened my mouth to tell him to grab his things and get out of here before I took advantage of this alone time when I had a change of heart.

"Ianto…" I began "Do you ever doubt decisions that you've made, or wish you'd have handled things differently, wished you'd been more honest with people…" I trailed off sighing – I'd done a lot of that this evening.

He looked sheepish, almost nervous for just a second before his mask returned, clearly he was still thinking about what ever has been troubling him this past week or so. I felt a bit guilty for asking his advice when I could see he really needed some help himself but I knew that he would talk with me honestly.

"Yes Sir, constantly. But usually things go according to plan, and if they don't there aren't many problems in the world that can't ultimately be fixed even if it's painful or complicated to solve them." He smiled lightly then continued. "But I am sure Sir that any decision you have made will have been the correct one."

If it had been anyone else but him saying it I would have suspected mockery, or that they were just saying what I wanted to hear, but I felt I could trust Ianto's words and it made me happy to hear that he rated me so highly. My usually broad and cheerful grin returned to place.

"Thank you Jones, Ianto Jones" I said in a sing-song tone. "You always know exactly the right thing to say. But, as I'm sure you're aware, it's after office hours and getting late and you know what that means" I finished, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively.

"G-goodnight Sir" He stammered out, grabbing his coat and practically throwing himself out of the door. I could only laugh in return; I don't think I'm ever going to grow tired of watching his embarrassment at my flirting!


	5. PC Cooper

**A/N: **_Hello all! I know I said that I wasn't going to write much in this story about the actual sci-fi/mission/adventure type side to Torchwood, and would instead concentrate it on his relationship with Ianto… But I felt that Gwen needed a proper introduction to the story. And also as there is clearly an attraction between Jack and Gwen to begin with, I thought that it would need to be present in this story in order to contrast it later with how Jack's feelings for Ianto develop … if that makes sense? Hope you enjoy none the less! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>I sent Ianto out on his first proper mission tonight, asked him to provide back up to Tosh as she breaks into a Comprehensive school about half an hour's drive away. We haven't given him any sort of training yet; I want to see how he handles things first so that I can assess how much guidance he's going to need with it all. Despite how daunting that might appear, I am not actually throwing him into the deep end, this thing tonight should be a very quick in and out job with no real need for back up.<p>

Since the new headmaster has arrived several members of staff have disappeared yet the school is achieving results much higher than ever before… In theory there shouldn't be any danger behind the cause, but similar things have happened in five other schools in the area and it just seems too strange to label it as a coincidence. I imagine they'll return unharmed, hopefully not empty handed, and having had a nice evening full of gossip. It's surprising really, the two of them are so quiet and shy, yet they seem to get on like a house on fire.

As suspected, there was no call for Ianto Jones's body guarding skills yesterday evening as the school was completely deserted, they did manage to download some unusual software onto a data stick which I'm sure Tosh will have much fun decoding throughout today.

"Did you two find anything interesting to talk about?" I asked Ianto as he came up to my office bearing a mid-morning coffee. I wanted all the details on any gossip that might have been shared. "Did you say anything about me?" I winked.

"Certainly not Sir, I wouldn't want to talk about my boss behind his back!" He winked back. "But I'm afraid the topic of tonight's conversation is strictly classified, Tosh would kill me if I spilled the beans!" He continued, grinning.

"Owen?" I asked

In return his cheeks began to turn that delicious pink colour as he stuttered over his words, trying to cover it up.

"Thought so" I concluded. She really deserves better than him, he just can't see how beautiful and intelligent and amazing she is" I sighed.

"Quite agreed Sir" Ianto replied, face having cooled down now, as he backed out of the office to return to his desk.

I've been watching Suzie working for a while now. She's fixated on the 'resurrection gauntlet' (I am refusing to say its name in a non-sarcastic manner unless around her, it really is quite absurd) and hasn't put it down since I discovered it just under a week ago. At the moment, she's sat at her desk conducting a series of tests involving dead insects and using the glove in conjunction with other materials – mostly metals, some alien in origin and some from earth. She's trying to see if there's any way she can lengthen the amount of time beings are brought back from the dead. So far she hasn't broken the 4 minute mark with the insects, and she told me that larger organisms, such as human beings, are harder to keep a hold of once alive again.

She wants more practise on humans but I've only let her use 3 bodies so far, I'm not only worried about her new found obsession with resurrection, but also the wellbeing of the poor guinea pigs of her tests. I've been thrown into that harrowing darkness more times than I would like to remember, and being dragged, struggling back out again is just as unpleasant. We should just let them lie, not torture them further. But I don't like challenging Suzie, she's second in command so holds more authority than the others here do and this has caused her to become very persuasive over the years.

Tonight I let her use body number 4, there was a murder on the edge of town and after Suzie had said the glove works best on those who have passed recently and through violent means I thought this could be an opportunity for practise. As Tosh, Owen, Suzie and I were stood over the once dead again body of the poor John Tucker, I noticed a woman watching us. She was a policewoman with big eyes and dark hair dampened by the rain; she was also very attractive… I asked her what she thought about it all and she just ran off. She hadn't looked scared which is why I thought I'd ask her – after all we were going to have to track her down and retcon her later anyway, so I thought I may as well get an opinion before that.

We saw her again today in the hospital, she'd clearly been following us, she saw a Weevil this time and was certain that it wasn't real. She saw it murder the caretaker of the hospital. Definitely think a dose of retcon is in order, I'll make a few calls in the morning and find out just who this mysterious policewoman is.

Of course, I forgot to make said calls this morning because we were all so busy chasing after a rogue Weevil that had been sighted out in the Brecon Beacons no less, how on earth it had managed to get all the way up there without being spotted or killed is beyond me. The Weevils aren't the most intelligent of creatures after all; I'm surprised that she wasn't run over during the process. Anyway, because of me forgetting to find out who she is she's now wandering around outside the Millennium Centre, and is just about to enter our favourite Pizza Takeaway. I guess she's been doing her research and, what with Torchwood being the worst kept secret in Cardiff, has been lead here. I sighed and announced to the others that we would be having a little guest this evening. No doubt she'll turn up with a couple of pizzas and try to keep up a delivery girl charade. Well, we must indulge her and have a bit of fun with it.

I asked Ianto to man the tourist information, and let her in via the hidden door, the rest of us waited down stairs for her to arrive. Owen and Tosh both gave in with laughter within seconds, and I wasn't far behind. I explained to her how we'd known what she was up to all along, and allowed her to have a look around the hub.

She introduced herself as PC Gwen Cooper and I gave her my standard introductory speech; I was highly amused to yet again here Ianto pull out the harassment claim, sometimes he knows how to make a joke at the exact right time.

By the time the evening was out I'd retconed her. It seemed a shame really, if we had met under different circumstances I might have considered her for the team: she was inquisitive, intelligent gorgeous – she has an adorable gap toothed smile going on! Besides if she had come to work for Torchwood as an ex-policewoman she may have ran into a few difficulties regarding our constant law breaking… it's probably for the best.

Ah, but of course, PC Cooper doesn't give up that easily she broke through the power of the retcon when she saw Suzie with hat knife and has now found herself as the fifth member of Torchwood. And yes, I mean fifth not sixth, Suzie's… well Suzie's dead. She shot me and then herself. That's the 13th time now that a fellow member of Torchwood as shot me, and even after so many of these deaths it doesn't begin to feel any less like a betrayal.

She had been murdering people in order to practise with the glove, she had murder John Tucker and Sarah Pallister and Rani Ghosh and God knows how many more. And it's all my fault, I saw her becoming addicted to that glove, that monstrosity, and I didn't stop her. I saw the effects that it was having on her, and just let it carry on rather than cause a battle with her. And worse still I didn't notice that she had been taking it home.

If I didn't already have a slight lingering migraine from the bullet to my head, then I certainly would have had one by the end of this evening. They had all taken things home with them, things they shouldn't have, things that they had taken behind my back and broken one of my only rules with. That all artefacts must stay within the hub.

Gwen left after I offered her a job with us (which she accepted gladly) and once it was just the four of us left in the hub, I ordered the team to hand over anything they had on them that they knew they shouldn't have. I was hoping that they would produce nothing, that they wouldn't all in turn produce an artefact from their possession, bearing a guilty look as they did so. They wouldn't all have betrayed my trust and my orders. But they did.

Well Tosh and Owen did. I was pleasantly surprised, actually it was more like over the moon, at Ianto's reaction to this ordeal.

"Sorry" I began, "I just couldn't fit the coffee maker inside my bag" He joked as I turned to him expectantly after the other two had handed over their elicit goods. I burst out laughing in response, as did Tosh and Owen as they were leaving through the security gates.

I stared at him for a moment, initially in disbelief and then with admiration as my realisation that he was being genuinely honest kicked in. "You're serious aren't you?" I questioned rhetorically, "you didn't take anything" I finished.

"No Sir" he replied, "I was under the impression that it wasn't allowed, and I didn't want to go against the rules you keep". Part of wasn't sure if he was deliberately trying to suck up to me for some reason, or if he was just, once again, being honest with his words. I've come to expect the latter with Ianto, and suspected no less from him this time.

I just laughed lightly and said "You never cease to amaze me Ianto Jones". As he began leaving the hub and I began retreating to my office for the evening.

And it was true, this boy continuously seems to outdo himself in every aspect of day to day life and in every task I set him. Tonight reminded me once again why I am so very glad that I eventually hired the young Welshman. He never disobeys my orders, he's always on time if not early and he always has a delicious cup of coffee ready and waiting at the exact moment you need one.

The only criticism I could make is that he still feels reluctant to enter into fieldwork on a full time basis, but that's not his fault – not after all the trauma he has been through at Torchwood one. I think if I had been in his position as a young researcher, I would have never wanted to associate myself with Torchwood again, to never want to come into contact with alien life forms again and spent the rest of my life keeping my head down at a simple desk job. But not Ianto he came back to it all and that took courage.

I think that with Gwen here now, and Ianto doing such a good job keeping us in line and managing to stay on top of all of our paperwork, that Ianto can have a little more time to come around to the idea of fieldwork. For Gwen I think it will all be like water off a ducks back, even if she has to get used to some of our more outlaw-ish ways… So Gwen will come out on the missions whilst Ianto stays at the hub and does what he is best at and what he seems happiest doing, rather than being forced out into something he's not ready for. It's all slotted together quite well.


	6. Sex Obsessed

Gwen wasn't supposed to be in work today, let alone this evening. Perhaps if I had just stuck with this original plan, then none of the chaos that has gone on over the past 48 hours would have happened. If I hadn't called her in early to come with us to that meteor crash site then she wouldn't have thrown that chisel, and the cloud of alien gas wouldn't have infected poor Carys and caused the deaths of so many innocent men. There was no need for me to call her in early, we didn't really need four of us on that investigation, but I just thought it would be an exciting introduction into Torchwood. And I guess it was in a way.

I don't know why, but I Sometimes I feel like I am constantly trying to impress others. I wanted to impress Gwen with a crash landing of a meteor, I wanted to impress her because she's new and attractive and that's what I do in such a situation. But that night I took it one step too far, beyond the usual commanding manner I put on in front of new employees like I did when she first came to visit us or when Ianto joined, or Tosh or Owen… People would tell you that I act this way because I am over confident, because I love to flirt, because I love myself and like to be loved by others. But in reality, it's because it's easier to keep up this front than face up to the fact that sometimes I have no idea what I'm doing here. Not just here leading Torchwood, but why I am STILL here, why I am still alive. I've loved and lost so many people, died so many times and woken back up to face the consequences; how am I supposed to be able to understand that? How am I supposed to be able to talk to people about that? The only person I could really talk to would be the Doctor, and I've been waiting over 100 years for that conversation. So for now, it's easier to pretend that everything is just fine.

I realised whilst this whole mess Carys was going on, that Gwen really reminds me of Rose. Rose Tyler, who used to travel with the Doctor and I. It was just the way she handled things so compassionately, so humanly; it really was refreshing to see someone acting like this. At Torchwood you sometimes forget about emotions, but Gwen has that raw, sentimental streak running through her. Just like Rose did, Rose kept the Doctor in line and reminded him what it means to be human. I think that this quality in Gwen will do Torchwood some good. I'm not saying that the others are heartless, or even anywhere near it. But Owen hides behind his sarcasm and Tosh is so preoccupied with her computers that she doesn't have time to process her own feelings. And Ianto, well that man is unreadable.

There are times when Ianto lets his mask slip fractionally and I see a glimpse of worry or distraction shine through, but for the majority of the time he seems to put on this shield of manners and over-efficiency which hide the fact that there is something deeper. I wish I could understand him better, find out if there's something troubling him, but every time I am alone with him I suddenly can't find the right words to ask him. And instead I just end up flirting with him, reverting to my comfort zone.

Judging by the way he always blushes so gloriously in response, I'd hazard a guess that I put him directly out of his comfort zone. I can't make up my mind about whether it's because I'm another guy, or because I'm his boss, or just because he's shy. I overheard the others talking about me earlier, Owen reckons that I'm gay and whilst Toshiko and Gwen seemed outraged by this thought, Ianto said he didn't care. And not in a way which implied he couldn't care less, more in a way which meant suggested he liked me regardless. As it happens I'm not gay. God I hate the 21st Century and its little tidy categories for everything, you have to be gay or straight or bisexual. Why can't people just accept that the possibility that they can feel attracted to any one, of any gender, at any time – and most importantly just stop trying to label these feelings? I would be lying if I hadn't been thinking about what Mr Jones's 'sexual preference' may be… he is rather gorgeous after all and can make the finest cup of coffee in the world… and I've always had a soft spot for a Welsh accent. But I'm 99.9% certain he's 'straight'. Offices affairs are a bad idea anyway, Owen has managed to prove that enough times over.

It was rather sweet of him to offer to help earlier when Carys escaped.

"Need me to do any attacking Sir?" He asked.

But I suppose he was just being friendly, or maybe just trying to be a good employee even? I'd like to think that we were friends by now though, I certainly feel that I can place a great deal of trust in him.

Although the last 48 hours have been hell, I think that by mulling everything over I am finally managing to see the funny side to it all. We have just dealt with a sex obsessed alien gas monster. A monster who feeds off the orgasmic energy of men that it has just ravished. How ridiculous is that? Thinking about it though, if you had to die then I can think of many worse ways for it all to end, than with the orgasm to end all orgasms, after all I've experienced pretty much every other method. It's like the creature looked into my mind and formed from my thoughts the most ideal method of death… it's a pity I didn't get to try that one…

Hopefully after a goodnight's sleep, Gwen will be able to see the funnier side to things too, it's her first proper case so she's bound to be taking things to heart, but finding humour in a bad situation can sometimes help.

Well, I was greeted with a very pleasant surprise this morning! Talk about morning glory indeed… I entered the Tourist Information office this morning at about 6.30 to try and find my car keys that I thought I'd left on the desk, only to find Ianto there asleep across the desk instead.

"Ianto" I said as I lightly tapped his shoulder, trying to wake him. "Ianto" I said louder. This time he realised what was happening and woke up startled and embarrassed.

"Sorry Sir, I umm…" He stammered.

"Did you stay working her over night?" I questioned, one eye brow raised artfully.

"Yes Sir, but it was absolutely necessary, I've finished all of the clear up work from yesterday" He answered, nibbling his lip ever so slightly out of nerves (?).

"I've told you before, you should stop working so hard, and more importantly stop calling me Sir!" I began in a slightly angry tone but was laughing by the end of my sentence.

He started laughing too. "Sorry Sir, force of habit, perhaps I'll grow out of it one day" I doubt it… and I kind of hope he doesn't!

"Hopefully." I winked. "You should go home and get a few hours' sleep and shower and change" I tried to insist.

"No need Sir, I have a spare shirt and tie in my draw" He replied, of course he did, this was Ianto Jones.

"You really are prepared for everything aren't you Ianto Jones" I stated, with a wicked gleam in his eyes, that caused him to blush ever so slightly, what has he thought that I'd meant? If it's what I had meant, then he definitely should have been blushing.

"I do my best Sir" he stumbled through the reply and went to change.

"Oh and Ianto" I called after me, "Thank you for offering to help earlier" he said with a genuine smile.

"My pleasure Sir" he called back.

After retrieving my keys from office, they'd fallen off the desk and into the trash, I went back up to the hub to find Ianto making us both a coffee and yawning. Despite his 'being prepared for anything' attitude, I could tell he was shattered, I tried to insist that I should go home and have that shower and sleep for a bit. When he kept refusing I encourage him to use my shower at least, after all the rush of hot water can really help to wake you up. He eventually gave in, so I lead him down to my bedroom below the office and through to my en suite shower. If it had been anyone else but Ianto, I would have expected a thousand questions on why I had a bedroom below my office, but of course he didn't as I imagine he'd think of it as impolite. Instead he just thanked me for allowing him to use my shower.

To be honest, after 40 or so minutes, I sort of forgot that he was in there, and I don't usually invite others down into my living area and so have never had a need for a lock on my bathroom door… Of course this combination lead to the delight that was my morning. I accidentally walked in on him completely stark bollock naked in the shower. For a second I was genuinely confused, as I've mentioned already, I had really really forgotten he was in there. I felt my eyes just widened as I registered what I was looking at, the beautiful naked body of my favourite Welshman. I couldn't help grinning as he tried to shield himself, after all I'd already got a good look.

Without apologising, I turned around and left, laughing as I shouted "So that's what you've been hiding under those wonderful suits" half trying to heighten his embarrassment and half genuinely appreciating the … err... rather impressive sight I had just seen! I am going to have such fun making jokes about this for the rest of the day… I'll have to try and do it subtly though.

I could tell that he was furiously embarrassed, and probably wouldn't be able to look at or talk to me for the foreseeable future. But hey who needs words – they say a picture's worth a thousand words and I'm lucky to possess a photographic memory!


	7. Consul to the Captain

Oh yes, I had a lot of fun referencing the shower escapade indeed! I couldn't resist cheekily mentioning 'packages' and 'poles' and, hell, I think I even might have thrown in a sausage comment somewhere along the lines – and with each remark Ianto found it harder and harder to control his blushing. It eventually reached the point that I could no longer believe that Owen hadn't any idea that something was going on; the innuendo was too full on even for me to pull off. Yet he just continued to stare blankly whilst he asked Ianto if he had a second bar of chocolate stashed away in his coat and I replied with:

"No but he has another surprise that he may show you later"

I mean what else could I have been talking about?

Ianto was crimson by this point, and I suddenly realised that this was probably not half as fun for him as it was for me. Even if the others had no idea what on earth I was banging on about, he knew, and with every joke I was making things more awkward; he clearly was uncomfortable enough about me having seen him naked and I was just making everything a whole lot worse. But I just couldn't help it… I decided that it was probably best for me to give him a little bit of distance in order for him to recover his pride, but I have been stealing a few glances over to him. Every time I look at the Welshman, I just can't help picturing what I had seen only a few hours ago… damn it – why is he straight?

Ok, so it's been three days now, is that long enough? Have I given him enough time to recover? I must admit that whilst I've been distancing myself from Ianto, I've missed our little early morning/late night chats when it's just the two of us in the hub. At first I insisted that he didn't need to work such long hours, after all nobody else here did, but if he suddenly decided to start turning up and leaving with the others then I really would miss these precious moments. For some reason, I don't know why really, I just feel that I can trust him and right now I need someone that I can trust to talk with. I'm contemplating telling him about my immortality. So far Gwen is the only one here, who knows, and she found out entirely by accident, but I don't quite feel comfortable with her knowing yet, it's like it's placed us on uneven ground or something.

I've grown quite attached to Ianto really; despite starting off on the wrong foot I've come to see him more as a friend than a colleague – or a consul at least, and I hope I haven't ruined all of that by acting like a 'bit of a wanker' as Owen might say. (If he had twigged what I was going on about he would have said that anyway…)

He must have noticed me looking at him whilst he's been working over these past few days, despite knowing its wrong I just still haven't been able to stop staring… He probably thinks I'm out to seduce him or something like that; after all I've built up quite a reputation for myself and have been flirting with him shamelessly since we met, but I'm genuinely not. I mean hey, I wouldn't mind if he was up for it, but I like him a lot and respect him as a colleague – I'm not trying anything on all the flirtation just comes naturally after so long of hiding behind charm.

I resolved to try and act more subtly around him from now on, and found myself deliberately suppressing laughter when he made a joke during our investigations today.

"I believe estate agents pronounce it Sploe" He said in those beautiful Welsh vowels.

It was quite a challenge not to laugh at that, I mean who doesn't like a good Splott joke? Well… everybody else on the Torchwood team apparently… I can't believe no one laughed! It makes me kind of wish I had now, just to see a glint of satisfaction cross the young man's perfect, neutrally masked eyes. Oh well, at least I haven't let him think that I am trying to win him over by laughing at his jokes or anything.

It's late, and I'm sat in my office now, nursing a glass of water rather than a scotch as I should rightly be doing now, but of course I wouldn't feel its effects for very long… I need to talk with someone and am seriously contemplating going downstairs to the hub where I know I'll find Ianto still there working despite me telling everyone to go home after the hellish day we've had.

I knew that bloody Quantum Transducer was trouble from the second we found it, even before Owen reacted so strongly to what he had seen, and then as soon as we found out that when combined with the second half it could predict the future… well I just knew it needed to be destroyed. No one should ever know what the future will bring, because we as human beings can't just stand back and let things happen, we have to interfere and try and fix things. But unfortunately, as Gwen proved today, sometimes things just can't be fixed.

When she saw herself covered in the blood of Ed Morgan, crying out about Owen holding a knife, she couldn't let things lie at that – she didn't want Ed to die, despite being the evil murderer that he is, and she didn't want Owen to become a killer. I don't think I would have been able to let things lie after seeing that, I think I would have done the exact same thing as Gwen, bless her, removed the knife and lulled myself in to a false sense of reassurance. Of course, though, no matter how hard she tried the foretold future still came painfully true; Ed Morgan died and Gwen was left there clutching the knife, covered in his blood.

Obviously, Gwen was hit hardest after it all. She didn't speak much on the drive back to the hub or once we arrived back there. She just kept washing her hands at the sink, the picture of Lady Macbeth, trying to get rid of the memories. But all of us were left shaken and disturbed after tonight.

So what does Ianto Jones do? He files the transducer deep within the secure archives after my instruction, labelling it 'not for use'. Then he proceeded to come back up to my office where the four of us had now congregated and poured them all a scotch, somewhere along the line he must have picked up that I rarely drink, and left leaving us to brew our thoughts in peace. I can't help wondering if he feels a little left out. We go off and have amazing adventures or catastrophic disasters whilst he's left to clean up after it all, commit it all to documents but never experiencing any of it himself. Does he feel left out? Does he feel distanced from the rest of us? He always keeps himself to himself, so you can never be sure of what he is thinking, but he always says that he is content with what he does here. And every time I've mentioned fieldwork he has sort of winced in response. A selfish part of me is glad that he is there to take care of things at the end of a day like this, I never feel like facing paperwork, writing things down just makes it seem like you're living through it all over again. Talking about it however, well oddly talking about it helps. Helps me to order things inside my head and to put the stress behind me with the reassurance of a gentle, Welsh voice that 'we did what had to be done'. Yes, I think it's time I went and found Mr Jones…

As predicted I found him hunched, no delicately poised Ianto Jones would never hunch, over his desk surrounded by neat stacks of paper which I assumed held the down low on today's events.

"Ianto It's late" I said, sighing already predicting his response.

"I know Sir, but I just wanted to finish this off before tomorrow" He replied with a small smile, hiding the yawn he was suppressing.

"It could have waited till tomorrow" I replied.

"My Mother always said: 'why put off until tomorrow, the things that can be done today?' and besides, I didn't think that the four of you would like to be reminded of it all in the morning by seeing me sat here busily typing out the details."

"You're always so thoughtful, you know that?"

"I try" He said grinning.

I took that as my cue that we were ok again or back to normal or whatever. I invited him over to the couch, and sat with him a while explaining how much it ached to see people that I was so close to, Gwen in this instance, get so hurt by what we do here. Today I couldn't protect her, couldn't stop those awful, scarring things happening to her and I can't ever take away the memories of it all. And tomorrow or the next day or the next, something similar will happen to Tosh or Owen, or maybe even one day Ianto himself, and I hate not being able to do anything about it. I feel that I should be able to help, as the boss I feel I let them all down by not shielding them from these experiences.

As always, he reassured me that I acted as any boss should, in fact I went above and beyond. That everyone who works for Torchwood accepts the risks they are taking on through doing so and understand that, whilst you try to protect them from as much as possible, there will be times like these.

I sometimes feel guilty, that all I seem to talk about with Ianto is how I'm feeling – and never his thoughts or emotions. But I just need to be able to talk to someone about it all, and he's such a good listener. I'd be more than willing to listen to him if he ever admitted to needing to talk, but Ianto isn't much of a talker and from what I've seen he prefers to pent up his emotion rather than express it. Never the less I tried this evening to get the young man to open up.

"Thank you for always being there to listen" I said giving his shoulders a hand a squeeze.

"What are friends for Sir?" He answered. I was so glad he said friends and not colleagues or 'it's all part of the job' or whatever. The Sir did spoil the effect a little though, I mean don't get me wrong sometimes I find it kind of hot the way he calls me Sir and makes me feel all powerful and commanding, but today it created unwanted distance.

"If you ever need to talk, you know I'll listen too, right?" I asked.

"Of course, thank you Sir, but I really don't have a lot to say." He replied, almost too quickly, with almost too much certainty, and with a slight twitch at the left corner of his mouth. But I let it slide.

"Well it's a good job I can talk for Wales then isn't it? Otherwise we would be in constant silence" I replied, with a hearty gin.

"Indeed it is" He replied matching my smile.

"Well, it has been a lovely chat as ever, but it's gone midnight and you know what that means… If you don't leave within approximately two minutes I will be brining on the punishments" I risked flirting, even throwing in an eyebrow wiggle just to check that we were definitely ok again.

A blush spread outwards from his cheeks but he replied: "Oh dear, and just when I thought you'd given up with all of those sorts of comments…"

"Oh come on, you wouldn't have it any other way!"

"Goodnight Sir" He said, leaving, with a pink hue still highlighting his cheeks.

He may not have agreed with me, but he certainly didn't seem uncomfortable to the point of wanting to hand in his resignation at my flirtation. Perhaps I had been vain in assuming he'd think I was trying to seduce him? Either way, he didn't actually deny it!


	8. Gun, Retcon or Forgiveness?

**A/N: **_Hello Lovelies! Just to warn you... slight bit of swearing at the beginning... oh and I am really sorry about how 'anti-ianto' the beginning of the chapter may seem, I really love Ianto so don't worry it turns out well in the end, keep reading! I just felt that as this was is effectively set in/after Cyberwoman, then Jack needed to get a bit angry! Hoe enjoy reading this one, I really enjoyed writing it and due to this it ended up a little longer than anticipated but oh well... Hannah x  
><em>

* * *

><p>Fuck.<p>

Fuck fuck fuckety fuck FUCK.

Shit.

I just never fucking realise until far too late in the game do I? I never notice that members of my own team are just casually working away, whilst covering up an enormous and destructive secret, I just never bloody notice.

Pacing about in here swearing to myself isn't going to help anything now, but it sure as hell is preventing me from going up to the tourist office, where I know he'll be hiding, with my gun and venting out my anger in another way. I literally feel like my blood is boiling, there aren't enough words to express how angry I am, how deceived I feel. If it had been anyone else I might have been able to cope, just about. Yes, I would have still been as angry as hell but I wouldn't have felt so betrayed if it had been anyone but him. Anyone but the one person that I had placed all my trust in, learned to rely on so much, thought of as so innocently honest; anyone but Ianto fucking Jones.

I have sat there, countless times, and poured my heart out to that man, told him things that I just couldn't express to anyone else, heck I was even thinking about telling him about my immortality. I gave him my absolute trust because he was so diligent and obliging and hardworking. I was so surprised and genuinely pleased that day when Gwen joined, and the others handed in their unlawful artefacts and he had nothing to offer – good reliable Ianto I thought, he never puts a foot wrong. I feel like such a fool because all the while he was keeping his girlfriend, that Cyberwoman, down in the vaults, putting us all in danger.

It's been nearly an half hour now since I came up here to my office to try and decide what to do to him. He lied, he went against Torchwood policy, he brought a threat into our lives and, even at the end of it all, still disobeyed my orders. Because of him, two innocent people died and it could have been so many more if that thing had been allowed to escape onto the streets of Cardiff. There's no way I can let him stay here, just no way. He didn't want a job here, he wanted to bring his precious metal mate to us, to try and find help for her, he never had any interest in helping save mankind from alien threats. No wonder he never bothered to integrate, I always just thought he was shy, but no, he just didn't have the time what with caring for his psychotic lover.

He's a liability now, a hazard, and besides everything else if I let him stay then what kind of example would I be setting? Showing the others that they are 'not to worry, if you majorly screw up and induce mass chaos, I'll let you keep your job'. It was a risk taking him on the first place, and clearly I was wrong to take that risk. I've thought about just simply finishing him off, tidying things up nicely – after all retcon is only 98.7% effective – but in spite of everything I just don't think I could do it. So it'll have to pray he's not in the 1.3% and use the retcon. I'll make him take it in front of me then leave him on the side of the road somewhere, lost and confused but with no recollection of Torchwood. I'm still too angry to face him yet, it seems like it's one of those times where I need to take off and find a roof to stand on and clear my head.

I ran frantically down to the base of the hub, I didn't want anybody to stop me from storing out. At first I thought everyone had gone, (bar him of course, him I knew would be up in the tourist office sat there as cowardly as ever) but Gwen was still here and she grabbed my arm as I was trying to make it to the lift.

"Jack" She said, firmly locking eyes with me.

"Yes" I replied curtly, none of this was her fault, but I wasn't in the mood for politeness right now.

"Don't do anything rash ok?"

"I haven't killed him, isn't that enough?" I replied, bluntly, my voice heavy with rage.

"Jack, listen to me. There is no doubt that what Ianto did was wrong, on so many levels, but look at him." She said dragging me over to the CCTV monitors and pointing at the one for the tourist office. On the screen, was Ianto; pacing about, running his hands threw his hair, biting his lip and rubbing at his blood shot eyes. "He's a broken man Jack. He's just lost his whole world and he' currently in there terrified for what lies ahead. The two of you said and did things you didn't really mean today, so just put that behind you and think carefully before you do anything. Please?"

"He broke the rules Gwen, what more is there to say? I'm heading out, not sure when I'll be back in yet." I said, determined to convey the same anger that I had with my first comment, despite the twang of guilt that her words had caused. I took one last look at the monitor before I headed out, and this only increased the sensation, as I saw him in that state.

Standing here, on top of the car park roof, feeling the wind billowing around beneath my coat and sensing the slight mist of rain fall on my face, I feel more confused as to what to do than before. Damn it, coming here was supposed to help make up my mind about giving him the retcon and then firing him. But I can't get what Gwen said out of my head.

We had both said and done things that we didn't really mean. Both of us.

His words had cut into me deeply: "I'll watch you suffer and die", "You're the biggest monster of all"… He lashed out because he was fuelled with anger and desperation as he watched us determined to murder his beloved. However much it hurt, I know that he didn't mean what he had said, he was simply saying the things which he knew would impact me most – he knows just how much I fear becoming a monster and making all of the horrible, painful decisions here.

Equally, I regret saying what I did to him: "You make a threat like that, you better be prepared to follow it through. See, you disobey me now ... I really will shoot you." "You execute her or I'll execute you both!" There's no way I could have killed him, not ever. I can't believe I ordered him to murder her though, his own girlfriend, what was I thinking? No matter how furious I was with him at that moment I can't believe I was cruel enough to try and force him to do that.

But what he said about being left out, about him being the one to clear up our shit and that was all, about how none of us ever bothered to check how he was or ask him anything about his life… now that was all painfully true. How could I have been so callous earlier, to think that the reason he had never integrated with us all was because of this big bad secret he was hiding, that he cared more about keep her hidden than about working with us? He genuinely felt excluded, unnoticed and underappreciated. I was struck again with guilt as I realised that never once had we thought to invite him to play basketball with us, or come on a jaunt to the pub, we had all just assumed he wouldn't be interested because he tended to keep himself to himself. I let him carry on 'clearing up our shit' and completing our paperwork and sorting out pretty much everything for us because he never complained, but that's not good enough, I should have treated him better – we all should have done.

I'm beginning to question why exactly it is that I feel so angry with him. Is it what he said to me? Is it the fact that I felt my trust had been betrayed? The fact that he didn't feel able to share his secret? That he had a secret girlfriend while all this time I've been flirting with him I had thought he was, probably straight, but single at least? The fact that he went against orders? How he endangered himself along with the rest of us and got two others killed?

Or is it really that I am not angry with him at all, or at least not to a large degree. Yes, at first it was beyond a shadow of a doubt, he, who was the cause of my rage… but now, am I simply cross with myself?

Cross that for the second time in only a few short months I have let a co-worker's private troubles pass by unnoticed, or rather in this case ignored. After all, I had noticed Ianto's edgy and distracted behaviour over the last few weeks, seen the perfect mask he holds in place crack every once in a while. And then, even today, I noticed him acting a little off as we headed out, and his face when we had that power surge… All the signs that he was trying to work out some issues were there. I just assumed that as ever Ianto would deal with it, 'he always does'. I should have done more for him, I owed him that as his employer; and no matter how much he has let me down, I have let him down equally so and that's unforgivable.

Thinking about it further, despite all of his actions and methods being so utterly wrong and against policy, his heart was undeniably in the right place. He acted with the best of intentions, he just wanted to save her, he risked everything – his job, our respect for him, his own life – in order to try and help her. Really, it's admirable.

Perhaps coming out here has helped me in the end anyway, it hasn't convinced me into retconning him rather than murdering him, it's stopped me from acting 'rashly' as Gwen said, stopped me from making a very big mistake. Because, you see, I don't want to lose Ianto. I can't bear the thought that I seriously considered killing him for a moment, when I held the gun up to his head there really was nothing more I wanted to do than to shoot. And right now I can't even stand the idea of forcing him to forget all about us, of him not being able to recognise me in the street, of not having him in the hub with us day in day out. Coming out here, and standing in the cool, fresh air of the early morning is what has at last managed to calm my temper.

After twenty minutes or so more, I decided to head back to the hub. Gwen was still there when I got back and she said that Ianto was still in the tourist office – I couldn't bear to look at the CCTV again but I knew he would still be in there frantically pacing. We walked up to the conference room together, and I told her that she had been right, time was what I had needed to think, and stop myself doing something I would regret.

She nodded in response.

"Thank you" I said, with a small half smile.

"Any time, you'd do the same for us" She answered. I was just about to contradict this answer, explain how I hadn't been there for Ianto, and how guilty I was now feeling for it all. How sorry I felt for having neglected him. When the unexpected happened. Ianto emerged from the tourist office, into the base of the hub, and looked up to us. I had thought that I would need to go in there to see him, and talk with him about all that had happened, but he had been brave enough to come and meet his fate.

I simply nodded at him, to show him that I wasn't about to shoot him or retcon him back to childhood, that told him that we would be ok – eventually.

"You'd never have shot him. Not really." Gwen said as if reading my mind, trying to reassure me. I protested, I was sure as damn it close to doing so, I wonder what it would have taken to push me over the edge? To be stood now, not in the conference room with Gwen looking out to a living breathing Ianto Jones, but in the autopsy bay over a cold dead body feeling as though my guts had been ripped out.

I was astonished to see that Ianto began clearing up the rubbish from the coffee table, after everything that he had said. I suppose he didn't really know what to do, but he needed to do something.

"Will he stay?" Gwen asked, I shrugged back. I genuinely didn't know. I hoped he would, I hope that him clearing up as usual was a sign that he wanted to stay working here but I couldn't be sure until I had spoken to him. He may want to take the retcon and leave, he may want to run away from everything that has happened, start a fresh. But if he didn't, if he wanted to stay, I was now more than willing to let him.

After Gwen had left he approached me and immediately jumped in to a heart wrenching speech. About how very, truly sorry he was for what he had done. About how wrong he knew it had been to hide Lisa and his life from all of us, how he sorry for not following my orders. How deeply he regretted saying all of the terrible things he had to me, and how he hadn't meant a single one, but most of all, how much he regretted betraying my trust. And he hoped I could somehow find it in me to forgive him, though he knew he didn't deserve it.

By the end, he had completely broken down to tears, so I drew him into a comforting hug, pulling away only so I could make eye contact with him to say:

"You listen to me Ianto Jones. I'm sorry."

I couldn't let him think this was entirely on his head anymore, or that I was about to launch into a raging rant.

"I should never have never have asked you to do what I did, and I should have paid more attention to you in the first place and realised something was going on. I let you down."

He just stared at me incredulously, eyes wide opened, struggling to process everything.

"Not that I wasn't angry, I was furious. Outraged even. You're absolutely right; you endangered all of us and betrayed my trust. Then I realised, that the others have betrayed my trust before and I have forgiven them, they took items out of the hub without my permission after all. But they all did this so selfishly. What you did Ianto was truly selfless" I paused for breath, and he continued to stare. "You were so desperate to save her, so loyal, that you didn't think about the consequences. You didn't mean any of this to happen and I forgive you." I finished, pulling him back into that tight hug.

He just about managed to get out "Thank you" whilst trying to breathe though the embrace that I had locked him in and through the confusion that I had no doubt just stirred in his mind.

Pulling away from him again I said "Not that I'm not still a little upset though, Do you really feel that left out?" I tried to let the seriousness go, because I didn't want a painfully truthful answer to that particular question, so I plastered a grin on my face.

"Well I suppose I wouldn't mind being included a little more; I do like basketball you know. It's really my own doing though, with … with Lisa and all, I just sort of kept myself to myself." I saw him visibly wince as he said her name, but he remained strong, his tears were almost gone now.

"Well if you ever feel like you need to talk about this just let me know… Or if there's ever anything else I can do to take your mind of things…" I finished suggestively raising one eyebrow.

For once he didn't blush, I imagine he was too pre-occupied to take in the fact that it was anything but innocent, or maybe he found such a regular exchange between the two of us as a comfort rather than an embarrassment on a day such as this when his whole world had been shaken.

"I'll be sure to let you know Sir" he replied and left for the night.

I vowed to myself that I would make sure we had that talk, sooner rather than later, I have learnt the consequences the hard way and will try my best not to let Ianto get hurt again.


	9. Ticklish

**A/N: **_Hello all! As I mentioned yesterday in my update to 'Ianto Jones's Diary', I have a very hectic weekend scheduled and won't be back writing until Sunday when I'll update IJD and hopefully try and get a ch. of this done too... But it not it could be Monday I'm afraid! So basically, don't be alarmed if I break my very regular schedule of uploading – I haven't given up! Hope you enjoy the read! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>If ever there had been a time that I wished I could have just slept soundly like a normal human being, then it was last night. The past day has been such a mad rush, and has revealed so many shocking and unexpected home truths that my mind just hasn't stopped since. But did I get a wink of sleep so I could rest my poor brain? No, course not, don't be silly. At least through all the reprocessing of events, I've decided I definitely came to the right decision about Ianto in the end. Thank goodness my anger subsided, with the help of Gwen and the cool, early morning air, enough for me to see sense. I don't know what I would have done if I had gone as far as killing the young Welshman, for starters I would have no one to fill out the paperwork afterwards (believe me, murdering a co-worker requires a lot). I'm joking because I know that I can now, now that I'm certain I won't do anything that rash, but in reality it would have destroyed me knowing that I had been the one to… I've come to rely on hi, too much really, but it's more than that – I genuinely care about him, and thinking that I ever could have… makes me feel literally sick.<p>

It's nearly 6 now, and I really hope he turns up today. I mean, it would be totally unlike Ianto to not let me, or Tosh even, know if he had suddenly had a change of heart, but he's been through so much that you have to forgive a little acting out of character. I just hope he didn't go home and change his mind about feeling able to cope with it all, coming back to work here day in day out in where his girlfriends died and with the people who killed her.

Of course, how could I doubt him? Ianto Jones is never one to cause disappointment. I headed down from my office, where I had spent most of the evening sat in my chair running my hands through my hair, to wait for him. He arrived fifteen minutes later sharply presented – clean shaven and adorned in a suit as usual, you'd never guess that this was a man whose whole world was turned upside down yesterday, and who broke down in cried into my shoulder. He was very punctual even by his standards; I gave him a questioning look, raising my eyebrows as he entered. He shouldn't be here this early, not after all that's happened, he should have stayed a sleep and blocking out the world for as long as possible, like I would have been only too happy to do. But I didn't press him, there was no point, the poor man had probably not slept all too great himself and he wouldn't return home now until I force him to leave tonight.

I saw him approaching the kitchenette area, and felt my eyes widen as I stared in confusion and wonder as he began pulling out various ingredients from his bag. I was about to make a joke about him 'trying to win me over with a cooked breakfast' but I thought better of it, and left him to his own devices.

About half an hour later, once the rest of the team had arrived, he came up to my office bearing a tray of pancakes and a generous cup of what smelled like my favourite industrial strength coffee. I looked down to the hub to see the rest of the team tucking in gratefully; I assumed it was some sort of apology gesture, knowing Ianto he probably wouldn't be able to face opening up and confessing how truly regretful he feels for everything – he won't want to let the mask slip again. So, I'm guessing that breakfasts loosely encompasses everything he confessed to me last night.

"I didn't know that you offered room service" I said grinning, not being able to resist the prime opportunity for such a comment. I was quite surprised he didn't blush at that – maybe he's becoming immune? Or perhaps he's really not quite as comfortable as being back here with the man who threatened to shoot him unless he murdered his own girlfriend?

I dug in straight away, it looked so delicious and if his coffee was anything to go by then these should be spectacular I thought. And trust me; they were that and then some. Oh my god they were the best pancakes I have ever eaten, maybe even the best thing I have ever eaten… I didn't hold back in showing my appreciation, even if I was overemphasising the somewhat orgasmic sounding 'yummy noises' that I was making.

Finishing it all off with a "what other talents are you hiding?" didn't fail to secure a blush this time. Phew, everything was ok and at least some parts of our lives were back to normal.

Before he left my office, no doubt to get stuck into whatever report he was working on, I explained to Ianto about my plans to get him out into the field very shortly, and how he would be working on some basic self-defence with Gwen and Tosh today. I wasn't expecting him to be overly enthusiastic about it all (he wasn't) but I am hoping that he'll take it all in his stride, and that it might provide a bit of a distraction for him. I still genuinely believe he'll make an excellent field agent, if he can just bring himself around to the idea of it.

Owen and I headed off out to catch an Ood (who we have now named George) which had managed to get through the rift and end up slap bang in the Centre of the city. Wonderful, no doubt we will shortly be in need of a mass retcon. I checked back in a lunch time to see how Ianto was doing, he seemed fine but then he always does so that meant nothing. I wanted to have a word with him in private but UNIT rang after lunch and Ianto quickly busied himself with finishing the Ed Morgan report from a few days ago.

Owen is now off delivering retcon to a rather startled group of locals who happened to run into our new friend. At least it hadn't been a Weevil this time, and then we might have been delivering body bags…

UNIT ended up needing me to go down to their base just outside the city, they thought that they had found some sort of alien weaponry, and wanted me to help confirm with them what it was. Of course, by the time I had got there, they' already decided that it was perfectly harmless, most likely a piece of gardening equipment. Sometimes I think UNIT our the banes of our lives.

When I returned to the hub, I caught Tosh on her way out through the tourist offic, and thought I'd check up on she and Gwen had been progressing with Ianto today. She just burst out laughing when I asked her about it.

"What?" I proclaimed – had he been that bad? No, that can't be it; Tosh wouldn't laugh if that was the case she's too lovely, though Owen for example…

"It's nothing…It's just… I hadn't realised… how ticklish he is!" She just about got out through stuttered laughs, obviously mentally picturing the earlier antics.

"Really…" I mused, liking the thought of pinning down the gorgeous Mr Jones and making him squeal… I need to snap out of thinking of things like that, he's straight and I just killed his girlfriend – nothing will ever happen.

"Mmhhmm" She replied, and then took a deep breath to calm herself enough to continued. "But before we found out about that, he'd actually been very good. He managed to tackle both Gwen and I to the floor even though we were being as hard on him as possible"

"Good, good. I only wish I knew how to build his confidence up…"

"How about taking him out on a mission, just you two? He looks up to you a lot you know" She finished, giving me a smile as she left.

"Thanks Tosh" I called out. I was touched by what she had said, and decided to head into the hub to find Ianto and take him out to catch some Weevils with me, after all there's no time like the present.

I entered the main section of the hub to see him sat at his desk, busily working away at his desk. Or so I thought, as I got closer I realised he was still working on the same report as earlier and he looked slightly more dishevelled than he had when I had last seen him. He really wasn't finding things all too easy right now, I wish I could do more for him.

"I think you need a break" I said, truthfully.

"I think you might be right there Sir" He replied with a small, polite smile.

I just hope that taking him out tonight will ease his mind a little, he clearly needs something to take his mind off it all and what would be better to do that with than the chasing of a large, fang bearing, aggressive Weevil?

"What exactly are we going to do Sir?" He questioned, looking slightly apprehensive at first.

"We're going on a Weevil hunt, we're going to catch a big one" I replied with a wicked grin across my face.

"We're not scared?" He replied, in a tone which conveyed the exact opposite – I couldn't help laughing at that.

As it turned out it he seemed to have a really good time, we tracked one down to that same park where he's first saved me from that Weevil attack (and where I had saved him too really). He seemed more prepared for the Weevil's brutality and sheer strength tonight than last time, was he venting out his anger and frustration? Or had Tosh and Gwen simply been very good teachers this afternoon? It was an easy and fun task for the two of us to manage, I crammed a bag over her head whilst holding her arms back as Ianto acted as 'the distraction'. He even managed to laugh at the end of it all, I'd like to think that means my plan to cast away his deep, dark thoughts for a little while, had worked.

For a moment or two we stood in a comfortable silence, and then I remembered what Tosh had said to me earlier; Ianto Jones was ticklish as hell. Suddenly I lunged forward and began tickling the poor man within an inch of his life - he needed practise in self-defence after all! I couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of his stomach muscles spasming beneath my hands. I didn't stop until he begged me to release him.

"I've never had a man begging for me to get off of him before, you've ruined my perfect reputation Ianto" I chastised with a wink.

He blushed gloriously in response, but didn't say anything. What did that mean? Have I overstepped the mark? I probably should have been on my very best behaviour this evening, all circumstances considered, but I don't know what it is about that man that makes me behave as more of an outrageous flirt than usual. I think I am becoming more and more attracted to this beautiful and unusual man that I know I can never have… Well, you know what they say, 'every straight man is only 7 pints away' or something like that anyway. Perhaps Torchwood needs an outing to the pub?


	10. Target Practise

**A/N: **_Hello readers! Sorry it's been a bit of a wait since the last ch. - I hope it's worth it! Enoy :) Hannah xxx  
><em>

* * *

><p>It's been 7 months now, 7 months since I last had sex, and before that it had been a good 11 months.<p>

You wouldn't have guessed would you? For all I think and talk, and think of talking about sex, in reality I'm not the ladies (or men or aliens or whatever) man I used to be. I guess I've grown tired of that lifestyle, of meaningless conquests, or have just become partially adjusted to current society.

Back in the 51st Century, well back in my timeline at least, relationships were different. Things were borderline matching Brave New World's standards, everyone belonged to everyone, anybody could sleep with whomever they pleased; eventually if people did fall in love they never married, they used to pledge monogamy (and some didn't even do this) but never anything as binding as married, was just seen as so unbelievably old fashioned. Arriving here on Earth, back in the days where you couldn't even hold hands with a girl unless you were engaged, I wanted to rebel and so tried to keep up my old lifestyle. I got involved with prostitutes, persuaded respectable young ladies and was arrested more times than I can count for 'homosexuality'. Damn labels. I did marry once, I was pressured into it after he father caught wind of what had happened between his innocent daughter and I… but it didn't last long, she died of the Spanish influenza. Despite never really having been in love with each other, it still hit me hard, losing someone, anyone, always hurts.

I kept up my rebellion until I found Estelle, and truly fell in love, head over heels in love. I'd never experienced a feeling like it before; I'd never wanted monogamy or pledges but now I did. It was torturous, going through every day, hiding my immortality, knowing that we could never last because I couldn't tell her. And even if I had told her, and she had got her head around it all, how would I cope seeing her suffer old age and death while I just continued to live on? It was 1936, I had 3 years before the war would break out, so I decided that we would have one hell of a few years together, then I would disappear, assumed dead – just like the real Jack Harkness. When the time came, I almost couldn't face it, knowing that I had to give up the woman that I loved was breaking my heart, but I did it and I swore I'd never let myself love again.

And so, for a great while, I went back to my old routine of propositioning anyone with a pulse, of reckless and constant flirtation. It's terrible to say so, but even with Lucia I was never truly in love, and I don't think she was with me either. We were work colleagues, friends with benefits and nothing more, but then she fell pregnant with Melissa Moretti, better known as Alice Carter. My daughter. Neither of us was capable of looking after a child, not with the work that we do, and after Lucia died I had no other choice but to let her go. I couldn't give her what she needed… I've felt guilty about it ever since, there's been plenty of times when we've met up more recently and she's never made me feel bad about it all, which only ads to it all.

What happened with Lucia, was not only a great reminder that I didn't want anything serious, anything that would put me at risk of falling in love, but it also changed the way I saw relationships. Sex was anything but casual, it could lead to a whole host of issues, I had to start calming things down. I kept up the flirtation and the charm and the kisses, but that was where it stopped for the most part. For many years now, I've barely felt tempted by the idea of a one night stand or even a regular, but casual, relationship.

So, why now, can I not stop thinking about the idea of sex with Ianto Jones? I mean I suppose I've contemplated it with all of my staff, even Owen, and as for Gwen… well for a while I thought something might happen there but I tried to put the thought out of my head, yet with Ianto I can't and I really don't know why! Yes he's gorgeous, but then again, aren't all of my employees? Yes, he has a divine Welsh accent, but we're in Wales pretty much everybody has one of those! Perhaps it's his ability to just carry on in the face of adversity, his hidden depths, or the way he always calls me Sir…? Whatever it is, he is constantly on the back burner of my mind, and I've decided that I can do on of two things: 1) ignore it and hope it'll pass and 2) try out my pub trip techniques.

Seeing as this was the way in which I (in theory) would get to sleep with him, rather than not, I decided with the pub and plenty of alcohol. We all went out, the five of us, and it was really nice just to take some time out from work as things have been pretty hectic lately and we all needed some wind down time.

Strangely enough I played the part of a total voyeur last night; I just sat back and watched the evening progress.

Owen, as per usual didn't hesitate to get insanely drunk; he really is such a lightweight. He came out with some rather graphic ideas about things he and Gwen should go off and do after we'd finished at the pub, and Gwen in her partially intoxicated state only laughed rather than scolded. If any of us were in doubt before about whether or not they were having an affair, we sure as hell aren't now.

Toshiko and Ianto spent the better part of the evening, blocking out Owen's remarks discussing a translation programme that Tosh was thinking about starting, and I think I hear them mention something about Sister Act. Maybe Mr Jones isn't so straight after all? Either way, I decided that now clearly wasn't a good time to try and 'get it out of my system so it were, as Ianto was clearly not getting anywhere near 7 pints being the responsible man that he is. But it was more than that; I could see it in his eyes that Lisa's death had hit him now. He was keeping up the brave front and perfected mask for the others, but what I could see through those blue eyes was pain and more pain.

In a strange, messed up sort of way, seeing him hurt like that, kind of made me want to do it all the more. To sort of, offer it as a form of comfort, the best kind I knew how to give. But I could see that right now, even if it was what he wanted (which I doubt, he may have been marginally more responsive to my flirtation recently, but I know for certain now – he likes girls) that I wouldn't let it happen. Not when he was so vulnerable and impressionable – it would be like I was taking advantage or something. So I'll wait, until he has healed a little, before I try and suggest anything, though I do have my plans to try and get him into the firing range at some point for a bit of one on one training.

Looking back to how I was thinking about Estelle earlier, makes it almost ironic that I should have ran into her again over the last few days, or at least it would have been if it hadn't ended the way it had. If she hadn't died, before I came to save her. After letting go of that part of my life, I had accepted that I would never see her again. But it had occurred to me almost thirty of forty years later, that I could try and see he once more, posing as 'My Father Captain Jack Harkness Sr.'s only son'. After all these years, I never stopped loving her; it just became a different form of affection. But at the end of the day love is love and seeing her lying like that, cold and alone… and lifeless, it was painful to say the least. I just sat in my office, nursing a large scotch, contemplating the 'what ifs' the 'should of, would of, could ofs' and how I should have at the very least been there with her at the end.

Damn. It had to go and get worse didn't it; it wasn't as if Estelle dying wasn't enough? This always bloody happens. I always have to make the choice that leads to an unhappy ending, to death and the teams dislike of me. What else could I have done? Saved little Jasmine but exposed the rest of the world to the wrath of the faeries? If it could have brought back Estelle, then do you know what, I might have done it. But nothing could ever do that, and there was no sense in putting all of humanity at risk for the sake of saving one child who was more than happy to be 'the chosen one' anyway.

Of course, thinking and knowing this didn't stop me feeling guilty. Didn't stop me from hating myself and wanting to throw myself of the nearest high building in punishment, and certainly didn't stop the team giving me a hard time about it. Couldn't they see I had no other choice? That I never have another choice? When I say the team gave me a hard time, there was one member who didn't, the one member who never judges me like that, the one member who I shouldn't be out pouring my troubles to right now but listening to his instead, the one member that I couldn't stop picturing naked.

The others went straight home todays happenings, without many more words being said to me which didn't come as a surprise considering. It got to 11.30 pm and for a while I had assumed that Ianto had been told what had happened and decided that he didn't want to be around me either. But a few minutes later I was stirred from my deep reflection as he entered my office.

"You couldn't have done anything else, you made the right decision and after they've thought it over for a few hours, they'll see this too Sir" He said softly, telling me exactly what I needed to hear.

"I know" I replied attempting to flash a smile back at him; I don't think I was all that successful. "It's just sometimes, being the one to call the shots it gets to me." I sighed

Then I remembered something I had thought of after the pub the other night, before the incident with the faeries – Ianto Jones, Me and a couple of guns. "And speaking of shots, I believe there is just enough time for some target practice, if you're still up for it?" I continued, not having to force a smile this time.

"Absolutely Sir" He replied and we headed down to the firing range.

I made sure to get as close to him as physically possible, like I had done with Gwen, whilst down there, after all might as well take advantage of such opportunities. We stood there together for an immeasurable amount of time, I could feel his back moving slowly against my back with the motions of his breathing, and sense the adrenaline radiating out from him. If I'm not mistaken, I'm sure I saw a trace of a blush across his cheeks as we stood there in such close proximity. We fired the gun together; the shot was a perfect bull's eye on the cardboard cut-out Weevil's chest.

I pulled away, somewhat reluctantly, and smiled, "Ah you're a natural, it's a shame I was looking forward to spending a good few hours down here just you and me, alone just the way I like it" I said and winked, though I was technically telling the truth.

He definitely blushed then, most I think I have seen him do before. One can only wonder what was going through his mind at that moment…

"Again?" I asked with a devilish smile.

"Certainly Sir" He replied. I don't know why, but he sounded distant now. Whereas I usually loved his little 'respect your superiors' attitude… the way he said it just then felt wrong. Had I overstepped the mark, was he re-affirming our employee/employer status, or maybe just letting me know he really wasn't interested.

"Ianto can we PLEASE ditch the Sir, it makes me feel like you only see me as a boss and not a friend" I couldn't help but ask.

"Well Jack", I replied using his name for perhaps the first time ever, "You know I see you as more than just my boss, besides you know you love it really Sir" He replied.

I grinned and laughed in response, he had to be flirting right there surely. You can't say something like that and not mean for it to sound suggestive, can you? I mean, never mind reacting to my advances he was bloody initiating the flirting that time, does this mean he's interested…? Then again, he's still so distraught over Lisa, not that he would admit to it, and you can hardly expect him to be in a normal frame of mind, perhaps he's confused? I'm not entirely sure of what's going on either, but hey it looks vaguely like there might be a light at the end of the tunnel!


	11. Kisses After Kidnap

I've long given up on making promises to others. I've found out the hard way that apart from minor commitments, promising to buy more biscuits, or to replace another broken mug, or remember an arrangement etc., I just can't keep to my word. It's not that I don't want to; more that it literally can't be done. How do you keep your word when telling someone we will love each other forever, when you know that for you, forever actually is _forever_? That's what I promised Estelle, and look how that ended. You can't promise any of your friends and colleagues a safe and happy future because, with Torchwood, they barely have a future. Yet knowing all of this, I really thought that the promise I had made to myself would be one that I could keep.

After everything with Lisa, I had sworn that I was never going to let Ianto Jones get hurt like that again. No claims were made to try and keep him safe, or physically unharmed or even alive – I just needed to make damn well sure that he was never put through such emotional trauma ever again.

But I just had to take him out on that trip to the Brecon Beacons; I just had to pick that to be his first big scale Torchwood mission. At the time I thought I was doing him a favour; before when we'd been out on Weevil hunts together, he'd seemed more relaxed and managed to distance his mind from the scarring memories which plagued him. I had though, hey why not go the whole hog and see if he can completely forget for a while? I thought I was helping, doing him a favour. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The worst part is that what's happened to him that has caused him to become so shaken once again and will no doubt keep him awake at night for months, cannot even be blamed on aliens. It was human beings, human beings who have terrified the poor man, and Tosh and Gwen and Owen too, into this state.

I can't believe that only a few days ago I was focusing on such petty little things. How I thought that Ianto was ignoring me, how he seemed to respond quite happily to my comments about his lack of suit, how Owen wouldn't stop bickering for the entire journey, how annoyed I was at Gwen for bringing up that stupid snogging game, and how Ianto didn't admit to (or remember?) me being his last kiss… It all seems so trivial now. Now that the five of us have survived capture by cannibals.

Well, I say the five; it was primarily Toshiko and Ianto that bore the brunt of it all. I hate to think of them locked down in that cellar with god knows what for company. Every ten years, every ten bloody years, these monsters took people like this – every ten years for how long? How many lives have been lost because of these beasts, how many lives could I have saved? It was this thought, and the sight of my team captured and about to be cut up like nothing more than pounds of meat, which caused me to storm in with such determination. For once I just needed to say to hell with the Doctor and his anti-guns attitude. So I fired at will, not wanting to kill, but not caring if I did either. It was too late for me to prevent my friends from going through all of this trauma, but I could sure as hell stop it going any further.

When we arrived back at the hub, and after Owen had given everyone a once over, naturally I sent them all home. I wasn't as worried about how Gwen, Tosh and Owen would deal with it all; they've sadly become accustomed to days like these. Although this was a particularly brutal case, they know how to move on from here, how to process the experience and return tomorrow with it put out of their minds. Ianto however, was new to this. He hadn't experienced such violence and horror before Lisa's death, and had yet to recover from that, I was worried this might be the final straw for him, that he would want to leave Torchwood or worse… do something very, very stupid.

Despite having ordered everyone home, I wasn't surprised to see the man in question on the CCTV, still sat at the desk in the tourist office, raking his hands threw his hair desperately. I doubt he would leave until I absolutely forced him. I was just about to go down and try to get him to talk to me about it all, when I saw him heading up.

"I think I might be in need of that talk now Sir." He said to me, reading my mind. I walked him over to the sofa.

"I think you're right" I replied, trying to smile back at him reassuringly.

We just stood by the sofa for a few minutes, he seemed to be battling with something – many things - internally, trying to decide what to say and how to say it, or even whether to say anything at all. I tried to get him to sit down but he was just stood there, biting his lower lip and frowning as the battle of emotions continued in his head. Quite frankly I didn't know what to say either so, with the idea in mind that actions speak louder than words, I pulled him into a hug. He relaxed for just a second, sighing slightly, but then pulled away very rapidly. Suddenly the sofa seemed very appealing and he sat down eagerly.

Whilst sitting there, he told me everything, completely poured his heart and guts out. He seemed too nervous to make eye contact, but I wanted to connect with him right then, so I turned his chin slightly, forcing him to face me. I listened as he told me how much he still ached from the loss of Lisa, the recurring nightmares and the guilt he feels whenever he catches a glimpse of happiness. He apologised, yet again for what he did, how he deeply regretted endangering the team, despite the fact that I, we, had all forgiven him. How he couldn't stand the thought of one of us having died because of him, and how he hated that he hadn't kept his promises to Lisa. I could relate very well with that last part.

A tear rolled down his cheek at that point, and it made me almost want to cry myself. I hated that he was feeling like this, hated that my bringing him out to Brecon had brought everything to a head. But this wasn't about me, so, I wiped away a tear from his cheek.

"And these last few days" He continued, "Being held hostage by those monstrous people, surrounded by such horrors, all the death and suffering. On top of everything else it has just made me feel numb, there is such evil in this world that I never thought I would have to endure, and I almost can't bear it." He finished, properly sobbing now, a sight which made my guts ache, and at a volume so low that his words were barely audible – but I made sure to listen carefully.

I looked him right in the eyes and offered him a solution: "I can make it all go away if that's what you want?" Retcon. I could made all of his bad memories and heart ache gone in the space of time it takes to swallow a small pill and fall asleep. Of course, it wasn't what I wanted at all, but if things were so bad that he needed to start again, then I would do it.

"No." He replied, quite firmly, his tears just about gone now. "I don't want to forget all of the wonderful times too, the good times make that bad ones worthwhile." I sighed contentedly as relief washed over me – I'm not too sure why but I can't stand the thought of losing him.

"Good because I don't want to lose you Ianto". I admitted. "You must never feel like you are alone, I am always here for you to talk to. Right now, I think the best, and perhaps the only thing, you can do to make things better is to get some distance. Take some time off, there is a lot of death and violence tied up with Torchwood, but there is also so much wonder and goodness. It may take a while before you can see it again, but it's there." I finished, smiling broadly.

I almost can't believe what happened next. There was a strange sense of rising pressure and temperature and adrenaline in the room, and it felt like suddenly our bodied were oppositely charged magnets being drawn fractionally closer together. I've already admitted that I haven't been able to get the thought of sleeping with my favourite and hottest Welshman out of my mind. But I'd never genuinely thought anything might happen. And never did I think that, if something did occur, that he would be the one to start it! But, don't get me wrong, I was more than happy – if a little shocked – to find his mouth suddenly on mine. I didn't hesitate in kissing him back.

After a far too short amount of time, he pulled away just as suddenly, apologised and ran away.

After last night, I had genuinely thought that Ianto wouldn't come into work this morning a) because I had suggested that he take some time off and get away from all the memories for a bit and b) because of this kiss. So it was rather unexpected to see him sneaking in at around 6.30 before the others had arrives, and heading straight down to the archives. Perhaps he couldn't face spending time alone at home with nothing to do, after all solitude gives you plenty of time to think. Either way, I expect that's where he'll set up camp for the day and I don't plan to disturb him unless there's an emergency, I don't want to crowd him too much after what's happened – he's clearly feeling confused about everything.

By 6.00 pm this evening I had given up, and decided that I should go down and talk to him, try to get this all sorted out. After all, ignoring something won't make it disappear.

"I told you to take some time off" I remarked grinning as I usually would to give a sense of normality.

"Needed something to take my mind off everything Sir" He replied, confirming my suspicions and not quite meeting my eyes.

"All the same, you've been through a lot, at least leave on time today, and don't pull one of your classic midnighters" I said, still trying to keep the tone light, but I could see it wasn't working. "Ianto, will you please look at me" I requested, pleadingly. "I get the feeling you're avoiding me. And if this is about what happened last night then please talk to me about it." I said, sounding serious now.

A moment of silence passed, I could tell he was thinking about what to reply with, I could feel pure confusion radiating out from him.

"Ianto, we can make as much or as little a deal of what happened last night as you want. If you want to pretend that nothing happened then we can forget that it did." I said, though I really didn't want to forget it, it had been one hell of a kiss and he looked so good in that suit… And, I really did want to comfort him somehow.

"No, that's not what I want, I just… I … I'm so confused Sir" He said, managing to meet my eyes now. I felt somewhat relieved.

I placed my hand on his shoulder as I spoke: "It's ok to be confused, you've been through an awful lot recently, and I gather all of this… is relatively new to you" I felt silly saying it, since when was attraction new to anyone? But you have to remember what Century you're dealing with.

"My thoughts are just so scattered lately, and I don't know right from wrong anymore, I think I still love Lisa, but then there's you… And the way you make me feel when you talk to me like I'm the only one in the room, or you're stood so closely to me that I can feel your breath… And it scares me just a little, how chaotic all these thoughts are. But I think, even though I am not sure, that I know what I want." He said, bravely. I think I understood what he was saying, basically he thinks I'm hot and wants to take things further but is feeling hung up on, and guilty, about his dead Cyberwoman girlfriend – I can deal with that, not complicated at all. But, things here never are easy; he's feeling such a mixture of emotions right now, and I don't plan on pressurising him.

"Well, if what you want is what I think you want, then I think I want what you think you want to" I replied with a wink, returning the conversation to a lighter tone, he laughed.

"I just don't think I am ready yet, I need more time." He said nervously.

"Ianto Jones, for you I can wait all the time in the world" I answered smiling, after all, I could afford to offer that and it wasn't as if I hadn't already been waiting since the day I set eyes on that gorgeous man.

He seemed reassures, if still a little uncomfortable with it all. He seemed unsure of the next move to make and opted for a safe and classic Ianto:

"Would you like a cup of coffee Sir?"


	12. Ianto Professionalism Jones

To be honest, I wasn't so sure of how the next few days or so were going to pan out. Ianto had been so embarrassed and so confused about how he had acted after our heart to heart the other day, so much to the point of ignoring me throughout the whole of yesterday. Despite our little chat about it all and despite him saying that he wants what I want, basically each other, I was still anticipating that I wouldn't be seeing much of the Welshman across the next couple of days. I didn't want him to feel like he needed to avoid me or create distance, I didn't want him to feel the need to be self-conscious or confused about everything, but I did want him, and so was prepared to wait until he was comfortable with it all – if that took taking the cold shoulder for 48 hours or so, then it was worth it.

But much to my delight, he didn't ignore me; he just carried out the day almost as if nothing had happened. Not because he was ashamed or had changed his mind, I hoped, but purely because professionalism is Ianto Jones's middle name. There was no way that anybody outside the two of us could ever have been able to tell that we no longer had a strictly professional employee/employer relationship. Perhaps the only give away, was the fact that he couldn't retain eye contact for long periods of time without blushing, or how I occasionally found myself staring out at him. Of course, these were all unnoticeable to those not in the know. It's quite nice having a little private, guilty, pleasure even if it's still largely in the 'unrequited' phase.

I'm still not sure that he should be back in work just yet, but convincing that man to take some time off, would be like convincing The Doctor to settle down. I did warn him that I have a very extensive list of punishments lined up if he fails to give in, but it's hardly much of a threat seeing as he would probably enjoy what I have in mind very much.

On another note, someone who is sure as hell not being 'delightful' is Owen. He was so insensitive towards Tosh earlier, acting as King of Innuendo and Flirtation whilst around Gwen leaving nothing to the imagination about their relationship. He can't honestly not realise that Tosh is besotted with him can he? If that's true than he actually is an idiot, rather than just an intelligent man who acts the fool like I thought he was. And showing off to Gwen with his soccer skills, or lack of, resulted in upsetting Tosh even more because he wrecked her computer that had her translation programme running on it. He didn't even apologise properly.

And it's not just the way he's behaving with Toshiko; he seems to be slipping professionally too. He completely misdiagnosed the cause of death for the skeleton we found at the excavation site along with 'the stapler' and 'the crab'. Hmm female shot to death… or male with ripped out heart? Not as if there complete opposites or anything, I bet I could have had a better first attempt at analysing the remains. I like Owen, I really do, despite the fact he can be an annoying prat a lot of the time, I genuinely enjoy working with him. But if he keeps this up then there may have to be consequences.

I sent Ianto home with the others this evening, made sure that he left on time with the others. a) Because he looks so exhausted right now that he shouldn't be at work til gone midnight, even if he doesn't get any extra sleep through going home early, and b) because I really don't like this whole waiting thing after all. I haven't had to wait for sex in a long time, mainly because I haven't felt the desire for it as much recently and any time that I have it's been a quick, drunken (on their part if not mine) one night stand. But I don't know what it is about that Welshman, but something is enticing me, making me want him and causing me to be impatient. And, even if this ends up just being a onetime thing, it should still be done properly and when he's ready. Of course, I'll be too tempted to forget all of this once I get him alone in the hub, so for now, sending him away keeps me from temptation.

Oh well, another day another dollar, hopefully Owen will be back to his usual, if still a little cocky, self and will stop being so harsh to Tosh.

I've decided that if Mr Jones is going to refuse to take time off, and seems undeterred by my threats, then I am going to just have to try and lighten his work load. He may only be doing our administrative tasks but there's a lot to do. Perhaps I'll get Tosh to take over some of the paperwork for a while, that should kill two birds with one stone seeing as she's been acting a little distracted ever since Owen behaved so childishly yesterday. I think that's why anyway, I can't think of what else would cause her to become so upset, even when I complimented her new necklace this morning she seemed jumpy and preoccupied. And as for Ianto, well, he'll never admitted but he seems so emotionally and mentally drained at the moment; so I'm do anything I can to lighten his load and aid his recovery… and if that means watching him bend over in that well-fitting suit whilst he tidies out my office then so be it!

Hmm, young Ianto didn't seem too happy about his 'demotion' as he put it. It had been hilariously funny watching him gather up all of the random rubbish that has pile dup in that room over the years. Some of it wasn't mine and had belonged to previous heads of Torchwood 3, but everything that made his eyes grow wide with shock definitely belonged to me. His face when he found the handcuffs and the 3-cupped bra (Aaah, the Sisters of Syruvia… a very fun loving race!) was an absolute picture.

"Well I only intended it to be a one off, but after watching you bend over like that; I may have to get you in here again sometime soon." I told him grinning, after he had asked if clearing out my junk would become a permanent duty. Naturally, he blushed in response, just as I had hoped he would, giving me something to hold onto until we finally get around to doing the deed.

After that, I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to puzzle out what these strange artefacts are that we found with the skeleton. I may be getting there with 'the crab', it appears to be some sort of transporter pod, but I am absolutely lost when it comes to 'the stapler'. Tosh is so much better at this than me, at fiddling about with all the alien tech, but as I said before I am trying to ease her burden at work a little too after she arrived so distracted this morning. Perhaps she really is just upset with Owen still, but part of me is worried that something deeper may be going on and I'm just not quite noticing – as usual.

Yes, as per usual, I just wasn't quite quick enough to pick up that one of my team members was going through a rough time of it. I thought I had finally learnt something after poor Ianto… but no. I had let Tosh's situation get to the point where she had decided to bring her new, human heart eating, alien girlfriend into the hub. This Mary was the owner (well sort of) of the transporter that we had found, she had been exiled from her home planet almost 100 years ago now and had been sent to earth along with a prison guard who she had murdered. She'd given Tosh a necklace which enabled you to listen in on other people's thoughts and had used this to persuade Tosh into sharing her bed and her workplace. Mary had used Tosh, to get to her transportation home, and Tosh was devastated.

It was hard, by I told myself to keep in mind how Tosh was feeling right now when I went to talk to her afterwards. I mean, I was mad as hell with her for breaching policy like that, but I was a little unnecessarily harsh in retaliation, especially when telling her about sending Mary to the centre of the sun… I was angry, as angry I had been with Ianto over Lisa, at her for having endangered the team and for having breached our privacy. I can only dread to imagine what she must have heard coming out of Owen or Gwen's thoughts. Thank god she couldn't seem to read my mind for some reason, I couldn't help getting particularly distracted as I observed my favourite Welshman eating a slice of chocolate cake earlier…. But anyway, I remembered what Gwen had told me after I had become so cross at Ianto, I tried to imagine how Tosh was feeling and be sympathetic towards her. After all, if I had acted further upon her strange behaviour, rather than just lightening her work schedule, then perhaps some of the pain she's gone through might have been prevented, I might have been able to warn her that Mary wasn't to be trusted.

It sucks to fall for the wrong person, I should know because I've been that wrong person so many times. I have never used people in the same way that Mary has, but with every relationship I entered into, I always knew it could never last. I let people fall in love with me despite knowing we had no future, and whilst it was always painful for me too, they never knew that pain was approaching. Everyone who has ever loved me has ended up hurt sooner or later, either emotionally or sometimes even physically, which is why I haven't let anyone get that close to me in a long time. It keeps things simpler, and I feel less guilty about things that way; seeing the way Tosh was so distraught after Mary today reminded me that I'm doing the right thing.

Ianto came and brought me a coffee about an hour back now, he seemed a little shaken by everything, out of concern for Tosh, but also perhaps because it all seemed to bring back memories of what happened with Lisa – after all the situations are parallel. He asked me if I'd had a word with her yet, said that it had made him feel a lot better to talk to me about everything. I told him that yes; I had, and also brought up the pendant and was keen to see that he seemed mortified at the idea of her having worn it around him. Just what had he been thinking? Things about me I hope… I've half a mind to ask Tosh tomorrow…

It's nearly midnight now, and I suddenly realised that I hadn't remembered to send Ianto home yet. I hadn't had any issues with controlling my temptations this evening seeing as I had a lot to mull over, but I still don't like him working such long hours in the tired and drained state that he's in.

I went down to the main floor of the hub, expecting to find him there buried under the large stack of paperwork which had accumulated after today, but was surprised to see him just data this desk next to a neat pile of completed work, staring into his hands. As I got closer, I realised that he was actually staring at his stopwatch that his hands were holding. I couldn't help but laugh at the sight, it was just such an odd thing to be doing – no offense to Ianto of course, and after all I am a lover of odd, but still…

"What on earth are you doing sat down here with that thing?" I asked, through my laughter.

"Nothing, just watching the time pass" He replied

"Fair enough, but I really think we can think of something much more creative to do with such a fine piece of equipment, wouldn't you agree Ianto?" I suggested, wiggling my eyebrows artfully.

I thought he wouldn't respond, judging by the shade of red that his cheeks were now turning. "Like what Sir?" He asked to my amusement.

I gave him the most creative answer that I could think of on the spot, of us wearing much less clothing than we are now and taking part in a very enjoyable, if tiring, kind of race. His blush deepened at that remark, and I can only imagine how he would have reacted if I had listed some of the things have thought about since leaving him this evening.

He didn't seem to be able to reply to my suggestion, so I simply brushed my hand against his perfect, fuchsia tinted cheeks and told him:

"I love it when your cheeks turn this colour"

Before heading back up to my office. He seemed surprised at the gesture, but not uncomfortable, I think he's slowly becoming surer of his feelings, or at least less uncertain… if that makes sense? Hopefully I won't have to wait much longer before we can prove just how many things can be done with a stopwatch.

Oh, and I still haven't got a bloody clue what that 'stapler' does – I'm genuinely contemplating the fact that that is what it might literally be.


	13. Things You Can Do Without a Stop Watch

**A/N: **_Hello everyone! Right so, this ch. has been a little bit of a challenge for me to write, I must admit. As you all know, the end of episode 8 'they keep killing suzie' is where Ianto and Jack's relationship is first properly suggested in the series through the whole stopwatch incident... Writing this through Ianto's eyes was easy, as he is of a much more reserved and delicate nature, Jack however... is ridiculously suggestive and open about everything, so I knew I had to up the ante to give his view point convincingly.I'll just put a **warning** in now that whilst this ch. is most certainly **not M rated** it is a lot more suggestive than normal and is **just a little more 'T' than I would usually write**. There's nothing in here that's graphic, to be honest I haven't gone into a lot of detail regarding... well you know... but I only thought it fair to warn my innocent readers (haha) of Jack's mind. Anyway, I'll shut up now :) Hope you enjoy! Hannah xxx _

* * *

><p>So, I'm sat here in my office counting down the remaining ten minutes that I must wait until I really get to show that gorgeous Welshman just how many things can be done with a stopwatch. My mind should be focused on that, should be picturing the blush that will appear on his cheeks the second I approach him, the characteristically, gentlemanly and polite way he'll approach everything, the very uncharacteristically, animalistic way that I hope things will end… But I'm not. I haven't been able to take my mind of ravishing young Ianto Jones right here in my office for weeks now, months even. But right as it is finally about to happen, I can't draw my mind away from everything that has happened today.<p>

Why had I ever thought it would be a good idea to bring Suzie back? Why could I not get it into my thick skull, that the 'risen mitten' (somehow I still found time to appreciate his sense of humour even amongst total chaos) should not be used. Not ever. That was the rule that I had made. My rule for Christ's sake and I went against it. Yea, we solved the puzzle with retcon victim who had gone on a psychotic, murdering rampage, but big whoop, we'd fallen right into Suzie's trap by doing so.

I'd always known she was clever, that's why I picked her as my second in command after all, but should I have anticipated that she would be so damn clever, or desperate for revenge, as to pull off a stunt like this? Maybe… but thinking about it, none of us knew her as well as we should of done, nobody fully knew what she was capable of, nobody knew how lonely she was that she had needed to confide in someone outside of Torchwood, nobody had known anything about her family.

I looked up her father afterwards whilst everyone else was completing paperwork; I just had to know what he had done to make it so worthwhile for her to come back and murder him. I suppose you could say she had a just cause, if anyone had known of what he did to her... she was just 14… If anyone had known, then that man would have been put away for a very long time. But many, many years in prison, or life even, would have been the punishment he deserved. Having his freedom taken away would have been enough. I sometimes wonder if there is ever a true need for death. The old Jack wouldn't have thought twice about it, I wouldn't have wasted a second in shooting the bastard myself if I had known, but now that I've lived through so much death and destruction in this long life of mine I just can't bear the thought of seeing more of it. Besides, surely keeping one alive and encaged is much worse than releasing into that dark nothingness we call death?

Suzie obviously disagreed, after all she'd been to death and back herself, and clearly didn't want to stay there, that was obvious after what she did to Gwen. Poor Gwen. Always caught right in the centre of the danger, always the victim, yet never wanting anything other than to sacrifice herself in order to save others. I really thought we might lose her today, for that second where Suzie seemed unable to die, I genuinely thought that I'd have to say goodbye to Gwen Cooper. Gwen Cooper, the wonderful woman who beat the powers of retcon, who has given Torchwood so much life in these past few months, who has reminded us all what it is to be human, Ex-PC Cooper who would leave our lives shortly. But then, by some sweet miracle everything was ok. She was shaken and frail but ultimately ok, we were all ok, and Suzie was back in the darkness – where she belonged.

Tonight I realised something; I have been toying with the idea that I was attracted to Gwen Cooper pretty much since she joined, and seeing such passionate and loving sides to her character combined with this attraction was starting to make me feel that I was falling in love with her. But tonight, seeing my reaction to her 'impending death' has convinced me otherwise. As I've said, I would have been devastated if she had died, but love was not the reason why I would have been, at least not sexual love anyway. Because I do love Gwen Cooper, as I love the rest of my team, but I've realised tonight why exactly I feel so drawn towards her, perhaps more so than the others. Because Gwen reminds me so much of Rose… Rose Tyler, who herself was so forgiving and passionate and full of life, who helped remind the doctor of ethics and emotions that he had learned to overlook after so many years. How she reined him in, and taught him to become a better man. I have felt attracted to Gwen as she has helped me reconnect with those memories from almost a century ago now, and helped remind me of the good person the Doctor turned me into, before I entered into this never ending cycle of life.

Well, perhaps I am not more drawn to her than one other member of this team. The one other member of this team who is probably pacing around downstairs in the hub right this second, counting down the minutes as I should be doing right now. The one member of this team who is without a doubt the most beautiful man in Wales, even if he doesn't realise it himself. Ianto Jones. Now in his case, his desirability stems from pure attraction. The attraction that I have felt ever since that moment where we had tossed and turned over each other, avoiding the Pterodactyl which was crashing down around our heads, sharing that moment of tension. How this attraction only grew despite my being convinced he was 'straight', and developed further still as I saw his shyness and embarrassment at my flirtation. Even after Lisa…

I don't know what it was about that man that made me want him so badly, but I knew that I did. I'd been longing for this moment, and after remembering this it was no longer hard to work to focus my thoughts away from today and on to the naked body of Ianto Jones. The figure that I caught a sly peek at that time he took a shower in my en suite. The body that I had seen for far too short a time to actually have been able to take in details of its appearance, but yet had been finding myself recreating the image of it. Yep, not hard to refocus my thoughts at all…

Five minutes thirty left.

It all started as I had gone down to find him in the hub, and after realising he wasn't there asked Tosh if he'd gone home but she just directed me towards the vaults. He was down there doing the job that I should be doing, freezing Suzie's body, locking it away for good and filling away her death certificate. Seeing him having to take on such a responsibility, such a horrible task, just to spare my feelings brought a fresh wave of sadness upon me, sadness that I had once again put my team through so much. I just wanted something to take my mind off it, something to show me that I wasn't the big bad wolf I was building myself up to be in my mind, that somebody here understood and respected me.

And then it was as if he had read my mind, he made the move that I was doubting whether he'd ever take the risk and make, the only move which would have provided me with the comfort I was yearning for.

"If you're interested ... I've still got that stopwatch." He said, for a second I was so lost in thought that I had no idea what he was talking about.

"So?" I replied ignorantly. His confidence seemed to falter slightly at that, but he continued.

"Well, think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch." He suggested.

"Oh, yeah. I can think of a few." I smiled, remembering.

"There's quite a list."

"I'll send the others home early. See you in my office in ten."

"That's ten minutes… and counting" He said, starting the stopwatch.

I left the room to go and send the others home as quickly as possible, whilst he, no doubt, hurriedly completed the remaining admin and went to sit nervously at his desk to wait out the duration.

So that brings us to now, three minutes twenty five left, and I must admit I am getting slightly impatient. I should have suggested five minutes, after all that would have been plenty of time for him to finish up, and the others left quickly seeming only too glad to leave for the night. Damn it, why did I give such a long time frame? Hopefully he'll be early though, he's always early, and there should be no reason for him to fail me now.

With a few minutes left to kill, I decided to get naked and place my coat back on top concealing my body. After all, it would save a bit of time allowing us to get down to what I have been craving much more rapidly and, after all, would allow me to create more of a dramatic impression – oh the showman that I am!

I was right. He arrived with just over a minute to spare. I was deliberately poised; hand on hip, leaning against my desk to add to this sense of performance.

"You're early Ianto Jones" I said in the most seductive voice I could muster, not facing him yet.

"As ever Sir" He replied. I'm not going to lie; the Sir may have sent shivers down my back at that point. Or of course I could have been cold… cold nakedness and beautiful Welsh vowels, shivers were inevitable really.

I turned around to see his cheeks flushed slightly already; he must have noticed my bare ankles beneath the coat. I couldn't help but grin. "Did you remember that stopwatch?" I asked.

"I certainly did Sir" He replied, keeping his cool but I reckon he must have been nervous as hell.

I walked over to him, slowly, so as not to scare him or startle him or whatever, and placed my hands on his shoulder, squeezing gently, trying to get him to relax. I wanted him to enjoy this as much as I was going to. I took his beautiful face in my hands and began to kiss him, softly at first, but more intensely as I felt his response, his tongue eager to explore and mine only too glad to let him. I let myself get a little carried away then, my fingers began reaching out of their own accord, loosening his tie off and making for the buttons on his shirt. I wanted to feel his bar skin against my own. He pulled away quite sharply after that, an alarmed look across his face; I wasn't sure if it was simply because he was nervous, or because he had changed his mind.

"Sir I… umm…" He began, but his tone was enough to convince me it was simply nerves.

I cut him off, pressing my finger against those soft lips. I understood where his nerves were coming from, this was new to him, this was adventurous and thrilling but scary as hell to him, and he needed reassurance from me. Tonight Ianto was, for all intents and purposes (for which there were many!) a virgin. Seeing that look in his face was what made me decide to forget all thoughts of stopwatches and games, tonight he needed to feel loved as much as I did but hadn't wanted to admit.

"Shssh" I said "Don't worry Ianto; I can always rely on you to do a good job"

Then I winked before opening my coat. I heard the young man's sudden intake of breath – was that good, was that bad? I chanced a glance down to his trousers and found my answer, Good, definitely good. As I looked up to meet his eyes, I found that he himself had his gaze aimed lower than usual. I smiled a little to myself as his blush deepened.

I leaned in closer to him again and began unbuttoning his shirt where I had left off, then started work on those pesky trousers, and eventually his boxers… All the while glancing between his body and his eyes, making sure that he was comfortable with everything, at every glance he just nodded slightly in return. After the initial challenge was completed, I had to take a step back to take a look at him properly, and let's just say I was far from disappointed. The glimpse I had from the shower incident pale in comparison to what I was seeing right now. He was slight, but not skinny like Owen, and he was toned but not overly muscly. He had pure, perfect, pale skin that had a fine scattering of dark hair across his chest, which eventually formed a trail leading downwards. I'd joked about his 'substantial package' and 'impressive pole' to wind him up in front of Owen, but really it was no joke at all. Quite frankly the young man standing in front of me was, in his own way, perfect.

Standing there exposed whilst my eyes scrutinised him closely, seemed to be making him feel self-conscious, not that he had any need to be. I still drew him back into a passionate kiss, just to make sure that the message was received loud and clear; that I wanted him.

What followed next, even managed to take me by surprise a little. I had resolved to take things slowly, to make sure that Ianto was comfortable with everything and ensure that we did nothing he would end up regretting. Despite my own selfish longings for something more… ravenous and wild and heated, I was willing to put these aside for him tonight in the hope that I'd get all that at some point later down the line. But Ianto surprised me with his enthusiasm to explore and conquer every new challenge. I had said that I hoped tonight would end in an uncharacteristically animalistic manner of Ianto's, and he really didn't let me down. Furthermore, he had surprised me by being very very good, if a little inexperienced. I should have listened to my own words when I told him that I could always rely on him to do a good job, with 'job' being the operative word if you know what I mean…

Even after the nature of last night, I was still a little worried about how he would react this morning. It had been late when we'd met in my office, and we ended up falling asleep right there on the floor. Well, he fell asleep, I of course didn't. I just watched on as he slept somewhat peacefully with the occasional mumble or snore. I thought about moving him down to my bed, sure that I would be much more comfortable, but I didn't want to wake him. I knew that he had been having trouble sleeping recently, and I didn't want to be the one to disturb his night; so I simply draped my coat over myself and him and continued to watch him sleep.

He stirred at around five, and we just stared at each other for a couple of minutes. "So Ianto was I brilliant, or was I brilliant?" I asked with a devilish gleam in my eyes, trying to lighten up the tension that was threating to form between us, and to find out early if he had any regrets.

He seemed to contemplate things for a moment before answering: "Well… you were… ok". For just a second, I thought shit, what had I done wrong? I was always good. The only reason he could think that was if he was having doubts about the whole thing. Then he burst out into laughter and I realised that things were alright, it was just a joke. I ruffled hi hair in mock anger.

He quickly began gathering back up his clothes that had been scattered across the room after the night before, I wasn't overly happy about that, I reminded him that tonight was supposed to be about us taking our clothes off not putting them back on, I loved how I could still make him blush with something as simple as that after all that had gone on between us. But anyway, he kindly reminded me that "Actually Sir, I think you'll find it's no longer last night, and unfortunately the others will be here very shortly". That boy is too sharp for his own good.

I eventually let him go down stairs to grab his spare suit and change and make himself presentable – though in my opinion, naked with slightly ruffled hair was perfectly presentable… then again, he does look mighty fine in those suits. This was about twenty minutes ago, and now the bittersweet aroma of the finest coffee in Wales enticing me down has got me to put my clothes back on rather rapidly too.


	14. Passing Notes

**A/N: **_Hello lovely readers! Right well, I have warned some of you about this already, but never the less, I am very sorry to announce that I am going to have to cut down on my posting for a while… Unfortunately for most students in Britain, winter brings with it January exams and with January exams comes revision. And, as much as I would rather be writing this than revising for Chemistry or Biology, this is my last year before University and I need to try and manage my revision time responsibly so that I don't fall at the last hurdle so to speak. So basically, I will only be posting one ch. of each of my two stories per week (A Captain and Gentleman on Sundays and Ianto Jones's Diary on Mondays) and if I get any spare time potentially a few bonus chs here and there. I will begin my normally posting pattern IMMEDIATELY after my last exam I promise, after two months of restricting my writing time nothing will be able to hold me back. I hope you don't all lose interest during this time, please don't hate me! Hannah xxx _

* * *

><p>It sounds kind of stupid, but I was actually a little bit surprised at how Ianto just slid back into a normal, work routine in the days following that evening. Despite the fact that things had been fine when we'd woken up the morning after on my office floor, I guess I had sort of been expecting things to get awkward, maybe for him to freak out about what had happened a little, and heck I was even bracing myself for him regretting it all. But he didn't, he just snapped back on his suit and professional persona, and carried on as normal. I suppose I should have expected this of the Welshman, after all, he was always the model of propriety and would have concealed any feelings be them happy or regretful or ashamed.<p>

In a way, this tendency of his is really a bit of a pain in the ass. I liked seeing him all loosened up and open and relaxed the other night, I liked seeing him break away from his stoic protective mask… most of all I enjoyed ruffling up that pristine, perfect appearance! But seriously now, I mean how am I supposed to judge how he's actually feeling if he puts up such a convincing barrier, that you can't even notice that it's in place? I really need to know if he's ok with everything, I mean as Owen and Gwen (and Owen and Suzie and Owen and… a great number of ex Torchwood employees) have proved, office affairs are a bad idea.

Can you call it an affair if it's just a one off? Well first of all I guess I have to work out if it is just going to be a one off… I'm really kind of hoping that there'll be a repeat performance, hopefully several repeat performances and an encore, of the other evening. Maybe even a variation on this classic stage stopper that has a stopwatch take the lead role? After all it would be a shame to waste all those ideas… I'd been thinking about doing all of those things to the young Welshman, that I was finally allowed to do a few days ago, pretty much since he joined and reality had proved to live up to my fantasies. Basically, I want more; but what does he want?

It all feels so unknown and strange, worrying about these sorts of things after living with the occasional never-ever-to-be-repeated one night stand for the past twenty odd years. You knew you were safe with a one night stand, you generally didn't know the other person or at least not very well, both parties knew that it would never happen again, and no one formed any attachments. All of this was precisely the reason I have been avoiding proper relationships, because I can't have one successfully. Because in my mind the whole time will be the knowledge that I'm hurting myself by knowing that one day I'll see this person that I care about die, and because ultimately I'll be hurting them as nobody can ever have a decent future with me. I'm not suggesting that I want a relationship with Ianto Jones, because I don't want one; I can't want one. But I don't want to leave it at just a one off either, somehow that man just gives me so much comfort and so much reassurance and, whether it's selfish or not, I could really use that right now. Not to mention that he is absolutely gorgeous and amazing in bed… that all helps of course.

Is it too selfish though, to ask that of him? To ask him for a casual arrangement of friendship and sex, but no romantic ties? Is that even possible? – Who knows, but it's got to be worth a try hasn't it. From the way he's reacted, throwing himself back into work, behaving as normal, not revealing anything to the team through public displays of affection nor handing in his resignation in regret… maybe he wants something similar… Maybe after Lisa that's what he needs too. It might be quite fun having a secret, sexual affair going on behind everyone else's backs, perhaps we could even have code words and pseudonyms, or is that going too far?

But first, to test my judgement and see if seconds really what my Mr Jones is after is, I just went and found him at his desk, gave his shoulder a squeeze and ever so nonchalantly slipped a note on his desk which read:

"Sorry I haven't been around much in the last couple of days, been held up with liaisons between Torchwood and UNIT regarding this bloody Judoon incident, they were being as stubborn as ever. Hope you didn't think I was giving you the cold shoulder. I'm sending the others home in about fifteen minutes, and afterwards would like nothing more than to find a Welshman and a stopwatch (I promise we'll use it today!) waiting for me in my office. By the way I really love the suit you have on today, but if we could lose that ASAP, then that would be great."

I don't think I've passed on a 'love' (not that this was really a love note… more rather a love making note) since the early 1930s… It was exciting!

I would have asked him sooner – well maybe not asked I mean you can't really just go up to someone and say 'hey Ianto, I don't know what the other night was but it was bloody awesome and I can't wait for round 2 – no string attached though yeah?'. Well I suppose I could just about get away with saying that; but maybe some 21st Century customs of etiquette have rubbed off on me after all, brilliant. Anyway, I would have got all of this cleared up earlier had we not been so damn busy over the last few days.

It's actually ridiculous how hectic things have been, and it wasn't even down to the rift as it usually is, just a random collation of unrelated events that all happened out of nowhere. First off, our stalker Eugene Jones was killed. Hit and run. I can't lie and say that he wasn't a nuisance to us whilst he was alive, because he was, he followed us around everywhere. But we were all sad to see him go. It'll be strange not having him out an about, always in our background. He was a decent guy, a very decent guy, proven by the fact that he held on in the after-life after swallowing that Dogon Sixth Eye to save Gwen's life, so that she didn't leave this world in the same way that he had. He didn't deserve to die like that, he deserved to have a long fulfilled life, but then again so have a shocking amount of people that passed on before their time. At least he has given a lasting impression of himself, he turned up at his own funeral and managed to save a life in the process – not many people can have that said about them.

So Gwen, primarily, was busy dealing with this whilst I was trying to sort out this nightmare with UNIT and the Judoon. Basically the Judoon, a sort of intergalactic police force who mean well but often act a bit too extremely for Earth's taste, transported the Royal Hope Hospital onto the moon a few days ago. After they returned it UNIT have been trying to reason with the Chief Constable equivalent of this rhinoceros race, and get them to agree to leave Earth alone in future. Of course, they weren't having this at all and kept spouting out about how it was there duty to make sure all planets were following intergalactic protocol. UNIT then didn't help situations when Brigadier Masterson (god I hate that man) admitted that none of them really knew what the intergalactic protocol was. Unfortunately I am unlucky enough to be about the only person on Earth who actually does know the bloody protocol and so I had to go down to the UNIT base to meet with the Judoon and speak on behalf of the entire human race, reassuring them that we would promise to stick rigidly to the rules (which of course we were already doing because even after everything that's happened the majority of humans would still deny that aliens even exist) as long as they promised not to invade our planet or steal away any of its inhabitants again without first approaching UNIT.

Tosh and Owen were caught up doing bits and bobs in between the two of these main challenges, along with finishing up on some of their paperwork which had become backlogged.

I suppose to an extent I also made the chances smaller, of me seeing Ianto long enough to speak to him properly in the past few days, as I kept sending him out on small fieldwork (ish) tasks. I'm desperate to help him back into it all as I know he would be so good at it, with such a sharp mind and good combat skills, and I hope that he would grow to enjoy it to. After all that's happened to him though, I thought it best to try and reintroduce him slowly. So I sent him off with Gwen and Owen to question Eugene's Mother and generally investigate a little into his private life – for someone we saw so often, we knew barely anything about him.

I'd been planning to go with them along with Tosh, it was not a major task, but I wanted to make sure that Ianto was alright and that nothing inadvertently brought up memories of cannibals… About the only contact I've had with him over the past few days was about then, when he had made a remark about it how it would be a tight squeeze if all five of us had gone in the SUV together, and I'd suggested back playful that he might like to sit on my lap. I had been rather looking forward to that as well… but of course UNIT picked that moment to have an intergalactic crisis that needed settling by yours truly. Tosh ended up not going with them in the end either, she stayed back at the hub to analyse the data from the impact of the car crash to see if it held any clues.

So, all in all, a busy, Ianto-lacking 72 hours!

I just chanced a glance down at Ianto, staring out from the window in the conference room. He looked like he'd read my letter, so I gave him a wink and a grin in response, and waited to see how he reacted. He blushed beautifully, and quickly busied himself with his paperwork again, trying to regain composure and looking rather adorable in the process. I took that classic Ianto response to mean that things were ok, things were more than ok – things were awesome. And things were about to get a whole lot more awesome, and my Welshman was about to go from adorable to downright sexy, in approximately 15 minutes time. I can't say for sure exactly how long I have left, seeing as the stopwatch is currently in the possession of said Welshman who should be making his way to my office, with said stopwatch, very shortly.


	15. Fifties Friends

Uh oh, I think Ianto might be a little bit cross with me… I may have gotten a just a tiny little bit carried away the other evening, acted just a little too vigorously and excitedly when fooling around with his stopwatch. I didn't mean to break it. It just sort of happened; one moment we were lost in the heat of passion, in the middle of a very intense race (I guess you could call it a race) and the next I had accidentally flung the stopwatch out of my hands sending it crashing into the back wall of my office. It landed with an almighty thud against the floor, and I swear you could actually hear the springs flying out from it. I apologised over and over but Ianto kept insisting that it didn't matter. It did matter though, his stopwatch was important to him, and I don't know who had given it to him or why, but it was clearly old – maybe even an antique – so could have been valuable in more ways than one. I'll have to replace it, I'll just feel guilty anytime we need something timing and everyone looks to him expectantly only to be disappointed. Perhaps as a Christmas present? It would definitely be better than that stun gun I was thinking of getting him. Or would that be weird, buying someone who you weren't in a relationship with an antique gift? I've got to think about what to buy the others as well… oh god I'm so disorganised!

And speaking of Christmas, I noticed that Tosh had already begun putting up the decorations yesterday, including plenty of mistletoe I see; perhaps she fancies her luck with young Owen – rather her than me! It's still a little early in my opinion for decorations, but Tosh just loves Christmas. I envy her for that if I'm honest, I used to love Christmas, it was a time of love and families and celebration. But how am I supposed to love a holiday which now only reminds me that I am destined to be alone forever, because of what I am now? I can't even get drunk at the Christmas party like a normal human being, and that's one of the best parts, I have so many memories of drunken antics from Christmas parties all of the galaxy from back when I was a time agent. Maybe this year, I will just have to make sure that we all have an absolute blast at the Torchwood staff 'do', create some new memories, and make very good use of all that mistletoe Tosh is covering the place in.

I called Ianto up to my office early this morning. I eventually decided that, although I wasn't sure about the stopwatch idea yet, a stun gun probably wasn't a very suitable Christmas present for Ianto seeing as he isn't too hot on violence unless it's absolutely necessary. I thought that I could just give it to him now instead, and that we could take it out later on rift watch if he was happy to join me for some alone time tonight.

He entered looking quite apprehensive, which might have something to do with the way I asked him to come up to my office for a 'private chat'. I just can't help the way things come out sometimes… Anyway, I slid the stun gun across the desk and said:

"It's yours. Call it an early Christmas present". I said.

His brow crinkled for just a second, showing his bemusement. Even when the only emotion he's showing is confusion, I still enjoy the rare moments where his perfect mask cracks just a little whilst at work "And what would this be for Sir?"

"It's for tonight, you and I are on rift watch" I answered grinning "I thought it was high time that I gave you some one on one mentoring" I finished, deliberately trying to create sense of wicked charm with the way I said that line, hoping to get his mind racing back to last night. Mine certainly was, despite his inexperience he seemed to need very little mentoring in that area. To be honest I doubt whether he needs much mentoring in the fieldwork either, but I want to help him build up his confidence, and besides it'll be fun.

He picked up the stun gun and mumbled a "Thank you Sir", the ghost of a blush spreading across his cheeks as he left the room, trying to remain composed.

I still can't stop thinking about how funny it is, that a man like that, who can be so… wild by night, is so timid and shy by day. I like that he has two sides to his character, and I especially like the fact that I am the only one who gets to see that other, more care free, passionate side of him. It's also convenient because it means that none of the others will ever twig that something has gone on between the two of us, because Ianto's body language will never give anything away. I mean, it wouldn't be the end of the world if they found out that we'd slept together, it might seem a little unprofessional to them I guess but it's not like we're dating. It's also become such a routine of his to stay on at work til much after everyone else, that no one will think anything of it when he stays behind this evening for rift watching and some 'wham bam and thank you Ianto' if I'm lucky. I like having this little secret; it just makes everything so much more… thrilling.

Of course, if the rift monitor has got the prediction right for this morning, then I may have to take a rain check as we would be up to our necks in retconning, stun gunning, paper-working and goodness-knows-what-else-ing. The peak area on the graph produced by the monitor is larger than we've ever seen before, who knows what rift activity of that magnitude could bring with it?

Tosh's rift prediction programme never fails us; we have had a very hectic morning indeed. 3 lost travellers fell straight through the rift from the 1950s. I couldn't help but see the parallel to the circumstances that I found myself in almost 100 years back now, so I empathised with them. It's terrible to feel out of place with society, to have had your reality removed and replaced by another foreign one.

For now, we've helped them to settle in to one of Torchwood's safe houses until we can find more permanent accommodation. Between the five of us, we're going to try and help settle them in to the 21st Century and establish new lives – starting with new identities. I've asked Ianto to make up the necessary documentation wit new identities for all three of them; it's probably the best way to do things, to start completely from fresh.

Ianto went out shopping with them earlier, as a first attempt to introduce them to modern culture. From what he's told me it sounded like quite a funny trip, trust Ianto to get upset about the fact that they found bananas more interesting than his explanation of automatic doors. Bless him. I remember the 50s well, and bananas really were a rarity! After that John went off to explore the millennium stadium, whilst Owen and Diane went to go and see her plane. Knowing Owen, it wasn't simply a gesture of kindness, offering to take her to see her plane… but Diane looks like a girl who knows what's what, so I'm not too worried about the two of them, I'm more concerned for how Tosh might be feeling about it all.

It turned out I was wrong in the end, new identities were positively the worst idea I've ever had – I had to sweet talk Ianto into making up new sets of documents. To make it up to him I made sure that we still kept our arrangement for this evening, despite being overloaded with work and responsibility.

"Get your coat, you've pulled" I said to him, flashing a grin.

He quickly grabbed his own coat and mine, and we headed off to the docks as Tosh's programme had indicated that rift activity was probably going to happen there tonight. Rather cheekily, I kept one hand on the steering wheel and the other caressing his thigh on the drive over, I just couldn't sit back and ignore the gorgeous Welshman on my left.

The rift was activated almost as soon as we got there. At first I thought that it was just an ordinary common or garden Ood that had crossed over the rift to Earth, but quickly after it emerged I notice the red, possessed eyes. Great. I just hoped that this time it wouldn't try and kill me, or worse kill Ianto – after all, for me it would just be an uncomfortable process which could be reversed in a couple of minutes, for him… I didn't want to think about that, so I yelled at him to keep back.

Of course he didn't keep back, selfless as ever, Ianto swooped in to save the day – well save me. He saw the creature lunge forwards towards me, so he grabbed his stun gun and made impact, knocking it out cold. I should really try and get around to telling everyone that I can't die, and then maybe people would stop risking their lives for me!

"Ianto, I told you to keep back!" I shouted, probably sounding a little more aggressive than I actually felt.

"I know, but it was about to attack you Sir, what was I supposed to do?" He apologised.

I felt a little guilty for snapping at him, so I offered him a smile as I spoke. "It still amazes me how selfless you are. I was trying to keep you out of the way I didn't want you to get hurt, after what happened at the Brecon Beacons... I feel very protective of you Ianto." Squeezed his hand as I replied which was an unusual gesture, for me at least, but it seemed like such a natural response to give. And my words surprised me too, I mean I feel very protective of my entire team, but I wouldn't care to admit it to them. I'm a little worried that I'm becoming too close to him, worried that the boundary is blurring between casual and… I mean, it's silly really, we've only actually slept together twice, but there's always been a certain affinity between us.

"I'll be fine Sir I can take care of myself, after all I have had the master class from Tosh and Gwen" He answered back, I couldn't help laughing as I pictured again, Gwen and Tosh tickling Ianto 'to death'.

"As I recall, that ended up with the two of them on top of you attempting to tickle you to death, and you're trying to tell me that you can handle an Ood attack?" I said, teasing.

"Absolutely" He replied, confidently.

"Hmm no, not sure I believe you, you'll have to prove it" I said, darting forward to attack him with tickles, putting that previous though out of my head for now, and replacing it with one of exactly how Mr Jones and I would be spending the rest of the evening.

I have been shot, I have drowned, I have been strangle, stabbed, and burned, I have been thrown from high places, I have been run over, I have been beaten to death. I have been killed in any and every way you can imagine, but today was the first time that I died alongside someone else, alongside someone who was committing suicide.

I tried desperately to do what I could to stop him, but I couldn't change his mind. He was determined to finish it all somehow, if I was able to stop him there in the car, if I had tried to watch him night and day to prevent him from ending it, he would have lived the rest of his life waiting for me to slip up so that he could finish the job. John was an extremely unhappy man without purpose. He was out of his time, most of his family was dead, and his only son was older than he himself, and living in a care home. All of the values and customs that he had been brought up with had died out and been replaced by more modern ways. He didn't feel that he belonged here.

I can see where he was coming from, his situation wasn't unlike my own and to be honest if I could have killed myself back when I was first dumped on Earth in the late 1800s then maybe I would have done. But after all this time that's gone by, I'm glad that I didn't kills myself, glad that I have experienced so many wonderful things here on Earth. Sure there have been times when things have really sucked, times when I felt so depressed that I yearned for the ability to die, but on balance I've had a good time here. And I was sure that John could learn to see things from this perspective eventually, if he would have only let me help him. But, once again, what I did wasn't good enough.

Oh that young Welshman has the most impeccable sense of timing; he walked into my office, shortly after I was thinking that, with a glass of scotch in his hand that he clearly wasn't intending to drink.

"Do you want to talk about anything Sir?"


	16. Mistletoe Kisses

Oh Jesus it's the 23rd and I still haven't been Christmas shopping yet! Every year I leave it until the last minute, and every year I swear to myself to be more organised, I never learn; I guess you just can't teach an old dog new tricks, and I'm as old as they get. I guess I should just give up, and face up to the fact that I am not and never will be the organised type. I just get so pre-occupied with Torchwood stuff that I tend to forget what time of year it is, time passes differently here and you lose pace with the 'real' world. Even with Tosh's decorations up, it hasn't felt like Christmas yet, it's like winter has just snuck up on us without warning. I'd also completely forgotten about the Christmas party tomorrow until Gwen mentioned it yesterday afternoon; I'm actually really excited about it now. Ianto's making a cake for us on my request after all if the 'I'm sorry, please forgive me' breakfast after the Lisa incident was anything to go by, then that boy sure can cook. And I've gathered together a selection of cheesy music, both Christmassy and non-Christmassy. I love parties, but I love Christmas parties in particular, because mistletoe means you can kiss whoever you like whenever you like, and naturally I would always take advantage of something like that.

Uuurgh, it's getting late… I really don't see any point in heading out now, the shops will be shutting in less than an half an hour or so. But then again, I won't really get a lot of time tomorrow either. I did tell everyone that I'd better not see them this side of 7.00 pm, that it was Christmas eve and they had they day off, that no one should be in before the party starts…but knowing Ianto like I do, he'll still turn up way earlier - I'm putting my money on him being here by 11.30. I suppose that hypothetically gives me about 2 and a bit hours, which would be just long enough I guess. Or…I could hand make cards and see if there was anything really cool in the hub that needed a new home. I could take a photo of myself wearing only a Santa's hat and stick it in a card for Ianto, and Owen has had his eye on that laser scalpel for a good while. I suppose that's not very generous of me though, after all I am the boss and her Majesty does pay us all very well. Yes, I think I'll make the effort and head out shopping early tomorrow morning; they're all worth it, they work bloody hard after all.

Tosh shouldn't be too difficult to buy for; Gwen will be easy too; if I can't find something right for Owen then alcohol will never go amiss… it's really just my young Welshman. What on earth do I get for him? It sounds stupid, but no matter how close we have become, I still know hardly anything about him; I might be there to comfort him and to hunt Weevils with him but I have no clue what he likes. Damn! I need to get him something good as well, he deserves it, but, would it look a bit odd if I gave him something extravagant though? Perhaps I could give it to him separately, as a sort of two-part Christmas present? And I'm still liking my idea for a Christmas card, I bet it would make him blush beautifully as hell; maybe I could make that card after all and give him it along with this present part two?

Speaking of Mr Ianto Jones, he really is the organised type, I bet he's not facing this mad rush to get gifts, I bet he bought his back in November or something ridiculous. He's probably had them wrapped and ready to go for weeks now, each one packaged perfectly and labelled with a little gift tag. It's a shame really that he's spending Christmas day with his sister. Well, it's nice for him of course, and I'm glad that he's still keeping in touch with his family and everything outside of Torchwood… but I wish I wasn't spending Christmas day alone, I've spent far too many Christmases by myself and it's not something you ever get used to.

1941, was the last time I shared Christmas day; It was with Estelle and her mother and some of her other relations. The build up to Christmas hadn't been a particularly happy one in her household; her Father had recently perished out in the trenches and her brother was being held captive in a Prisoner of War camp. But on that day we all shunned those issues to the back of our minds, and pretended that things were normal, that everything was alright, just for that one day. It was, all in all, one of the best Christmases I have ever had. The younger relatives woke us all up at a crazily early hour, ready and waiting to open their presents – nobody cared much that there wasn't much to go around because of the war and all. We kept things traditional, Estelle and her mother cooked the lunch whilst us men entertained the children of the family and proceeded to get rather tipsy. Well they got tipsy; I was immortal at this point and so pretended. We said grace, ate a delicious meal and then watched then listened to the King's speech on the radio. It was perfect.

Ever since then, it's just been me the Weevil's and the hub, and I guess that's how it'll be again this year.

Right, all Christmas presents are bought and wrapped and labelled (Ianto Jones, eat your heart out) and it's only 10.30, so that gives me time to change before said Welshman no doubt arrives in an hour or so. In the end I went with a teach yourself Spanish book and CD set for Tosh, who has been on about learning for ages, the first season of House on DVD for Gwen as I know she's a massive fan and Owen a bottle of red wine and a naughty (if you know what I mean…) join the dot book. I got a stuffed pterodactyl from the National Museum gift shop and a bar of dark organic chocolate as a little jokey 'part-one' present for Ianto, but I wandered around for ages at a loss as to what to get him for the main part. But then, inspiration struck me as I was outside this quirky little antique shop that seemed to specialise in time pieces. I suddenly remembered that I'd broken Ianto' beloved stopwatch only a few days ago, and had at the time thought of replacing it at Christmas. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten about it so quickly! I went inside and found an almost perfect replication of the original; hopefully this one would be a little more… resilient?

It's a good job that I had managed to get ready quickly for once, as Ianto was even earlier than I had expected him to be! Luckily I'd managed to change into new pants and a new shirt, and sort out my hair in only twenty minutes, otherwise he would have walked in to find me with my trousers round my ankles or something… though I'm sure he would have coped, had that happened. Although I had no idea he was going to arrive that early, I had anticipated that he would be more than punctual, so I sat and waited for him at his desk.

"I knew you would crack! Although I had thought you might hold out until a bit later, clearly there was something enticing you in" I said laughing as he entered the hub. "And you even wore a suit!" I was delighted to see that he'd worn one, I bet he'd look hot in just about anything, but there's just something about Ianto Jones in a suit.

"Well Sir, of course I'm wearing a suit, I know how much you like it when I do – so why wouldn't I wear one? And yes there was something enticing me in, a nice stack of paperwork" He replied.

I shot him back a mock look of hurt a made my best and largest puppy dog eyes at him, prompting him to laugh.

"Ok so I suppose that the prospect of seeing you here Sir, may have contributed to why I couldn't stay at home all day" He admitted, only semi-sarcastically.

"Ah I knew it, It's the jaw line: once seen, always yearned for" I replied back; that's one of my favourite lines. Well, one of my favourite facts really seeing as it's always true!

He got stuck in with his paperwork almost straight away which didn't surprise me in the slightest; I myself am refusing to do work today purely on principle, and so focused my effort on watching him work whilst trying to sneak a look at the cake he had brought in with him – for which I was unsuccessful. I think I might have seen him eyeing up the mistletoe, wonder if her has the same idea in mind as I?

As the time went by, I started to get a bit worried that this evening might not be as fun, or run as smoothly as I wanted it to. Everyone was still pretty shaken up about our visitors from the fifties and their departures, none more so than Owen, he and Diane really had had something special it seems. But everyone was fine, or acted like they were fine at least. It reminded me a great deal of the atmosphere back in 1941, where everyone wanted this one normal day where they could be happy and temporarily push the worries aside.

After everyone had assembled (Gwen and Owen were 'fashionably' late of course), it was time for Ianto to unveil his cake, and my god, what a cake. I think I ended up eating most of it, it was that good. And it didn't just taste amazing, it looked bloody marvellous too! It was a traditional rich fruit cake, with just the right amount of marzipan and royal icing on top and a red tartan ribbon around its middle. But he'd decorated it fabulously, with a Weevil Santa Claus, and Ood elves. What a genius that boy is, I couldn't help laughing when I saw it.

We did presents next and I was chuffed to bits with all of the gifts I got, they had all put so much effort in to choosing things that they knew I'd love and it made me glad that I hadn't just found things in the hub to wrap up for them. Owen had bought me a very nice looking bottle of scotch, Toshiko had bought me a Captain America graphic novel and Gwen had knitted me a jumper much to my surprise – I had no idea that she could knit, or knit well for that matter. Ianto gave me an intriguing look when he handed me his gift, a look which almost said 'this isn't it, there's more to come', well whether or not that's what the look meant I was really pleased with the gifts he has already given me. I opened up his neatly wrapped parcel to find some pterodactyl printed socks and some vintage 1940s playing cards. I guess we'd both been thinking of the same memory when buying each other's gifts, but the playing cards were an unexpected surprise; I don't remember ever having told him I like cards before, or any of the others for that matter. I've promised them all that I'm going to teach them how to play 51st century poker, now that should be entertaining. Ianto like his present too, I knew he would. I'd put 'part one' on the gift tag and hoped he'd get that I had something else in store for him as well.

It was most hilarious watching the others becoming less and less sober after more and more mulled wine, the highlight was definitely when they began belting out the Christmas carols, though I am not sure that Owen Harper should be allowed to sing in public again… Oh and my mistletoe mission worked out just swell, I obtained kisses from everyone, even Owen, but I saved the longest and the best one for a certain Welshman; I hoped he noticed.

Before I knew it the night was drawing to a close, it was gone half 1 and everyone was getting ready to return home after a joyous evening. We'd finished off the night by watching the DVD that Ianto had got for Tosh, the Rocky Horror Picture Show; I was quite surprised that he liked something like that. I mean don't get me wrong, I love that film it's insane and amazing and sexual and horrific and terrific, but I never would have guessed that it'd be Ianto' cup of coffee. Perhaps he has a transvestite fetish, I shall have to ask!

I was genuinely surprised when I came out of my office after making my goodbyes, to find Ianto clearing up the mess left over from the party – didn't he have a home to go to?

"Don't you need to be up early for your sister's tomorrow? Her children are bound to be up early to open their presents, and you don't want to miss out on the best bit!" I said, and began to help him clear away the abandoned cups and plates.

"Ah well, Sir, there's no need for you to help, I'm not going to Rhiannon's for Christmas anymore, she's spending it with her in laws instead" He replied, seeming a little disappointed, but I couldn't help but feel pleased – perhaps I wouldn't need to spend Christmas alone this year after all?

"I see" I mused, grinning. "So, I never had any plans for tomorrow, and now you have no plans… are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I suggested, feeling for just one second a little bit of doubt, as I waited to see if he would accept. He grinned back, so I took this as my signal to start breathing again; I honestly don't know what it is about that man that can get me so…ruffled up at times.

"I think I might be Sir" He replied.

"But for now" I said, pulling out my new deck of cards from my pocket. It was time for a little one on one 51st Century poker.

I woke him up bright and early at 6.30 – it just had to be done! At first I tried tapping him on the shoulder, but it wasn't working, so I began jumping on the bed instead, begging him loudly to hurry up and get up so that he could open my present! As predicted, my alternative Christmas card made his cheeks turn a delightful shade of pink, I'd clearly hit the nail on the head with that part of the present, now there was only the stopwatch left to go and I was sure he would love that too!

"So, do you like it?" I said with an expectant grin, as he unwrapped it.

"It's perfect, thank you Sir"

"You're most welcome Ianto Jones, now hurry up and give me mine!" I replied, miming begging actions towards the end.

"I'm sorry; I didn't get you a card…" He said as he went to get my present out of his suit jacket pocket.

"Don't worry we can sort that out later" I said and winked, already picturing my Christmas card there and then.

Opening a small black box, I was delighted to find some cufflinks, in the shape of stun guns no less, they were perfect too. The rest of the day went by in a strangely traditional manner; I'd snuck out in the middle of the night and rather cheekily used my vortex manipulator to go back in time to when the shops were open and purchase the things we needed for a proper Christmas lunch. I shouldn't really use the manipulator, it's highly inaccurate and liable to break at any moment leaving me stuck stranded god knows where, but I figured if I got stuck I could just wait out the day avoiding crossing my own timeline and it's be fine. Of course, Ianto was the one that made the lunch, I didn't really fancy food poisoning and I'm sure he didn't either; after lunch we sat and watched the Queen's speech together.

It was about then that I made a stupid mistake; I made a comment about this being the first time I had had a proper Christmas since 1941. I keep forgetting that nobody knows about my immortality. He didn't question it though so he can't have heard me, or thought I was joking or whatever.

I had thought we might get the day in peace, but no, the rift alert sounded at about 4 o'clock this afternoon. Luckily it was just a Weevil, and we were able to catch her easily and without incurring any need for a clear up. At least Ianto seemed to enjoy it even though it did disrupt our day a little; I tried suggesting again that he might like to consider doing a bit more field work and a little less paperwork…

"Speaking of paperwork, if you dare turn up for work on Boxing Day then I promise I'll think of some completely cunning and twisted way to punish you for it." I smiled a devilish grin, one that gave him no question as to what exactly I had meant by it and one that meant I doubt I would be seeing him again until that 27th!


	17. How to Seperate Business From Pleasure?

**A/N: **_Hello everyone! You'll be pleased to hear (I hope!) that next week I break up for Christmas and so will hopefully be able to post a bit more regularly. Oh and on an opposite note to this… for anyone reading my other fic, I may be a little late getting it published this week. I will try and aim for tomorrow, but I have a special University visit day/interview on Tuesday and I need to stay with my Grandparent's overnight on Monday, and they don't have wireless… but I will try to find a way! Hope you like this chapter, even though it's quite an arduous one in parts. Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>I reluctantly began drawing myself up and out from the depths of my bed at 4.00 am this morning, I got about thirty minutes sleep last night which ridiculously is actually a good day for me. Not wanting to open my eyes to leave the comforting warmth of the land of dreams and face the realities of the real world, I slowly turned over and stretched out in the large empty bed.<p>

Two things sprung to mind at that moment; 1) I slept a more when I shared a bed, and 2) I much preferred waking up next to another, warm body. But more than that, I liked waking up with Ianto, together in my bed, as we had done on Christmas day. I liked having the gorgeous young Welshman near me, I felt at ease when he was around, I had become somewhat dependent upon him, he made me smile and laugh and I loved the way I could make him blush and smile in turn… I missed him when I wasn't with him. It was this that finally made my eyes snap open.

What was I playing at, what's happened to me – to us? I've got no idea what this is anymore. When things started off, it was all so easy; he was hot and Welsh and brilliant and I was attracted to him from the word go, it would be a lie to say that I hadn't thought about sleeping with him on more than one occasion. So when he kissed me that evening after… the cannibals I didn't hesitate in encouraging things further because we were both looking for some strange sort of mutual comfort. He was distraught and confused after Lisa and everything that had happened to him and I was as lonely as I ever am, and somehow incredible sex made everything feel better. And it was fine because it was casual, neither of us wanted a relationship and what we were doing didn't interfere with work.

But now everything has got screwed up somewhere in the middle, things are happening that shouldn't be, I mean I never thought I would end up… I never thought we would…Shit. What even is happening? We've become closer and closer and now the boundary between 'friends with benefits' and … something more…. is blurring dangerously. Things has been fine just the way they were pretty much up until Christmas, what had I been playing at? Worrying about what sort of gift to get him, letting him spend the night in my bed, being pleased to wake up (well get up- that Christmas feeling had made me too excited to sleep) to him the next day, arranging to have a proper Christmas lunch and spending the day acting as if we were…It had been stupid, indulgent and unwise - the mulled wine from the party the night before must really have gone to my head – but I can't deny that deep down it wasn't everything that I had wanted. And that's where the trouble lies. It was everything that I shouldn't want, that I can't want. Because of what I am I can't ever want to have any of that.

And what about Ianto, what does he want? How does he feel? Where does he see us? I can very rarely interpret that man and I wouldn't dare to try to do so for something like this, but there really is something about the way he looks at me or responds to me… just a little something that occasionally slips through his perfect front that says 'this isn't just sex, I care about you Sir'. I can even hear him saying it now.

People have told me before that I have a tendency to make people fall in love with me without hardly trying, I blame the pheromones, and whilst I'm fairly sure he isn't in love with me, I'm worried that he is falling. But of course, he doesn't know that I'm immortal, doesn't know that this can't ever be anything more than what it is no matter how much either of us wanted it to be (which I don't want, because I can't), he doesn't know that I would never be able to love him back.

These are some of many reasons why I should just end it with Ianto. But we all know that I won't, because however difficult it is to pretend that this is merely casual (which is exactly what it should be), however hard it is to pretend that I am not hurting myself or him through doing this, I know that I'll do it, because I am a selfish, masochistic wanker, as Owen would probably put it.

It was because of this that I was somewhat distracted throughout today, that I wasn't totally on the ball when trying to catch an Ood, and probably the reason that Brigadier Masterson was ever so short with me on the telephone and ultimately it was the reason that I was kind of avoiding Ianto. Although to be honest that could have been put down to a large amount of rift activity and a long phone call with UNIT, but even if those things hadn't of occurred I still would have kept my distance – try to at least completely separate business from pleasure, even if I couldn't separate pleasure from feelings.

It was incredibly tempting, however, to cave in and ask Ianto to come Weevil hunting with me this evening; we used to have such fun going out together even before anything had happened between us, but I didn't want to risk anymore ambiguity between us. So I tracked Gwen down instead, even though I knew it probably wasn't fair to drag her away from her date with Rhys. I remember thinking at one point about what it might have been like to have had some form of affair with Gwen cooper, I wonder if I had gone after her instead of Ianto then I wouldn't be feeling things I have forbidden myself from feeling or whether I would inevitably have found myself in that position no matter who I had chosen. Despite everything, I am just a bit glad I picked him, it wouldn't have been right with Gwen, we're just too different, and she has Rhys…

Then after working solidly for I've-lost-count-how-many hours ever since I called everyone in early to try and sort out this Weevil kidnapping and how it linked in with the strange, suspiciously Weevil like series of casualties at the hospital, I eventually gave in. I asked him to visit the hospital with me o question one of the latest victims. We'd been slogging away for so long by that point and I really needed to be with someone who could help lighten the mood.

...It's not as if I hadn't already broken my 'separation of business and pleasure' rule through the flirtation I just couldn't help engaging in, which really wasn't my fault anyway – if Dr Harper is going to suggest that he would look better in a suit than Ianto then his opinion needed correcting!

Never mind correcting him, I should have been bloody helping him! Whilst I've been off day dreaming about the wreck which is my sanity, the travesty which is my causal relationship with Ianto, and generally wallowing in self-pity, I didn't notice Owen. There's been yet another time when I have been too preoccupied and self-absorbed to notice that one of my team are going through tough times, that Owen Diane's death had really taken more of a toll on him than he wanted to admit, that he wasn't just being snappier and grouchier than normal but that he was near suicide for Christ's sake. Seeing him standing there in that cage, ready and willing to submit himself to the hands of that Weevil…I don't know what would have happened if we hadn't got there in time, would he have stood by and let that Weevil tear him to shreds? Would he have chickened out? I used to think that I knew Owen well enough to judge his character, but now I'm not so sure.

It was gut wrenching enough, coming to terms with what people were doing to the Weevils, and too themselves, but realising that Owen wanted to have a part in it, just to feel something? It makes me feel terrible for being so self-absorbed, which in turn is selfish in itself, thinking about how it makes me feel rather than how he's holding up. In some ways it's easy enough for me to understand how he's feeling; I've been in that position so many times myself when you just feel hopeless and everything around you seems to have crumbled into a thousand pieces, but I've always know that I do something stupid I will come back –whether I want that at the time or not. But what I can't understand, is that he knew he wouldn't bounce back, he knew that if he had stayed in there then that would have been it for Owen Harper. After everything that he went through and survived with the death of Katie, after everything he has seen and experienced here at Torchwood… was he really willing to throw this away? I'm going to need to talk to him properly in later.

For now, I went to find Ianto, needing him to make everything seem better (even if just for a short while) for the second time today. I shouldn't keep doing this, it isn't fair on me and most importantly it isn't fair on him. But it felt so good to sit and talk with him for hours about nothing related to Owen, about nothing to do with anything really, to spend the night together without anything physical happening. And it felt so nice waking up after almost two hours sleep, curled up to him on the couch. I just can't help myself, and I know it's wrong… I really must find the will power to sort all of this mess out – but first; Owen.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Right, I am so sorry everyone for what ever happened to ch 17 last night.. It's like that bit in Charlie and the Chocolate factory where he transports the chocolate bar as particles to the TV - except my story didn't come out again at the end! It was particularly irritating as I took time out of writing my English coursework to do it! Anyway, it's here now which is something at least! Hannah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Lots of kisses to make up fo it!)_


	18. Captain Jack Harkness

**A/N: **_Hello all! I may MAY publish on Christmas day... (if not it'll only be postponed til boxing day so don't panic!) but if not I wish you all a very merry christmas! I had great fun writing this one! Hope you enjoy it too! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>I fled the hub in a slightly impulsive and confused state of mind last night, I needed to clear my head before going to face Owen at the hospital, and as awful as it sound I needed to get away from my favourite Welshman (who was working late as per usual) in order to do so – I just can't think straight when I'm around him anymore. Trying to concentrate on anything these days is becoming impossible if he's around, all it takes is for me to glance over once and see his bluer than blue eyes, or a light flush across his perfect cheekbones or catch him with slightly ruffled hair… and my thoughts wander over to that corner of my mind which I have promised not to touch, the one that recognises that I'm struggling to determine if this is simply lust or…<p>

Anyway, I had to get out of there. Not feeling like this was a time for a bit of roof-top therapy, I ran down towards the bay, wanting to feel the cold, sharp feeling of wind by the waterside and taste the salty air on my lips. For some reason that taste always reminds me of home; it's been so many years (far too many for me to count) since I was last in Boeshane Peninsula that I can no longer remember if that's what the air used to taste like or not, but that doesn't matter too much.

What does matter is all of the painful memories that thinking about home brought never fails to bring back, memories of ... of my Mother and Father… and Gray… and all of the other loved ones I have lost over the years. Each time I come down to the bay at such a God forsaken hour as this, I re-affirm the promise I made to myself a while ago – that I would do my best to make sure that I never lost anyone again. No matter how futile a vow that is to make, it's one that I've stuck to; I always try to save them. Which is exactly why I couldn't let Owen go through with it, couldn't lie back and let that Weevil tear him to shreds no matter how much he probably hates me for saving his ass.

I didn't return back to the hub until sunrise, thankfully Ianto must have been buried away down in the archives or something as he wasn't in sight as I entered the main floor on the lift, after having braved a visit to the hospital.

Ianto had warned that I go easy on him, that a remembered how gentle I was when Tosh and he had messed up and try to show Owen some of that same compassion. But it was harder with Owen, too hard for me to be gentle with him as I had been with the other two. I went in there, armed with grapes, ready to be as kind as I could possibly be – but then he had to go and confess that he hadn't wanted to be saved. His statement made me as angry as hell, did he not realise how lucky he was to be alive? Did he not understand just how often I have tried to save someone's life and failed; how lucky he was that he had been fortunate? It made me livid, so I left rather rapidly telling him that I expected him in for work tomorrow. I don't care if that's unreasonably soon, he needs drawing out of this self-indulgent, depressive funk and the best way forward with that is to surround him with normality and distraction, who cares if he resents me for a bit because of it – he's already pissed off with me as it is.

I'd anticipated that today might be a bit of a challenge, or at the very least a little bit awkward and so decided to do my best to avoid Owen, and once again Ianto, if it was possible which meant that I sought the company of the delightful Toshiko on a trip to investigate some strange reports of music coming from the Ritz dance hall.

"You look even more gorgeous than usual Tosh." I said with a grin as I saw he head into the hub sporting, much to my surprise, a dress and a perfectly styled head of hair. Tosh always looks lovely, and I think people often overlook her beauty because she is so quiet and wears such understated clothing, but nobody could deny that she looked stunning today.

"Thank you" She mumbled, blushing in response.

"Any particular reason?" I asked, waving my hand around the room suggestively, letting my gaze linger on Owen, who was currently asleep and sprawled out across the sofa.

She blushed further, "No it's not… I'm not…" She stumbled, then began again: "It's my Grandfather's 88th birthday party later" She finished, coherently this time.

"Ah well, maybe I'll be able to let you get off a little early tonight then" I winked. "But not before a certain Mr sleepy head gets a look at you in that dress" I grinned as she blushed again, as much as I disliked Owen at this moment in time, I knew that Tosh was still completely, rightly or wrongly, infatuated with him.

Of course, all of this talk came to nothing as poor Toshiko missed her party, and ended the day looking a lot more dishevelled than she had begun it. If I'd have known that going to explore this situation at the Ritz would have entailed taking a trip back to the golden age of the blitz in 1941, then I might have taken Gwen instead and let Tosh get off to her party without a hiccup.

Despite myself, I was kind of happy to be back in that happy environment of determination and glamorousness that never fails to fill a WWII dance, despite the misery and austerity of the outside world. Hearing the loud and classic brass band filling the hall with both music and excitement sent butterflies fluttering throughout my stomach, and my feet longed to join the others dancing amongst the army uniforms and floral dresses, under the glittering chandelier. I probably should have been worried about running into myself, after all this was technically my third appearance in the forties, or anxious as to how we would ever get home, but for a few minutes I allowed myself to stroll down memory lane and waltz with the lovely Toshiko. I ignored the niggling feeling that I wished I was here, holding someone else's waist, someone who was markedly taller and who had a distinctly more masculine build.

I suppose I sort of did run into myself in the end, well not myself, but Captain Jack Harkness – the real Captain Jack Harkness. When I came here the first time, just after I had left the time agency, I'd done some research and found out a list of the American soldiers who'd died around this time and settled on stealing one of their identities. I'm not proud of that action, it was wrong, but I couldn't be… well, I couldn't be the old me anymore. I was on the run from so many people that I'd unwisely crossed, so many people I had cheated out of money and possessions, and I needed to blend in. So I stole Captain Jack Harkness's name, on a whim really, having no idea what he was like, or if he any friends or family – all I knew (or cared about at the time) was that he died on 21st January, 1941.

It didn't ever occur to me that one day I might meet him. Amongst all of the mess regarding that creep Billis Manger, who I sincerely hope we have seen the last of, and whilst trying to figure out how on Earth we were going to make it back to the present day in one piece, I allowed myself to indulge in this moment of meeting 'myself'. He was a good man, a better man than I, he was trying to protect his younger officers from the danger they were about to face, trying to raise morale. He was brave; I knew from the second that I saw him that he was gay, the way he acted around that pretty, polite girl - so awkward and very sure that for him, this just wasn't right. A gay man in 1941…. not the easiest life to be leading, it was still illegal then of course. But I wanted to do something for him, on his last night on Earth, I wanted to let him feel proud of whom he was, I owed it to him after all, his name has been my trademark for some time now. I encouraged him, flirted with him, and let him make the first move on that dance floor. I might have been arrested for such an act, or worse, more times than I can count, but that was my way of rebelling against the world. For him, he was showing the world who he was, and that they would just have to deal with it and bravo him. He didn't know that he'd never have to explain this behaviour of course…I, on the other hand, am fairly sure that Toshiko will want an explanation, as will the others who I'm sure she's told by now.

We both made it back safely in the end, though not without incurring a whole host of consequences; Owen had forced open the rift in order to bring us back, broke the first and most important rule of Torchwood three – don't mess with the rift! I dread to think what's going to happen because of his actions, for now all's quite on the home front, but I'm not ready to put my trust in something as temperamental as a rift in time and space.

Speaking of Owen, he's just heading up the stairs to my office:

"Hey" He began, entering the room wincing as his wounded shoulder brushed past the frame slightly.

"Hey" I replied, not too sure what course of action to take: he'd broken the rules, but saved both mine and Toshiko's lives… and there was still the whole business with the Weevil that was left unresolved. "So…?" I questioned.

"So…." He began replying, evidently unsure himself.

"So, what exactly happened to your shoulder then?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes and let out a groan, "Ianto" He replied.

"Ianto who?" I asked, confused.

"Jones, Ianto Jones, you wanker!" He replied exasperated.

My eyes widened in shock, surely Ianto hadn't done this? Why would he have shot Owen? He hates guns… "Wha…wh…how?" I spluttered, struck dumb all of a sudden.

"Well that's what I came in here to talk to you about actually…" He said, closing the door behind him, and looking a little sheepish he cleared his throat and began to speak again. "Well, he was already mad at me for tampering with the rift manipulator… and then I called him your… your…" he trailed off.

"My, my?" I questioned, brow knitting together as I tried to work out what exactly had caused my most reserved and well-mannered team member to raise a gun at his colleague.

"Your part time shag" He spat the words out. "Your part time shag" he repeated more quietly. "And then he went ballistic, I'd only said it as a joke because of the way he always sucks up to you and calls you Sir, hadn't ever though there was any truth in it… but then, well clearly I'd touched a nerve. I went to apologise afterwards, and he said it was nothing… but the look in his eyes Jack… I think he's bloody in love with you!"

Why did he have to tell me that? I mean I'd sort of picked up on it, but was denying that this was how he felt because it's simply too hard to face up to the truth, too painful. "I know" I whispered back.

"You're a bastard sometimes, you know that Jack. You shouldn't have led him on like that; you're only going to hurt him when he finds out you're using him just like you use all of them. AND you've hurt me – look at my shoulder, that's partially your fault!" He ranted on.

"Who says I'm using him?" I asked

It was his turn to widen his eyes in shock, "Jack Harkness doesn't do commitment – it's a fact"

"Yeah? Well, things change" I said, getting a little angry with him now.

"Oh really, well in that case, I'd prove that to him if I were you, before it's too late" He chided, and left the room – giving me a lot to think about. He's right, I should tell him that… well, that… oh hell! What would I tell him? I don't even know how I feel; this is the most long term relationship (?) I have been involved in for a long time and the concept of… well it just feels foreign, not to mention the fact that it would be completely pointless to say anything because it can't work, 'it' can't ever work.

I sent the others home, knowing that Ianto wouldn't leave early I didn't bother telling him to collect his things along with them. Part of me hoped that once he was done with whatever paperwork, or filing, or tidying that he was dealing with, that he would come up to my office to be with me… and the other part of me was hoping he would just hurry off home. I poured myself a whisky, then another, and another and kept going until the bottle was empty, the slight feeling of intoxication wearing off far too quickly after each shot for my liking.

Then I heard soft footsteps entering my office, but I didn't prise my head up from the table until he came over to my desk, placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. I pulled the young Welshman onto my lap, wanting to feel close to him.

"Thank you" I heard myself say softly.

"What for Sir?" He questioned.

"Trying to stop Owen" _For being wonderful, and for being here…_ I added silently

"But opening the rift brought you and Toshiko back, Owen did the right thing. If it had been up to me you might still be trapped there…" He trailed off.

"He shouldn't have opened the rift, I'm still not convinced it's not going to cause worldwide catastrophe. Oh and nicely done with the shoulder by the way" I said with a genuine laugh, I was still a little cross with Owen and so could delight in this for the moment.

He got up now and leaned against my desk, "I feel awful about that. But you have just reminded me of something Sir... I think Owen knows about this, about us." He said nervously, biting his lip.

Now was the moment that I was supposed to say it, to tell him, or try to tell him, what I thought I felt, but also to warn him that nothing could ever come of this. "I know he mentioned it to me earlier but don't worry; I told him it was a onetime thing". I said lying completely, chickening out and probably making the young man feel like shit, like I was ashamed of him, of us…

"Oh right" He replied, seeming a little dazed and a little miffed. I could hear the pain I was causing in his tone, yet I carried on.

"Yea, I just thought it was better that way, we don't want to seem unprofessional and I didn't want the others to think that you'd get preference because of it or anything. Of course, you know you're my favourite anyway." I said forcing a grin. "Besides it makes it all more fun to keep it as a secret" I finished, standing up now to meet him eye to eye.

"I suppose so Sir" He said, smiling back a smile which was almost passable as genuine, except to those who knew him well enough. I desperately wanted to shout to the world how I really saw Ianto Jones, I wanted to pull him into my arms and tell him as much as I could coherently get out, and I wanted to be brave like the real Captain Jack. But I couldn't, instead I placed my hands either side of him on the desk, trapping him in place, and kissed him like there was no tomorrow, hoping to tell him everything I wanted to through this.


	19. Death, Delight and the Doctor

**A/N: **_Hello everyone, MERRY CHRISTMAS (Nadolid Llawen if you're Ianto!) I said I was probably not going to post this until Boxing Day, but I was a very good girl – for Santa! – And so finished early. This one is packed full of mixed emotion, but I hope you enjoy! Not quite sure where to go with the next chapter, as I don't want this to be Ianto-less for too long, but I'll work something out :) Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow/today/in two days' time depending on where abouts in the world you are! Hannah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (extra kisses for Christmas!)_

* * *

><p>So there I was, stood beneath the almighty Abaddon, allowing him to drain my body of all its life energy, saving the world and clearing up the mess that my unfaithful team had made. I adore each and every one of them, but nothing could stop me being angry with them then even Ianto, so angry; too angry to let him come with me to face the creature. I could clearly tell that he wanted to join me, but there and then in my twisted state of mind he'd hurt me, he'd betrayed my judgement just like the others, in a way that I never thought he would, he had me second guessing exactly what I believed he felt for me, and now I was about to pay the price for his, and their, disloyalty. Truth be told, I guess you could say that I deserved his ill-treatment, after neglecting him this past week or so simply because I couldn't handle my own feelings… but I didn't think about any of that then, at this point I was far from thinking rationally, didn't care who had hurt who more, I just felt bitter and angry and right then I didn't want to be with him. So I took Gwen with me instead as she was the one who had the most just cause for her disloyalty, after all she had seen Rhys die in the vaults, but mostly because I knew it would piss Ianto off like hell.<p>

As soon as I felt that ungodly creature latch onto me, I wished that I had made the other choice, the right choice, and allowed Ianto to be here. Despite Gwen's presence, I was alone, and lonelier than I had ever felt before when facing that monster and the worst part of all was that this feeling was my own fault – if I'd have just let him come with me in the first place… After all how many times had he forgiven me when I had slipped up, no questions asked? But when he… well you can't even really call it a slip up… I just punished him and myself without due cause.

The beast was clawing away at my existence, and though I was clearly a challenge and the creature in question was starting to waver, but so was I. I was slipping away, losing my grip on this life, the Earth was falling beneath my feet and Gwen's presence was fading away to nothing. I can't help wondering if Ianto had been there, would I have held on? Would his being there kept me strong enough and fighting to avoid the inevitable fate of death?

But he wasn't there, and I'll never know what might have happened if he had been because seconds later I stumbled alone into the terrifying void of empty blankness: sans companionship, sans senses, sans meaning, sans everything.

649 times I have died since I became immortal, there had been accidents and murders and suicides, there had been water and fire and guns and poisons, I had wanted it and wanted anything but it, and I thought I had sampled every possible way to die. But this was different.

I thought I would stay here for eternity, was utterly convinced that I wouldn't bounce back as usual, not this time. This time it was different, I'd suffered the usual mental and physical pain of being dragged to this hellish place, but I'd also felt more than that; I'd been stripped of my soul. I was nothing, residing in nothingness. A part of me was glad that this endless cycle of death and life was over at last, that for the first time in over 100 years I was normal again. But the majority of whatever was left of my sorry being, craved life again, craved everything about Torchwood and Cardiff in the 21st Century, craved a certain Mr Jones. Wanted to apologise to him for pushing him away these past few weeks and to offer my forgiveness for his wish to stand behind Owen and open the rift, and most importantly: to kiss the young man until neither of us could feel or think or hear or see anything anymore.

I was still trapped deep in the depths of this freezing, dark, abhorrent world when I felt the soft touch of a kiss pull me back, gasping for breath, to life and warmth and security. I hoped that it was him.

"Thank you" I called out, as I heard footsteps pacing out of the room, then hurriedly quickening in pace as the person turned back on themselves and ran to stand by my side.

But looking up at the visitor, it was her eyes that I saw staring back into my own, not his. Not that I wasn't grateful, so very grateful in fact that Gwen had cared enough to wait by my side (day and night if her slightly dishevelled appearance and same clothes were anything to judge by) that someone was there when I 'woke up', that someone didn't lose faith. I love Gwen, I love all of them, and I should have been glad to see any one of their faces looming above me – but I couldn't fight the wish that it could have been Ianto.

There was no reason for why it should have been him; we'd parted on what could only be described as bad terms so to speak, my hot headed anger and bitterness had meant that I hadn't even said goodbye properly, a fact which I sorely regretted. And clearly after my refusal to admit what I had really said to Owen about him the other day, my refusal which probably made him feel about two foot tall and like he was actually just a part time shag, had left him unsure about where things stood. Really I had no right to expect him to obey my orders after I've treated him so awfully but after everything we have shared together I suppose I just sort of assumed that he would always stand by me, follow my lead and guard my honour like he had done with shooting Owen. But he had acted strongly, making his own decision; I guess I hadn't given the man enough credit.

For one of the first times in a good forty years or so, I was truly nervous as I hurriedly rushed my clothes on. I sighed as I saw myself in the mirror, face unearthly pale, eyes sunken, un-styled hair… occasionally I even surprise myself – how could I care for vanity at a time like this? Gwen just rolled her eyes at me and told me to 'get a wiggle on'.

It was make or break time for me, for Torchwood and for Ianto and I; would my anger come flooding back? How would they react when they saw me? _How would he react? _How would I react when I saw them? _How could I contain my reaction when I saw him?_ As soon as I entered the main floor of the hub, and saw all of them alive and well – well, well-ish they looked bloody miserable which I couldn't help feeling just a little smug about – and soldiering on with work as best as they could, I realised that I didn't care how they reacted, I only cared how he reacted. Yes, I wanted to be welcomed back with open arms and let them know that they were forgiven; but I needed Ianto to show me that things were alright no matter what either of us had done, and I needed to show him everything I should have before.

Relief washed over me as, once over the initial shock, he ran straight towards me. He hesitated slightly, unsure of how to proceed; he had a slightly guilt ridden expression on his face and slightly reddened eyes as if he had been crying – I wanted to wipe away both evils. He made for a handshake, playing it safe and professional in front of the others but I was not having that, who the fuck cares anymore? I certainly didn't and I had not been dragged back from the worst place imaginable to make do with a conservative, albeit firm and welcoming, handshake.

I pulled the young, and now slightly startled young man, into a tight squeeze, hands firmly gripping onto his back, not wanting this feeling of comfort to end. Somehow I managed to pull back a little to meet his lips with my own; feeding both my hunger and his own in a passionate and arduous kiss, trying to convey everything I wasn't able to and didn't yet have the strength to put into words. He gave me a small, shy smile, cheeks flushed with surprise, not seeming to mind that everyone was watching, Tosh and Gwen open mouthed – I'd like to think with jealousy – and now knew about us; much to my relief he didn't seem to care about anything that had happened between us prior to this glorious reunion.

Reluctantly I pulled back completely to see Owen's small nod of approval at my actions, and for him to then run at me, and embrace me in a wave of emotion and apology. I didn't need an apology from him, but I was pleased that he had.

Ianto wanted us all to go out for a walk and a coffee, and as much as that sounded like heaven right now, I still felt a little shaken and didn't want to leave the hub right now for fear that when I did, suddenly none of this would be real anymore. I needed the comfort and security of our quirky little base, and I needed a little time to think, and breathe, on my own.

I told them to go ahead without me. He looked a little uncomfortable with the idea of leaving so soon after I had walked in from the dead, but I gave him a reassuring smile.

"We'll talk later, I promise" I assured him and gave him a parting kiss on the cheek.

But of course we wouldn't, because it was when they were out that it happened. It was then that all of my future plans, whatever they had been, were altered instantly and all past plans were abandoned.

As if my world hadn't already been shaken up and turned inside out enough over these last few days. As if I hadn't already faced the trials of arguments and betrayal and death and… love? But sure enough, the man I had been waiting for, the man who I had consistently faced all of these tribulations with, the man I had waited over 100 years to see again, had finally landed back in my life.

I knew something was amiss when the hand, his hand, started moving. It never moves.

"Doctor?" I mused out loud, picking up the gesticulating body part.

And then I heard her, that beautiful, beautiful time machine. I heard the familiar tones, not dissimilar to some sort of intergalactic fire alarm, which signified everything wonderful about my brief time with the Doctor: that sense of adventure and freedom and possibility.

Without hesitation I grabbed my coat, not bothering to scan the CCTV footage before I left the building knowing the exact spot that the TARDIS would be in if she was here and my mind wasn't in fact playing cruel tricks on me.

As I made my way up through the labyrinth of corridors leading to the tourist office, I presumed that the lift was a no go if my dear friend was parked where I thought she would be, I almost turned around. I almost faltered, after all I was running away, leaving all of my friends behind without a goodbye or so much as a note. I was leaving Ianto without having fully explained why, or having explained just how important he was to me. And what made things worse was that I didn't know when, or if I would ever be coming back; nothing ever quite goes to plan with the Doctor and so how did I know what might come of any of this?

What I did know however, that regardless of what I was abandoning to be with him, I had waited for so long to find him again and for him to fix me that I knew I just had to go. No matter how hard it would be to justify what I was about to do to the team, I had to take this opportunity – it might have been my only one.

So, I shook my head, leaving my regret back at the hub as I ran out of the tourist office and towards that, beautiful blue wooden box, slightly masked from public eye sight but shining and prominent in my own. As I noticed it was slowly fading away, I ran faster towards it – there was no way he was leaving me behind this time - clinging on for dear life to the outside as it hurtled through time and space away from my home, from Torchwood and from my old life. It probably wasn't one hundred percent safe, or even a little bit safe, to cling on to the outside of a spaceship in mid-flight, but what did it matter, the worst that could happen was death. Hopefully the Doctor, my Doctor, would be able to cure me of that.


	20. Faith

**A/N: **_Helo all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2012 is going to be awesome, I'm sure! Can't wait for the Olympics, so excited to be going to see some of it! Anyway... so yeah, this one isn't terribly long (which is unusual for me!) because I don't want to recap all 3 of the Captain Jack DW episodes at the end of series 3 entirely as it would spread across too many chapters... so just imagine Jack, tied up in chains for several months, being killed everyday, struggling to find sources of hope and retain a hold on reality etc. and this is where we end up, a little refelctive monologue type thing! Hope you enjoy! (We'll be back to Torchwood-y Ianto-y stuff next time, with KKBB!) Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>I have no idea what time of day it is, not even any clue of what month we're in. I forget how long I've been kept here in this never ending cycle of pain and death and darkness and more pain and death and… oh the endless darkness. I get confused sometimes; between what is death and what is sleep, because the same nightmares plague both. The nightmare of waking up in agony, gasping for breath, barely clinging on to life as I am thrust out of the world of the dead and in to that of the living. Each day it's something new, well new for him there not always new for me, it might be poisons perhaps human perhaps alien, it might be physical beating or whipping or stabbing, it might be with machinery like guns or flame torches, or with bombs in a containment unit or maybe just simply starvation. I know it's coming, it's always coming, whether I am truly awake or dreaming or dead, it's always in the back of my mind that there's no way of knowing how many more breaths I will have until he comes here again.<p>

It's hard to remember how I came to be here, but I'm trying because if I'm going to pull through this by some sweet act of god, then I need to keep a grip on reality. But it just all seems so far away now, the hub and Cardiff and Ianto…

Isn't it funny how nothing ever quite works out how you thought it would? Well not funny, not funny at all, it's actually closer to painfully and brutally crushing when I realise how horrendously wrong this adventure has turned out to be. Not for one second did I think that I would end up in this ungodly, horrific, barren place, living under the tyranny of that power crazed insanity fuelled man. As I fled from the home I love to be here with him, my Doctor, I never thought; I just didn't consider the consequences as I held onto that TARDIS with every strength I had, but that's just me, typical me. Not thinking anything through, not realising that every decision I make could have such terrible outcomes as these, I just bundle through life in this reckless fashion.

I would be lying if I said that things started off well, even if they have ended up in this horrific mess. But in reality, things immediately got off on a rather shaky foot; I was expecting the Doctor to be pleased to see me, to be happy that I was still alive even if it is in this genetically mutated, immortal form, and was certain that my spontaneous tagging along to his and Martha's (now she is wonderful) trip would bring him a great surprise. And I guess he was surprised, or shocked at least, but not in the way I thought he would be, not in the 'let's go and hug him until he runs out of breath because oh my god Jack's still alive!' kind of way that I had hoped… in fact, he didn't seem happy at all that I was here. He didn't seem to want anything to do with me anymore.

I'd always assumed that he'd left me there, alone on that space ship, because he had no idea that I was still alive. That if he had known what Rose had done, then he would have waited for me, would have turned around and come back, would have at least tried to track me down after leaving. But no, to him 'I was wrong', a 'fixed point' something that shouldn't be, something that sent him running, turning his back on me. Even the TARDIS wanted rid of me, after all it's why we ended up at the end of the universe! Because she was trying everything it could to escape the impossibility that I exist, to run away from me as fast as I ran towards her. That's the truth of it all, and as that clichéd expression goes; the truth hurts, and by god is there a lot of fact in cliché, far too much for my liking.

I want to be angry with him, so very outraged that he left like he did. After all, it wasn't my fault, I'd never asked to be made immortal and God knows I would never have chosen it. I'm still the same Jack aren't I? The same Jack that he helped change from that irresponsible, immoral conman to, well, I don't claim to be a saint but every day at Torchwood we risked our lives to protect the entire human race – I owe what I am now to him. He made me who I am, yet he rejects me at this first, admittedly unusual and awkward, hurdle. Even after knowing that Rose is trapped somewhere in a parallel universe, sweet Rose who is so full of life and compassion and adventure, Rose who I haven't seen in so long and who I'll probably never see again… I didn't judge him; my opinion of him didn't alter because it wasn't his fault what happened to her. Just like what has happened to me isn't mine either.

But I couldn't be angry with him. I just couldn't find it in myself to be angry with him, there's just too great a part of my heart that loves that man with everything it has. For well over 100 years I have loved and admired and missed that man, needed him back in my life to reign me in when I verged on the edge of what I used to be when I first discovered my immortality, wanted to show off to him how great a team of colleagues and friends that I've built up at Torchwood, to tell him thank you… you can't turn that sort of magnetism to a person off and on again as simply as that. As much as I knew I should hate his guts, I just couldn't.

The second that we got into the action, running away from cannibalistic human hybrids or whatever the hell those things were, trying to help everyone escape to the Utopia that they were craving, my old passion for adventure came flooding back. This was it; this was why I had come, for the excitement, the chase, the adrenaline… I found it thrilling and liberating and kind of sexy. Of course this didn't last long, none of it did.

Before we knew it we were back down on Earth in the 21st Century, fighting against Prime Minister Harold Saxon, the Master to be more precise – I can't believe I ever considered voting for that man. Part of me was relieved, we'd only been gone for a few days effectively I could go and call in on the team… see Ianto… and get them to help, but of course Mr Saxon had already taken care of that and sent them on a wild goose chase to the Himalayas or so he said, I just hope he didn't mean anything more sinister than that… hope that they're alive if not well out there in that quivering mess of a planet beneath us.

No, I don't need to hope, I know. I just know that there are, all four of them, out there alive and strong and fighting. They have to be. They're Torchwood, this is what we do, this is what we prepare for, what we train for, what we live to fight against; they'll be fine. Well, maybe not fine but surviving. It's thoughts of them, back on Earth, back home, which is keeping my sanity just about intact. Constantly reminding myself of what I have to live for if I ever make it out of here, constantly reminding me that I owe it to them to somehow make it back alive for their sakes. After all, I left without a goodbye; I couldn't have that hanging over my shoulders for ever.

Worst still, I left without… without telling Ianto how I feel, how I know I shouldn't feel the way I do for him but how I have fallen all the same, how important he is to me and to Torchwood, how I don't know what I would do without him. I've lost count of the amount of times that I have told myself that I should never have allowed my heart to become so attached to that boy and for his to me, and it's exactly because of situations like this that I had told myself so. We've written our way into each other's lives and that process cannot be undone… of for god's sake… I should have told him before I left, because I dread to think what's going through his mind right now, he must absolutely hate me for running away and abandoning them all to fight this monstrosity without even providing an explanation. If I never made it back down to Earth, or heaven forbid, he should… not pull through this… he would never know, he may never even realise why I left that day, perhaps he would never forgive me for leaving them; who knows. I'd like to think that if I survive this then the team, and more importantly Ianto would welcome me back with open arms, but of course I'm nowhere near that naïve. I anticipate a fair amount of shouting and screaming and tears and violence if I ever make it back home, but there's a small part of me that knows that once all of that is over with things would be fine.

But of course, there is also just a small part of me that worries, despite what the Doctor says, that after day, after endless days, of the Master inventing and testing new and more torturous ways to watch me suffer and die that my luck will finally run out. As much as I have wanted to shed this curse of immortality, if whatever force is keeping me here broke now, while I was away from everyone I love – away from Ianto – while I had yet to fully explain exactly how I… then I would die, and lie there forever in the darkness, as a very unhappy and bitter man. And, of course, I'd die knowing that everything that is happening here right now is partially down to me and my actions. The TARDIS took us to the end of the world because of me. We ended up awakening the Master from his concealed disguise as Professor Yana because we came to the end of the world. We are now here on the valiant, Martha's family endangered and working as slaves for that evil man and the Doctor… oh my Doctor… what they did to him.

I feel like a complete jerk. Or a twat as Owen might say, or maybe a wanker or a bastard or a prick depending on what mood he was in; anyone one of his favourite words would do right now. God how I wish Owen was here, even just to swear at me; I wish any of them were here. Having just one friend throughout out this monotonous and scarring cycle would help, and ironically they might actually be safer up here than down there.

We do have one hope left though. Miss Martha Jones, soon to be Dr Jones if all things go to plan and we make it out of here by some sweet miracle. I gave her my vortex manipulator and the Doctor whispered something, I have no idea what but I can guess that it was some form of a plan, into her ear just before she left to head back down to Earth. And that's where she is now, fighting and pushing on and being wonderful and brave and brilliant and trying to save all of our skins not to mention the entire planet. It's going to take time, there's no doubt that it won't after all she's out there all on her own, completing whatever challenges are necessary to ensure that this ends well, but I have to hope that it can be done. I haven't known Martha long enough to form a proper judgement, but I know exactly what the Doctor thinks of her and I trust his opinions entirely, so I know that if anyone is capable of bringing us all home safely somehow then it's her, we can lay our faith in her hands.

Faith is a powerful thing, it's not something that you have or don't have, it's more sort of something that you feel within, something that keeps you going no matter what. It's more than just believing or not believing that something is possible, it's the sheer need for belief in order to survive a situation, this sheer belief that swells from within and keeps you alive during the bleak moments of life. I am trying so hard to keep my faith burning within me, and it's bloody hard especially when day after day you are beaten down to nothing, but I need to believe that there is hope of seeing my team again, and hope that I will be able to express to Ianto how I feel. My immortality is keeping me living, but this is keeping me alive.


	21. Back With a Kiss and a Bang

**A/N: **_Greetings! Well, I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear (well I'd like to think you'd be pleased) that I got very carried away andstarted writing reeeeaaallly early this afternoon and so had loads of material written and rather than cutting it down I decided to give you two chapters today... so here is the first which includes Jack's return and KKBB and the second which'll be up in a couple of hours once I'm finished with the ending and editting etc. is the first part of Jack and Ianto's date! The very lovely **Sunlime **has just brought it to my attention that I may have made a bit of an over sight... I completely forgot about Gray! So I am adding in a paragraph ASAP (sorry!) Hope you enjoy! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Eventually, I lost all hope whatsoever. If I was being honest with myself, I think that I had pretty much resigned to the idea that I would be trapped in this infernal hell forever, that I would never again see day light or the Doctor or Martha, or Cardiff, or the team, or Ianto… or anything other than this for the rest of my days. I'd given up on being able to express my affection for that young man, completely given up on the idea of Martha coming to all of our rescues – not that I didn't think she was capable, just that it had been so very long now and there had been no more sign of her since, that I had simply assumed the worst; that he had got to her before she got to him.<p>

But today, everything changed. Today in this pit of darkness there was light as Martha Jones came and set me free, and earning herself my everlasting gratitude and causing me to feel guilty for ever having doubted her; I should have known better really, after all she is a Jones.

She'd passed on the message of the Doctor across the entire, surviving members of the human race and the whole world united to reverse the effects of the Master's Archangel Network. Together we reversed the conversion of the TARDIS and destroyed the paradox machine, resetting time back to where it all went wrong, erasing all traces of this last year and undoing everything that had happened.

For the majority of the population at least, for us, those up there on the Valiant, in the 'eye of the storm' as it were; we would never forget. I could never forget those 12 long months of days and night imprisoned and tortured and lonely, I'll always remember each and every way I was sentenced to die again and again at his hand. But, though I won't forget, it will cease to matter, because none of that matters now, not now that we are all safe and back where we belong and that means Cardiff and Torchwood for me.

I don't think that the Doctor had wanted me to leave in the end, despite are rather anti-climactic reunion and his obvious disdainful opinion of what I had become, I think he had managed to see me for my old self again. He offered to take me with him, travelling the worlds and galaxies like we did back in the old days, and something about that offer was so tempting that I almost accepted. But I couldn't do it to them, to him… I've waited a year to come back and hug them all like there's no tomorrow to settle back into our strange little family, to that safe (most of the time) environment and how vowed to never run off again once I was back. Maybe twenty years ago, or even ten, if the same offer had been made to me I might have accepted, but right now the team and Ianto were what I want.

To tell the truth, I'm a little worried about how the team are going to take my sudden reappearance. I may not have been gone a year, but I certainly haven't only been gone for a few days or so; the Doctor reckoned that it was within three month or there abouts of when we took off and that was as accurately as he could time it, so I am just hoping that after the initial anger and fury they'll forgive me. In a way, it might actually be easier for me to explain to them exactly what happened whilst I was away, then maybe they wouldn't hate me so much for abandoning them without warning, their rage might soften with pity a little as I explained it all. But the idea of reliving, retelling everything that happened to me in this past year, makes me feel just a little nauseous, I just want to move past it and carry on as normal, and if that means I have to be the selfish-runaway-bastard for a little while yet then so be it.

Initially after leaving the Doctor and Martha's company I ran straight towards the water tower, ready to jump onto the invisible lift and offer them all a surprise greeting; but I chickened out. I ended up going for a long walk around Bute Park trying to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to do, to try and calm the unfamiliar nerves which were running through me. With the aid of some Dutch courage, I finally found the bottle to do it and, no longer caring about grand or surprising entrances, I ran straight to the tourist office entrance hoping that this would be one of the days that Ianto had chosen to work up in there in order to keep up our rouse.

I flung back the wooden door and felt slightly disheartened to be greeted with nothing but the familiar racks of dated travel guides and maps and activity brochures for the surrounding area, the slightly cluttered desk and an abandoned cup of coffee next to the computer monitor. Hoping that the coffee meant that Ianto might be lurking in the small 'staff room' behind that god awful beaded curtain that he hated, I leant down to the desk to have a cheeky sip whilst waiting for him to reappear; but it was completely cold – still delicious though, my god how I missed that man's almost orgasmic coffee in that year.

With a quick press of a button I opened the door to the secret passageway leading to the hub and continued to run down the labyrinth of corridors until I reached the beloved cog door. I couldn't help smiling to myself as the alarms triggered, picturing their puzzled faces which were about to be filled with, well anger, but hopefully a hint of pleasant relief too. But as I stepped through the entrance way there was no one there; no Tosh working away dedicatedly at her work station, no Gwen trying to keep Owen in line as he hid out on his autopsy bay, shirking his responsibilities, no Ianto looking fabulous in one of those suits preparing a brew at the coffee machine. Just the hub, the empty hub. Don't get me wrong, the hub itself was a most welcomed sight after such time away in such awful conditions, but a room is just a thing, it can't talk to you or deliver a well-deserved slap or an eventual hug and a kiss, not like people can.

Sighing to myself I had a quick glance around to see if I could try and work out where they had gone to, when I noticed that one of the computers had been left switched on and it appeared to be tracking something which had now come to a halt. After another quick glance around I came across some transcripts of intercepted police calls and some case notes on a Blowfish that seemed to have a particular fascination with joy riding. Anticipating that the others would be where ever this thing was, I took down the co-ordinates of its location, checked that I had a fully loaded gun and drove off to meet them. It felt strange driving my own car rather than the SUV which they had already taken, I realised that even if you discounted this 'year that never was' then it had to have been at least 18 months since I'd actually used it. At first it seemed a little reluctant to get back into the swing of being driven, but it got me there in the end and that's what counts.

It was rather surprising to find that there was actually a domestic residence, and even furthered surprised to walk quietly into the scene of a walking, talking blowfish holding up hostages at gun point and with none other than our Ianto Jones pointing a gun towards his head, our Ianto who hates guns. I was simultaneously proud and saddened and a little turned on in that moment. Here he was, the man I had been waiting to set eyes on again for over a year now and he was more spectacular than my memories did justice, and more to the point he had developed, become more adept with field work and fighting. But I'd missed seeing the process happen and more to the point the whole reason that he had needed to take to using a gun was because I had left, leaving them a man down. And the other part well… can you blame me? The most beautiful man in Wales was stood before me, holding a gun, wearing a perfectly fitting suit and had just the tiniest sheen of sweat moistening the back of his neck.

I wanted to do something for him then, so I pulled out my own gun and shot the alien on his behalf, blowing my cover along with its head. For a minute he looked to his gun in confusion, as did the others, before turning around to see me stood there gun in hand. I really had no idea what to do or say, all I wanted to do was express my apologies and tell them how much I had missed them all and promise that I would never leave them like that again; but I couldn't find my tongue to say any of that. So instead I went for the uncomplicated, larger than life, confident approach.

"Hey kids, did ya miss me?" I said and grinned, swallowing back any nerves now.

No one said anything back and whether were stunned into silence out of shock or disbelief or anger I have no idea, but in that moment in which no one spoke, the uncomfortable silence seemed to last almost as long as my entire year away.

Before it became entirely unbearable and choked us all to death, Ianto finally spoke out.

"Hello Sir" He said, in a small uncertain whisper.

Still unable to find my words I simply laughed back, as convincingly as I could.

The journey back to the hub was insufferably quiet, no one spoke to me or to each other and worse still Ianto refused to meet my eyes for the entire journey, not that I can really begrudge him for that. I just sat there and told myself that at least nobody had lashed out yet, they hadn't rejected me out right they were just shocked.

Being back with them all in the hub was even stranger, in fact surreal is probably closer to it. Hearing Gwen dish out the orders as I used to do, and the others just carrying them out in their same old ways, all of them clearly well settled into this new routine without their Captain. Again I felt a conflicting set of emotions as I watched them, admiration for the way they had all carried on so well and kept it all together in my absence, but at the same time regret that they clearly didn't need me as much as I had thought.

Gwen was the first to break, attacking me with words and her hands as she released all of the pent up emotion and anger that she had been silently concealing for the past half an hour or so. She had questions, they all did, and they one that they most prominently wanted an answer for was 'where the hell did you go?' So I told them, that I found my Doctor and that I couldn't be fixed, nothing more than that though.

Ianto's first and only question sent a fresh wave of guilt and a twinge of heart ache running through me: "Are you going back to him?" I wanted to read more into it than just idle curiosity, but as usual he was using that tone and that mask which conveyed absolutely nothing but neutrality. For all I know he could be completely over whatever we had, or so angry with me that he can't stand the thought of being with me again.

"I came back for you" I said directly to him and then chickened out of that significant gesture, worried that he would no longer want me, "For all of you".

We barely had time to think again before the rift alarm sounded after picking up traces of rift radiation surrounding the body of a murder victim. I was back in command, their anger – if not gone all together – had certainly faded slightly and we quickly loaded up the SUV and set off to check out the situation. It was all systems go and things were just like old times again; for about thirty seconds.

Well, I suppose by a long stretch of the imagination you could argue that things suddenly became _exactly_ like old times, very old times indeed. Old times with the time agency and my ex-partner in work, in crime and in romance: John Hart, the alcoholic, sex obsessed, murderous, violent, passionate man who I hadn't seen in well over 100 hundred years now, not since back before I met the Doctor. I was so surprised to get his message, especially after the Doctor had once again disabled my vortex manipulator, and my instincts should have been to ignore it, ignore him and under no circumstances to try to find him because all that man brings with him is trouble. But I think that dreadful year away from it all has softened me, I just wanted to give him chance, I wanted to believe that he needed my help for none other than honest purposes and, quite honestly, a little part of me was aching to see him again after such a long time without human contact I wanted to see as many of my friends (even dangerous ex-friends) as possible.

I didn't want the others to come with me to meet him, though I knew that they would most likely follow, mainly because he was after all a dangerous lunatic of a man, but also because I sort of wanted a little private reunion with him. Which of course was naïve of me to think such a thing even possible, and as we fought our way across that empty bar in a mass of punches and kisses and rage and passion I realised this.

We started to help him look for those radiation canister things, and I deliberately partnered myself up with Ianto, needing to be alone with just him to try and talk to him and gage his response to my return and his current feelings towards me. It was important that I found out if we were still what we were before I left, if what we had could be recovered, and I needed to do it now before John threw in anymore stupid remarks about our past relationship.

What I really wanted to do was to tell Ianto just how much he means to me, how much I adore him, how much I missed him and longed for him while I was away, and to ask him out on a proper date – not just a quick fling in the hub after work. I tried testing the waters with a little flirtation, nonsense about offices and misuse of photocopiers etc. Nothing that should have put me out of my comfort zone, but there I was quite the jabbering idiot. Ianto didn't seem to respond to any great extent, kept re-focusing the conversation on the task in hand, and I couldn't tell if that's because he was no longer interested, or if he was playing hard to get or… if I had just hurt him too much, and he needed a bit of time.

I still asked him out on a date though, somewhat awkwardly: "Dinner… a movie?" so unlike my usual self. He deflected at first, but when I pressed him he said yes, twice in fact, so I took that to mean that there was hope.

After several gruelling hours later we sent John back through the rift, and I was relatively glad to see him go, despite being initially pleased to see him, the sense of a joyous reunion had long worn off during tonight's mayhem. But then he menioned Gray, he quite clearly said that he had found Gray. What the hell did he mean by that, he couldn't be serious could he? I mean he just said it and then walked straight into the rift, not even glancing back at me let alone offering me an explaination. He had to be joking, one of his sick and twisted attempts a humour, because surely he couldn't have... I mean Gray died. He died and it was all my fault... I let go of his hand, I wasn't there for him like the older brother I should have been. He died a vey long time ago, or is it that he's going to die in a very long time? I get so confused with my messed up timeline I don't know what's relly happened and what's still yet to happen. Mayeb that's just it, maybe it hasn't happened yet and John has found a way to stop it, a way to save him... maybe he really was telling the truth for once in his life. Anythng can be re-written, why not his death, perhaps my little brother's still out there somehow... I wasn't quick enough to stop him from leaving, I suppose it's my own fault really after all we couldn't wait to see the back of him, he was either telling me the truth but not allowing me to know where or how to contact him out of pure spit, or it was John being the childish attention seeker might and using it as a device to make me regret forcing him to leave... was he tellig the truth? could you really still be alive Gray...

I pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind to be drawn in later, as we realised that the evening had reset itself, just like that year had, after the rift sealed up and we had a chance to do things over again, have a proper 'catch up'; I thought it wold be a good idea to get everyone back to the hub so that we could sit and talk it all out over some Chinese. But I changed my mind when we got there, wanting to be with him and only him, so I sent the others home.

After a quick litter sweep of the hub and after eyeing me up nervously, he seemed to undergo a small internal battle before he also made to leave, but I pulled him in to an unexpected hug from behind.

"Are you ready for that date now, we have the chance to re-do this evening, we might as well do it well" I asked softly, not wanting to put any pressure on the young man but so hoping he would say yes.

"I'm sorry Jack, I'm not ready, I need time to process everything, to work out where things stand. I can cope with this evening not going well, but I can't stand the thought of our first date going badly" He replied, much to my disappointment, but he was offering me an apologetic smile which wiped most of this dissatisfaction away. Of course, it was all too soon, I had recklessly abandoned him, knowing how he felt about me, leaving him here broken and confused and hurt… I couldn't just expect him to jump straight back in, as much as I wanted it.

"I suppose I can forgive you Ianto Jones seeing as you managed to use my name" I replied, noting the fact he had addressed me as Jack, it felt nice.

I sighed as he pulled away from my arms and left the hub. I have a feeling that tonight will be a long and sleepless one.


	22. First Date 1

**A/N: **_Hello again! And here's this evening's second chapter, hope you like it! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>I'd hoped after that night that things would be ok, that I would get my opportunity to tell my beautiful Welshman just how important he is, to tell him and only him about the true nature of my trip away, and how much thinking of him helped me get through what I experienced over the last year, to kiss him and hold him and never let go. Or at the very least to get that date.<p>

But it's been a week since I came back and I swear to god that Ianto is avoiding me like the plague, every time I try to talk to him he cuts me off short with some excuse about filing or paper work or coffee, every time I try to pair up with him he goes off with Owen… I swear I didn't even see him yesterday! It's killing me; it's actually killing me knowing just how much grief I have put that boy through because of my stupid and reckless decision to run away with the Doctor. Yes, I have also been hurt in the process, but hurting him is unforgivable and I shouldn't be surprised that he doesn't want to see or speak to me. But, well I had hoped that when he agreed to a date, that he wanted to give it a go, that he still felt things for me. Maybe I was wrong, or maybe e only agreed to shut me up.

Oh god I hope that he is just making me wait it out for a bit, giving me a bit of pay back for what I did to him. Tosh caught me staring longingly out towards him earlier and quite curtly, yet politely, told me to leave him be. That he had got into such a bad state after I had left without warning, that he was utterly broken hearted and a quite frankly a mess. That if anything was going to happen between the two of us again then I needed to wait for him to be ready and only to act upon his terms. I was a little taken aback by her revelation, it was hard to imagine the professional, suited, sharp young man in such a way and doing so only made me feel further guilt ridden.

That's it; I'm going to talk to him. I'm his boss and we need to be able to communicate on a professional level if nothing else; I'm going to go and find him, there can't be many places in this hub that he can be hiding away in.

I eventually tracked him down to the greenhouse. "How long are you going to be avoiding me for Ianto?" I asked, softly with a hint of my sadness shining through.

"Avoiding you Sir?" He counter questioned, deflecting as always. Suddenly I hated the fact that he was calling me Sir, I'd always asked him to call me Jack but secretly liked the idea of being an authority figure… but now Sir felt cold.

"I know you've been hiding from me, but hiding isn't going to help anything. I've put you all through hell and I'm not expecting your immediate forgiveness but we need to talk about everything, evading the issue won't make it go away. And please Ianto. Please stop calling me Sir" I pleaded.

"I'm sorry Jack." He replied in a small voice, brushing a hand delicately across my cheek, his stoic mask in place, but his eyes giving away his emotions.

"Don't you dare apologise. Don't you dare think that for one minute there is any need for you to say sorry to me. You have every right to be avoiding me after what I have done to you, hell I wouldn't even blame you if you started lashing out punches, I know I deserve it." I half shouted, getting angry with myself now, he had no need to apologise to me "But I know you never would." I finished softer, almost a whisper.

I waited for his response, but the usually articulate Ianto was lost for words; he simply removed his hand from my cheek, brushing it lightly as it moved away, and pulled me into a strong hug.

"So how about this evening, we have that date you promised me? Unless you have other plans…" I chanced my luck, allowing my warm breath to tickle his ears in precisely the way that I know he loves, hoping to tempt him.

"No plans at all, there's nothing I'd rather do." He replied, almost silently, despite his words he still sounded a little uncertain but I suppose I've made him wary of getting close to me now.

"Great, then I'll pick you up at eight" I replied, deciding to ignore the uncertainty in his tone and provide him with my fully restored confident attitude, even going in for a quick grab at his arse.

In the good few hours that we had left before our later arrangement I had a chance to worry. What on Earth were we going to do this evening? It's silly, considering how close I feel to him and how much I missed him during that awful time, I really don't know very much about him. I have no idea what sort of things he likes to do in his spare time, what sort of films he might like, what cuisine he enjoys most… I eventually settle for a nice, safe option of staying in at his and either ordering a take-out or snacking on whatever, something that gave us a chance to talk intimately out of the eyes of the public and something that I know would make him feel more comfortable than the idea of heading out to restaurant as a 'gay couple'.

That wasn't my only dilemma, I had to try and figure out what to wear! Would he wear a suit, meaning maybe I should as well, or would he surprise me and dress casually meaning I would look ridiculous alongside him… it's 7.20 now and I have dressed and re-dressed so many times that I think I am just going to go with what I have on now, it's one of my favourite shirts, blue of course, with a white t-shirt underneath and a pair of dark wash jeans.

Grabbing my coat, partially because it's getting late and might be bit nippy but mostly because I know how much Ianto likes it, I left the hub with one last vain glance in a window and set off to Ianto's apartment. I was still early, and his place is fairly close to the hub, so I decided to make a detour and purchase some chocolates and a bottle of wine for him (well… us I guess…) and still managed to arrive promptly enough to surprise him.

Once I made it to the apartment, I gave a good strong knock on the door and tried to swallow back my anxiousness. He opened the door rather timidly, himself with a nervous expression covering his face; clearly unsure of how to play things he attempted a hand shake, but I was having none of that. I had waited a year to see him, to feel him again and I needed to kiss him; so I did, right in the middle of the hallway and to my sheer delight he kissed me back, properly, a long lust filled kiss that I never wanted to end. I was worried he might push me away, that it was too soon, that he still had a lot of hurt emotions to put behind him before he was comfortable with this level of intimacy, but he didn't, and he didn't even seem to care that we were doing it in the middle of the hallway where any of his neighbours could walk into at a moment's notice!

He laughed lightly when we eventually broke apart, "You're early" He smiled.

"I thought I'd try taking a leaf out of your book" I said back, grinning. "These are for you by the way" I finished, placing the wine and chocolates into his hands.

"Thank you, but you really didn't have to" He said, smiling and blushing a little at the gesture and setting the gifts down on his coffee table.

"Yes I did. Because I am a gentleman" I counter argued with a wink that had him laughing instantly. My worries that this evening would be a complete disaster were slowly melting away.

"You're not wearing a suit!" I suddenly realised, as I took in the appearance of the man before me. He may not have been wearing a suit, but he still looked absolutely gorgeous, dressed in beige chinos, a white shirt underneath a burgundy V-neck and a pair of white converse, each garment complimented each other perfectly. I could quite easily get used to Ianto without the suit… of course; no clothes at all would be the perfect ideal

"Is that alright?" he asked suddenly nervous, slightly misunderstanding my sudden surprise, "I can change if you'd pref…"

"No don't" I said, cutting him off. "I like it you look more relaxed than I think I've ever seen you. Besides, fashion is about eventually being naked, so changing would be a bit pointless." I said, quoting the wonderful Vivienne to emphasise my point, and grinning as I saw a familiar blush creeping up across his cheekbones, I'd missed that.

"So…" I began "What exactly will we be doing this evening?" He asked.

For a minute I contemplated making a rather more suggestive reply than 'quiet evening in', but I thought better of it, not wanting to rush anything. "Well... I was thinking that we could stay in, here; we have a lot of catching up to do and well…" I said, suddenly worried that he wouldn't like that idea, or he wouldn't think of it as a proper date or whatever.

"Perfect." He replied and smiled, much to my relief. "I'll just go and get a couple of wine glasses."

We sat on the sofa, drinking our way through the wine as we talked of mostly mundane little topics, shared a few jokes, I made him blush a couple more times; we kept it all very light hearted. Neither of us wanted to jump in there and set the ball rolling with the major topic of discussion, not yet anyway.

When he asked me what I would like for dinner I just couldn't resist replying with "you", which gained me a well-deserved eye roll from Ianto.

To be honest, I thought we would just go with a takeaway, or maybe just a sandwich or something, but Ianto headed towards the kitchen and began fixing us something to eat, I'd always known that he could cook, but I'd only ever sampled his pancakes before and was quite looking forward to the treat. Although, he did mumble something about messing up with the chilli recipe if I carried on rubbing myself against him in the way that I was doing, because it was all highly distracting. I simply told him that he shouldn't look so gorgeous and refused to stop; he let me carry on but my actions did incur a strike from his wooden spoon

"No foreplay in the kitchen!" I chastised mockingly, and if he wasn't already a little flushed from the heat of the gas hob, then he was now.

I don't think he really needed to worry about going wrong with the recipe as it tasted absolutely perfect to me, not to spicy, not too bland, absolutely perfect. We finished it quite quickly whilst we continued to talk about small nothings across the dinner table, but once we were done eating I thought it was time that we began broaching the issue we had been avoiding for the past hour and a bit.

"Ianto… tell me something, something about you that I don't already know." I instructed, hoping to gradually ease into a more serious line of discussion, and genuinely wanting to learn more about the Welshman.

"I'm terrified of dogs." He said ever so matter of factly; I couldn't help but smile in response.

"Dogs?" I questioned, struggling not to laugh.

"Yes dogs" He said joining in grinning now.

"You're telling me that the man who isn't scared to face a Weevil, or an Ood with red eye, a man who has survived capture from a cannibal and seen so many terrifying and unbelievable things… Is scared of dogs?" I stumbled through my laughter, it really was quite ridiculous!

"Indeed so, I was knocked over by a Great Dane as a little boy and have never felt safe around a hound since." He broke into a laugh before insisting "Your turn".

"I found a grey hair this morning" I said pretending to look forlorn; in reality I think a grey hair is probably the least of my concerns at the moment.

"Isn't that normal at your age" He teased.

"Oi! Careful… you're lucky I love that Welsh accent of yours enough not to punch you right in the mouth!" I smirked, glad that he was feeling comfortable enough to tease.

"I secretly like Depeche Mode" He offered as an apology, though to be honest that is hardly a crime, Depeche Mode are brilliant, I went to see them a couple of times back in the 80s.

"I sing in the shower" I said, knowing that they can all hear me up in the hub anyway.

"I hate using microwaves." No big shock there either, although I must get to the bottom of why one day!

"I've slept with 987 people, but you're the only one I've been with since I met you" I said, heightening the pace of this strange little match we had going on and ultimately trying to shock him with my honesty.

"You weren't the first man I've kissed" I was fairly certain that one was a bluff, but not certain enough to avoid a rather choked response.

"Really?" I said in an embarrassingly girly tone.

"No" He replied, confirming my thoughts as I playfully ruffled his hair.

"I've missed you" I almost whispered.

"I missed you more" He replied, only half-jokingly, whispering too.

"I know" I said back, feeling guilty because although I doubted it was true, I was the one responsible for both of our loneliness.

"Jack, I'm sorry if this ruins everything, but there are so many things I need ask you, things I need to tell you, and I need to do it now." He said anxiously and adorably biting his lower lip.

"Right as always Ianto Jones, fire away" I said smiling, I'd been anticipating this all evening and was ready for what was about to come.

"Where did you go? Why did you go? Why didn't you say goodbye? Are you in love with the Doctor? Why did you come back? Are you back for good? Who are you? Where have you come from? How can you keep coming back to life?" He spouted all in one long breath, causing me to smile for just a second before choosing the right words to explain and how much detail to give when replying.

"I suppose at one time yes, I was in love with the Doctor, before I met him I wasn't a good person and he helped me to get better. I'm not proud of the person who I was then; I was an ex 51st Century time agent, turned con-man with no sense of morality. I travelled with him for a bit, and he helped me to change, showed me the better person I could be. Then one day in a far off time when we were fighting off the emperor Dalek, I died. Properly. But somehow, his companion… Rose… she brought me back to life and altered me in some way so that I've become this fucked up freak who can never die. He said I was wrong, the Doctor this is, and that's why he left me alone and abandoned on that empty space ship. So I know exactly how much I have hurt you by running away without a goodbye, because I've felt it too. I know how it makes your insides feel like they are being torn from you and the raging battle of feelings inside your head. Which only makes the fact that I did it so much worse, because I knew exactly what I was doing, and I can never apologise enough for my selfish and stupid behaviour." It was my turn to feel a little breathless now as I finished for a pause, trying to work out how he was reacting to it all, he couldn't speak but he gestured for me to continue, so I did.

"I somehow made it back to Earth, but in the wrong time, the late 19th Century. I wanted to find my Doctor but I couldn't let our paths cross again for a good hundred years, so I came to Cardiff to wait, where I knew he came to refuel his TARDIS using rift energy. I didn't think about the damage and pain I might cause when I ran off to meet him that day, all I was thinking was that I hadn't seen him in so long and that I had to find out if he could fix me. I never intended to go away for so long, well I suppose it wasn't as long for you as it was for me, but still it was too long. In my time I was gone for a year, we were facing the end of the world – the Doctor, his newest companion Martha Jones and her family and I. It's all over now; in fact in theory it never happened as saving the world rewrote time. It's confusing as hell because to me all of it still very much happened, we were at the eye of the storm so to speak when time altered so are alone in the possession of these memories. These horrible memories of feeling so alone, of being tortured with endless deaths day in day out, not knowing when or if things would be right again; not knowing if or when I'd see you again and whether you'd forgive me if we did" I finished, breathless again, but with relief this time, that I had finally told someone everything and managed to apologise for my behaviour in the process.

He looked at me with loving, saddened eyes before starting to speak, "Jack" He began, reaching out across the table to hold my hand. "As far as I'm concerned you have done nothing that needs forgiving, I am just so glad that you're back."

"Ianto you don't hav…" I said, cutting him off, not wanting him to feel he should forgive that quickly, not even needing him to.

"Listen Jack" He said and paused, carefully considering what he was about to say "I love you and nothing that you have done or could ever do will change that. I don't need or expect you to say it back, but I do need you to know". I so badly wanted to say it back, so desperately wanted it to be easy for me to repeat those three small words, because after all it was true, I do love him, but I just couldn't. A year away, a year of promising myself that I ever saw him again that I would tell him, and still I can't bring myself to commit my feelings to actual words because it's so painful to admit that this can't last. That no matter what we have now, what I feel now, I will always end up alone.

"The one thing that kept me going while my world was falling apart at the seams and I'd been in more pain than I ever had been through in my entire life, was the thought that somewhere out there you were still alive and that one day I might be able to hold you in my arms again. I realised that this was where I belonged. I realised that I need you Ianto jones." I said, hoping that he would understand what I meant, hoping he would see the truth hidden in my words and understand why I simply just can't say it back.


	23. First Date 2

**A/N: **_Good evening one and all! I am early with this chapter tonight (for once it's not up at midnight and gone...) because SHERLOCK IS ON IT A MINUTE... so if you watch it, hope you enjoy it and then enjoy reading this after... :) And if you don't watch it OH MY GOSH YOU SHOULD! Hannah xxx  
><em>

* * *

><p>Suddenly before I had time to think there was a Welshman in my arms, and after a frantic, lust filled, ferocious and passionate few minutes, goodness knows how many exactly, we pulled our lips apart from one another. I can't remember for sure who started the kiss now, I think it might actually have been Ianto which is reassuring, because the kiss removed all sense of thought and time and being, for just a second continuing that kiss replaced the importance of continuing life itself. It doesn't matter who started it, or why, just that it happened.<p>

A kiss like this gave me hope, hope that Ianto would be able to live up to his words (which I didn't dare doubt he would) that I had been granted full forgiveness – no matter how undeserved I am of his forgiveness. The initially gentle, then suddenly more vigorous and demanding way his lips crushed my own showed me that he needed me as much as I needed him. I was sure that this was no longer a game of mine, to see if I could win over the pretty Welshman who served our tea, or even a continuation of our casual affair, a quick and meaningless fling; this was more, this was real and terrifying and amazing.

Every inch of my wanted more, for this never to stop, to never lose this feeling of pure adrenaline coursing through my veins and the comfortable weight of his body pressed against me. I suppose the adrenaline, I could find in anything; a Weevil hunt, on a roof top… but nothing would ever quite match the feeling of him in my arms.

After pausing for a quick breath of air, lips almost touching still, I made to lean forward and close the miniscule gap, but Ianto promptly moved himself further away, well out of the firing range of my mouth.

"Jack, don't". I was greeted with. 'Don't'. Oh.

"Stop?" I asked, deliberately putting on my most convincing act of flirtation, masking the desperation and slight hurt that lingered within. I refused to move my hands, kept gripping gently the lower part of his waist.

"Well going by what you've told me, you're 140 give or take a few years, and I'm 25… you don't want to earn a reputation as some sort of paedophile do you?" He said smiling somewhat awkwardly, evidently trying to move the conversation away from our kiss.

"Well what can I say, I like younger men" I replied, allowing a falsified gleam of wickedness to dance in my eyes, still hoping to try and dissuade him against his sudden apprehension and to cover up my own frantic need for him. My hands found themselves edging lower and lower down his back… and beyond.

He shook his head a little and spoke again: "I thought you said you were a gentleman, this is our first date after all…" He tried to joke again, but very firmly removed my hands.

I couldn't help but show my true feelings now, dropping my smiling and jovial act. "Seriously?" I questioned, so hopping that he would tell me this was all just a joke I didn't understand. Of course, even the hopeful part of me doubted that; I always got Ianto's jokes.

"I'm sorry Jack; it's just too soon…" He sighed.

Internally I cursed at myself, all of the worst words I knew, and believe me there are many to pick up over 140 odd years. I had completely and monumentally fucked this up. He may have gone against my orders and opened the rift, but that's just work, I abandoned him and hurt him big time. And to make matters worse, he was now trying to apologise to me because he wasn't ready to jump back in where we left off after I made such a cock up of everything in the first place! Sometimes, I genuinely think I don't deserve to even know him.

"I've told you, you're not the one who needs to apologise for anything right now. But I just thought… with what I said… I mean you know what I meant right?" Yes, I'd chickened out of proclaiming those 3 little (very huge and frightening) words, but I had thought he'd understood…

"I think so, I just, I'm sorry Jack I'm just not ready to jump straight back in, I need a bit of time." He did that adorable thing where he bites his lip with nerves; I hate the fact I make him anxious now…. at least he understood what I meant, sort of, I think.

"I told you now more apologies!" I attempted to flash him one of my trademark smiles. "Do you want me to go?" I finished, mirroring the biting of his lip with my own.

"NO. No." He hurried to add in, a slight blush growing across his cheekbones, rather much in the way that he had been so quick to say 'YES, yes" to our date. I couldn't help but release a chuckle at that, he wanted me to be here and that was enough for the minute. Well it's not; it's nowhere near enough after a whole year without even getting to see this gorgeous man day after day. But if it's all I'm going to get then I'll accept it gladly and be grateful, I've lived through rationing so many times I've lost count – I know how to manage well with shortages.

He started to tidy away our plates and glasses, and generally give his already near-immaculate apartment a quick spruce, just in the way he does with the hub and I couldn't help but observe as he bent and stretched to reach various objects. I'm sure he did that on purpose just to get at me. Somewhere in the time that I was casually watching him work busily away I realised something; that if it wasn't enough for him to have heard my side of the story of my disappearance, my justification of it all… I needed to hear his part, it was already too painfully obvious how much I had hurt him by running away like that, but I needed to hear him tell me.

I proposed that he bear his soul to me in a fairly light hearted manner, the only one I think I could have coped with right now, telling him that I needed to hear it so I could decide what was needed to make it up to him: chocolate… a watch… a car… _my heart. _

Patiently and cautiously he told me of how recklessly and selfishly I behaved on that first evening, drowning away my sorrows, going into detail on what Tosh had hinted at earlier and what I still can't quit, and don't want, picture – Ianto Jones a sobbing dishevelled wreck… all because of me. He hadn't wanted to face up to the reality that I had really left and abandoned them all, him; I felt myself flinch noticeably at his use of abandoned, I mean I know after all that's what I had done, but it sounded so much worse coming from his mouth. Then he struck upon something which in a weird way I could actually relate to, about how he felt so broken and lonely with heart ache just as I had out on the valiant, desperate for company… about how he hadn't fully realised until I left that he had allowed himself to fall in love with me, just as I… well he knows how I feel.

In a weird sort of way I felt better. His words had hurt, but they were not unexpected, and the whole process had been a sort of catharsis. But his next speech really did come as a shock: "But do you know what" He began. "None of that hurt as much, made me feel as upset as the way you saw me before you left."

"What d'you mean?" I asked, a little intrigued now but feeling as guilty as hell still.

Nervously he began again "It's just… oh I don't know Jack, we were only ever 'friends with benefits', I was convenient and second best. And to begin with that was fine, I didn't want a relationship, not straight away after Lisa, and I just liked… being with you. I didn't ever imagine that I would fall… It just became so painful to go through every day knowing that you didn't feel the same, that you still saw us as a convenience. And worse still you were ashamed to admit that anything was even going on, I mean you said to Owen… and oh God. I shouldn't have said anything, I mean I understand why you might have felt like that I mean you're the boss and I'm… the tea boy and you're gorgeous and charismatic and I'm just…" He trailed off a little flustered.

There aren't enough words in the world to describe how wrong he was just then. I wasn't sure quite how to convince him otherwise, to bear my hand and tell him the truth about my conversation with Owen? To muster the courage and reciprocate his words? To kiss him again?

Before I had too much more time to think I moved quickly closer to him where he stood leaning against the kitchen counter. "Perfect?" I corrected him coyly, grinning away, deciding that there was no need for fifty words when one would explain exactly why I was interested in him and hopefully dispute all of his doubts.

He raised an eyebrow in protestation… okay then, maybe there was the need.

"Ianto Jones, you have never been second best. You are beautiful and intelligent and caring and funny and polite and charming and just wow; and I'm very sorry that it's taken me leaving to realise what's been staring in my face and to realise that I've been mistreating you." I said very firmly, very definitely, staring at him intensely, putting as much honesty and truth into my answer as expressible in English.

"Really?" He asked, failing to hide a grin.

"Absolutely" I chuckled lightly.

"So you wouldn't prefer to be with… say ... Gwen? I've seen the way you look at her and the way you act together and…" He asked, doing the lip biting manoeuvre again.

"Honestly? At one point I thought something might happen between us, but I realised a long time ago that nothing ever will, we're too different. Sometimes she makes me want to be angry with her, very angry on occasion, but I can't be because…" I tried to explain.

"Because you're in love with her?" He suggested, wrong again this evening Mr Jones!

"Because she reminds me of a close friend" I said, removing all uncertainty from my answer. "Rose, she was lost… in the battle at Canary Wharf… stuck on the other side of the void, in a parallel universe, unable to return. The reason I am the way I am with Gwen is because when I'm talking with Gwen, I can picture Rose so clearly, and it just makes me happy. But if it really bothers you I can stop, because your happiness is more important than mine, especially now after what I put you through." I said honestly, I was genuinely prepared to stop my intimate chats and occasional bouts of flirting with Gwen because after all it didn't mean anything, not like this.

"Don't be silly Jack, I…"

"I mean it Ianto" I cut him off. "I'd do anything to make you happy again." wanting to make my point inherently clear.

"Jack…" He began

"Yes?"

"We're still not having sex this evening."

"Damn it!" I replied and we both broke out into laughter. Truthfully, it hadn't been further from my mind for the last 30 minutes or so, I had just wanted to talk and open up with him… but now… well, he's put the idea in my head!

"So what are we going to do then?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows a little… surely if I ham it up a bit… he might give in?

"Oh I don't know there's always Wii tennis" He grinned.

"You know I think it's hot when you get all angry and competitive! That'd be like torture!" I retorted, frowning a little – he had definitely suggested that one on purpose.

He only laughed in response.

Instead we watched the Sound of Music – not surprisingly one of my favourites, but I was quite amused to find it be one of Ianto's, I'd always thought he was more of an action movie man. Bless him; I think I saw his eyes tear up during Edelweiss… I wonder what Owen would have to say to that!

After the film last night we were both sleepy and I suggested that it might be time for me to go, but Ianto being Ianto simply rolled his eyes and told me not to be a 'daft sod'. Secretly I hoped that meant he had changed his mind about the whole 'no sex thing'… but no. I tried insisting that I couldn't sleep in my day clothes for fear of the crumpling, and that with regret, boxers or fully naked was my only option; but he threw me a pair of his pyjamas in retaliation (in a strange way, it was kind of nice to be wearing his clothes…). He wouldn't even let me watch him change! He hid away in the bathroom to do it!

"Come on Ianto!" I half growled with frustration. "I've waited a whole year to see that perfect bod of yours again, surely you can't deny me!" I pouted.

"Well if you've waited a year then the time left to wait should seem like only a couple of minutes in comparison" He shouted back from behind the bathroom door as I heard him turn the lock shut. Damn.

I offered to make breakfast this morning, and I can't pretend that I was genuinely offended when he refused… I'm not the best with appliances… or cooking… or fire… Plus I hadn't had any of Ianto's pancakes for an age, and I got to follow him around the kitchen again like last night!

"You know this would be so much more fun if we weren't wearing any clothes?" I advised, trying my luck once again.

"Really, in the Kitchen?" He replied. The kitchen, what was wrong with the kitchen? The autopsy bay, my office floor, the archives, the occasional unoccupied cell, the tourist office… all fine, but the kitchen he had a problem with?

"Why not…" I said grinning.

"I only just cleaned..." He mock wined; maybe the location of my proposed activity wasn't actually the problem…

"You're not budging on this are you?" I asked, clarifying what exactly he meant.

"No. No way, not today" He smiled.

"Technically… you said we weren't having sex last night" I pointed out.

"Jack"

"Fine, fine!"

Maybe I'll try and ambush him later when he goes for his shower…


	24. Mirror Mirror on the Wall

**A/N:** _Good evening all! Not much to say tonight... so yeah... enjoy! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>It's really quite an odd feeling that I have been experiencing over the last couple of days, one of sheer confusion and uncertainty and desperation that I am not used to undergoing at all. Usually I am in control within a relationship, I am the one calling the shots, luring them into making the first moves, having them answer to my beck and call and winding the other party into a state of begging for what I wanted to happen all along. But with Ianto things are so completely opposite to that. I am the one being driven insane by his playing hard to get and denying me what I know, essentially, we both want. He is the one with the ball in his court, and he's currently showing no signs of returning it. I have been trying to ignore him face to face by way of a punishment… hoping to use my familiar tactics to tempt him into my arms… but it isn't working, he doesn't even seem fazed by my lack of after date contact. But in this day just gone by I have sunk to new lows, been unable to stop myself from staring longingly after him even when I know that he can see… and I even reached the desperate level of sending him sexually harassing emails… some of which weren't even up to my usual high standard and were, though I am embarrassed to admit it, rather cheesy.<p>

_Ianto,_

_If you are going to continue to bend over like that in my line of vision then could you at least do me the favour of removing your trousers first? _

_Jack x_

_Ianto, _

_I saw you loosen your tie just a little then, please refrain from foreplay during office hours. Just joking, please carry on._

_Jack x_

_Ianto,_

_Would you mind coming up to my office for a moment, I have a rather large problem that only you can help me solve._

_Jack x_

_Ianto,_

_Jones, Ianto Jones, put that gun down and stop looking sexy right this second. Actually, don't._

_Jack x_

_Ianto,_

_Fancy a spot of Weevil hunting… if you know what I mean?_

_Jack x_

_Ps I mean sex._

Of course he didn't reply to a single one, I should have known that the cool, calm and sophisticated Ianto would never back down on his principles. Reading back through them now is making me cringe. Good god Ianto Jones what on Earth are you doing to me? I've been trying to carry on like a professional at work, but he is making it near enough impossible!

I think that Tosh must have caught me staring out hungrily and possessively towards him earlier, because she just came up to me and gave me a rather stern speech; I was quite surprised by her brashness if I'm honest, her and Ianto are clearly much closer than I had realised. She gave me firm commands that unless I was really serious about him, that I wasn't just using him as a convenience like last time (to which I rolled my eyes… I mean I know it had seemed that way, even to him but…) and that I genuinely wanted something real – then I was to back off and leave well alone. That 'the poor boy has been through so much grief and heartache already, and not just with you abandoning him without reason, with Lisa too… and I don't need to remind you of how he reacted to both of those incidents!'. And she didn't, I could still picture his broken, angry and sorrowful state after Lisa… and well from what Tosh had told me of how Ianto was the day after I left, I don't really want to picture it.

Of course, she has absolutely nothing to worry about. As it turns out I think I am far to 'serious' about making this work… far too desperate at least, of course I didn't fully divulge the extent of how I was feeling to Tosh – must keep up my reputation of course – but I told her enough to satisfy I hope. And, if that wasn't enough, I told her to ask Ianto herself which I expect she probably would have done even without my guidance, but I thought that pairing them up together this evening might give them the opportunity to talk.

I haven't sent them out on rift watch or teamed them up during a mission for quite a while now, as in before I left, as I've had this theory that Ianto is a good influence on Owen and so have been partnering the two of them off instead. And I have been right for the most part, so far we have seen little of the really cruel, snarky side to Owen – of course he is still sarcastic as hell, and will answer back as he likes, but he's losing his mean streak. I don't know if this is entirely down to Ianto, or if it's due to something that happened while I was away… or something to do with how he feels after Diane… but certainly spending time with the polite Welshman seems to be having a positive effect. One thing that I hadn't banked on was some of Owen's sarcastic behaviour rubbing of on the 'oh so polite' Mr Jones, I must admit though that I like it when he throws a line back with a bit of bite to it.

Hopefully, Toshiko and Ianto will be back shortly in on piece and I can have a go at seducing my favourite Welshman again!

Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear! Well devils… accept, something's not quite right, Toshiko looked entirely out of sorts and Ianto's forehead was pulling into that utterly adorable worried crease.

"Hey… everything ok?" I asked, hoping that it was simply that they were both a little worn out from fending off whatever the rift had dished out tonight, or that they had had a little argument about me (because I really am self-absorbed enough to hope this happened) and not that something completely awful has happened.

"Yeah, everything's alright, just a bit odd really. When we got down to the bay, there was nothing there. The rift opened as usual and we waited but nothing came out of the other side, we ran several scans yet nothing could be detected, the only visible sign of any activity was some sort of residue – dust – but that could have been there before for all we know. Other than that, absolutely nothing… is that normal?" He asked, seeming a little uncertain.

It certainly wasn't normal, in all of the one hundred odd years that have worked with Torchwood on and off there had never been a case like this. To be honest, I had absolutely no idea if this was a bad sign or not, but it surely couldn't be good could it? Never the less, I put on my most convincingly reassuring face and told them just to go home and not to worry about it. But then Tosh said something that grabbed my curiosity.

"Do you know what, this is reminding me a little of what happened in the Himalayas, the whole false alarm thing all over again..." she started.

"Himalayas?" I questioned, a little confused.

"We went out to Tibet to take care of a situation that turned out to be nothing, a completely wasted journey." Ianto replied.

Oh. I laughed a small melancholic laugh to myself. The Himalayas… I remember the Master telling me, a long while ago now, that he had sent them there but I wasn't sure if due to the change in timelines and things that had occurred after his death as to whether it still would have happened or not, and I hadn't really felt like asking. It probably sounds a bit selfish to say, but I don't like thinking of them working, carry on as a team… without me. Then again, I would have been disappointed if they had done anything less.

"He said he'd send you there." I said, speaking so softly that I wasn't really sure if I was talking out loud now or not, but I suppose I must have been as Tosh questioned me.

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter, he's gone now and there's no way that he could be behind any of this. While I was away…" I said, turning to stare straight at Ianto now, knowing that if either of them was going to understand what I was talking about – it would be him "he wanted you away from Cardiff, as far away from the hub as possible so that there was no way I could get a hold of you. He said he'd sent you off on a wild goose chase to the Himalayas…"

As predicted, Tosh still looked highly puzzled, and Ianto had a tint of confusion to his expression, but I think he got the gist of it all. I tried to send them home again after that, but surprise, surprise Ianto Jones was protesting yet again, still keen to work ridiculously long hours; nothing ever changes much.

"Well that's fine with me, because I know that sooner or later that suit will be coming off and you will be climbing into bed… and I'm really not fussed if it's yours or mine" I whispered, hopefully just loud enough for Tosh to hear and therefore heighten his already growing embarrassment. I really did miss that blush over 12 months.

Unfortunately he didn't take me up on my offer, so it looked like it was going to be another sex-less, sleepless night in the Harkness household and I was just residing to this thought when I got a phone call from Ianto at around half two. At first I was hoping that in the 5 hours since he had arrived home he had had a chance to reconsider, but it was only ever wishful thinking, he would never ring me at this hour just for that. He said that Tosh had just rung him and it sounded like she was in trouble and that she wanted us all to get over to her apartment as quickly as possible. So we all four of us met at the hub to collect as many forms of weapons as we could fit on our persons, and then set off for her place.

I was speechless when we arrived and saw exactly what it was that had been harassing her, what had her fixed on the spot, staring unblinking at its stone figure.

"It's an angel" I exclaimed. A Weeping Angel. Christ we were in for a challenge tonight, before the Doctor and Martha and were thrust into that horrendous year of torture, we had managed to have a little catch up, in which he had told me about these living statues. Take your eyes from them and you're dead… well, not dead, not instantly anyway… just transported back in time to live a full life and then die around the time that you were taken from in the future – the Angels feed on the energy from this somehow… I must admit I wasn't paying great attention to how they functioned as Miss Jones was wearing a very flattering skirt that day… but anyway. I explained to them what they were in the least terrifying way I could possibly manage.

A weeping Angel, he said that they're harmless as long as you keep looking at them, but the second you take your eyes off them, the second you blink they can move as fast as lightening to strike at you – to send you back in time.

"I think it must have followed me to the hub and then back to my apartment after leaving the bay." She struggled to get out stood there in her compromising state. "I had no idea what it was but as soon as I turned away, just for a second it had moved. I've been stood here staring at it since I rang you". She turned to say to Ianto.

"What do we do to get rid of it? We can't just stay here staring at it for ever." Gwen said.

"Well the only way to kill and Angel is to trap it, forever lock it in its stone state, unable to move. It's got its hands covering up its eyes right now… but if we can get it to… Ah! I've got it! If we can surround it by mirrors and get it to open its eyes then we should be able to trap it completely! All we've got to do is get it back to the hub…" I said.

We stood there debating the logistics of it all for a good twenty minutes or so, all the while keeping our eyes fixed upon the statues because five sets of eyes were much less likely to all blink at once and allow the creature to attack than one pair was, and then Gwen finally came up with a brilliant solution. Rhys had just began working for Harwood's – some sort of haulage company – and they currently had one of the smaller vehicles parked by their house. She took off in the SUV and was there and back with the van in record time, for an ex-policewoman she sure knows how to break the speed limit!

We struggled the statue down the stairs of Tosh's block and into the back of the van, carefully keeping as many sets of eyes fixed upon it as physically possible. We used rock, paper, scissors, Weevil, Ood to decide who would shot gun, and who had to keep an eye on our Angel - Gwen was driving of course to make sure that nothing would happen to Rhys's van with 'my' reckless driving as she put it. Luckily I got shot gun, Weevils have never failed me yet.

After we got the Angel safely inside one of our cells in the hub, and we had double checked with the two girls and Ianto that they would be alright to watch the statue, Owen and I set off to try and find anything and everything that resembled a mirror within the hub which turned out to be one of those rare things that was actually easier done than said. For some unknown reason the hub seems to contain a million one mirrors from various shops and decades, maybe Torchwood had received an attack like this previously that I wasn't aware of… either that or all of the previous staff were all really vain, of course Owen thought it was me who was the vain one, self-obsessed enough to keep all of the mirrors knocking about!

"I don't need to keep looking at myself in order to know how attractive I am!"

He rolled his eyes… "Trust me you aren't quite the catch you seem to think you are!"

"Oh am I not…" I grinned

"Well Ianto certainly doesn't think so" He said shrugging, matter of factly. I was 99% sure that he was bluffing, but even so…

"Why what's he told you?" I asked eagerly.

"Oh nothing that you'd be interested in" He winked… maybe 98%...

"I'm your boss and I'm trained in the fine art of torture, so spill!"

"No way Harkness." He grinned, maybe like 80/20… "Oh and can you save your harassing emails to out of hours please?"

"Have you been reading my emails again?" I thundered.

He simply laughed… and oh did I make him pay in the next few minutes that it took us to carry all of the mirrors to where the other three were holding our stone prisoner.

Once we had positioned the mirrors in a small circle around the angel I asked for everyone to trust me because in order to trap it permanently, we had to get it to open its eyes and that meant closing ours. I started to doubt whether my plan would actually work or not, and whether by shutting our eyes we would send one or more of us back to the past, and I think the others shared my worries too, but we simultaneously closed our eyes anyway – knowing that we had to try.

We opened them barely half a second later and were greeted by the sight of the monster with its arms stretched out leering towards us, sharp claw like hands spread wide and its eyes impossibly open and glaring; and it was frozen. We all breathed out the air that we hadn't noticed we were still holding and readily engaged in a manic bout of blinking.

I managed to get Tosh to agree to take tomorrow morning off to recover from the traumatic incident and shortly sent her home with Gwen as an escort who assured me that she would make sure that Tosh was alright and settle before she left her alone. After they had left I went up to my office, convinced that Owen would swiftly follow suit and that even Ianto wouldn't be much behind, but Owen hung around for an extra ten minutes or so and has only just left this second, swinging by Ianto's desk on his way out. Whatever he had to say to the young man must have made quite an impression as through the window in my office I could see his face grow a little flushed and him start to fidget awkwardly in his seat… and then as Owen walked away he looked up to where I am seated, eyes filled with a strange blend of uncertainty and confusion and love and desire; and then he began typing.

_Jack,_

_I am contemplating removing my jacket and waistcoat, and potentially even the tie, in the near future and just thought you might like to know. I am exhausted tonight… but if there are still Weevils to hunt later… then you know where to find me._

_Ianto x_

I now read in my inbox, much to my surprise and delight.

_Ianto,_

_Thank you for bringing the matter to my attention, you may as well remove the rest while you are at it – it's unlike you to leave a job unfinished. Weevil hunting can be arranged, also I have some new hockey sticks which are begging to be broken in, fancy a game? _

_Jack x_

_Ps I promise that that wasn't some weird metaphor, I really am talking about hockey sticks… _


	25. Naked Hockey

**A/N:** _Hello everyone! I am pleased to annoince that my exams are over at long last (two going splendidly and one that I have completely and utterly failed beyond belief!) and I will be resuming my normal posting habits ie everyday sunday-thursday! As long as people want me to write that often...? I will be alternating between ACAAG and IJD most days, though I might write more frequently on this one to try and catch it up, and may post on GPYRO sometimes too... who knows :) Anyway, hope you like the chapter! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Result: he has given in at last! Well… when I say given in, I was hardly gagging him and beating him with a baseball bat and threatening the lives of his family in order to get him into bed with me… so more realised that he has been behaving coyly for long enough now and has come to his senses!<p>

I had thought initially that after he responded so eagerly to my provocative email, that things would happen a lot sooner than they eventually did, I was hoping that even though he had said he was tired that he would run up to my office and ravish me senseless on top of my desk I mean, I had been stuck in that infernal hell hole without human contact of any form, never mind this kind, for a year. A YEAR. And a year is a bloody long time I can tell you!

But I can see where he was coming from, why he had hesitations in starting up the physical side to our relationship again, because I could tell that in his mind allowing this to happen was in some way losing his power in the whole situation. I've noticed that since my return he has seemed somewhat nervous around me at times, I think he worries about whether I meant what I said the other evening, and whether or not things will be different and more meaningful this time. Which is absolutely absurd of course, because it was never really what I tried to pretend it was, a casual fling… he has always meant more to me than I allowed myself to admit, but still I think he had doubts. And by letting me 'get what I wanted' he thought that that would be it, game over, things back to how they were. But of course it could never have been like that, I mean yes I would be getting what I wanted, but so would he! But, as I said, I can understand his earlier motivations – but thank goodness he changed his mind.

Last night at around half eleven, four days after our date, he was working dedicatedly away on sifting through some police reports on ghost sightings that apparently 'could absolutely not wait until the morning' as per usual. I was expecting him just to pack up his things, turn off his computer and collect his coat, giving me a brief yet satisfying goodnight kiss as he left the building to return home alone, as had been the routine for the three nights prior. But last night he didn't, instead he switched the monitor off, took of his jacket and bounded up to my office where I had been surreptitiously watching him on the CCTV for the last twenty minutes. I heard him knock at my door.

"Enter at your own risk" I said through a grin.

He chuckled from behind the frame, "Perhaps I'll leave it then…" But he came in anyway.

I was about to make a comment along the lines of 'off home are we?' when he began speaking first.

"I just came to warn you that hockey was never my strong point in PE, I was always better at rugby." He grinned.

For a minute I was lost, had not a hint of an idea as to why he was bringing up hockey, but as my eyes rapidly darted around the room I spotted the two new hockey sticks I had bought a few weeks back and remembered the proposition I had made.

I grinned back: "Not to worry… I'll go easy on you" I winked, and a familiar blush began to grow across the tips of his ears.

"If you could just remind me of the basic rules" He asked, moving closer towards me now.

"Well firstly I think we should change into something more appropriate" I answered, eyes filled with a devilish wickedness at the thought of exactly what I meant by appropriate.

I got up and out from behind my desk and slowly began loosening his silk tie and undoing the buttons on his lilac shirt, my own eyes never leaving his rather nervous looking ones. He rather reminded me of how he was on that evening when we first met like this in my office, after Suzie died for the second and last time. He had been nervous then because all of this was new, but he was nervous now because he was worried that it was all too familiar – so I kept eye contact to try and reassure him and it must have helped a little as he began working on my buttons in return. Soon we were both de-clothed and just stood there looking at each other in my dimly lit office, neither having met the site before us for quite some time.

Standing there in silence, barely breathing, I realised that I had somehow forgotten quite how perfect he is, how sprinklings of dark hair covers his pale skin and how this skin smoothly covers gentle muscle. I really don't think he sees how truly beautiful he is. Somewhat reluctantly – I didn't want to take my eyes away quite frankly – but also with a sense of eagerness I pulled him into a deep and desperate kiss, pressing his bare chest against my own, only pulling away to grab the hockey sticks.

And indeed we did play hockey for a little while, though it was quite difficult in such a small space and with so many distractions on offer… but then the ball fell down the trap door, leading down to my bunker, which I had left open and we followed… and so did everything else.

It was better than I had remembered, but I don't think that a mere memory could ever do justice to that… I couldn't resist a little throw away comment about our activities last night when I was talking to Tosh earlier this morning; Ianto will probably kill me for it, but I just couldn't help myself. I'd called the others in early this morning to help me check out this case of burglary that the police were convinced require our insight, but initially had decided not to bring Ianto in, to let him get a bit of rest as I know he certainly had none last night… when Tosh asked why he wasn't here I told her plainly and simply why. She seemed to find it all highly amusing… In the end I had to call Ianto in anyway, we needed someone to do a background check on the Halloran's and I knew that no one would be as thorough as he would be… Ianto's always _very_ thorough…

Well the past two days have been hellish; so many – far too many – people have died. It always ends up this way, people have to die before we can sort everything out and 'save the day' – we're never quite quick enough. Maybe if we'd have paid more attention when we tried to freeze Beth the first time, the sleeper agent within her wouldn't have been able to contact and activate the others in the area and no more deaths would have occurred, maybe then Beth herself wouldn't have had to die and could have lived a normal life with her husband who also wouldn't have died… but there's no real use in examining the 'what if' situations because it just makes me angry.

At first I'd been so convinced, along with Gwen, that it had been the husband who had assaulted and killed the criminals that had invaded the couple's home, Beth had just looked so startled and fragile and frightened. But I'd been wrong (and Owen had been right which was highly annoying), it had been her, she just hadn't realised. I wish that she could have just carried on living blissfully unaware that there was an alien within her, that her whole life was nothing more than a cover story for cell 114, but I suppose the truth was bound to emerge sooner or later, even if it did take the use of a mind probe to find the hidden secret beneath the surface. I'd been quite surprised by Ianto's sarcastic reaction to my suggestion of using it, but I supposed that he had found out that I had let Tosh know about naked hockey and was a little pissed with me. To be honest, I wasn't all that bothered by the back chat, in fact I really did enjoy seeing a rather more cheeky side to the Welshman, but I pretended to be a little cross with him, hoping that that crossed with his annoyance with me would lead to glorious make-up sex later… it had yet to happen…

Anyway, after discovering the truth behind the events of the burglary and finding out what Beth had living within her, we did try to freeze her, try and prevent unnecessary deaths, to try and prevent the need for Beth to be killed, to try and buy us some time to think of a way to allow her to continue her normal life with her husband who wouldn't have died if things had gone to plan. But it didn't work and carnage was brought to the city. In the end the only thing that could have happened to resolve it all happened, Beth's death. When she emerged on the balcony like that, Gwen pressed against her chest, weapon poised… there was a part of me that knew that she was only doing it to bring about what she thought was right, what she was determined to do – he execution. But we couldn't risk the fact that she might actually kill Gwen, so all four of us began shooting at her, killing her cold. Well… I say all four; I'm convinced Ianto was missing on purpose… I'm going to have to talk to him about that I think, I mean I know he's never liked using guns and I don't want him to feel pressured into doing so… but at the same time it's something that he needs to get over and something that I need to help him do. Though I really do hate the fact that he has to.

So, once again Torchwood has been at the centre of so much loss and tonight is one of those nights when really don't want to be alone and sit here and dwell on this saddening fact; so I'm going to find Ianto.

I approached his desk: "Your place or mine?" I asked, grin planted thickly upon my mouth. Hopefully he wasn't still angry with me about telling Tosh… and Owen… and that police officer… about our activities from a few nights ago.

He didn't reply. "Oh, sorry, I just thought we could do… well if you don't want to do anything this evening then that's fine" I stumbled through, feeling like a bit of a prat. I'm not used to rejection, people always say yes!

"No, no. Of course not! I was actually planning on asking if you wanted to come round for drinks but…" He began.

"But…?" I questioned, not completely relieved yet, but a calming sensation starting to wash over me once more.

"Well, I thought you were angry with me" He mumbled, deliberately avoiding my eye line.

I couldn't help but let out a full blown laugh at that, the suggestion really was quite ridiculous – how could I be angry with him? "Why would I be angry with you?"

"Well… I was kind of sarcastic earlier and then I made that joke about your bedroom manners… and I didn't mean to offend you I just… and you seemed cross…"

I laughed again, I had play acted at being miffed with his comments yes, but I hadn't realised he'd assumed I was genuinely cross with him! "I wasn't really angry! I was just pretending to be angry so that we would be even." I replied, thinking that that clarified all.

"Excuse me?" He questioned… ok clearly not clarified then…

"Well you were cross with me about the hockey referenced right? So I thought if I pretended to be angry with you, then you would forget about being cross with me… or we could have great make-up sex" I winked "I was hoping for the latter…" It seemed very logical in my mind.

"Oh. So you aren't really angry?" He double checked.

I sighed a little as I pulled him into a hug, hopefully he'll get over his little niggling doubts soon. "No Ianto, I'm not really cross. In fact it was kind of hot to see you challenge my authority a little, you should try it more often… and in other situations…" He blushed beautifully at that, and I stroked the ever growing patch of pink on his cheek.

"You're absolutely sure, I mean even though I deliberately missed when we were shooting at Beth earlier… I mean I know you saw" He asked again – clarifying my suspicions that this was what he had done.

"Yes!" I replied, a little exasperated now. "I'm glad you did that, I mean it's not exactly practical for you to be so inherently unwilling to kill even the most dangerous of beings but I don't want you to want to kill. I don't want any of you to want or to need to do it. And, aside from everything else… Ianto Jones I could never be angry with you when you are wearing such a gorgeous shade of pink." To be honest he could never make me angry, well maybe not never but it certainly would be a challenge for him to do so, regardless of what he was wearing… but that pink shirt… absolutely gorgeous.

He seemed satisfied enough now so I made my suggestion: "So, your place?"

He answered with a simple nod and grabbed both of our coats as we head out of the cog door.


	26. Who You Gonna Call? GHOSTBUSTERS!

**A/N:** _Good evening lovelies! Apologies in advance – this one is going to seem very out of season, I originally wrote the Halloween chapter of Ianto Jones's Diary on the 31st itself… and now coming to catch up on this story it's very late/early for the holiday depending on how you look at things… But I couldn't resist doing a Jack's POV for the story so forgive me! Also – to whom-ever may be interested MARK GATISS REPLIED TO MY TWEET! I did a happy dance :) Anyway, enough waffle: hope you enjoy! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>I just checked the date on my watch: it's the 28th of October and that means that Halloween is just three days away! I have just three days to wait until I have an undeniable excuse to dress up in a ridiculous costume, engage in a whole host of pranks and act as childishly as I like! Not that I don't act childishly upon occasion anyway, I mean I might be 'the big boss', the one who carries the largest gun and bears the brunt of the responsibility for Torchwood's actions… but I do like to have a little fun in the process.<p>

Having lived through so many decades of Halloweens, and seen the changing role of the festival within society and within different cultures, it really is interesting to compare it to how we celebrated Hallows Eve back (forward?) on Boshane… In the early 20th Century we used to carve out turnips and swedes to produce frightening lanterns, but gradually people switched to pumpkins (and to using the term 'Jack-o-lanterns which I much prefer!) due to the influence of America which are quite frankly a hell of a lot easier to carve; I've cut my left index finger off so many times carving out a Halloween turnip… I may not be a true American, but after blending myself into the world of the 'Yankee' soldiers during the Great War and in WWII I really got into the idea of taking out the younger children in the local area trick or treating, and helping them 'egg' people's houses who refused to give out any treats (what can I say – I'm a bad influence on the younger generation) and it was no longer like I was trying to fit in, I genuinely had a flavour for these bizarre traditions.

Of course Halloween in the 20th Century, and even Halloween in the 21st Century, is vastly different from what the holiday has morphed into in the 51st… When I was a kid, and a young adult with the same strong inner child I bear now, on Boshane Halloween was less of a holiday and more of a celebration – we called it the, it was all that different from the _Día de Muertos _that is celebrated in Mexico today. We would all take part in extravagent carnivals, wearing bright costumes and masks that looked like skulls, in order to both commemorate the happy lives of those that had been lost, and to celebrate the fact that we were free from the evil spirits which had plagued us in the past. Children and adults lined the streets with streamers and banners and everyone partied until the morning of the next day, children (and I am including myself as I child here…) would play tricks and receive treats just as they do on Earth now… but they were very different to the kinds you might receive today.

So you can imagine why I might be excited!

We were at Ianto's this evening, having a nice quiet night in with a Bond film – I've forgotten which one, Ianto was sat practically on my lap and I could hardly waste my attention on a TV screen now could I? – a generous glass of red wine each and some of Ianto's delicious home cooking, Eggs Florentine being his dish of choice tonight, when it suddenly came to me that we must have a Torchwood Halloween party!

"So Ianto… what are you dressing up as for Halloween this year?" I asked as we were sat on the sofa relaxing and finishing the bottle off.

His response was quite amusing, he seemed to splutter a little on his wine and I'd go so far as to say that I managed to startle the unflappable Mr Jones… yet he recovered and glossed over it so very quickly with an all too innocent "Halloween?"… Surely he can't have a problem with Halloween, can he?

"You know, pumpkins and candy and scaring kids and stuff. Halloween!" I replied grinning, pretending I hadn't noticed.

"Well, I wasn't planning on dressing up at all… but if you had something in mind?" He replied, wiggling his eyebrows in a rather uncharacteristically suggestive manner… if I didn't know the Welshman better, I'd say he was trying to change the topic by distracting me with sex!

I just laughed lightly before replying, "Nothing like that Mr Jones, I clearly have been having an influence on your innocent mind! No what I was thinking was Torchwood Halloween party!" I said, the volume of my voice rising with my excitement and my grin widening to match.

"Sounds great" He replied, almost convincingly… I think I am going to have to do some digging and see what the issue is there… but for now: I have a party to organise, outfits to plan and an ingenious prank to set up! I can't wait to see their faces… I've been planning it for almost a year now and it is so going to kick last year's trick's ass!

Well I've had a very successful morning's shopping! I took an hour out during a rather boring lull rift and any other activity wise to go off in search of costumes and decorations for the hub. After a good thirty minutes browsing the fancy dress store I eventually decided not to go for the predictable choice – a 'Rocky' costume from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, i.e. gold hot pants and spray on oil – but rather the classic Ghost Busters uniform. Having seen Ianto's reaction to my mere mention of a costume, I decided that I'd better purchase his as well, but it was much easier for me to settle upon what he should wear; red is so his colour that it just had to be a devils costume! There were two to select between: one was basically a deep red silk shirt with a brighter red cape and standard horns tail and fork, to wear with black trousers… but the other was just the accessories and a skimpy pair of red Lycra hot pants, not dissimilar to those in the Rocky costume. It was so very tempting to go with the hot pants… after all it would certainly give me something to look at all evening… but I also know that Ianto would kill me; twice probably, so I went with the cape one.

I also managed to buy out the shop of all of its remaining cobweb and grave stone and skull decorations in order to decorate the hub with, after all it's just not a party without decorations and it certainly isn't Halloween without them. Oh, and I've practically bought Tesco's out of toilet roll… we don't want to run short when we're dressing each other up as mummies!

Aha! I knew I was right! Ianto does have a problem with Halloween… and by problem… I mean he hates it! Shortly after I announced the plans for a party to the rest of the team – who were all almost as excited as I – Toshiko came up to my desk to tell me that Ianto really detests this holiday, that he wouldn't even fully explain to her why he hated it so much so it must be for some pretty impressive reason, but yet he was prepared to ignore that so that I could still enjoy myself. She gave me another quick reminder about how I had 'better be treating him properly' afterwards as well… which only added to the sense of guilt I was feeling about making Ianto come to a party that he would hate. But… he had said that he had wanted to pretend everything was ok and let me have my fun, so even though I know it's probably wrong… I'm not cancelling the party, besides he'd only get cross with Tosh if he found out that she had 'told' on him.

Oh and I made sure to remind Tosh of the valuable life lesson that Mean Girls has taught us: that Halloween is the one night of the year that girls are allowed to dress up as total sluts without anyone saying a word… I suggested that Owen might appreciate it very highly if she wore something shall we say... provocative? I doubt that she will, but the advice has been given!

I am going to be very nice to him though, no more jokes about the scary (yet sexy) hot pants costume he could have ended and I've written him a nice little letter asking him to buy a few things for the party…

'Dear Jones, Ianto Jones,

I have decided that you are the most trustworthy and qualified member of the team to carry out the very important task of purchasing our desperately needed food and beverage supplies for the 31st. Could you please also replenish our coffee supplies, as nobody else knows what on earth blend (s?) you buy to create such an orgasmic sensation!

Many thanks,

Captain Jack Harkness xx'

Well today is the big day! Tosh and Gwen have decorated the hub beautifully (or should I say horrifically?) and I have already laid step one of my incredibly amazing Halloween prank in place! This morning I faked a call from the police asking us for our help on some non- important case that require no assistance from the others and gave me the opportunity to be out of the hub without arousing suspicion. I've yet to tell Ianto, or any of the others what I am wearing this evening, I'm leaving it up to their imaginations at the moment and god knows what they must be picturing… he did try asking me one last time again before I left, but I deflected it quite expertly:

"Aren't I terrifying enough dressed as myself?" I winked

"Only when you're dressed as yourself and driving above 90… or attempting to make coffee… or cook" He said, tone rich with sarcasm, prompting me to lightly punch him on the arm.

While I was 'out' I was in fact down in the secret old laboratory that I don't even think Ianto is aware of, it's below even the lowest level cells and doesn't appear on any of the site maps for the building, anyway this was where I had been storing the necessary equipment for my ultimate prank. I'd managed to implant alien-grade robotic technology into an old shop manikin and set a timing system in place so that the body reacted in certain ways on a pre-set sequence that I could trigger from my wrist strap. In a way it might have been nice if I had let Ianto in on my big trick, we could have had a right laugh together and I would have had one extra brain and set of hand when working on my major prop for tonight's entertainment… but it'll be so much more fun to do it the way I have schemed, plus in this version of the plan, I have factored in a little alone time for us in my bunker whilst the others are frantically investigating the mystery above.

I hauled the body in through the cog door, making it look as though I had returned from the outside world, and placed the manikin under a sheet un the autopsy bay, telling them that it was just another Weevil victim, James Monroe, who seemed to have caught a contagious form of rabies from his bite wounds, and nobody was to touch him until after further tests had been carried out. That would sure as hell ensure that it remained untouched until the vital moment. Anyway, I've been up here getting ready for far too long now! I'm fully suited up as a Ghostbuster and so better make my way down stairs to start on our first round of mummifying each other!

After the mummy game, in which poor Ianto bless him had a little trip, I had to try so very hard not to laugh, we had a 'bite' to eat I pulled out the old Ouija board (stage two of my grand plan) much to everyone's distaste… I had a fear that this might happen, and it was absolutely essential to my plan that we used the board!

"Come on!" I begged "It'll be fun! Besides I bet it won't work anyway!"

"Jack I'm not sure it's a good idea to have a séance in a room where so many people and creatures have died in less than happy states" Gwen replied, trying to think rationally as ever.

"I'm all for it, it's just mumbo jumbo anyway, and it is Halloween after all" Owen shrugged – one down!

"Tosh? Ianto?" I turned expectantly towards them, fairly certain that Ianto would indulge me at least.

"Oh why not" Tosh said, and Owen gave her a high five. She seemed very pleased about that…

"Majority rules" I said very quickly before Ianto or Gwen had the opportunity to counter argue.

"Is there anybody there?" I asked, deliberately hamming up the sense of fear in my voice, trying to create a suitable atmosphere that would aid the runnings of my prank.

Gently I pushed the glass towards the 'yes' square.

"Why are you here?"

I moved the glass to spell out R-E-V-E-N-G-E and smiled inwardly at the audible intakes of breath surrounding me.

"Who are you?" I proceeded.

J-A-M-E-S M-O-N… I managed to get almost all of the 'victim's' names spelled before Tosh knocked over the glass in fright.

I discretely pressed the trigger button on my wrist strap and watched in delight at the frightened faces of my friends as they saw the lights flicker and the 'body' of James Monroe begin to glow and rise up out of its lying down position on the autopsy table, only returning to its placid state once I hit the button once more to turn the lights back on again.

"What the bloody hell was that" Owen asked.

"I-I've no idea" Tosh replied "was that real?"

"Do you know what it looked like…?" I began, successfully managing to contain my laughter. "Oh never mind It's probably nothing" I finished.

"What?" Gwen demanded.

"Well, from what I've read about them it looked like the Gelth – the ones who were responsible for opening the rift in the first place." I concluded ominously, praying that they were buying this all, because if they were I had just made Halloween prank history.

"But surely they would have had to come back through the rift, and the alert would have gone off, not to mention the hub's alarms should have sounded if something had got inside." Tosh suggested.

"Perhaps there's a problem with our equipment." I hadn't banked on Tosh's quick responses… luckily I can think on my feet! "Tosh and Gwen if you check over the system and make sure everything is running ok, Owen start taking a look at the body – I finished the tests on the Weevil and it the disease it has isn't harmful to humans so you'll be fine. Ianto, come with me to my office – I have the files on the Gelth somewhere in there." And now I could get Ianto alone for a bit…

As they set about engaging in their various tasks, I took Ianto up to my office and pretended to search around for the 'files' eventually concluding that they 'must be down in the bunker'. I couldn't contain the laughter any more once we were safely inside and out of ear shot of the others; I couldn't believe that they had actually fallen for it!

He just stared at me with an adorably confused expression on his face for a few minutes while my laughter died down, then I explained how it had all been part of my 'ultimate Halloween trick' which he didn't seem too impressed by…

"Wait Ianto, don't go, you're not angry are you?" I called out after him as he made to leave

"Of course not", He smiled back; much to my surprise… considering he hated the holiday and all, and he had just sighed like a disapproving parent when I revealed my actions.

"Are you sure, Positive?"

"Absolutely."

"It's just a little bird told me you hate Halloween…" I hope he wouldn't get too cross with Tosh.

"Ah" he replied quite simply.

"Ah indeed. Why didn't you just tell me?" I questioned.

"Because, I know how much you enjoy Halloween and well I thought that it was worth putting up with a few hours of grief and embarrassment." I so don't deserve him.

"You didn't have to you know, I would have understood. But… I am kinda glad you did put up with it, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to pull off that awesome trick – I've been planning it for nearly 10 months now. It beats last year's hands down and that one was a killer." I couldn't resist grinning widely at my triumphs!

"It was very convincing, I'll give you that. How did you do it?" He asked, grinning himself now.

"Well, I was moving the glass so controlling what it said was easy. And by telling you that the "body" was potentially infected with rabies, none of you got close enough to it to realise that it in fact wasn't real. Aside from that it was just a good application of robotics and electricity." I finished, pleased to have someone to boast to about my extensive plans.

"Well come on then, we'd better go back up and tell them all that it was just a prank" He said.

"Now now, Ianto they'll figure it out shortly – after all I don't imagine it'll take long for Owen to realise that he is dissecting a fake… but for now we're all alone down here… and you are wearing red after all… I say we just leave them to it for a while." I winked, finally getting to the part of my plan that I had been looking forward to (almost) the most.

"You, Sir, have an evil streak in you" He teased.

"Says you, you're the one dressed as the devil!" And we both laughed.

"JACK!" Thundered three angry voices from the main floor of the hub.

"Well that took less time than I thought!" I winked, and bounded up the steps out of the bunker and down into the hub to greet the very best part of the prank with open arms!


	27. Broken Boy Soldier

**A/N:** _Good evening lovely readers, hope you are all well. I'd just like to take this opportunity to say thank you (and I'll be repeating this on my other stories for those of you who only read one or two) all for reading so dedicatedly. For the last few months I have been a bit stupid - I have no idea how I ended up at a grammar school, because I have no common sense and so was completely unaware of 'traffic stats' until today and I have been blown away by it, so thank you very much, I never imagined I would have such a large following and it means so much! Before now I had just thought - well I've got 100 or so people on author alert ect... that's quite a lot - and I supposed that maybe half as many again were reading silently... but I never imagined it to be as many as it is so for the third time this evening THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has subscribed, commented, or read silently I LVOE YOU ALL! Hope you enjoy this one! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Tommy left us today. We woke him up for the 90th time today, and after so many years of being kept cryogenically frozen in our care, and of so many years of us trying to figure out why we needed to hold on to this WWI soldier, he finally went back to his own time and we finally solved the puzzle.<p>

We were all sad to see him go, Toshiko especially, which is kind of strange in a way if you think about it. Though the team have in theory all known him for several years, Toshiko for the longest, in practice they've really only had a couple of hours contact time with him, maybe three days' worth at most. In reality none of them knew him properly, not even well enough to label him a friend by many a man's definition, but nevertheless it hasn't prevented any of them from growing close to him and forming an attachment. There were so many reasons why a friendship with a man like Tommy wouldn't have worked: he's from another time, it was impossible for him to keep up with current affairs and trends, he had known us for a lot less time than we had known him… and yet, because of who we are, and what we're used to dealing with, we were able to push past this.

Furthermore, despite whatever might or might not being going on between Tosh and Owen it's obvious to anyone that Tosh was in love with Tommy, disregarding the unconventional and somewhat limiting circumstances of their relationship. For every year that Tosh has been working for Torchwood Three, Tommy and her would spend the day together on what you could stretch to call a date. It was adorable really, and as I said to Gwen when she voiced her opinion on Tommy – nobody's perfect. And sure, a frozen WWI soldier is perhaps a little less perfect than a sarcastic as hell Doctor who dissects aliens, but only a little. And that's the beauty of Torchwood, that people can find love and happiness despite the external issues, and I'm sorry that that's been taken away so brutally from Tosh, but yet so proud that she was strong enough to help send him on his was and to give up what she loved in order to benefit the rest of humanity. I hate it that it was necessary for her to do so, after all it's something I've done more times than I would like to remember, but it's things like this that confirm that I was so very right to rescue her from the infernal prison.

Of course, I really did know Tommy. I've been with him every single time that he's been woken up, and he was the first person outside of Torchwood employees whom I confessed my immortality too. I suppose you could say it was necessary for me to do so, that it would have been impossible for him to wake up once a year, ever year, across almost a century, to greet my un-aging face without question; but I could have claimed to have been a relative or even just stopped visiting him altogether. But the truth is I really had gotten to know Tommy very well during his time with Torchwood.

After the first five or so years, he became my responsibility – my 'pet' project whilst I was still free lancing for Torchwood. When they didn't need me for a 'real' mission, and when I wasn't busy myself drinking away my unlimited years or getting into trouble with the police I would research him, pile together histories on Tommy Brockless, character profile his friends, analyse every inch of his life style – do anything, basically, that might help us understand why he was initially brought to Torchwood. I wasn't there when that happened; if I had been I guess this whole mystery would have been a lot simpler.

Anyway, on top of researching the young lad, it became my job to look after him on the days that we did wake him up for. At first he didn't notice my aging that much, after all, he'd wake up and I'd be exactly like he remembered from just twenty four hours earlier – nothing so strange about that? And, unfortunately, during the first ten years Torchwood went through a rather horrifying turnover in staff members, so there were no other staff members for him to compare my aging to. But on the eleventh year I took him down to the archives; it might seem strange that he had never been given the full tour of the base before, but he'd never shown any interest in the hub itself up until then, he was far more concerned with viewing the outside world – observing how it was changing so 'rapidly…in his eyes anyway.

That day, I gave him the grand tour – the cells and everything – and finished off by taking him down to the archives. He seemed to enjoy browsing through our scrapbooks of old newspaper cuttings, reading about the major events that he had missed in the last eleven years, and trying out random pieces of alien technology that we had deemed harmless, but relatively useless. Then he came across an old photo, of the Torchwood team as it was back in 1914, four years before Tommy had even come to stay with us. The photo was of Amelia Tingewick, Bryn Astley, and Simon Smith… and myself; it had been one of the rare days from back then that I had felt like co-operating as a member of the team, if I remember correctly I'd agreed to be in the photograph in lieu of saving the life of a Werewolf. But the main point is, the photo depicted me from 15 years ago; me from fifteen whole years ago looking exactly as I did on that day with Tommy.

"_Blimey Jack! You don't half age well!" He exclaimed looking from the photo to the date on the back with surprise. "Anyone would think this was taken fifteen minutes ago, not fifteen years!"_

_I smiled tersely, wondering whether it was worth using the – very experimental at this stage – retcon on him, or if confiding to him my curse might be a good thing, to be able to talk to someone about it outside of the Torchwood institution._

"_I guess I'm just lucky…"_

"_Lucky! Bloody lucky I'd say! You look like you haven't aged at all…" He finished, and I could almost see the cogs turning in his mind, questioning himself, wondering if maybe, just maybe, that that was because I hadn't aged._

"_Well, maybe I haven't…" I risked._

"_You what?"_

"_Maybe… I haven't aged" I said, allowing an excited twinkle to grace my eyes; I really was feeling a bit of a thrill from telling him._

"_But that… that's impossible I mean… how? No… it can't be!"_

"_Is it? Is it impossible? Look around you, how many things down here might you have thought impossible? Might the general public of Britain still think is impossible…?"_

"_Well, bugger me. How does it work?"_

_I sighed, it was nice to have someone to be honest with… but this part would always be tricky. "Well, I don't know really. I had an accident a while back… or a while forward, depending on how you want to put it. I was killed and brought back to life somehow… and left stranded on a spaceship called satellite 5 hundreds of years in the Earth's future. I eventually made it back here through this" I gestured to my vortex manipulator. "But it's always been a little dodgey… and I came back too many years, far too early for the friends that I was looking for, so I'm waiting it out" I offered a small, slightly saddened smile towards the end._

"_Wow that's… I mean you're more screwed up than I am!" He said, and we both laughed. "So you can't die?"_

"_No."_

"_Not ever?"_

"_I'm not sure about 'not ever'… but pretty much."_

"_Prove it" He grinned._

_I grinned back, I hated dying and being painfully dragged out from that dark and lonely space into the world of the living again, but when it never fails to amuse and shock an audience._

"_Here" I said and threw him my pistol._

"_You want me to shoot you?" I nodded._

"_He took the safety off and posed like a true soldier, aiming for my forehead, and he looked raring to go; but then he lowered the gun, shook his head and looked me in the eye. "I can't, I just can't… I've never killed a man before."_

"_But you were in the war?"_

"_I know… but in that time, I never knowingly killed anyone, and I don't want to start now – even if they'll bounce straight back up again."_

"_That's understandable" I replied… I've killed far too many people, and individuals from other species, for my own liking. _

_I grabbed the pistol back from him and pointed it towards my own head. "Are you ready?" I asked._

"_Jack don't!" I heard him call just as I pulled the trigger._

_Eight or so minutes later, I woke up gasping for breath with Tommy at my side. "You bastard" He said, giving me a great old whack on the arm. "You terrified me!"_

"_Well, you wanted proof" I laughed as he helped me to my feet._

"_I know, I know. But just for a second I thought that you might have gone mad and were about to kill yourself right her in front of me…"_

"_Afraid not. SO… what are we going to do with the rest of your day?"_

"_Oh I don't know - anything good on at the pictures?"_

As I watched the team change around my constantly, Tommy was upon occasion the only person alive in the world who knew my secret, and it always gave me great comfort to know this, which is why I think that we were able to bond so closely on our short days together. That and the fact that, despite growing up almost 31 centuries apart, we weren't too dissimilar. Tommy might have been an old fashioned man at heart, but he coped well with, and embraced, the changing ways of the modern society and developments to technology. I took him to dances in the forties, Beatles gigs in the sixties, Depeche Mode in the eighties and, before Toshiko got her hands on him, showed him how to use things like computers and iPods and digital cameras in the early 'noughties'.

And after seeing all that… today we sent him back to 1918, back to die…

_"This time tomorrow, he'll be back in 1918." I thought out loud, knowing that Ianto was stood close by._

_"In his own time. Would you go back to yours? If you could?" He asked somewhat nervously. _

_I've often wondered myself as to whether I would or not, and maybe twenty years ago I might have said yes in a flash. But, like Tommy, I've grown used to this society as it's changed and developed, I've replaced old likes and dislikes with new ones, and ultimately I have found love and friendship here. Besides – what would I go back to? My family are long dead, John is a complete lost cause and as for the Time Agency…q quitting that was the best decision I ever made, even if it did lead me down an immoral and criminal path to begin with._

"_I left home a long time ago. I don't really know where I really belong. Maybe  
>that doesn't matter anymore." I replied.<em>

"_I..." He paused. "Don't you get lonely?" He asked, still nervous._

"_Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd  
>see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world." I hoped beyond hope that Ianto knew what I was really trying to say, what I'm always trying to say… well, if that breath taking kiss had anything to go by then I expect he did, either that or he wants a raise.<em>

So no, I really don't think I envy Tommy at all, in fact I'd go so far as to say that right now I'm happy with what I've got and where I am, and on that note, I'm going to go and find my Welshman – when I told him earlier that he was good with his hands and that this was a comment based solely upon his skills with a rubix cube and nothing more; I was lying.

I thought he'd be at his desk or perhaps the coffee station, so it was quite a surprise to walk down from my office into an empty, Ianto-less hub. After ten minutes or so I tracked him down to the far corner in the archives sat there at an abandoned desk, perfectly poised over a 1917 model typewriter, eyes filled with excitement and fingers delicately caressing the letter keys… by all rights I should be jealous. He looked so at ease that I wanted to retreat out of the room silently and leave him to his peculiar and adorable little activity, but I couldn't quite stifle the giggle that wanted to leave my mouth.

"What?" He asked, defensively, pouting a little.

"What are you doing Ianto?" I asked, still laughing, though mainly at the pout now.

"Just… oh I don't know, I like old things. I like the idea of remembering the past and trying to see what things might have been like back then. And well I guess the typewriter was just calling me." He mumbled endearingly.

I smiled. "You do realise that typewriter's nearly 100 years old don't you?"

"Well I think I can safely say that I have a particular interest in antiques" He said, outrageous bugger!

"Oi! Cheeky!" I replied laughing whole-heartedly.

"Jack…" He began "What was Torchwood like all those years ago? What's it been like seeing it change, seeing its employees change… losing all your colleagues and loved ones?" He asked, a little to my surprise. It wasn't that I hadn't ever expected that he would be interested, more that I thought it was probably one of those things that Ianto would think that I wouldn't want to talk about…

"To be honest, Torchwood hasn't changed much over the years, yes we've had better equipment and seen advances in technology both human and alien, but the essential values have remained similar. To protect earth from threats or die trying… Unfortunately that's the downside to the fact that nothing here ever changes: everyone always dies and dies young. I can't lie and say it ever gets any easier seeing your friends and colleagues die, but I've come to accept it as part of the job. It's hard always being the one left behind, the one that has to carrying on living. But at least by carrying on, by continuing to keep Torchwood active and running we're preserving their efforts. I meant what I said before, I've met and loved so many people because of the kind of life that I have been given, and despite its hardships I really wouldn't alter one second of the time I have had." I finished smiling.

"You know I am always here if you need to talk about these sorts of things, don't you Jack?" He said, gently squeezing my hand from across the desk.

"Of course" I replied, grin widening.

"And Jack…?"

"Yes Ianto?" I laughed.

"Have you ever… ever met someone like me before?" He asked, blushing deliciously.

"Jones, Ianto Jones… as if there's ever been anybody else like you before." I said pulling me into a tender kiss right across the desk; typewriter now well and truly forgotten.


	28. Picnic

**A/N:** _Hello all! I wanted to get this out last night but fanfiction was being silly and wouldn't let me log in! :( So here it is at last... ALSO, and I'm really sorry about this, I am away at my Grandma's in Newcastle until Monday and won't have access to a laptop or the internet before then... so it could be tuesday until you get a new chapter of anything I'm afraid! On the plus side, I'm becoming a God mother on Sunday :D :D :D Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Lisa Hallett. She died one year ago today, well technically, I suppose you could argue that she was dead long before then, dead as soon as those metal demons known as Cybermen stripped her body of all emotion and turned her into one of them… but today is at least the anniversary of the day that her body was finally put to rest. The anniversary of the day that I almost shot Ianto Jones, the anniversary of the day that I almost made him murder his own girlfriend, the anniversary of the day that he and I both through a series of slurs and insults towards each other; the day that I have been dreading for the past few months.<p>

I just really don't know what to expect from Ianto today, and in all honesty I don't know what he expects or wants from me. It would be typical Ianto, for him to ignore that today is an issue, for him to lock away all of his emotion until he can pour it out in private somehow… for him to remain silent on the matter all day, appreciate Owen's faux ignorance, become irritated at Gwen's overly kind and sensitive approach and appreciate Tosh for just being there for him. I expect he'll just arrive at work, and leave again (or stay… we don't seem to spend nights apart anymore, but I'm not sure if today will be an exception or not) as if it had been not unlike any other working day. But he should talk about it, he should let it all out to someone, he should be able to cry if he wants to and not feel bad or unprofessional about it.

Everyone was in uncharacteristically early this morning, earlier than Ianto even which was a first, undoubtedly because they all wanted to be here in time to greet him and offer him support in the unique way each one of them would do so. Of course, this meant that we had no time to be alone together as we usually did in the mornings, no chance for a quick chat over a coffee, so I haven't been able to assess his mood yet.

I don't really know if he'll want to talk to me properly or not, or if he'll expect me to give him space to meditate it out on his own, like I might do had he been any other member of staff, any other member of staff that I wasn't in a relationship with, any other member of staff that I didn't… well, I'm sure he may want this to some extent. But I know, and he knows it too, that talking about it will help, crying about it will help; provided that there is someone there to listen to you and hold you and dry your tears, and I am more than willing to be that someone if he'll let me.

So I've arranged a sort of surprise, a romantic surprise, for him and me this afternoon… I'm not sure it's the best idea I've had in my entire life, but this way he's had the morning to do his own thing, ignore his emotions and shut out the world and this afternoon he has the opportunity to talk about it all in an intimate and private setting if he wants to, and if he doesn't want to talk then my plan will at least provide him with ample distraction from his thoughts.

I've spent my morning setting up everything that is needed for this afternoon's grand event; I'm taking him for a picnic in the park (under the pretence of Weevil hunting or Ood catching etc. to lure him there in the first place) where we first met on that evening over a year ago now. Toshiko once let slip that, although he knew that 'men weren't supposed to have a favourite flower' – what a load of bull! – that he had always been partial to sunflowers, he liked the brightness of the bloom and the way the cheery heads turned to face the sun… so I have purchased a large bouquet and fastened it to one of the trees near the picnic spot. I've also laid out a large picnic blanket beneath the tree ready for our arrival and purchased all of the necessary food and drinks required for the perfect, scrumptious feast: scones and clotted cream and jam, and kettle chips, and scotch eggs and celery and carrot sticks, and chocolate fingers, and fresh orange juice – with bits, the way he likes it.

Now all that's left to do is round up my Welsh counterpart and pray that he like the idea…

"Tosh, have you seen Ianto?" I asked as I entered the main floor of the hub, surprised not to see him at his desk.

"Not for a little while, I think he's gone down to the archives for a bit" She replied.

Ah… of course, he always goes down to the archives when he wants to get away from it all, hide himself from the rest of the world for a bit, or a lot in this current case I would imagine.

"Thanks Tosh!" I said, walking past her and squeezing a hand on her shoulder as I went by. "How's he holding up?" I asked.

She turned from her desk to look up at me, smiling a little sadly. "He's Ianto" She replied. "He's acting as though he's fine about it all of course, carrying on as normal and unwilling to speak about any of it… he seems alright, but I know that that's just his way… I think he needs to talk to someone" She finished.

"Well, I'm going to try!" I said, smiling back at her as I bounded down to the archives.

"Hey" I said in my most neutral tone, waiting to judge his current mood before proceeding further as I approached Ianto where he was sat buried under a mountain of assorted papers and documents.

His blue eyes were outlined in botches of pink; he'd been crying and it makes me so upset myself that I wasn't there to make him feel better again. He just looked so, defeated and tired and… so young… which I suppose he is, he's the youngest out of all of us, but I often forget that fact because he comes across as older because of all that he has been through in his short years. I was beginning to question whether I had made the right judgment about how I should proceed with today, whether he would have preferred it if I had just let him wallow in his own thoughts for a while, rather than come out with me for a sort of date… a date on the anniversary of your girlfriend's death… oh dear, I'm starting to think that my idea really is a terrible one.

"Hey" He replied, suddenly switching on that professional, Ianto mask, cleverly and almost convincingly concealing his feelings.

"You… did not bring me a coffee this morning" I said in a mock accusative tone, putting on my biggest grin, trying to play along with his decision to ignore what today was doing to him, and trying to act normally. It was probably what he wanted, and more to the point what he needed right now; I imagine Gwen had already done her fair share of comforting and trying to persuade him to talk about it all.

"Well, you called the others in early meaning we didn't get to see each other this morning" He replied back, matching my tone.

"I didn't call them in early" I laughed. He's never going to understand just quite how much we _all_ care about him, and how anxious everyone was to make sure that he was ok today; it's an honour really, I think it's the first time Owen has been early for work in his life, and Gwen's not been much better with time keeping… it says a lot.

"Oh" His brow furrowed adorably. "Then why were they here?" Come on Ianto, use your brain…

"Beats me! Anyway, I was wondering if you fancied a little lunch-time Weevil hunting" I suggested, knowing that he would more than likely agree to either the actual act of Weevil hunting _or_ the implied suggestion behind 'Weevil hunting'… It was the easiest way I could think of getting him out of the hub and in the SUV with me, after all, he'd probably say he didn't feel like going out for lunch or shopping or a drink or any other number of excuses… and besides I desperately wanted this to be a nice romantic surprise for him.

"Always" He replied quickly, much to my approval.

For a while we drove to the park in relative silence; I hadn't told him where exactly the 'Weevils' were located, but I assume that he gradually began to notice where we were heading even though he never mentioned it. For a short while I had the radio on, but then the news came on and there were endless reports of local murders and suicides and deaths… and though Ianto remained silent and calm on the outside, I was worried about what memories the stories might be evoking inside that busily working mind of his, so I turned it off. We began chatting about mundane little things: the weather; the rising price of petrol; how hot Ianto looked in that particular shade of lilac; how Owen had been using all of the clean mugs for weeks… anything that wasn't important. I knew that he probably wouldn't want to talk about Lisa, what with Ianto being all stoic and private and Ianto-y and all, unless I encouraged him to and so for now, as he was content enough, I decided to just evade it.

"Jack…?" He asked, cutting through our trivial talk.

"Yes Ianto"

"Just out of interest, do you remember what day it is?" He asked a little nervously.

"Wednesday" I shrugged, not quite sure of how I should answer… whether he would want to talk about it now, or ever for that matter, and not sure if it mightn't be best to wait until we were settled at the park until we began.

But did he really think I could forget though? Forget that day that on which I could have almost murdered him out of rage, that I could have wept with endless sorrow for his loss… the day that brought us closer together, the day that I comforted him through the pain and the day that I gave him the best thing that I could: a second chance. Of course I knew what day it was!

As we pulled up to the car park, the park itself seemed relatively deserted, which I guess is not all too surprising given that it is November, but I was pleased to find that we were pretty much on our own, that everything was private and intimate just as I had hoped. I'm sure he recognised it now, recognised the area where we first wrestled that Weevil to the ground together… and now we were here once again, and under the pretence of Weevil hunting of all things, it all seems rather fitting.

Anyway, on that note, I handed him a can of ant-Weevil spray and a sedative told him to go on ahead without me and made up some utter rubbish about picking up heat radiation in a South Easterly direction, i.e. the direction in which my surprise lay for him. I'm surprised he swallowed it really. As he left I continued to root around for the gluttonous picnic hamper that I had prepared and placed inside earlier.

Shortly afterwards I left the site of the SUV myself and wandered over to the lightly wooded area where I had laid out a large blanket and attached a bouquet of sunflowers to an unsuspecting tree. He was just stood there staring at the arrangement, highly confused, until I approached closer and he heard footsteps behind him. He whipped around quickly to greet my eyes and as his trailed down to the large hamper in my hand he quirked an eyebrow up expertly as his confusion grew further still.

"Wednesday." I repeated from earlier. "Wednesday 29th November 2007, 365 days since Tuesday 29th November 2006" I finished smiling as best as I could, but I fear that I let some of my sadness show through. I hate that he had needed to go through something like that, hate that he has been through so much grief and hate further still the fact that him and I almost came to blows over it one year ago today.

"You did remember" He replied softly, his mask now dropped and true emotions threatening to spill out and over his eyes.

"Jesus Ianto, I know I'm very good at Am Dram but still, you can't have honestly thought I had forgotten." I replied, semi-joking.

"Well… I don't know, I suppose part of me wished you had forgotten… there were so many things that we said and did to each other that day, that hurt to remember them now – and I fear I was the worst culprit out of the two of us. And then I thought that you must have forgotten because you invited me out for this 'Weevil hunt' and usually if one of us is in this sort of situation… then you like to give us distance and then talk about everything or whatever.." He stumbled through quickly.

Yes, I suppose part of that was true, I might usually give one of the team space if they had something particularly heavy going on and I thought that they needed it… and I had given him space this morning, but ultimately I wanted to be there for Ianto if he wanted to talk.

"Don't be silly Ianto, none of that means anything now" Taking his hand and squeezing it firmly to reassure "AND, yes as an employer, if I thought one of my colleagues needed some time to think then I would give them space, but you know that you mean more to me than that don't you? I wanted to be with you today so that you could talk if you need to, but I thought you would protest if I asked you outright – so I had to lure you here under false pretences." I finished, laughing by the end.

"Yea, you're right I probably would have protested against needing to talk about it all… because to be honest I really don't want to." He sighed, I had suspected that.

"You didn't want me to give you some space today, did you?" I asked nervously. "I mean, I take full responsibility for what happened to Lisa, for all of us shooting her down in front of you and I am truly incredibly sorry for that. I was lashing out childishly because I was angry at you, and wanted you to suffer. But you know that it had to be done right – there was no other way I…" I suddenly worried that this was a very _very_ bad idea…

"Jack" I in the interrupted. "I don't not want to talk about Lisa because I'm still cross or upset with you for how it happened, I accepted that it was necessary long long time ago. I can't bear the thought of talking about it all because… Oh god you'll think I'm a terrible person… Because…"

"Because?" I asked intrigued, now he was surprising me. I had suspected that he'd initially not want to talk, want to pretend that everything was normal and shut away all of his pain… but now I was a little confused.

"Because I feel so guilty, not guilty because she died or because I pretty much forced the four of you into shooting her, but because I have moved on, because I'm happy now, because I should be feeling like utter shit. But I'm not. It's only been a year Jack, and I loved her so much, but barely miss her now. How much of a selfish jerk does that make me?" He said, appearing to be desperately trying not to cry, and suddenly I understood exactly why he hadn't wanted to talk about it. If I'm honest, I'm glad. Glad that he has managed to move on and glad that I'm making him happy even though I don't deserve to relish in his happiness.

"Well on a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say… negative 10" I replied, pulling him into a tight hug. "A year is a long time, and people move on and grieve and heal at different rates. Besides, you know that deep down you had accepted that Lisa was gone when you saved her half-converted from Canary Wharf. You shouldn't feel guilty that you're happy, I'm very glad that you're happy" I kissed his cheek delicately.

"Are you certain? I just can't help thinking that I should be feeling … oh I don't know just feeling more." He nibbled at his lip.

"I should know, I've lost enough people, more loved ones than anyone should ever have to lose. And you beat yourself up about finding joy after their gone and you just get bogged down in guilt and regret. But after a while you realise – what's the point? You can't bring them back with guilt; punishing yourself won't change the situation so if you can find happiness again you might as well just be thankful for it."

He sort of managed a smile in return as he replied: "Thank you. Thank you for not giving me distance, thank you for helping me yet again"

"You're welcome, though you don't need to thank me, I'm glad to help. Oh and as for feeling more…" I said, ceasing the opportunity and placing said hand in the exact opportune place for him to feel more… a whole lot more… and a more that was increasing rapidly.

"Jack we're in a public park"

"No one's around!"

"Jack!"

"Fine" I sighed, though I knew I'd get him later…

"Oh and thank you for bringing me on a 'Weevil hunt'" He winked "Do the others know where we really are?"

"Nah, I figured we could pass off a good couple of hours as having been spent hunting Weevils – plenty of time for us to enjoy a picnic without interruptions from that lot" I grinned. "Scone?" I offered, opening up the bulging picnic basket.

"Did you make them?" He asked warily.

"Nope, Marks and Spencer's." I didn't let him know that I had _tried_ to make my own batch… but they were not even fit for the Weevils to eat, let alone for human consumption!

"Ok then" He said and grinned and I gave him an elbow dig in return for his impertinence, perhaps I shall have to teach him to respect his elders and superiors. If only I could think of an appropriate way to do so…


	29. Meat is Murder

**A/N: **_HAPPY VALENTINES DAY :D Sorry to you all for my period of absence, but me and my family were up in Newcastle visiting some relatives and attending my second cousin's christening in which I became her God Mother! I feel like I have a newly gained sense of power... ;) I hope you all had lovely weekends! It's half term this week, and though I have a jam packed schedule (I worked 11-8 today and I'm doing it again tomorrow - kill me now...) I will try and gte some extra chapters out! Hope you enjoy this one for now... Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Every time. Every bloody time, we get so close to saving some poor innocent, exotic and amazing creature, we're just a fraction too late and yet again another alien has paid the price of humanity's selfishness and ignorance. When we found that lorry containing the suspicious meat… I never thought there would be something as terrible as this going on. I never really thought that the case had anything to do with cheap 'knock off' beef or pork, but, I don't know, I didn't ever think that people would be capable of carving up a living, alien creature and selling it on to consumers at high profit. Even when entering the warehouse, my mind had been so preoccupied with worries about whether Rhys would be okay and how much Gwen would kill me of he wasn't… that I didn't have time to think about what exactly we might find inside, about the truly horrific and saddening sight we would see. It's almost enough to make me want to hurl myself of this too top right now, to willingly enter into that hellish blackness for maybe half an hour… just to block out the memories of the wailings and cries of that helpless being in so much pain…<p>

I'm not even sure what I'm most angry about: the fact that this torture and mistreatment has been going on without Torchwood picking up a thing, the fact that people – not evil other life forms, just normal, average people – are capable of such horrific things, or the fact that once again there was nothing we, nothing I, could do to help. And that just makes me feel so useless, so futile and so unworthy of leading an organisation like Torchwood on days like this when I can't even save one creature from a group of my own race. Because, what is the point of us – of me – if we can't protect the innocent from the evil? Even standing here on top of the roof of the multi-story car park isn't helping, the bitter late autumn wind isn't clearing my thoughts or cooling my rage as it usually does, it isn't melting away all of my unpleasant thoughts…but, then again, how could it? When down below I can see the expanse of half the city and view all of those hundreds of people down there carelessly wandering blindly into roads, or bumping in to others in the street, or committing crimes in alleyways, all of them reminding me of how recklessly and unnaturally human beings have acted today. Even those of them who are just milling about down there carrying out their usual, well usual for this time of night, business without a care in the world… just think, how many more of them are keeping a vile secret like that? How many more of them are benefitting from the pain of other creatures – or other people for that matter?

Do you know what – it actually makes me feel a little sick to my stomach, and a little ashamed, to be part of the same species as people who could do something like that; usually I would be so very proud to call myself human… well sort of human, I'm not sure if I count anymore, but today I can see just why we are one of the most hated races in the universe. I don't understand what the Doctor sees in us, why he idolises us so greatly, when we can do things like this. When we can act so greedily and carelessly and selfishly… what's the point in loving us? He's been to so many planets and worlds and seen so many life forms; surely he's found a more perfect race? One that won't destroy everything it finds because it's convenient or beneficial for them to do so.

And, not even looking at the meat harvesting, alien mistreating side of things, those few men really were just utterly unsavoury and malevolent beings to hold some of their own kind hostage like that… poor Ianto… I mean, I know that all of us went through a particularly rough ordeal today… but this is the second time now that he has been held hostage, and whilst it must have provided ample distraction from his 'Lisa thoughts' he must have been terrified. I just thank that he really is very (and I mean very) good with his hands and that he managed to shed himself of the handcuffs and wrestle that one thug Dale to the ground. And thank god, that the thug in question had no bullets left inside the gun he held poised firmly at Ianto's skull because… well…the alternative isn't something I'd like to dwell on.

And to think, just two days ago before all of this began; I had been so looking forward to today. It had been a good week since the anniversary of Lisa's death but Ianto was still, and quite rightly, feeling a little down about it all… not that he would admit to that fact of course, and seeing as I couldn't get him to talk about it all again, I decided that another distraction was in need, a nice distraction, certainly not the kind of distraction that he ended up getting… Anyway, so secretly I had planned to spontaneously give everyone the whole day off (which I suppose might have seemed suspicious, seeing as the only holidays us Torchwooders take are Christmas, New Year's day and some very rare special occasions – but I'm the boss, they'd have just gone with it). And with this day off, I had intended to take Ianto to Cardiff Castle, because I know how much he likes visiting historical monuments, and he had been saying only the other day about how he wanted to see it as he hadn't been back there since before he moved to London. But, of course, those plans were well and truly ruined. I don't know where the point is in planning anything whilst working here, because if there aren't whole hosts of aliens entering through the rift, or gangs of rogue Weevils to round up, or other worldly crises… then humans themselves always find a way to mess it all up, and of course we are never quite enough to stop them.

Yes, human beings always find a way to reaffirm just why we have to keep Torchwood and the existence of such precious, alien life a secret. Well, I suppose not all human beings… in fact, it's possibly perhaps just even a really small proportion… but still, it's unfortunately enough to give us all a bad reputation and tarnish the status of the entire planet, which is sad because there are so many brilliant and wonderful people out there who are generous and kind and keen to explore and adapt and it's those sorts of people which I guess remind me, on dark days like these, to be proud to be one of them, and that there is hope for our race yet. And I know five of these very such people who are probably still busily at work whilst I'm standing up here railing against my misery. Actually, perhaps not, it's quarter to midnight… I expect they've all gone home, which is probably just as well, but I hope that Ianto might still be there – it's selfish and I've said it time and again how selfish it is, but sometimes I really feel like I need him when I've had a day like this; talking to him makes me feel better, makes me feel less angry with the world and with myself for allowing such things to happen, and just being with him further reminds me of the goodness within society because he truly is one of the greatest and kindest people I've ever known.

Standing up here on the roof top isn't making me feel better, it's not making me feel any less of the guilt for having to put down that poor innocent creature, or feel any less angry and vengeful towards those ignorant and selfish men who captured and tortured it. So I suppose I'll head off back down to the hub, and hopefully find someone there who stands a good chance of making me feel better.

As I entered the hub, my eye just happened to catch sight of one of the pizza boxes poking out from the over flowing rubbish bin… meat feast it had been… I'm not sure that any of us will ever look at meat in the same way again now – I know I certainly won't and I imagine for Ianto that between this and the cannibal incident, it's almost been enough to turn him vegetarian. He was so adorable earlier when he was eating that pizza, before we had known what was really behind the origin of the 'suspicious' meat, and he had that napkin tucked into his shirt… I'll have to remember to always keep napkins in the hub, just on the off chance that he needs to eat something. I wonder if he fancies getting anything to eat now… If he's actually here of course which, if he is, I suspect he'll be down in the archives. It's much too late for a proper restaurant, but there's always takeaway or a 'drive thru', or I could cook toast or something…he probably won't have had anything yet… but perhaps maybe his stomach isn't quite ready for food yet; I'm starting to think that perhaps mine isn't.

"I thought you'd gone home with the others" I said, as I entered the archives to find Ianto right where I had wished that he would be.

"Me? Never, here as always" He said, managing to flash a small smile which I definitely appreciated right then.

"I should have known better really, shouldn't I?" I grinned, trying to act as though todays hadn't fractured their way through my well-being quite as much as they had.

"Indeed… So, you alright?" He asked gently.

"Me? Of course, I'm always alright" I said, hoping that I was still keeping up a convincing act, though the expertly raised eyebrow that Ianto shot back at me in response would suggest otherwise…

I sighed, giving in to the fact that I wasn't fooling anyone. "Ok, so maybe I'm not ok – so sue me" I laughed, with the hint of a bitter edge filtering through "I just, I didn't want to let it die, I thought we could save it but… It's just, we face so many bad aliens and then when an innocent and faultless one comes along it ends up getting the same treatment as its evil counterparts."

"Jack, there was nothing any of us could do. It was in pain and we truthfully couldn't have helped it" He replied, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly and holding my gaze.

"I know I know, it's just… oh… well you know how I feel" I replied. He must be getting bloody sick of this by now, of me always blaming myself for anything that goes wrong with Torchwood and of him having to assure me that it wasn't my fault… I'm glad that, even if he is fed up with doing it, that he continues to do so, it always does make me feel just a little bit better.

"But anyway, I should really be asking how you are- after all you were held hostage Ianto. Are you ok?" I asked him, taking holding of his hands, wincing both physically and internally as I saw the marks of the rope burn. I delicately kissed each hand 'better' in turn.

"All part of a day at Torchwood" He joked. "I'll be fine" He said smiling at me with the smiled that I know is just there to try to get me to stop fretting about him, what he doesn't realise is that it makes me worry more. "I did want to ask though… why, why couldn't you look at me when we were in the warehouse today – had I done something wrong? I mean I didn't mean for them to find you and Gwen and Tosh, I tried telling them that it was just Rhys and I but…" He questioned, mumbling towards the end

"Shssh" I cut him off, placing a finger on his soft lips. "Isn't it obvious why?" I replied, truly thinking that it was obvious, but he gave me such a puzzled look that I felt the need to expand further: "Do you remember what I said to Gwen about Rhys before we set off?" I asked.

"_You love him, and that makes you vulnerable"… _Yes, Gwen loves Rhys and that makes her vulnerable and I… Ianto… I…

He nodded in response.

"Well, I couldn't bear to look at you because if I had seen properly what they were doing to you, seen your poor face as you stood there held up at gun point with bound wrists, then I don't know what I would have done. Just the mere thought of seeing you like that, of what he had done to you makes me want to go back and teach him a lesson, or even kill him. And I know that if I had let myself look at you during that moment, then I almost certainly would have destroyed him. But that wouldn't have been right and I wouldn't have been thinking rationally because you mean so much to me and the thought of ever losing you scares the hell out of me. So that's why I couldn't look at you, not because I was angry or disappointed, but because I needed to keep my head clear" I said quickly, revealing far more than I had intended to… but I'm kind of glad I did. I don't think I tell him, or show him, enough just how very important he is to me.

"Wow" Was his only response.

I couldn't help but laugh "Usually you're the eloquent one, and I'm the one with the 'one liners'" He grinned. "But, it's a fair comment, wow indeed" I winked. "Oh and speaking of wow, very impressive the way you pounced on that guy Dale earlier, and Owen was telling me that you were a bit lethal with the stun gun today" I grinned, very, _very_ glad that Tosh had been able to access the CCTV footage for the warehouse…

"I got quite into it all; I think it was the adrenaline kicking in" He smiled.

"Well do you know what I think" I said, allowing a wicked glimmer to enter my eyes.

"What?" He asked.

"I think, that it was kind of hot" I grinned, pulling the gorgeous Welshman opposite me into a tight hug, allowing my hands to inch ever lower down his back and further beyond.

He blushed gloriously; I'm not sure if it was due to my touch, or due to my words, but either way I appreciated it greatly; I love it when he blushes. "Really?" He questioned.

"Most definitely" I replied, still working the hands. "Shall we continue this in the boudoir?"

"Hmm… or we could just stay here" He mused, much to my surprise and delight.

I raised one eyebrow in mock surprise, mimicking him. "Even better" I said, before planting a passionate kiss on to those beautiful lips.

Hopefully Ianto will forget to have the security footage wiped again, like he did the last time we behaved inappropriately at the work place, and I shall have another interesting home movie to add to my growing collection….


	30. The Drawer Debate

**A/N: **_YAY! I thought I wasn't going to be able to get this up this evening because fanficiton kept crashing but it's finally let me on so you all get your chapter after all! Hope you like it and that anyone in the UK (or where ever!)_ _had a nice first day back at school after half term :) Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Gwen didn't give Rhys the retcon I'd issued her with after the 'meat' incident in the end, I knew she wouldn't and I knew that I wouldn't try and force her to more than I have done already because it's Gwen and I guess I'm tired of arguing my points home with her. If it's gravely important and dangerous to the lives of those around us than, hell, nothing will stop me from doing what is right, but this is a personal matter – her personal matter.<p>

Things have been difficult for her and Rhys because of all of the secrecy entailed with Torchwood and I guess she had just had enough, that she was relieved that he had finally just found out and that she wouldn't have to lie to him anymore, so at least things will be easier from that point of view… but now of course there's the issue that he might start to become to overly protective and try and convince Gwen to stay away from some of the more dangerous missions, which would quite frankly be a bit of a pain in the ass… and of course there's issues with how trustable with this information he'll be… I'm sure it won't be a problem, but there's not been anyone outside Torchwood or UNIT whose ever known about us fully before.

I'm still not sure if she made the right choice or not, a) because she went against my orders, but also b) because by keeping him the know it does expose him to certain risks that he was otherwise safe from… but I'm not going to begrudge he for her choice.

It's all been playing on my mind a lot today, because we're meeting up with him later which was Tosh's 'marvellous' idea, for us to go on a pub quiz… as if we hadn't already seen enough of him recently… he doesn't like me very much at all I think Gwen hates the idea of mixing work with her home life but there you go, Miss Sato cannot be dissuaded. So yes, because of this I've been thinking quite a bit about how he's handling the revelation, and whether or not he's going to do something stupid but I certainly wasn't going to bother worrying about any of this yesterday, not while the possibility of a problem had yet to become the reality of one, yesterday I just decided that I was going to forget about it all, because last night Ianto and I had a lovely cosy evening in at his place organised and I didn't want to be distracted throughout it with thought of Rhys Williams.

I managed to forget about it all quite easily in the end, it's surprising really how quickly a well-dressed, outrageously attractive, dark haired Welshman can take away bad thoughts. We quite regularly spend our evenings in together, either out of choice or convenience or purely because the unpredictability of the rift makes it difficult to plan anything, but I've never quite got used to the strange delight of seeing Ianto in something other than a suit (or naked… though nothing really beats that one). At first I was unsure about how I would take to him in casual clothing, because I fell in love with those sexy suits the moment I saw them, but seeing him in skinny jeans that hug his behind in just the right way… and that adorable jumper… I find myself wondering why I ever had doubts. His hair looked especially lovely tonight as well, it's getting a little longer (too long for his liking though apparently) and he'd obviously had a shower recently as it was starting to form small curls. And of course, not to mention those lips, the lips that always look so perfectly angelic that I know can do such wicked things to my own mouth…So yes, I was easily distracted from thoughts on Gwen and Rhys, there was far too much else to look at!

After deliberating between cooking and takeaway, cooking one much to my delight as Ianto makes a rather delicious quiche, we settled down to eat and then to sit curled up on the sofa watching the rugby. Well, I say watching… I was really only occasionally glancing at the screen when one of the particularly attractive players were in focus, and even when they were I had a far better looing sight leaning up against me to stare at if I wanted to, and Ianto wasn't paying a great deal more attention – just enough so tha he could tell who was winning really. Neither of us are big rugby fans, I'm not sure why we bothered to put it on in fact, as we were both perfectly content just to sit there cuddled up and thinking.

When the game was nearly coming to an end, I realised that we'd been silent for a good forty minutes now, so I decided to break it by asking something that I'd been planning on mentioning for a few days but hadn't… quite worked up the courage(?) to do so yet. Of course, I played it really cool and casual thought.

"So, seeing as we're practically living in each other's pockets anyway, I thought that you might like to take a couple of drawers in my dresser at the hub and maybe I could have one or two here?" I proposed, remembering to breath.

"I umm… yeah… nice one… good idea" He stumbled out nervously and I could see a blush forming across the tips of his ears. I was relieved that he seemed just as nervous as I was, I mean I go around saying how much I hate labels, but in the 21st Century drawer sharing is apparently a significant step… not just one that offers a certain level of practicality… and so I could tell that tight then he was busy trying to work out what this suggestion of mine meant in terms of the stage of our relationship; it was quite sweet really.

And then, what was even sweeter was this morning when I went and found him in my bunker measuring up the drawer space in order to work out how many items of clothing he should bring! We'd spent the entire morning together, from waking up (well… he woke up) and then showering – which was very fun – to early morning coffee and then we were even doing paperwork together at his desk; but I left the room for five minutes to go and grab a file from downstairs in the archive and when I returned he had gone. It was all quite strange so I went through to the main floor of the hub and asked Tosh if she'd seen him, and she said that she had and that he'd been sneaking off into my office. I thought it rather odd, so I ran up.

"Ianto?" I called out when I opened the door to a disappointingly empty, Ianto-less office.

"Down here" He shouted up from below.

"What are you doing down here?" I asked, utterly bemused as I walked down the steps into my room to find a very ruffled up, de-jacketed Welshman fiddling around in my draws. "What is that thing?" I asked, pointing to the strange looking device.

"It's a sonic measuring tape" He said, shrugging a little as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

"I see, and why are you attacking my dresser with it?" I questioned, intrigued.

He sighed a little, "I just wanted to see how much I should bring with me to put in it, thought if I could calculate the area using this then I wouldn't over pack" He said quickly, the hint of a blush starting to creep across his cheek bones, he obviously thought the idea a little ridiculous but personally I think it very sensible.

"Cool" I replied casually, hoping to reassure him that he wasn't doing anything strange.

"Does it work like a normal measuring tape, as well as some weird space-agey area calculator thing?" I asked, suddenly a rather wonderfully inappropriate idea popped into my head.

"Yes…." He replied back with well-earned caution.

"In that case stop everything you are doing right now, and start taking them off instead" I commanded as I began to start unbuttoning my own shirt.

"Why? If you don't mind me asking" He questioned, but he too started undoing his tie and removing his other clothing, regardless of his queries.

"We, my dear friend, are going to have some fun with this here measuring tape." I winked.

And boy did we, I'm surprised he allowed such things to go on while the others were only a couple of feet above us, he usually gets so prissy about things like that… but then again, none of them usually enter my office without permission let alone my bunker, so I guess he supposed that we were safe. Besides, it was hardly the worst thing that they could walk in on us doing; we were only having a little (or not so little) measuring competition! I wonder if he noticed that a rigged the sonic tape measure using my wrist strap… it was only fair really, I couldn't let my reputation down and I wasn't confident enough that I would win fair and square, not that it really matters of course…

Tonight actually turned out to be a pretty good evening, very good you might even stretch to; I think perhaps we might have to make pub quizzes in to weekly outings for the Torchwood team (plus Rhys I guess). We weren't brilliant at the actual quiz element of the evening, we narrowly scraped by with third place, but in all fairness over half of the teams members were a bit too out of it to give sensible answers, so really it was just Tosh, Ianto and I playing against other teams with five or more members. But of course it was the overall 'social experience' which made the night anyway, so winning didn't matter, no matter how much Tosh protested against that fact later.

After the quiz had ended, Tosh and Gwen disappeared off to the ladies room to freshen up or whatever before we headed home or maybe even off to a night club or back to the hub or whatever, and Owen was semi-conscious and slumped into his seat, so Rhys in his intoxicated state took the opportunity to ask Ianto a most entertaining question.

"So Ianto, what's the deal with you and Jack. Gwen hasn't said much, says you like to keep things private but while it's just us blokes…" He partially slurred through.

He looked over to me then, either for permission or guidance – I'm not sure which, but I just gave him a nod which I hope said that he should just say what he thought was right, as I really was quite interested to see where he thought we stood on this. He's told me that he loves me and well, I hope he knows how I feel even though I can't seem to express it out loud, but I wasn't sure whether this all meant the same thing to him as it does to me.

And then he gave the perfect answer: "Well…" he began. "We like each other, I make Jack's coffee and we share draws" He smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Is that like some gay thing or what? Cause, no offense boys, I have no problem with it but I really don't want to know." He replied slurring his again words ever so slightly.

I couldn't help but let out an almighty laugh at that, and I'm not even sure if I was laughing more at the fact he has just turned something incredibly lovely that Ianto had said into something hilarious, or at the fact that the Welshman in question was now bright fuchsia instead of his usual pale alabaster. He managed to gain composure just in time for the girls to re-enter our midst and then we were off, Ianto and I half carrying the almost unconscious Owen between us, the plan was to first get Owen safely home to bed and then decide where we would head from there, but then my wrist strap let out a loud beep signalling rift activity, which was highly irritating – we all groaned together in unison.

Knowing that we would need a fully sober Owen in order to deal with whatever was waiting ahead of us, I quickly ran back to the hub to grab a bottle of what I like to call 'the hangover cure from hell'. It is the most foul and revolting smelling, looking and tasting thick black liquid and I pity anyone whoever has to ingest it, but it really is bloody effective! Owen was back to normal, well a bad tempered version of normal, after just a few chokes and splutters.

As soon as he had stopped, we quickly made our way to the corner of the road, turning around into the small alleyway with our weapons raised, poor Rhys looked a little lost at that point. At first none of us noticed anything, at least nothing out of the ordinary, there was the usual fading blue ring of light that normally appears at the sight of rift activity, but that was all. But, then we heard a small bark and all of us looked down to see a small, shivering, dog like creature coated in a weird thick black slime of sorts. It was only around the size of a Yorkshire terrier, and you might have even thought it was one if it wasn't for the third eye and the fangs…

"Puppy. It looks like a puppy" Ianto suddenly called out, prompting everyone bar Owen to laugh.

"Are you trying to tell me that you think a three eyed puppy has fallen through the rift?" He asked grumpily, evidently my magic medicine had not agreed with him.

"Yes" Ianto replied simply.

"Dream on teaboy; Jack I think perhaps I'm not the only one who needs sobering up." He laughed.

We decided to take the funny little thing back to the hub, with us and clean (him/her?) up a bit and work out what exactly this was, and whether anything this cute could possibly be harmful to us.

Gwen carried it wrapped inside Rhys's scarf and was happily mothering over it as if it were a child right up until we got back to the hub. She gently bathed the little animal in warm water, revealing an even more puppy-like appearance from out beneath the black tar, whilst the rest of us started to take a look at the rift activity data to see if it would give us any clues. When we were through with that, Tosh then set to work on a sample of the black slime, analysing it's composition and running it through an NMR, in order to try and find out more about its home planet or habitat, and once Gwen had finished with bath time her and Rhys began making up some sort of bed for it. Owen began running tests on the little thing, which he had now confirmed was a female, to try and work out what she was.

Ianto and I just stood back watching, as there wasn't much to do and I'm not a big animal lover so wasn't lining up to coo over it in the way the others were, and I know that Ianto is scared of dogs and though this one was only a puppy I could tell that he wasn't 100 % comfortable with being near it. It was nice to just stand back and watch for once, to be honest. Owen was working surprisingly quickly, either because he was so determined to find an answer that would knock back Ianto's puppy remark, or because that hangover kit has some interesting side effects... I'm not sure which!

Within just over half an hour Toshiko had found out that the black slime was, thankfully, only some sort of amniotic fluid and not some horrible disease ridden substance that could wipe out the entire human race. Owen too had his findings ready for us a little while later, and called us all into the medical bay to examine the his display of X-rays and DNA analysis that he seemed proud to have produced. He gave a grand presentation on how he believed it was a creature from Earth in the future, that the third eye had come from the mutation of the something or other gene, and that the sharp fangs were an adaptation to a change in food supply. He told us:

"It's a female, infant Canis lupus familiaris that is from about 900 years ahead of our time." I've never been so hot on my Latin, but luckily Ianto was and managed to swoop in almost immediately afterwards with:

"So, basically… it's a three eyed puppy."

"Yes, it's a three eyed puppy" Owen scowled.

"So what are we going to do with her?" Toshiko asked.

"Try and send her back I guess" I shrugged, giving the little peculiar puppy a stroke on the head.

"Jack…" Gwen began, and I could tell already what she was going to ask me.

"Yes Gwen"

"Can I take her home? Oh please can I Jack?" She begged.

I turned to Rhys, because really I'd rather she took her home than we risked sending her back through the rift as that method can be very unreliable, but I thought I'd better check that it was okay with him first. "You have no problem with adopting a three eyed, fanged, puppy right?"

Rhys shook his head. "Had you asked me that a week ago I would have said you were a bloody nutter. She may not be your typical little dog, but she is quite cute and I can't take her away from Gwen now – look at them" He pointed towards Gwen who was delicately holding the little puppy.

"Quite right." I replied. "Just don't go showing it off to your neighbours" I grinned and winked.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Gwen said very enthusiastically, kissing both me (on the cheek) and then Rhys (on the lips) "I think I'll call her… Daisy" She grinned.

"DAISY?" The five of us called out together sceptically.

It wouldn't have been my first choice for a name for a creature with fangs… but I suppose she is rather cute.


	31. Missing Hours

**A/N:** _Evening all! I gather that there was some trouble with my attempt to upload on Tuesday... but I think it eventually sorted itself out by Wednesday, so I hope you all managed to read and enjoy ch 30! I have just given up all forms of social networking (ie fb, twitter and tumblr - but not this, my friends and I had a debate about whether this counted and eventually we settled on no so yippee!) for lent and am dying of 'lac-of-internet-surfing-boredom' so if any of you feel like PM-ing me PLEASE DO! I don't care what it's about, just amuse me pretty please ;) Anyway, here's the ch, Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Last night I could hardly sleep at all, I was entirely plagued with nightmares. They weren't my usual, the kind which echo the very worst memories from my past life: the loss of Gray, the loss of my parents, the year that 'never was', all the deaths I've encountered with Torchwood and all of the worst ways that I have died myself. Nor were my dreams fettered with dystopian projections for the future, a future so insanely far away that I will suffer through. Tonight I could only dream of Ianto, horrible frightening fantasy scenarios in which he came ever closer to death, or worse still, nightmares filtered with memories from those times where Ianto really <em>did <em>get badly injured: the Lisa incident, the cannibals and then so recently the whole meat fiasco from just a couple of weeks ago… he still had healing pink slithers of rope burn etched onto his wrists from that one.

All of this, all these troubling, distressing dreams only further reinforced what I had been thinking and worrying about for a good while now, the true harsh realities of Torchwood and the impact that they pose upon Ianto, and the rest of the team for that matter. Working with Torchwood just doesn't pose the same threats to me as it does for them, and I'm so painfully aware of the fact that the length of their lives will be limited by it, that they will sustain many – some serious – injuries through this line of work, and that this job asks so much more of its employees than pretty much any other. I don't know what I'd do if I lost Ianto because of something that happened at Torchwood, something that happened under my watch… how would I ever be able to forgive myself? So, I've decided to offer him a way out, I want him to be kept safe and I want him to enjoy living a normal life and so I determined after a very restless night thinking about it all, that I would give him the option of leaving his position at Torchwood with his memories intact.

When I eventually noticed him rousing awake this morning it was still early, perhaps only around half past five, and we were curled up so comfortably with my back firmly surrounded by his welcoming chest and his warm breath tickling my neck, that I almost backed out. I didn't want to disturb this idyllic little moment, but I had to try.

"Ianto…" I began hesitantly, unsure of how exactly he was going to respond to the question I had in mind.

"Yes Jack?" He replied, not moving from our very comfortable position.

I sighed a little, taking advantage of the fact that my face was currently turned away from him, and tried to think of a suitable way to propose what I had been thinking about.

"If I asked you to do something for me, would you?" I said with great severity in my tone.

"Well, I wouldn't be able to make any promises, but for you I would most certainly try to do whatever on earth you are talking about." He replied almost jokily, I expect he had presumed that I was going to take advantage of our current bed bound state and suggest something 'fun' for us to do, which is understandable really as nine times out of ten that's what I would be asking of him.

Out of Ianto's sight I briefly scrunched my eyes closed in desperation, half praying that he would agree and half already knowing that he never would, and took another minute in silence to try and organise my thoughts. I moved out and away from him then to turn onto my back and grasp his hands, needing to be facing him when I asked; as I caught hold of his pale, elegant hand I noticed again the gradually fading rope burn marks which corrupted the smooth skin of his wrists, which only reinforced in my mind further the reason as to why I was doing this. The marks would be gone entirely soon, but what the marks symbolise would never truly leave: that working for Torchwood is dangerous, and injuries are likely and frequent. After shutting my once again eyes for another minute, I re-opened them and began to talk:

"Would you consider leaving Torchwood, and getting a normal, safe job?" I asked, almost begged.

I could see in his eyes that he had a definite answer made up in his mind already and so it was no surprise when he swiftly answered with "No."

After sighing lightly I replied, "I thought so" I said trying, and failing miserably, to smile like it had been nothing more than a fleeting fancy.

"Jack, it's just, well I couldn't ever leave even if I wanted to. I've seen too much, Torchwood has pulled me, and the others too, into its depths and I don't think any one of us could ever turn away from that. No matter how much I would want to do it for you." He replied matching my small smile.

We were both silent again for another couple of minutes before he asked the question that I had been dreading answering: 'Why?'

I could have very easily divulged into the substantial list of reasons as to why I wish that he would take on a safer job, could have explained to him my fears for his general safety and more importantly for his life. I could have tried to explain the horrible gut wrenching, nervous feeling I have inside of me every time I see him out on a mission and in the slightest spot of danger. I could have told him, for not the first time, about how I hate seeing him wielding and using a gun against his choice, and how I hate that his working here even makes it necessary for him to do so. But I didn't because I wasn't certain of whether I'd be able to stop myself from completely giving over to my emotions and, well, if crying with witnesses isn't a sure way to lose respect in your leading role then I don't know what is.

"I think you know why" I said, placing a gentle kisses against the fading marks on his delicate wrist, confident that deep down he would realise what I was trying to say, that he was far too important to me for me to be able to stand the idea of losing him.

I don't think that he knew exactly how to reply, I mean I think we both have an understanding buried deep down, that this can't last, that Torchwood employees do die young and that time is finite… but neither of us have acknowledge this properly. I was relieved when he simply pulled me back into a tight hug, this time with both of us facing each other, and we just lay there quietly, just listening to the sound of each other's breathing rhythms and almost sleeping for another 45 minutes or so before heading to the main floor of the hub for the start of the working day.

And what a strange working day it was… really very bizarre indeed, even by are usual standards, and of course when I say today… I guess I don't actually mean today… which all just adds to the strangeness of the situation, but I'll get to that bit.

Initially it started out as any day normally would have done so; Ianto making us all of our usual drinks to wake us up and give us a jump start for the day – my industrial strength blend was particularly orgasmic – and then all of us together sorting out the little odd bits of paperwork left from yesterday and delegating out our jobs for this morning. It didn't look like we had a particularly busy or slow day ahead of us, just a fairly average one, with a little rift activity scheduled for early-ish that morning that I put Gwen and Ianto in charge of dealing with.

While they were out things began to get a little interesting, I stumbled across one Ianto Jones's Diary. At first I thought that perhaps it was simply a diary of dates to be remembered, birthdays and appointments and such, an organiser more than a diary… and I know that, even though I wasn't expecting it to be his own personal journal type diary, I shouldn't have opened it and read it… and when I had realised how very private it was I probably should have stopped – but I just couldn't help myself.

It was stranger, reading through all of his memories, remembering our previous exploits and missions, remembering little personal moments between the two of us that I hadn't so much as forgotten about… more rather needed my memory jogging about, and then gaining insights on matters that I wasn't present for. Reading his emotional and mental struggles after the incident with Torchwood One at Canary Wharf, feeling his pain and desperation rippling off the page as he vividly logged the progressive loss of Lisa to the Cyber being controlling her, and the guilt he felt for hiding her within our base; it was fascinating. If there had ever been any doubt about why I gave him a second chance with us despite his actions, this wiped it all away.

And as I progressed further throughout the book, the book which felt more like a story than a diary it was so fantastical and detailed, I marvelled at the way he had captured the change in our relationship, now fully understanding the confusion that he must have gone through when he realised how he felt. He was so flattering in the way that he described me, and this factor reminded me further that this was probably never intended to be seen by my eyes, that I was prying… but I couldn't stop.

Even when I reached the awful, heart breaking sections talking about how he thought he was falling in love with me but that he 'knew' I would never love him back, and I remembered how throughout all that time that I tried to push him away for fear of the inevitable reciprocation happening and for fear of getting to close… I just couldn't put it down. I made myself sit there and read through all of the horrible, upsetting truths, read the incredibly expressive chapters dictating how he felt after I had abandoned him:

_I should hate him but I still can't bring myself to, because I love him._

I made sure that I had read and analysed every little detail and every emotion expressed in those parts before I moved on to the better times, our 'first' date and Halloween the picnic in the park, and that tape measure incident the other day (damn it he did realise that I had fixed the retched thing!)… It didn't stop me feeling guilty for my previous bad behaviour – or for me reading though his diary for that matter – but reaching the happier, recent entries did soften it a little, like watching a comforting favourite film after enduring a horror.

Once I was finished I was going to put it back in his hiding place inside his drawer, but He and Gwen were arriving back at the hub with a Weevil in tow by this point and I had no opportunity to return it. He noticed it was missing almost straight away, I never doubted that he would I mean I swear to god that he's the most precise man in the United Kingdom, but what did surprise me was his choice of replacement (a pink kitten notebook which I couldn't resist privately sniggering at) and his immediate suspicion of Owen. I had to let out a laugh at his attempts to casually 'stare' Owen into confessing, and his desperation to check out the title of Owen's book, which in actual fact was 'A Clockwork Orange' (or rather something inappropriate concealed in the dust cover of 'A Clockwork Orange') and not Ianto's diary at all.

I did take a wander down to the main floor of the hub, semi intending to confess my possession of his diary, but I got distracted by some unusual rift data patterns that Tosh wanted to show to me. It's quite likely that he worked out then that I was the one who had it anyway as he seemed to be looking at me with suspicion filled eyes until I exited up to my office again.

And that's pretty much all I remember before the 'strangeness' began.

The five of us awoke together in the afternoon in the conference room, on which afternoon I'm not so certain about, all of us slumped awkwardly in our seats. To begin with we all just assumed that we had had an all-nighter and became so overcome with tiredness that we all just dropped off here. But we began to notices a few strange little details, Owen was wearing a pair of glasses for example, and when we headed down to the main level of the hub the computer monitors read that it was Thursday the 11th December yet it was _definitely _Monday the 8th when I last checked.

We began looking around for other clues, which might have helped explain what the hell was going on here, when Tosh noticed that 48 hours' worth of our CCTV footage had been wiped clean. I went up to the office to see if there was any way that I could recover it from the backup system but it had been permanently erased, I checked Ianto's diary which was still sat on my desk and there were no new entries for the 'missing' dates… but several pages had been torn out. And he informed me that five doses of retcon had been used within this lost gap of time, which coupled with the wiped CCTV, missing diary pages and general oddity of the situation, suggested that it this whole situation had been our doing, that we had chosen to forget something.

It's going to drive me slowly insane that I have just lost two days' worth of my memory, and even more so the fact that I can't get the name 'Adam' out of my head for love nor money… but of course, I'm trying not to think about it all too much as we must have had a good reason for taking these measures in the first place and I wouldn't want to trigger any sudden memory gain that could land us in a lot of trouble.

Eventually, after a long evening of trying to piece together all the puzzles, and taking care of the Weevil (I'm thinking perhaps Ethel for this one) which had clearly been left to its own devices in its cell since the 8th, I decided to return the diary of Ianto Jones to its rightful owner.

He didn't seem terribly impressed that I had taken it, but at the same time he didn't seem angry so that was a relief. I even risked a passing comment on what I had read inside as he turned to leave:

"And for the record ... measuring tapes never lie." Perhaps tape measures don't… but ex-conmen certainly do…

He seemed to blush furiously at that, which had been the desired effect that I had been hoping for. I didn't talk to him then about the things that I really wanted to, about how awful I felt for leaving him in such a state like that to go off with the Doctor. I always knew that he had taken it badly… but it wasn't until I had read it in ink in his words that it became truly real, and I feel that I need to talk to him about it, I can't just pretend that I haven't read it. But now wasn't the right time, so as he was on his way out of my office I asked him this instead:

"Who's Adam?" wondering if he could shed any light on the whole recurring name thing, but he had no clue either.

I guess that it'll just be one of life's incredibly frustrating mysteries, one of our cases that gets left unresolved. Perhaps in a few months or weeks even I might have forgotten this Adam guy anyway…


	32. The Ministry of Love

**A/N:** _Greetings! Not a lot for me to ramble on about this evenig so you all have a lucky escape from that! Hope you like! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>I thought that I could put what I read in Ianto's diary out of my mind, but it's been just a day and a little bit (or four days and a little bit… depending on whether we are counting the lost hours or not) since I uncovered the hidden truths inside and it's all that I can focus on. Before rather wickedly trawling through his private thoughts, I already knew how badly I made him feel both before and after I left to travel with the Doctor. I understood that the way I treated him, as if this was just a casual affair and that he meant nothing more to me than any of my other past flings, hurt him gravely and that when I went swanning off after he waited days for me to come back to life, that he felt abandoned and lost and alone. He'd never expressly told me of any of this of course but it hadn't been hard to see the painful tint to his eyes when we were together, or to notice the despondent nature he behaved in around me for a while after I came back… and of course I had heard Toshiko's accounts of the 'broken hearted mess' he slipped into, that I found so hard to believe of the organised Mr Jones… But this, all of this put together even, is merely a watered down version of the truth. It's nothing compared to the harsh realities of Ianto's private and inner most thoughts that I stumbled across.<p>

The worst of it is, is that he doesn't feel resentful. He writes, perfectly conveying his pain or his 'feeling a fool' or his sorrow or his loneliness, but never does he show a hint of anger and he expressly states from time to time that he could never be angry with me. It all makes me feel so guilty, for leaving him alone, for pretending as though I never cared just because I was afraid of the eventual suffering that forming strong relationships will cause, and above all else I felt guilty for having his love, because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve a man who will, without question, do pretty much anything I asked of him (professionally or otherwise) as long as it was in reason, or who is so kind and brave and loyal… or so hot… and I feel guilty for taking his heart.

So, I have decided to try and take a positive action, as of now I am determined to be much less selfish and focus more on what Ianto wants and to stop monopolising his time as it is selfish of me to expect him to be with me constantly and to be at his beck and call. And this will have the added benefit of giving us a little distance, not that I want distance in reality that's possible the last thing I want, but I don't know how to face him again properly with all these thoughts of how truly rotten I made him feel whirling around in my mind, how I can ignore the guilt and the inherent urge to ask him to hurt me back to even us up – with a little time things will be right as rain I'm sure.

Luck has been on my side so far as we have had an insanely busy day, half a dozen Weevils, an Ood and a Sontarin all decided to come through today. I teamed Ianto up with Owen which meant that I hardly saw him at all throughout the day, and it did help a little bit to take my mind off what I had seen written… but when I saw him again a little while ago just as we had finished work at 1.00 am it all flooded back. With regret I decided to send him home for a proper night's rest, along with the others.

I really, _really _didn't want to send him home, I want (need?) him here with me and I know that he would stay if I asked, and that perhaps staying here is what he wants as well… but I have already been so selfish in many ways, and robbing him of a proper night's sleep so for my benefit would just be another.

"Is anything the matter Jack, I haven't done something to upset you have I?" He asked smiling nervously and my heart ached for just a second, as if _he _was the one who had done something wrong! The very notion that he might have done something to upset me was ridiculous, and I wanted to set it right so I responded very rapidly:

"No, no", I repeated the phrase, the first time almost violently, and the confirming second time in a slightly softer tone. "You could never do anything wrong..." I pulled him tightly into a hug and lightly kissed his perfect forehead and let my thoughts trail on without speaking, I don't see a day when Ianto Jones will ever do anything wrong.

Arguably, hiding Lisa below in the basement and concealing her from the rest of us and the deaths that that whole incident brought about, could be classed as 'doing wrong'… but if attempting to save someone or something that you love is wrong then surely our daily attempts to save the Earth and all of the wonderful people in it, or the magnificent aliens that arrive on our doorstep or, heaven forbid, our loved ones who get caught up in the firing range could all be classed as 'doing wrong'; and I simply refuse to believe that. It was wrong of me however, to take off and leave all of them – leave him – to travel with the Doctor. I've said time and time again that if I had known what an awful situation gallivanting about with the Doctor and Martha would land me in then I would never have left, but I left thinking that it would be all sunshine and light and wonderful again, and I had left with the hope of gaining selfish pleasure; that was wrong.

Somewhere along the line I snapped out of my inner thoughts and collected myself enough to continue the conversation: "I just think that, yet again, you've been working too many long and strenuous shifts, you need your sleep a lot more than I do" I quickly recovered and threw in a wink to try and further reassure him "And, well, I'm sorry to say that I haven't done his week's laundry yet and you have no clean pyjamas left… and I just don't think I could allow an evening with a naked Welshman beside me to be wasted upon sleep" I finished, perhaps going a little over the top with the 'it's all ok, you're hot and I want you, but you mortal peeps need your rest' comments, oh well.

"Yes, that might have been a problem…" He replied, still looking a little wary "Very well then, I'll see you in the morning." He finished, almost brusquely, and leaned in for what seemed like it was going to be a rather disappointing peck, so I quickly transformed it into a deep, passion fuelled, tongue roaming show stopper of a kiss; if I wasn't going to have him here for the rest of the evening then I would need a small something to make-up for it!

Selfishly I half hoped that Ianto would arrive earlier than the 9.30 time that I had said I didn't want to see anyone in before… but he didn't, they all pretty much arrived together in fact which mean that my Welshman and I didn't even get a few moments privacy together, which I suppose could be either a good or a bad thing. We got jump started with the day's workload and I was hoping that maybe I could sneak a few guilty minutes of chat with Ianto when he came up to my office to hand me my coffee but bloody Brigadier Masterson was yammering loudly down the telephone line about some UNIT nonsense, meaning that Ianto was in and out like a flash with my industrial strength cup so as not to disturb.

That was probably the last normal occurrence of today, as a little while later everything turned rather strange and it began to feel like we were living inside a George Orwell novel… I half expected to check Ianto's diary (not that I was going anywhere near that for a good while) and find the lines 'It was a bright cold day in October, and the clocks were striking thirteen' under today's date…

It all began when Tosh realised that the data from the rift alert monitor was suggesting that we were going to get a rift flare within the hub in the late morning, which was quite a monumental occasion in itself as there has never been any recorded rift activity inside the hub itself, according to Ianto's research that is, and I'd never doubt his work.

We waited patiently, well maybe not that patiently, to see that familiar ring of bright blue light invade our hub and sure enough it arrived a few minutes later. But there was no Ood waiting to come through, no Weeping Angel, no Sontarin – just nothing, or at least nothing visible to begin with. As soon as the crack in the rift sealed itself back up the security alarms in the base began flaring at a piercing pitch, signalling a security issue but before we had time to even raise our guns in response, the room was filled with a thick, heavy lilac gas and we quickly fell into unconsciousness.

It was peculiar waking up after that experience, it felt almost like coming back to life again. My head swelled with a familiar dull ache as my body was forced to remember how to operate normally once more, and it took me a couple of minutes to remember what had happened and why I was now in this strange barren environment. I couldn't be certain, and I'm still not, about whether I ever actually left the hub, whether any of us did. The creature that was behind all of this was a conjurer of memories and images and dreams… so we could have all just remained collapse in exactly the same positions that we were left in when the gas drugged us, but on the other hand it all felt so horrifically real.

After wandering around for a little while, passing through corridor after corridor all filled with endless grey carpets and white wash walls, I came across a door with the numbers '101' on a plaque attached to it. I was wary of entering, and I had good reason to be – though at the time I thought the worst thing that I could find waiting behind the door was a cage full of rats, but it seemed to only possible exit in this maze of a world so I entered.

When I opened the door there was at first nothing but blackness, so much that when I stepped inside the threshold of the room I couldn't even be certain that I wasn't about to plummet to my death in darkness one hundred feet below and then have to try and figure out how to get back up again… but as soon as I entered the room consumed me. I was all of a sudden surrounded by the resonance of old memories, terrible memories that were now so vivid and flashing around me as if they were happening again right there and then.

There were flashes from my old days as a con man, all the things I wasn't proud of coming back to haunt me, flashes of all of the worst deaths and flashes of all the loved ones who have died in my care. All of this was horrible, it absolutely agonising being forced to relieve it all again, but the worst was still to come. Rapidly whatever was in charge of what was going on here took hold of my negative memories of Ianto and I. The times where I treated him cruelly and attempted to brush him off as merely a bit on the side, the time when Owen told him he was just my part time shag and I pretty much told Ianto that that's what he was to me, even though it was a lie… all of it was now whirring around my head in Technicolor, making my earlier guilt woo times worse and making me feel a little ill with the intensity of my mixed emotions.

And then around me were conjured images I hadn't seen, images of that drunken and broken man that Ianto became the day after I left… all of it making me want to suffer the way he had. But briefly, just for a second I caught a glimpse of the memory of our first proper date, of us in his kitchen, me following him around and pestering him whilst he tried to make us chilli, and I couldn't help but smile. Suddenly the images around me changed and they all matched this happier tone, pictures of our picnic and the semi-illegal things that happened during out outing at the park… flashes of Halloween and last Christmas… and it began to feel as though a heavy weight was being uplifted from my chest.

Before I knew it, the nightmare around me was fading back to the familiar and comforting setting of the hub, and thankfully all of the others were there panting and sweating nervously like I, but all in one piece.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Owen shouted, summarising all of our collective thoughts.

I cracked open the bottle of scotch in my office and poured everyone a stiff drink to calm our nerves, before cracking on with the analysis of the rift data and a little research into the kind of creature that had attacked us. It turned out to have been a Phantasm of the Planet Midnight a gas like creature which feasts on people's fears and weaknesses (so is it any wonder that I saw what I did?). It locates its victims and brings them into unconsciousness and ultimately this strange and horrifying dreamlike place. The aim of this is to essential scare of sadden or hurt the victim to the point of death; the only possible way to beat them is to find something happy and joy bringing amidst the darker memories to focus on, and give you strength to ignore the bad things around you and break down the walls of the nightmare.

Thankfully, though I say that regretfully, we have all been through enough to have become no strangers to enduring bad times and are all a lot tougher than we look and so our unwanted guest was no match for us.

By the time we had figured all of this out and recovered from the whole ordeal, I sent everyone home. It had been an exhausting past few days and there was simply no point in keeping them at work when there was no scheduled rift activity, and when everyone was clearly still a little shaken.

I thought that Ianto had left with them, and on one hand I was saddened by this as I wanted to properly check that he was ok, but on the other hand the intensity of my feelings of guilt had only increased and I was worried about how I might react if I were to start talking about how awful I felt about it all with him. But, ultimately, I can't deny that there was a sense of relief when I left my office to find him still there at his desk.

"Hey" I said, unsure of how to proceed. Everyone had been through so much today, and as if re-reading about all the hurt I had caused the man before me had been tough, reliving it was one hundred times worse… and then of course there was the added worry of what Ianto had seen, what his worst nightmare had been and whether I'd been in it.

"Hey" He replied quietly, but not angrily or despondently which was a good sign at least.

"You ok?" I asked, biting my tongue in wait for his response.

"Sort of" He half mumbled.

"You need to talk about it?"

He nodded and began to reveal the awful things that he had seen.

After hearing him express it all, the worries of the hurt I had caused him in the past and the selfish ways I had misused him that I explored in my own 'trip' were briefly forgotten in place of his current pains. I listened to him, for the second time, recount all of his now vivid memories of Canary Wharf; deathly images of Torchwood one on overrun with Cybermen and Daleks, parts of the building on fire and his friends and colleagues burning with _it_ or with the pain of conversion. Memories of Lisa, broken and unfixable and his renewed sense of desperation to try and save her, all brought into his mind… right then I wanted to find and grievously hurt whoever was responsible for this lurid fantasy, destroy whoever had made him feel like this for a second time.

"Oh Ianto…" I pulled him into a close embrace and whispered gently in his ear. "You shouldn't have had to live through that again"

"It doesn't matter, it wasn't real anyway, I'm fine" He said, and I didn't even need a glance at those baby blue eyes to tell that he was lying.

"It does matter" I said, and I meant it. It wasn't fair for him to relieve it all.

He pulled away slightly to gaze into my eyes intently now, "What did you see?" He asked the question I had been dreading, because part of me was almost worried that reminding him of just how badly I treated him would ruin what we had now.

"I saw…" I sighed and screwed my eyes up tightly for a second to help calm myself "I saw all of the things I have done to hurt you, the times where I have been selfish and caused you pain in the process, all the times I have let you down, how much I hurt you by just running of without a care in the world…" I let my words tail away, desperately trying not to cry – for some reason, on the rare occasions that Ianto cried, I was happy to hold him carefully in my arms until he was ok… but the idea of him seeing me cry made me feel a little weak. I know it's a ridiculous thought, everyone cries, everyone needs to let things out from time to time whether you are 'the big boss' or not – but I haven't cried in front of anyone for such a long time now…

His words quickly brought me out of my thoughts. "Jack, I love you. None of that is important." He said, seeming inherently willing to convince me, but I don't understand why he does, or how I deserve it.

"But why?" I threw back a little too aggressively perhaps. "Why do you feel that way when I have behaved so inconsiderately and done you so much harm?" I avoided using the word love; I still haven't said those four precious letters yet.

"Because I have forgiven you, and always will. It's all in the past; whatever might have happened is forgotten, and irrelevant to how I feel now."

"I almost can't bear to hear you say that. You're too… nice… I don't know anyone else in the world that's as tolerant and beautiful and kind as you and it makes me feel so guilty for mistreating you and knowing I caused you so much pain. And this hasn't just come from what happened today, when I found your diary… some of the things I read, the way I made you feel… I" I said, getting to the full heart of the matter, explaining why I had been a little off with him over the past few days, and most importantly letting him know how unforgivable I think the way I made him feel is.

"And so I suppose you just ignored the bits where I said embarrassingly wonderful and complementary things about you did you?" He replied sarcastically, which helped ease the tension a remarkable amount.

"Well no… but it still doesn't change how…"

He stopped me in my tracks. "I might not change how I felt at the time, but didn't those things prove to you that I am nowhere near cross or upset with you for what's happened. Truly none of it matter now, now that I have you back and you've promised that you are here to stay, and things are normal – ish again"

Obviously he was in a very determined mind-set as he pulled me into a kiss just as ferocious and loving and adoring as the one we shared last night, desperate to convey his sincerity.

He pulled away reluctantly, "But if I ever find that you've been reading my diary again then you might find yourself in trouble." he reprimanded me jokily.

"Ah, well there's a promise I just can't make… after all what man can resist reading about how gorgeous they are?" I now genuinely felt in the mood to flirt back and so winked - the guilt not all gone of course, but I was somewhat reassured.

"Oh and one more thing" I added, suddenly feeling a little shy about what I was going to say. "Don't send me home to 'sleep' unless you plan on coming with me." He added, a delightful pink hue spreading across his cheeks.

"Why, did ya miss me? I grinned.

"Maybe…" He replied, his blush furthering to red.

Satisfied that he didn't hate or resent me and that, in actual fact, he would have quite happily gone without sleep the other night, I grabbed his hand grinning and lead him through my office and in to the bunker with the full intention of making up for missed time.


	33. Miss Jones and I

**A/N:** _Hello! This one isn't that long... mostly because I wrote one insanely long chapter and needed to find a suitable place to cut it, I will be uploading the next half once I've added a bit more to it (I'm not hapy yet!) but I'll probably be updating IJD before that... so enjoy this in the meantime! PS if anyone likes musicals/how I met your mother/super villains/niel patrick harris and hasn't already seen 'Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog' I recommend you look it up on Youtube! Hannah xxx  
><em>

* * *

><p>Martha Jones: we hadn't seen or spoken to each other for so long… and I thought that agreeing for her to come and work with us at Torchwood for a little while would be a good thing, give us two a chance to catch up and her a little opportunity to escape the rigidity of her UNIT career, I never thought it would end up in such a mess, with her in danger yet again. She's there now, at the Pharm, with those utter creeps pumping god knows what hideous sorts of drugs into her system and that completely eerie Dr. Coppley watching her like a hawk on the CCTV. She shouldn't be there, I shouldn't have let her go, she was only supposed to be here for a couple of weeks, doing medical research within the safe vicinity of the hub not out on a mission facing the possibilities of death and severe injury.<p>

It all seemed a little out of the blue when she wrote to me about a month or so ago, initially just to ask how I was, how all of the team that I had 'talked of so frequently' during our travels with the Doctor and to tell me all about how she was now happy and settled in a medical position with UNIT. I replied answering her questions and asking more in turn, neither of us had mentioned 'the year that never was' so far and I wasn't going to be the first to bring it up, and then after a few more letters, a couple of emails and a telephone call, I had invited her to come and spend a fortnight with us here in Cardiff. She gladly accepted to my pleasant surprise, I wasn't sure UNIT would be too keen on lending out one of their best medical officers to one of their most hated organisations, and I couldn't wait to see her again – during that year, along with just catching up with the Doctor in general of course, meeting Martha Jones was perhaps the only good thing that happened and I was eager to socialise with her within a less threatening environment. I was also eager to talk to someone about that year, the year that to everyone else has become non-existent; as I said, in our correspondence neither of us had mentioned it, but I was hoping that we might be able to once we were face to face as although I had Ianto to talk to about it, I don't like to always trouble him with my burdens… I seem to do far too much of that…

We set up the dates and all I had to do now was tell the team… or not as I chose to in the end… I wasn't one hundred percent certain how they would react to me inviting someone else into our little 'sanctuary' even for a brief period of time. I knew that it was likely that Owen would get testy about me bringing a second medic to Torchwood and that Gwen might get a little jealous of not being the 'new girl' anymore (not that she was exactly new herself anymore…) and Toshiko probably wouldn't mind either way but it was easier not to tell any of them, rather than tell just one. Of course I told Ianto though, not only did I need him to help me set up the travel arrangements and hotels and generally help to settle her in, but also there's not a lot these days that I don't share with him and even the idea of leaving as a 'surprise' seemed a little unnatural. Besides, I was a little worried that he might take one look at her… and notice how fortunate in the looks department she is, and the way that I flirt with her… and assume that there was something between us, and get a little jealous himself – and as much as I love it when he gets adorably jealous, I don't want him to become angry 'no-sex' jealous.

And so, what better way to tell him and prevent any occurrence of jealousy than to take him out for our second (well, sort of second… it could be the first or the fiftieth depending on how you looked at things) date and make sure that he feels completely and utterly appreciated. I probably overstepped the precautionary mark just a little bit, flirting uncontrollably and generally being my classic, outrageous self… but it was fun… I'm surprised he let me get away with it really!

Firstly, I replied with a "Bring me whatever you have on the menu that's as delectable as he is" to the well rounded, jolly looking Italian (the owner of the restaurant?) who came to take our order, knowing that it was send Ianto to new heights of embarrassment…

Then I made further reference to this being our 'second' real date and made sure that he knew that, seeing as he held out on me so cruelly and made me wait so impatiently for anything fun after our first date, that I expected some very, _very _good things to follow this second one. He spluttered for a moment and for just a second he looked as though he had a reply prepared which would remind me of all of the indeed very, very, _very _good times we had had since that first date… but he took another glance around at the crowds eating in the restaurant and thought better of it.

Oh and the funniest bit, was how I kept rubbing my foot (out of its shoe, obviously) gently up and down the inside of his thigh, working my way higher and higher up his leg and eventually to the money spot whenever anyone came over to ask if we were enjoying the meal or to check on our drinks etc. And every time he made such a valiant effort to answer politely and normally back, whilst shooting me daggers all the while… oh it was priceless.

Once we'd finished our meal (which was absolutely delicious! I had the salmon risotto and a divine cheesecake for dessert… and I may have eaten a large proportion of Ianto's tiramisu too, and then we ordered a second to take home… boy did we have a good, if a little messy, time that night) and were drinking rather bog standard cups of coffee, I told him about Martha. Initially I proposed it warily… a little worried about how it might go down… but if he picked up on my nerves he didn't question them, instead he simply asked how long she was staying with us for.

"Not sure yet, until she gets fed up of the sight of me probably" I replied, jokily but still nervous.

"Wow she's going to be here a long time then…" He joked back, making me smile in return.

"Probably" I replied, enjoying the complement.

"How do you know her then?"

"Let's just say that we've been to the end of the world and back together" I winked, knowing he'd understand what I meant and therefore exactly why I didn't give a more descriptive reply.

"Aaah" He mused, "What's she like then?"

"She's lovely, she's great, and she's very umm…" I trailed off, nibbling my lip in a very Ianto-esque manner, wondering how to proceed.

"Attractive?" He suggested calmly, but with a hint of something (jealousy? curiosity?) in his voice.

"Yes, she's certainly is that" I grinned "But nothing has ever happened between us, we're just close friends ok? I just don't want you to get the wrong impression." I said, hoping to cover every angle possible and reassure my Welshman that he had absolutely nothing to be concerned about.

"Jack its fine, even if she was an ex or something it would still be fine. It's all good, and I'm very much looking forward to meeting her." He had replied much to my relief.

"Good, good, because she arrives tomorrow and we may be putting her up at the hub unless you can work some hotel magic, pronto" I smiled, as I realised what I had said: 'we may be putting her up'… I guess I have just come to think of the hub/Ianto's apartment as our dual home.

All in all it had been a thoroughly enjoyable evening and an experience that we must repeat again, rift permitting, in the near future… however…I wasn't too happy on our way back to the hub when that young blonde girl started coming on to him. Now, I'm not the jealous type, not usually anyway, but I just couldn't stand the sight of her smiling and giggling as she asked for 'directions'. So I very quickly stepped in and kissed Ianto rather exaggeratedly right there in the middle of the street, and grabbed hold of his hand to take him away… I'm not quite sure what came over me, but it asserted my point and Ianto wasn't complaining so all was fine.

It was so good to see Martha again when she did arrive, we had a little chance for a catch up and a bit of banter when she first got here, but nothing serious at first. Just a repetition of one of my favourite lines:

"It's the jaw line: once seen, always yearned for."

She seemed to appreciate it.

When I introduced Owen to Martha things didn't go down that well… predictably her seemed all too unimpressed with temporarily sharing his position with Martha, but there was also a definite sense that he found her unbelievably hot- which is of course understandable. It was really quite funny actually, watching him battle between flirting and asserting his position.

The pair of us managed to find time for a proper, meaningful discussion about that year in-between following this hypodermic needle crisis that turned out to be connected to the drugs development facility - the 'Pharm' – and trying to help Owen out with working the singularity scalpel. I asked Ianto to make us both a coffee and we sat down together in my office, door shut for once, and a request put out to the others that we weren't to be disturbed.

"So, Martha Jones I've got you all to myself at last" I said, smiling.

"I should probably be terrified shouldn't I? Alone with the infamous Captain Jack." She replied, smiling and matching my tone.

I laughed light heartedly, "Quite probably… Anyway, how's tricks?"

"Oh you know… UNIT's just the same as always, Tommy and I are getting along really well I'm kind of hoping that he'll propose, and we've been planning a holiday to the Swiss Alps… other than that, not a lot – you?"

"Not a great deal, Torchwood keeps me busy… and Ianto of course" I winked.

"Of course" She grinned.

"It's been a good while since we last saw each other hasn't it?" I sighed, bringing a sense of seriousness to the conversation.

"It certainly has" She sighed.

"Do you think about it much?"

"I try not to" She paused for a minute. "But sometimes I just can't help it, when I'm feeling especially low I sit and mull over the bad memories from that non-existent year… how _he _captured my family, tortured you and the Doctor how I travelled the world spreading that message, never giving up hope and desperately hoping that you would never give up hoping in me.."

"Never." I confirmed.

She smiled. "Sometimes I get frustrated, I wish that we could just have forgotten like the rest of the world… but then I think about how I never would have met Tom, how I never would have started working for UNIT…"

"How you never would have met me?" I interjected grinning.

"Indeed. How I might still be out there travelling with the Doctor…" She trailed off.

"Do you miss it?"

"Yes and no. I don't think you can ever fully move on from seeing so much of the world like that, or indeed from a man like that… but I feel safer here and I'm with my family and that's what matters. Would you ever go back?"

I paused for though. "The day that I followed you two, clinging on to the TARDIS for dear life I absolutely was prepared to throw myself back into it all, but I was thinking recklessly. If I'd thought about it properly I would have seen that I could never really leave Torchwood or my friends or Ianto… travelling with the Doctor is amazing there are things just as amazing here on Earth that are worth staying for."

"I know exactly what you mean…"

"If he offered me another one off trip though, I might be tempted provided I could warn the team" I grinned impishly

"Count me in!" She laughed.

At the end of the day we encountered a bit of an issue: I'd apparently not given Ianto enough notice to book a suitable hotel room for our delightful guest and so we really did end up having to put her up at the hub. Ianto had changed the sheets and freshened up my bunker so that Martha would have somewhere comfortable to sleep and set up the sofa with a blanket for me... but he hadn't factored himself into this arrangement.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked as I saw him collecting his things as I sent the others home.

"Home" He replied smiling innocently/

"Oh no you're not" I replied most firmly.

The three of us had one of the most enjoyable nights that I've had in a long time! Thankfully Martha and Ianto got on like a house on fire, I'm starting to think that everyone with the surname Jones is wonderful, and we were able to engage in all sorts of childish sports – running around like lunatics playing hide and seek inside the hub, the fully clothed kind isn't quite as fun as the naked kind but I'm not sure Martha (Or Ianto for that matter) would have appreciated me suggesting that instead so I kept quiet. Sleeping on the sofa proved to be a little bit of a challenge… but we made it work.

It was in the morning when Martha eventually managed to convince me to send her into the Pharm to research further into this miracle drug, which seemed to even be able to cure aids, and find out what was going on. I should have protested and asked her not to go but she won me over in the end, playing the 'come on Jack I've been in worse places and you know it' card. In all fairness I didn't, and I don't, doubt that she'll do an excellent job; even if she only put in half the amount of effort she did in saving the entire world from the Master then she would still be working harder than needed, but this knowledge hasn't stopped me worrying. I would have gone in myself, although they might have noticed something unusual about my blood when taking the samples… but I'd already had a meeting with that awful man (who can't even get my bloody name right!) and so that would be pointless.

Wanting to give her the best chance of success I gave Ianto the task of briefing her and going through the floor plans of the Pharm's building with her and producing suitable fake ID as I knew he would be the most thorough. And, much to my delight, it gave them the opportunity for a little private chat and though Martha wouldn't say a lot about it, she did say that he described me as 'Avant guard' I shall have to bring this up with him at a later date (maybe on the same day that we _finally _try out those contact lenses that I gave Martha for the mission).

Right now though, of course, our main focus is on Martha. She managed to get a place on the drugs trial with a couple of creative lies but they'll figure out what's going on soon enough so she we need to make sure that she is out of there as quick as possible. I'm not going to let anything happen to her, because a) I like Martha a lot and don't want to see her badly hurt… or worse… especially after all she went through to help save me and b) because the Doctor would bloody kill me if I let anything happen to her!


	34. Owen Doesn't Live Here Anymore

**A/N:** _Goodevening everyone! Here is the second (sort of) part to the last chapter aka the conclusion of beginning (sorry for the oxymoron!) ofthe whole 'Pahrm/Owen/etc' storyline, hope you like it! Thank you to those of you who reviewed and or read my Sherlock one shot - it was my first Sherlock fic so thank you! I hope that anyone (just people in the UK I'm assuming here...?) who was recieving results today got what they wanted :D Anyway, enjoy! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Sitting up here in the conference room now, with that offensive metal hand shaped artefact that I swore I would not allow to be used again – well not this one, but its pair anyway – it's strange to think that just twenty four hours ago everything was normal still. That Owen was absolutely fine, that I was busy worrying about how the Doctor would feel if I allowed <em>Martha <em>to get injured through investigating the Pharm, that I was almost a little excited to find out what this miracle drug was, that I even managed to find the time to have a little joke with Ianto when we began to question one of Coppley's bodyguards:

_"Pick a Weevil, any Weevil" I had asked Ianto, wrapping my arms around his waist whilst he was attempting to make our drinks._

_"Pardon?" _

_"Just tell me which of our delightful pests your favourite is" I grinned behind him._

_"Jack, what are you up to?" _

_"Nothing, nothing, I just really need to know… so pick one!" I grinned wider._

_"Janet" He'd replied._

_"Excellent choice, grab the most heavy duty chain we've got and bring it down with you to the vaults in five – it's question time for Billy." I gave him a hearty slap on the back and left as if that were the most important challenge we would face today…_

But all of that seems so far away now, what's happened to Owen has totally eclipsed everything else that has gone on over these past two days and I'm struggling to see how we, he especially, will all move on from this.

Life has such a bitterly ironic quality to it. You'll stress and panic over one thing or one situation only for it to turn out alright in the end and for something, or someone, completely unexpected to take a direct turn for the worse. I was so worried about Martha, so fearful as to how safe it was for us to send her into that pit of doom and allow those awful people over at the Pharm to flood her with drugs that could potentially kill her, anxious as to what I would do if I lost my one remaining connection with the Doctor and what happened in that year that 'never happened', when all the while it was not Dr Jones I needed to have worried about at all. It was Dr Harper that I needed to worry about, Dr Harper who I _am _worrying about right now.

I never thought I would have much cause to worry about Owen, at least no more than I would worry about any of my colleagues and friends on a daily basis working with an institution like Torchwood, he has always been the resilient one, the one who will throw off any threat with a suitably sarcastic remark… Ever since Katy died and he had got past that stage of absolute self-hatred and self-pity and deep, deep melancholy (admittedly through mindless one night stands and strong drink – but that's not the point) I thought that nothing else would be able to get to him, that the wall that he had built up to guard himself would last forever; but I guess nothing can protect a normal human being from death. And so here I am up in the conference room staring out at all of my friends and it is he that has captured my concern. Because Owen isn't really Owen anymore, well, he is, but he's not _right_ anymore – he's not alive anymore, not really. And it's all Torchwood's fault, and thus, my fault.

I suppose, looking back over the events from the past couple of days leading up to this one horrific and monumental occurrence, there's nothing I or any of us could have really done to prevent Owen from 'dying', there was no way of predicting that Coppley would shoot at him and no way that we could have saved him though natural methods there and then. But I guess that we, _I, _could have chosen not to bring him back and sentence him to whatever this new phase of mutated, corrupted, 'unliving' life, I could have prevented him from facing this kind of hell.

Who knows what it is exactly that's happened to him? He's down there now, talking to the others as if nothing has changed, pointedly ignoring the worrying looks he's receiving back and proving that in some ways he is still just as resilient. But inside he must be terrified because I know I am; he's not dead – he's not living, we don't even know yet if he can eat or sleep or carry out a normal life to any degree of fullness, how can that not petrify you? Martha's been running numerous tests, but so far they have been inconclusive as to how long he might survive during this state, but we can safely say for certain that it's going to be a hell of a lot longer than the standard two minutes of the old 'risen mitten'. Initially we were concerned that Owen had been brought back just as Suzie had, that the glove had somehow latched on to my life force and had used it to bring Owen back more permanently but it's this glove, it seems… different… to the last, more powerful, more effective? We checked and double checked that there was no connection between the glove, Owen and I using the Philemon to scan for any signs of attachment, but everything was clear and I have absolutely no idea what that might mean for Owen.

I've crossed over to that retched, desolate, menacing world of nothingness so many times that I've lost count, but would it have been better for us to have left him there, residing peacefully, sort of, rather than to have brought him back to this world in a state which is less than living? As he lay there dying in Martha's arms there wasn't a moment when the thought crossed my mind that I should just give up on him; I'd known where the Weevil's had been keeping the second 'risen mitten' for some time now and was more than prepared to try to use it on him even if it only brought him back for thirty seconds or less. I, well none of us really, were ready to say goodbye to our doctor Harper yet, I needed a last goodbye if nothing more and as I felt the connection between him and I grow through the metal casing I felt myself praying that it would bring him back fully. And, as they say, when the God's want to punish us they grant our prayers…

Perhaps I should have stopped to consider what I was doing? Paused to think about what might have happened when I used the glove to bring him back to life, thought about how Owen might feel about all of this – but I just couldn't sit back and do nothing. Given the chance to go back, to make the decision all over again, I'm not certain that I would change anything. Yes, now knowing that I would be bringing him back to a half living form, I would have taken greater measures to carefully think about what it was that I was doing but I'm more than sure that I wouldn't have reached the same verdict. It's Owen – I had to try.

At the moment he's in shock and he, like the rest of us, doesn't know how to take this; but I can't help thinking that in time he'll come to resent me for my actions.

It's just another reminder of how dangerous working with Torchwood is, how at the drop of a hat your normal ordinary (ish) life can be broken down and slashed straight down the middle by something unexpected, something very unlikely to happen in a normal day job. Owen isn't old there was no hint that he would die, no aging, no disease, he was shot. Out cold like a light, and just like that he was taken from us, however temporarily. It could happen to anyone of them, anyone of my close friends and colleagues, at any minute of any day because that's the nature of Torchwood: it's unpredictable and it's dangerous. And, I know it's awful to admit, but as much as there's 99% of my mind screaming with guilt and loss and regret for what has happened to Owen now – there is just a tiny 1% that is breathing a heavy sigh of relief and whispering 'thank god it wasn't him'. I'm not sure what I would have done if this had happened to Ianto, if it had been him that I'd had to use the glove I promised I'd never use on anyone again on…

With Ianto in mind, I sighed to myself, determined to try and pull my mind away from my melancholic and stressful thoughts for a little while as for the moment at least there is nothing I can really do, not at least until we have Owen's full set of test results back and we have been able to observe him in the hub over the next few days. For now then, I need to take my mind off it all for a while and so I've decided that it's high time that I had a little one to one chat… or something more effectively distracting… with my favourite Welshman (who is, thank god, alive and well); I'm going to call him up here via his comms right now in fact.

"And just why are you wearing that?" I asked as he walked through the door, my smile dropping immediately as I noticed that he'd put on his, albeit very nice and incredibly well fitting, winter's coat.

"I don't want to catch my death outside, it is December you know" He replied, smiling light heartedly.

"Well, I had no intention of you needing to go outside this evening." I said with an unwanted air of anxiety in my voice; as much as it wasn't manly or 'Captainly' to admit to it and as much as it may have been subtler for me to have just let him go, I really needed to be with Ianto tonight. I know that I wouldn't have been alone here in the hub, I'd have had Martha and Owen (which could perhaps even heighten my sense of guilt and anguish further) but tonight, like on so many nights after dark days, I need the comfort of his closeness, his consoling words and the reassurance that he's safe. And to be honest, more than anything, tonight I probably just need him to take my mind away from it all for a little while, provide me with a sense of escapism that is a great deal better than what I would gain from a roof top.

"With all due respect, Sir, I don't really think that having 4 grown adults trying to find sleeping provisions in the hub is ever going to work" He argued rationally back. He allowed his lilting Welsh tone to fully take control over the pronunciation of that Sir then, the s rolling and the vowel sound dragged out into an almost feline like sigh of pleasure. Sir used to be my regular' title' and I remember pleading with him until he finally relaxed and called me Jack, but now I found myself questioning why I had been so against this delicious word… ooh it's been a while since I'd been referred to as _Sir_…

"Aaah I've missed that" I replied flashing him the grin that I reserve just for him, just for moments like these, and edged in closer towards him.

"As have I Sir" He said that buzzword once again, drawing out the sound even more than the first time he had used it "But I still can't really stay here tonight" He replied firmly.

"There's always room for you here Ianto Jones" I replied just as firmly, with a hint of a seductive tone in my voice. As I did so, I closed the gap between us and encircled his waist in my hands which, to my unpleasant surprise, brought out a wince in the man before me.

I quickly withdrew my hands and raised a questioning eyebrow "What's up" I asked in a soft, concerned manner.

"It's nothing, just a Weevil bite"

"Ianto, you should have said, what if it had got infected?" I really do wish he'd just tell me when he's incurred an injury, even a minor one!

"It's fine, it's nothing really. I'm fine" He replied, every the martyr.

He was clearly hoping that I'd just leave things at that, but naturally my protective instinct took over and I demanded that he would allow me to inspect the offending wound for myself. I'm usually protective of Ianto, of all of my co-workers, but with what happened to Owen I suppose this need to shield and protect them all from harm has heightened; I simply felt overcome with a need to clarify that he was ok.

Ianto rolled his eyes expertly and began to remove his clothing, coat first and then jacket, in a very reluctant manner and it took all my strength to fight back a smile at the scowl his perfect face was pulling in to. He went to lift up his shirt and reveal the Weevil wound without removing any further layers, but I was worried that the movement of the fabric up and down against the bite might only cause further pain (Well, that and the fact that I'm pretty sure I'd use any excuse to stare at his chest…) so I retracted his hands and began unbuttoning the shirt myself and delicately sliding it off. Taking a small step backwards, still keeping close enough to feel the heat radiating out from his skin but far enough away that he was clearly in focus, I took in the perfect sight of his smooth alabaster skin covering layers of gently toned muscle all topped off with a scattering of dark hair, a picture now defaced by the raw red 'beginning to heal' bite mark. It might leave a scar… but it doesn't matter though, he'll still be just as perfect.

Delicately, so as not to cause him any discomfort, I bent down to my knees now and leaned in closely to kiss the wound better, much to his pleasant surprise. What wasn't so pleasant, from his point of view anyway – from mine I thought the whole thing was bloody hilarious, was that just seconds later Martha burst into the conference room to greet this scene: Me crouching down at Ianto's waist and he shirtless. I could practically feel the blush that was beginning to form across, not only Ianto's cheeks, but his exposed collar bone as well.

Her eyes widened and she began to laugh before announcing:

"I just came up to go through the results to some of Owen's tests…. but I'm sure it can wait until the morning… So you boys have fun" She winked.

As soon as she had left, the rather mortified Ianto began hastily putting his clothing back on again, but I was not having any of that, not after I had got a glimpse of what I wanted. "No no Jones, tonight you are staying right here" I firmly stated and pulled him in to a passionate kiss whilst unbuttoning his shirt for the second time that evening.

"But Martha's out there thinking… that we're… in here…" He stumbled out embarrassedly.

"Exactly, so we'd better live up to whatever she's thinking" I winked, letting him know that there's absolutely no way he was escaping me tonight; that I need him.

I quickly located the very spot on his neck which I knew would leave any words of argument incoherent and began unbuttoning my own shirt which left him with no other option but to comply to my demands. We would talk about Owen later obviously, and I know that it's bad to not release your inner concerns immediately but right now I want his distraction from those concerns and so I have something very _distracting _and very 'Avant Guard' in mind for Mr Jones and I this evening.


	35. Dead, Not Death

**A/N:** _Sorry guys! I tried to get this done yesterday but I was suffering from a severe case of writer's block -which is a rarity for me - and just couldn't get any words out... I fear that this ch isn't very good, but still, I hope that you like it! Oh and should warn, there's a bit near the end which is a little... risque... shall we say? There's no vivid descriptions of anything inappropriate but they are basically naked... it'll make more sense when you get to it! But yeah, thought I'd better warn you! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Stupid, foolish, idiotic, thick, naïve, crazy… call me whichever and however many of these as you like, it won't make much of a difference. The main point will still remain the same, they'll still add up to the one, main, resulting conclusion: that I was unwise and daft enough to truly believe that we had been through the worst already with Owen. That his death and resurrection to this undead, unrelenting state of life was the absolute rock bottom of the situation, and that from now on it was only conceivably possible that things could improve. That we would get through this somehow, that we'd look after him and he'd be just about ok in some strange, vague sense of the term. But it isn't, or wasn't at least – who knows where the situation stands now – and Owen has been through yet another twenty four hours of absolutely undeserved hell.<p>

I suppose I had to tell myself that things would improve in order to try and get by during the initial twenty four hours after Owen's 'transformation' in order to prevent myself from going insane. Ianto and I had a great deal of fun attempting to distract ourselves (well I suspect his part in the 'fun' was mainly for the benefit of my distraction – but still) from the knowledge of Owen's new circumstances, but we did eventually get to talking about it. I confessed how guilty I felt, how yet again another decent person had been severely injured – more than injured, _worse _than injured – through Torchwood related means and I failed to help him. That potentially I might have even made things worse. That I'd let Owen down and that I was worried he'd never forgive me. Ianto was understanding and reassuring as always, and somehow I even managed to feel briefly better through talking to him, by getting my feelings out there in the open it had given me the false sense of hope that I would be able to move on from what had happened – but how can I get over things, when things have got so much worse?

Something had happened to Owen overnight, or maybe it had begun happening during the previous day but we hadn't noticed which makes me feel even worse about the situation, either way his condition was rapidly deteriorating, he was becoming 'something else'. When Martha called us in that morning and presented us with the results of her testing I felt my stomach lurch at what she was showing us; the tests had revealed that Owen was about 40% 'something else' something not human, something bad and, most regrettably, something not Owen. Our colleague, our friend was slowly slipping away from us and we had no idea what to do to stop it, every felt tense and anxious and I should have been able to reassure everyone… More importantly I should have been able to help Owen and put a stop to the process there and then somehow, which would have saved his further distress and the lives of twelve innocent people. For goodness sake, I'm their leader, I'm the Captain, I should be able to take charge and smooth over situations like these – but it was too hard, I couldn't just pretend that it wasn't affecting me, I wasn't prepared to pretend that Owen wasn't Owen like Martha had suggested.

I could see her point, especially later on when he was slipping into that terrifying state of blankness and dark eyes and foreign words and became to seem almost monstrous, but no matter what he would – and always will be – our Owen. I've known him for far too long, been through far too much with him, to ever be able to fully detach and pretend as if he were a stranger, treat him as if it wasn't in my best interest to protect him above everything else. First and foremost our duty is to the protection of the human race as a whole – but if you can't do everything under the sun to try and protect your closest friends then what is the point to it all?

Not that I did manage to protect him of course, or even put his mind at rest… I took him down to the Weevil cells after they'd surrounded us when we were out only to spontaneously retreat once Owen had fallen into that almost hypnotic state, to see how they would respond to him. He joked about being the 'King of the Weevils', putting up his usual unserious and sardonic defence, but then he suddenly turned to me, looked me right in the eye and said in the most grave and frightened voice:

"What the bloody hell is happening to me Jack?"

And all I could do was tell him that I didn't know… I wanted to be able to reassure him and tell him that everything was going to be alright, that Martha's test results were all mistakes, that he would then make some joke about 'bloody female doctors waltzing in here trying to do his job', that things would return to normal – that he was _absolutely_ fine. But of course I couldn't because it would have been an outright lie and not solved anything, because the hard, cutting truth is that Owen wasn't fine and maybe never will be again and as much as he might try and joke everything off, or shrug it away with sarcasm, I think he's realised this, understands that he's effectively living on borrowed time.

I think that's how he managed to fight off death, to kill off the evil, soulless being that had been dwelling within him and threatening to take our Owen away from us, because he felt he honestly had nothing left to lose and was prepared to take on the 'grim reaper' of sorts alone, offer himself up risking permanent death in order to put a stop to all of this. And it makes my heart ache, that, although I was in a sense proud of him for facing such a feat with such a level of bravery, that he felt so low and still feels as though he's got nothing.

Obviously, I would have to say that I am closest to Ianto out of all of my team (but this is of course for slightly biased reasons), but I've known Owen for the longest out of all of my current staff and am equally attached to him as to any of the others. It hurts so much to feel so useless and powerless, watching him give up hope, watching him suffering through and wondering what on Earth is happening – and the horrible, guilty, nauseating knowledge that this is largely my fault. I want to be able to restore his faith; I want to be able to tell him that he'll always be safe from now on, but I just don't know what to do with him anymore… which is why I've sent him home for tonight at least while I try and figure out a plan of action. We've completely ruled out the possibility of a repeat performance of what we've seen today, and declared him as unthreatening once more – so he deserves at the very least to be comfortable (ish) in his familiar surroundings, even if he can't eat or drink or sleep or have sex or do anything that a typical 'Owen's evening' would pretty much be comprised of.

As for Ianto and , we I have gone back to his this evening, I just couldn't face spending the night inside that hub – even with Owen as alright as he ever will be again now, and safely returned back to his own apartment. I just need to distance myself from Torchwood for a little while before I become suffocated by the pressure and the guilt and the harsh, bitter realities of our lives; obviously I won't be able to forget for one second Owen's condition and the fact that our days left with him could be few, but I'm hoping that perhaps by staying away from the hub tonight it won't be so garishly, 'in-my-face', and inherently present in my thoughts.

I was worried that perhaps Ianto might feel inclined to cook us a proper meal, and want to sit down and make small talk and watch television or listen to the radio and act completely normally, but I must have forgotten that he has the tendency to call a situation perfectly. Sometimes I really think that that man is a psychic angel sent to me from heaven, he seems to know exactly what I what (or rather what I need which is a hell of a lot better) and exactly how to act around me under certain situations. Tonight for example, instead of us entering his apartment and him launching in to cooking us dinner, he gesture for me to take a seat on the sofa while he poured us both a double whisky. The strong spirit seemed to briefly dull the pain – or perhaps just transfer it from a mental ache to a burning sting in my throat – and certainly helped to relax me a little; but of course there's the unavoidable issue that I burn off the alcohol too quickly…

"So…" Ianto said, joining me on his sofa.

"So", I repeated back, unwilling or unable to make the first launch into 'this conversation'. It would have been a fair assumption for me to make that he would expect me to need to talk about Owen, to purge myself of the pain to him as I so often do, but right now I just feel so sick to my stomach, so in shock and so angry at the now imminent future loss of a dear friend. And I'm sure that the whisky is already losing it's slightly pain softening effect… bloody fast healing liver…

"Are you alright?" He asked outright, seeming a little reluctant to pose the question – I guess the picture of my face right now must expose volumes about how I'm feeling.

"Ianto… No… No offense, but can we not? Not right now at least, it's too fresh. I need to think of nothing for a little while" I replied, knowing that however much for the best it might be to talk about it, that I just wasn't in the right mind-set yet.

"Of course" He said with a small, slightly forlorn smile and I could tell that he understood exactly how I was feeling, because he was feeling it too.

I needed to feel close to him right then. So we sat there on his sofa, curled up together with our limbs entangled more than could be thought physically possible, with neither of us talking, just listening closely to the sounds of each other's breathing and heart beats for a good half an hour. We did eventually put the television on to prevent a deafening silence from claiming our relaxation, but it was just the news and neither of us were really paying a great deal of attention to it.

Then out of the blue Ianto shot up quick as a flash, leaving the warm parts of my body that had been connected with his suddenly cooler, and exited the room saying that he would be back in about ten minutes. If I'm honest, and I know it sounds ridiculous because I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that what happened to Owen couldn't have been prevented by me, but I'm not overly thrilled with letting Ianto out of my sight at the moment… just in case… because if something happened to him while I wasn't there to do everything under the sun to help save him then I don't know how I would live with myself. And also, on a rather less serious note, I was really very comfortable sat there with him like that!

Anyway, as it turns out, in the ten minutes that he was absent from the living room he had not in fact gone and got himself infected with a rare, incurable, alien disease; or been attacked by a Weevil; or had an accident with a toaster – he had just left to run me a bath. A bath… it was such a lovely gesture, I don't think that in all my many years anyone (other than my Mom when I was little obviously) has ran me a bath before. A bath is such a useful thing I always find, whenever you're feeling stressed or upset or are in pain, they can usually make things at least a fraction better; and with the lack of a bath inside the hub I haven't had a good long soak for a while, so I really was quite excited to set foot inside a tub again and I was rather hoping that I might be joined by a certain Welshman…

He walked with me to the bathroom and gave me a loving kiss on the lips, which both provided promising hope that he intended to stay with me, but as I started to remove my clothing he in turn began to leave the room! But, naturally, I was not having any of that.

"The idea of a bath has suddenly become a whole lot less appealing now that I know you won't be joining me" I said grinning but trying to sound disappointed (luckily his back was towards me so I think I successfully got away without him seeing my grin and managed to give a convincingly thwarted performance) so as to guilt trick him into staying.

He turned to face me and raised and elegant eyebrow upwards.

"Please" I begged and closed the gap between us to begin unbuttoning his shirt before he'd even had time to refuse.

Ianto sighed a little – but made no attempt to move my hands away I might add – and eventually relented, allowing me to strip him fully. Ever the gentleman, despite how despicably and persuasively I had just behaved, he allowed me to step into the large tub first which was beneficial for three reasons: 1. I got to claim the non-tap end of the bath as my own; 2. I got to stare at him stood there clothes less for another minute or so And 3. He rather unnecessarily, but very pleasingly, held my hands helping me in to the bath tub as one might do if you were injured or, in Ianto's case, just being lovely. The water was the perfect temperature much to my expectation as, after all, it's a rare occasion when Ianto gets something less than perfect; he'd added just the right amount of bubble bath to the water as well, enough to provide an ample 'bubblishness' across the surface, but not so much that it was almost seeping over the edge of the tub as it probably would have done if I'd been in charge.

Shortly after, he joined me inside the tub and I was robbed of the opportunity to stare voyeuristically at his naked form, but this was a complaint easily consoled by the fact that said naked Welshman was now sitting opposite me in his not-so-large-after-all bath tub. For a couple of seconds neither of us spoke a word, simply trying to get used to this rather peculiar new arrangement, before we both burst out into fits of giggles.

"Well we certainly haven't ever done this before….it's interesting…." I said through my laughter.

"Indeed it is" He laughed back.

"It's a bit… cramped isn't it?"

"Just a tad"

"In a kind of nice way though…"

"If you say so…."

"Oi!" I half shouted "that was a_ bit _rude!"

"Sorry, just being honest" He smiled back so splashed him heartily with soapy water by way of revenge.

Wiping his thunderous looking face and hair free from liquid and bubbles as best as he could he replied: "Now that was uncalled for!" and splashed me right back.

The two of us engaged in a strange form of water fight for a couple of minutes before relapsing back into uncontainable laughter once again, which was only broken when Ianto had a brief little moan about the state of his now soaking bathroom floor. I couldn't help but notice how the splashes of water to his hair was causing it to curl ever so slightly in the longer parts, and his cheeks were flushed slightly from the heat of the bath water making him look even more gorgeous than usual. Oh, and the water fight had rid the bath of most of the bubbles, meaning that the water was left clear and revealing all, a fact which I have little complaints about.

We sat in relative, comfortable silence for another few minutes, just basking in the moment of it all, before Ianto scooped up a handful of the remaining bubbles and blew them into the air, dispersing them in a light spray back on top of the water's surface again. "This is not very _manly _this is it" He chuckled.

"Probably not" I grinned back, not daring to mention the fact that his excessively pedantic hairstyling and grooming and moisturising habits were not all the manly either.

"Perhaps we should get a toy boat or something, like a battle ship or something to 'man' it up a little" He suggested jokingly.

"Ianto there's barely enough room in here for just the two of us, never mind adding in a battleship too!"

"I _thought _that you liked not having a lot of room in here" He replied back semi-sarcastically.

"Don't tempt me to show you just I how much I _like _it" I warned, to which he simply raised a challenging eyebrow. "Right then Mr Jones, if that's the way you're going to play things then I think I demonstration is in order!" I finished grinning, eyes gleaming wickedly – the bathroom floor will more than likely be due to see a great deal more water in the near future…


	36. Owen of the Dead

**A/N:** _Good evening one and all! I want to apologise now for how bad I'm sure this ch is... like the previous one I found it so hard to write and fear that it is by no means up to my usual standard... I don't know if it's the Owen storyline in particular which I'm finding tricky or if it's just writer's block in general, but please stick with me! I promise it should get better during the next one - that's a nice fluffy Janto-y ch! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>After hours spent tossing and turning in bed a few nights ago, thankfully not waking Ianto as I did so, with my mind frantically wondering and worrying about what should be done about Owen, what would be best and safest for him – and for us – eventually I came to what I thought was the best and only conclusion to arrive at. I decided that from here on out he would be suspended from all active Torchwood duty, that he was to turn in his security access passes, his weapons and his keys and remain inactive until Martha had performed further sufficient tests that would prove his suitability to return back to work.<p>

I'd made my mind up the previous day, but had decided to give him twenty four final hours of normality before breaking the news to him, and during this time I avoided him like the plague; I was far too racked with guilt to face him properly. I still remained, _remain, _adamant that this was all my fault for acting selfishly in not being able to let Owen go yet, so it had been difficult enough to meet him eye to eye in light of this, never mind knowing that I was about to take away the one last thing he had left in his life. Thankfully UNIT were having a nightmare to do with an ATMOS system that hadn't been properly deactivated which had kept me on the phone all morning, so I didn't feel like I was forcing myself to avoid him. And when he did come in to see me I tried to pretend that everything was normal for his benefit, made a joke about Ianto being the Ganymede to my Jove, but my heart just wasn't in it – and I could tell from his eyes, even though he spat back a bitterly sarcastic, typical Owen like response to my remark, that his heart just wasn't in it either.

Choosing to suspend him wasn't a decision that I had reached easily and, now at least, one that I'm not sure was necessarily the proper, well informed choice to make – but I felt I just had to do something. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't drink, he was more fragile than any of the others on the team and certainly a hell of a lot more fragile than I; Owen, through no fault of his own, was now to be permanently subject to a much more cautious life than his previous one, one in which every obstacle to be overcome must be treated with a considerably larger degree of care, and one in which he would have to admit that certain things were just no longer feasibly safe for him to do. How were we, how was _I, _supposed to just let him carry on as normal? Come in to work every day to face threats deadly even to those with much higher protection than his?

Working for Torchwood is hard and fast proving to be perhaps the one vocation in which the lifespan of its employees is decreasing. In every other profession, working conditions, trading hours and pay have all been altered to benefit the lives of their employees and as a result the general life expectancy of society has increased dramatically over the time that I have been working here – but not Torchwood's.

When I was first forced into joining Torchwood, (back in the late 19th Century when it was still that invasive, harsh, unforgiving organisation) in lieu of being subjected to testing and observation from them themselves, or from the government who they were threatening to turn me over to – who would have done goodness knows what with me – the average lifespan of a Torchwood employee was short, but then again so was the general life expectancy within society as a whole. We didn't have as sophisticated equipment back in those days, but neither did we have anywhere near as much trouble with the rift, and though the dangers posed to employees health and life were great, the living conditions of many during that era were health threatening – it was a game of balance then, and after weighing up the benefits and the risks things were pretty much even.

As time progressed and we began to receive more and more rift activity and face greater challenges and threats from other worlds, I noticed that there was a significant rise in the number of young deaths in the Torchwood organisation. People were living longer on the whole, if you discount the tragic casualties from the two world wars that is, whereas the life of the average Torchwood employee had decreased if anything. At the time I tried not to dwell on it; I was not yet a figure of authority and Torchwood was still an organisation whose principles I despised at this point so it was a great deal easier for me to tell myself that it was their choice to take up a job here, that they had chosen to be a part of this organisation and must accept the consequences as their own. But as I became more involved, as we started to shape Torchwood into something I was proud to be a part of, and as rift activity increased further still we saw more and more deaths to our name and I found it increasingly harder to just brush it off as a fact of life – inevitable. I could no longer watch as the body of young men and women, some in their mid-twenties even, were sealed up in their personal vault in the mortuary forever, without feeling a strong sense of guilt.

And as for what happened with Alex… I'll never forget returning to the hub that night to the sight of them all lying there the sight of him… the _thought _of him committing such an act because he just couldn't cope anymore. I was left alone to bury them all, bear the guilt by myself and to take over and recruit more staff to be put through the same dangerous and heart aches as my many deceased friends and colleagues had been through… It felt monstrous to commit anyone else to such a life, but I did it – offered up jobs to people Like Tosh… and Owen… who had nothing left, no one else to consider when making the choice to join and no better option left. Of course, that knowledge hasn't made me feel any less guilty; now more than ever I look at Owen and wonder if I was right to offer him a place here, if I shouldn't have just dosed him up with enough retcon to wipe his memory of all that he had seen after Katie's death and let him grieve in peace.

If I had just left him that day, I've got no idea what would have become of him – after Diane left he was so ready to give in and let go, to allow the Weevil to rip into eternal darkness, block everything out because it was all too painful… and he'd only known Diane for a little over a week… and of course I didn't know him well enough at the time to have predicted it there and then, but I'm certain that after Katie's death he would have reacted similarly if I hadn't been there to intervene. Katie's death was the first, which I know of, or at least the most important negative impact upon his life and everything that has happened to him since then, anything that he has done since then right down to the sarcastic, defensive way he behaves on a daily basis is down to his response to that incident. To be honest I think a large part of his grief and pain after Diane's departure was due to him linking it all back to Katie's death in itself; this was the first time since then that he allowed himself to connect with someone again, allowed himself to fall in love again. I for one know how hard that can be, to let go and allow that to happen all the while fearing the inevitable – one or both of you getting hurt.

And then today, amongst all the jokes about disliking Tintin, and about not being able to work Ianto's precious coffee machine, he attempted to drown himself down by the docks, he was so desperate to end this 'life' of his, even willing to commit himself forever to the lonely, terrifying darkness of death rather than spend however long he had left like this. And on the roof top, I wondered what he was going to do as he held 'the pulse' close to his chest… was he hoping that it would kill him? Was he once again seeking for that desperate end, the 'solution' to all of his problems, his final trip into the darkness where he would remain? Was that what that was about? Or perhaps he has just given up hope, feels utterly worthless and 'un-human' in this current state of life and just wanted it all over with, wanted to be at rest at last never to be dragged back by me again. I think he has sort of, or partially at least, forgiven me for bringing him back now.

After everything that's happened today, and these past few days, he has said that he has stopped blaming me for bringing me back, that he fully understands why I did it, why I had to give him one last chance, and he even admitted that he felt a little flattered by the fact that we were all so unwilling to let go of him just yet – but even so, deep down, secretly, he must resent me so much… I feel so terrible, facing a man who's essentially living on borrowed time, knowing that my own time here is limitless. To be honest, I don't know which is a greater curse, but I do know that if I had had the choice I would have stopped Rose before she brought me back and I'm sure Owen would have done the same given the option.

Looking back in hindsight, after observing Owen taking up a very normal (Well as normal as can be expected from him) role in our mission today, and after just generally taking a few moments to think about everything properly – I can see now that my decision to suspend him outright was wrong. I may have only been trying to protect him and do what I thought was needed to keep him safe and preserve the precious little time we might have left with him; but I was wrong to rob him of his last grip on normality. He might still be incredibly delicate and putting himself under unnecessary levels of risk through continuing to work for us, but at least he is vaguely content, or at least as much as he can be, and who knows – if we had left him at home to mull in his melancholy, then he may have attempted to end it all again. Now that I've happily agreed that he can resume all active duty without having to feel replaced by one Dr Jones any longer (who has rather sadly left our company for the time being, along with my assurance that she is welcome back whenever she's available) I think that the very worst of it all is quite possibly over; I think that maybe, just maybe, things might return to 'normal' now.

It's growing rather late now, and it's suddenly dawned on me that I've very much neglected my favourite Welshman – my only Welshman – for these past few days and it's probably about time to rectify that. What with trying to determine what to do about Owen, battling with my guilt and eventually coming to the revelation that I was wrong, I have been far too preoccupied to pay him the attention that he deserves. That and the fact that I worry about him far too much and seeing Owen in this state makes me feel sick to the stomach about the possibility of it, or of anything, happening to him and seeing all of this had made me realise the sheer inevitability of this event. I sighed to myself lightly and pulled out my chair from my desk to get up and go down to the hub - I have spent far too much time up here wallowing in my own thoughts; it's not healthy to do so.

"Hey stranger" I said, smiling kindly as I came down from my office to the main floor of the hub. Hopefully my smile also managed to convey a slight unspoken apology for my distance as of late – it's not one hundred percent my fault that we haven't seen each other a great deal over these past few days, but it certainly hasn't helped that I've been feeling down and unwilling to talk a great deal to anyone, even Ianto.

"What are you doing" I asked semi-rhetorically (I knew full well that it was reports from the last few days that he was working on, what I wanted know was why on Earth he was doing it at 'stupid' o'clock at night!), letting out a sigh as I indicated to the large pile of 'to-be-completed' paperwork by his side. Everyone else has gone home; he works far too hard

"Thought I might as well finish this off before tomorrow morning" He replied.

"Oh Ianto Jones… What am I going to do with you?" I asked rhetorically, now allowing a wicked, suggestive look to take over my tone and expression, replacing my earlier sigh of dismay. He blushed beautifully in response…

He gave himself a little time to calm down once again before he began to speak: "Well, umm, Jack there was something I wanted to talk to ask you about…"

Suddenly I panicked, wondering what it could be about – was he going to question me about Owen again? Because, no matter how I felt initially, I know now that I was the one in the wrong, and had hoped that Ianto realised this… quickly I ransacked my brain for anything relating to that, or any other topic, that had occurred between the two of us recently that might warrant a 'chat' – and then it clicked: Martha's departure…. "If it was about that kiss with Martha earlier, don't be mad, she started it, I mean I'm not going to lie and say I didn't enjoy it… but it was just a kiss between friends, it was nothing I promise." I quickly blurted out, wanting to avoid any sense of an argument this evening.

To my relief he simply laughed light heartedly in response. "Actually, I was just wondering what the rift looked like for Friday…I was thinking that we could… maybe take an extended lunch hour and go shopping for Gwen's rehearsal dinner… I still haven't found anything to wear… And then I thought maybe we could grab something to eat." He proposed.

"That sounds perfect." I grinned, very pleased that all he wanted was to arrange what should be a rather enjoyable date. "Things seem clear rift wise" I said, quickly taking a look at the computer monitor "So it's a date" I winked.

"Splendid" He replied grinning before he, much to my predictions, started up working on his reports once again. He looked so innocent and peaceful sat there, dedicated to completing the last of the paperwork before he would retire for the evening, as was his usual routine… he looked so normal and so… I don't even know how to describe it, just so utterly Ianto, that it reminded me of what I had been thinking about earlier – about the finite span of a Torchwood employees life, of how much more time exactly I might get to stand and stare at the perfectly groomed dark hair on the back of a perfect Welshman's head, that was slowly bobbing around as he filled in form after form in his neat script.

"Ianto" I said slightly nervously, wanting to go over this one last, really rather important, thing with him before he settled fully in to work mode again. "I… I just wanted to say that… seeing things with Owen and all, how difficult it's been for him, for all of us. Seeing how much pain… and… Well, what I'm trying to say is be careful Ianto. I love Owen like a brother, and he's a dear friend, but if something happened to you… then I really don't know what I would do. I care about you Ianto. A lot." I cursed myself mentally for not swapping care with a certain other four letter word… I do this every time… but hopefully, what with the context of my sudden outburst of concern and all, he got the gist.

To my surprise a lump began to form in my throat and I almost choked on what I fear might have been tears threatening to follow that speech, so I quickly attempted to recover using one of my typical tactics of deflection: "Oh and Jones" I said, quickly . "Absolutely loving the red tie by the way" And finished with a wink, just to 'seal the deal'.

"Thank you, I was hoping you'd notice". He replied smiling and I smiled back, hoping that I would get to see that beautiful smile for many more days to come.


	37. Lunch Dates and Rehearsal Dinners

**A/N:** _Hello! I think (hope!) that this one is a little better than thelast chapter, I certainly seem to have overcome my writer's block at least which is a relief :) Hope you enjoy it and good luck to anyone doing the Sport Relief Mile on Sunday, we're having our own verison at school tomorrow :D Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Friday came about nowhere<em> near <em>as quickly as I would have liked! Four whole days had to be endured before the time for Ianto and me to have our highly enjoyable (well enjoyable on my part at least… I think Ianto was a bit embarrassed by the end, but he certainly managed to pay me back later!) and much anticipated for lunch date. It was almost torture trying to carry on with normal work, and settle Owen back in of course – though he seemed happy enough to just get on with it for once in his life, whilst thinking about the fun that we, well _I _mainly, had in store for Friday. The only thing that took my mind away from thinking about the date and willing time to move faster was when Brigadier Masterson decided to just skip our 'oh so important and highly urgent meeting' on Tuesday re. the whole ATMOS incident that still hadn't been followed up properly. I was not happy, not one little bit, but this slip up on his behalf meant that I at least had something to occupy me with as I spent vast amounts of the next few days trying to get into contact with him, but he was suddenly impossible to pin down! And when I eventually did manage to get a hold of him, he fobbed me off with some woolly excuse and told me we'd have to re-arrange the meeting ASAP – that man is the bane of my life!

Well, one of two banes, the other being the rift of course; I was so anxious that we'd have a major incident around lunch time that would need our urgent attention and demand that Ianto and I delay our date. It would have been absolutely typical of it to suddenly start acting up exactly when we're trying to do something important that has been planned well in advance. It wouldn't have been the first time that an occasion that I, or one of the others, were looking forward to had to be postponed due to rogue Weevils filtering through, or the odd Ood or Sontarin disrupting the peace and postponing our much anticipated for plans. I know for one thing that Gwen was terrified about 'that bloody rift' ruining her rehearsal dinner; obviously She had the full night off and for her actual wedding day we'll all be off duty for the duration, but the four of us couldn't just leave the rift unmonitored for a rehearsal and so there was the vague possibility that we might have to whisk ourselves away quite abruptly, mumbling false excuses as we went, but thankfully all was quiet on the rift front. If the rift had decided to play up during the allotted time for our lunch date I would have been mightily ticked off yes, but Gwen… if it _had _ruined her rehearsal dinner… I dread to think what might have happened. As much as I love her, she's becoming so over stressed with all this wedding lark that she's turning into somewhat of a Bridezilla!

When Friday finally arrived the rift seemed to be living up to its predicted lull so far and, though I didn't want to play with fate and risk my odds by being over presumptuous, I had allowed myself to get really rather excited. But then at around eleven thirty ish, and I couldn't for the life of me explain why, the idea suddenly popped into my head that perhaps Ianto had forgotten or, worse still, that he wasn't looking forward to it as much as I was. As I looked out to the hub through the window in my office all I could see was him dedicatedly working away at his desk, perhaps occasionally glancing over to the rift monitor to check up on the levels of activity and make sure we were still set for our date, though it was more likely through habit… he wasn't there checking his watch every couple of minutes or bouncing up and down in his seat like I had been and I know I tend to be a _lot _more outwardly expressive than him, I was still inexplicably worried.

But naturally, I wouldn't want to let that one slip and ruin my 'tough', 'manly' 'Captain-y' reputation so I decided to do something that I hadn't done in a while for a little bit of fun, to write him a little 'love' letter… which I guess, isn't very manly either… but it was amusing at least and hopefully didn't make me come across as insecure…

"To my Ianto; Just thought I'd remind you about the date that we've planned for about an hours' time, I'm sure you haven't forgotten because your brilliant and I am irresistible after all, but you seemed so absorbed in your paperwork this morning that I thought I'd better check. The rift seems to be leaving us alone and I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting rather excited about trying on clothes with you, the lunch part I can take or leave… Your Jack."

"Post for the hot Welsh guy at desk three". I said grinning as I bounded over to Ianto's desk to deliver the note leaving him with a parting kiss on the cheek and a little laugh to myself as I saw the familiar heat rise in his cheeks.

We used to do notes all the time, a lot more surreptitiously that that mind you, back when nobody knew about us, but now I don't have to bother being secretive as everything is out in the open. I think perhaps that Ianto would rather I was a little more subtle still… but I rather enjoy Tosh's giggles, and Gwen's gasping looks of desperation to find out what's inside, and Owen's groans and moans of how sickening it is!

The minutes trickled on ever more slowly until _finally _12.30 arrived, I took great delight in announcing to the others that we wouldn't be back until three o'clock – I think Ianto didn't want to spend too much time away from work because he felt bad about it, but if the boss has agreed…! We went clothes shopping first by my request, after all, there's no sense in buying clothing when you're feeling all bloated and horrible after eating, Ianto made a sarcastic comment (I should never have introduced him to Owen!) regarding that very point, said I should just eat less and then it wouldn't be a problem but I soon 'put him in his place' with a friendly elbow dig

And boy was shopping as incredibly entertaining as I had hoped it to be! When we arrived at the shopping centre, I had it in my mind that, as much as I really wanted to 'play' dressing up and get him to try on all sorts of outfits for me, that Ianto was probably just one of those people with an eye for the 'right buy' and someone who would need very little help or guidance. But, much to my pleasant surprise, it seemed that as much as he was fabulous at selecting smart suits for work – he had absolutely no clue where to start as far as Gwen's 'smart casual' dress code was concerned, meaning I got to have my fun after all. Initially he did suggest just wearing a suit to the dinner, seeing as that's practically what he lives in most of the time (we're usually either at work or we're at one of our homes late at night and often slip straight into pyjamas, cutting out the need for casual clothing on a regular basis), but I soon put an end to that.

"… But I feel perfectly comfortable in a suit" He had said quite reasonably as I dragged him by the hand away from the window display of suits in Hugo Boss and towards Zara instead.

"I know but you know what Gwen's like at the moment, she said smart _casual –_suits are not casual!" I laughed.

"Well, the dress code for work isn't exactly smart is it but I still wear one! Besides I thought you liked me in a suit?" He said with a slightly playful tone that was just begging for my flirtatious response.

"To be perfectly honest I prefer you out of the suit…" I grinned as his cheeks flushed a delicious pink. "I _do _like you in a suit, very much so in fact, but I'm worried that everyone else at the dinner will find you far too attractive in a suit and I'll have some major competition on my hands" I winked.

Ianto just rolled his eyes in response as if my suggestion was ridiculous, but he did allow me to continue leading him towards Zara. Inside the shop I felt a little like Gok Wan wandering around and selecting outfits for him to try on, to be honest I had made my mind up right from the start that the brown cords, light khaki and white tablecloth checked shirt and beige cardigan I selected was the perfect choice… but I took quite a bit into the fitting rooms with us as I didn't want to waste an opportunity to see him undress multiple times! From first entering the shop I had also spotted exactly what I wanted to purchase (dark grey, slim leg jeans and a light blue shirt) but I made a show of trying them on and getting Ianto assurance that 'yes, my bum looked fine' or 'yes I looked gorgeous' because I am not one to turn down the opportunity for a compliment session either.

When both of our outfits were sorted and we had started to change back into our normal clothing again, I did try to get Ianto to have a little fun with me – seeing as we were both stood there in our underwear and all – but he wasn't keen. Pretty certain that the fitting room attendant who was on duty whilst we were in there overheard everything, and if not, probably became rather suspicious as I failed to control my laughter on our exit. Ianto was a little cross but I did eventually relent and apologise otherwise I wouldn't have got any of what I wanted in the fitting room later than night… but I did point out to him that it was clearly his fault that I felt so overcome with the need to behave so inappropriately (well inappropriately in his opinion) as he just looked and sounded far too good for me to resist!

We were back to the others a little early in the end, as we had gone to YO! Sushi for lunch, the service had been quick and neither of us had opted for a dessert so we were back in the hub, and deliberating what to do in the absence of any rift activity, in no time. We eventually decided to have a couple of rounds of cards, and my sides nearly split through laughter when Tosh suggested that we played 'strip Jack naked'… I was assured by both an embarrassed Tosh and a mildly amused Ianto that it was honestly just an innocent card game, much to my disappointment, that often goes by the name of 'Beggar-My-Neighbour' but funnily enough I much prefer the other name. Cards kept us occupied for the rest of the day, before we all headed off home.

This morning, the day of the dinner, I woke up in Ianto's bed after actually managing to have a full and well needed night's sleep, to the sensation that someone was watching me – a smiled a little when I realised just who that someone was…

"Stop staring at me" I mumbled through a sleep thickened voice, keeping my eyes shut and savouring the moment.

"How could you possibly tell that I was staring at you?" He asked with intrigue.

"I could feel you moving around and presumed you were awake, and well, if you're awake and I'm in the room – what else would you be looking at?" I opened my eyes and grinned widely at him.

He gave me a slight shove in return.

"Hey don't start that cause you know what'll happen" I said with an air of mischief in my voice and began to tickle him to within an inch of his life without giving him the opportunity to protest.

Although I had technically given everyone the day off, Ianto and I still headed into work as per usual, though we hung around at his apartment eating a leisurely breakfast in bed and watching a little of the morning news before heading over, and it was just as well really that we did decide to venture in. In the space of just two hour we had three (or was it four?) call outs, one rift alert and two police alerts for 'unusual activity', all involving Ianto and I capturing Weevils and returning them to the hub. On the third call out Brigadier Masterson _finally _deigned to call me back saying that he was free right there and then. I hated just dropping everything and coming running when he called, and more importantly I disliked leaving Ianto on his own to deal with a fully grown Weevil, but I just knew if I hadn't have gone then, then we never would have actually had our meeting. In the end it was as boring as hell just as I had predicted it would be, he pretty much just sat there ranting on about how we should have helped him out more with the case – to which I retaliated by reminding him that Torchwood didn't actually work for UNIT, and that we had a lot of our own issues to deal with – and then he started to get a little techy and rambled on about how 'we think we're better than UNIT' etc… I was tempted to say yes, quite frankly we are, and Ianto can make way better coffee than your secretary can, but I left it, after all there's no point starting an unnecessary feud and I really just couldn't be bothered right then and there.

I was severely glad when the time came for me to (almost) politely duck out of his office muttering a goodbye and head back over to Ianto's in order to get ready for Gwen's dinner. It had been a bit touch and go in the end as to whether we would arrive on time, which naturally was all down to me but the delay was honestly justifiable, but thankfully with a bit of assistance from Ianto in the hair department we made it bang on time and thus did not incur the wrath of Gwen – rather the friendly 'kisses on cheeks' greeting that everyone else received. I think Gwen had been a little nervous about how the evening would progress as the idea of letting us Torchwood lot loose in the same room as her 'normal' friends and family must have seemed a bit daunting, but surprisingly enough things have been running incredibly smoothly so far. Gwen's seated Owen and I next to each other so that he can sneakily pass me his food to eat apparently (I think she must have been talking to Ianto about that one...)

Ianto was seated opposite me, which at first I thought was a good thing but now I am questioning whether or not _next _to me might have been better, as in the last fifteen minutes or so he has been rubbing his foot gradually higher and higher up the inside of my thigh which wouldn't have been a problem had I not been attempting to hold a conversation with Rhys's best man Banana Boat. Clearly he's trying to get me back for that time that I embarrassed him in the same way when we were out for dinner that evening I told him about Martha's visit and for embarrassing him in the shopping centre earlier today. I don't think that Banana Boat noticed that anything in particular had gone awry, not even when my voice started to waver and go all high pitched and strange, but I'm pretty sure that Tosh noticed as she started to muffling a giggle that was escaping from her lips.

In turn Ianto also burst out laughing, evidently very pleased with himself, and quickly excused himself in order to go to the bathroom without a word to me but I wasn't letting him get away that easy, so I sent him a threatening text:

"I am so going to make you wish you hadn't done that!" And believe me, I will!


	38. Frosty the Snowman

** A/N:** _Hello! I'm uploading this from school because we have Wifi now- isn't that exciting! ;) I know that it's far too spring like atm to be thinking about Christmas, so sorry for this one! Hannah xxx_

God I feel so tense, pacing about down here in the bunker, desperately anticipating the wonder that will be our staff Christmas party tomorrow! The excitement is concentrated in its potency as I have only really had today to think about the preparations and activities and the general festive fun, as somehow – god knows how – I allowed my favourite days of the year to go unremembered! I can't believe that I managed to let Christmas slip my mind; it's been my favourite holiday since I came to Earth. Back when I was a kid on Boshane we never really had a 'Christmas' as such, but we always celebrated the Winter Solstice with a large communal dinner (a sort of communal hog roast really) and the exchanging of small trinkets and good wishes to our relatives. It was always a highly enjoyable period of time, and something that I really do miss from back 'home', but it's nothing compared to the more Earthly delights of Christmas! The candles and the choirs singing carols; the fire places lined with paper chains and stockings and cards (though, in the hub of course, it's more likely the computer monitor that gets adorned with these items); the holly and the ivy; mulled wine; Christmas trees and tinsel and fairies; stealing cheeky kisses under mistletoe; Santa Claus… there's so much that can be associated with this festive time – how on Earth did I forget about it?

For all I know, I might not have even remembered until tomorrow when the keen as ever Tosh turned up all dressed up with her mixed Christmas CDs in hand, ready and waiting for a party, unless Ianto – who has also forgotten might I point out, which really was amusingly surprising – had reminded me like her did. I was sat up in my office, staring out into space and ignoring the vast stack of paperwork messily lining my desk, and half of the carpet, all concerning the rather sticky Slitheen incident from last night when my thoughts, and y gaze, drifted over to Ianto.

I stared fondly at him, working away exhaustedly, his jacket long since discarded and his hand clutching at his hair with frustration – he seemed to be working far slower than usual (not that I am one to criticise) so I figured that he must have something stressful on his mind, though I didn't imagine at the time that it the issue would have been Christmas! As I continued to watch him, memories from the evening before of my Welshman coated in the thick, green gunge like product which had been expelled from the creature as we'd fired at it with vinegar, how he had complained so adorably about it ruining his suit and how it wasn't fair that he was the only one who had been covered floated through my mind. And even better memories of him later back at his apartment, rapidly taking off his soiled clothes so as not to stain his carpet and then immediately rushing to the shower, into which I followed him much to his surprise… For a second I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't notice his sudden turning around to face me, staring right back with a perplexed look on his face. He turned around for a few minutes, but then looked right back up to me before sighing and beginning to type out a message to me on his computer.

_Ianto: You know, you really aren't going to get any work done if you just sit staring at me like that… _

I smiled to myself as I read it… that was exactly the point – I was avoiding doing work!

_Me: Well, can you blame me from getting a little side tracked when you are the view from my window?_

_Ianto: You could always turn your desk the other way?_

_Me: Why would I do that, my wall really isn't as attractive a sight and I really think I can cope with not getting much work done… Besides, isn't that a little hypocritical of you seeing as I've been watching you for half an hour and you've only typed three sentences._

_Ianto: Half an hour! And it's not my fault either, I just realised what date it is and can't get over how much I have left to do in such a short amount of time!_

_Me: What are you talking about?_

_Ianto: Jack, it's the 23rd of December_

_Me: No it isn't._

I quickly looked up from the computer and suddenly noticed Tosh the Christmas fairy's handiwork in decorating the hub, and leaned across to read the date on my often ignored calendar.

_Me: Oh shit it is! This means I've missed out on 23 days' worth of an advent calendar!_

_Ianto: Jack!_

_Me: What?_ I laughed to myself, knowing I would gain exactly that sort of response from the comment.

_Ianto: Never mind…_

_Me: Hang on a second; if you're all stressed about Christmas… does this mean that a certain Mr Most-Organised-Man-in-Wales forgot about something?_

_Ianto: Maybe…_

_Me: That's hilarious!_

_Ianto: It's not funny! I haven't bought any presents yet, I haven't made a cake for the party, I've left it too late to organise anything with Rhiannon…_

_Me: Whoa, no cake? And we're having a Christmas party?_

Naturally, the cake was my priority…

_Ianto: Yes Jack no cake, well no cake as yet, will make one tonight but it won't be proper Christmas cake I'm afraid, just a sponge. And as for a party well, Toshiko's been putting together a playlist, and decorated the hub and we do one every year…You can just tell everyone to turn up at 7 ish, like you did last year, I guess it'll be sort of impromptu but it can work._

_Me: That's ok, I prefer sponge to fruit anyway, and cool, I'll sort things for a party somehow. So I know I should be upset for you that you can't spend Christmas with your sister… but I can't help noticing that it leaves you without plans for Christmas day again…_

_Ianto: Indeed it does_

_Me: So…_

_Ianto: So?_

_Me: Feel like spending it with me?_

I have no idea why, but I felt a little nervous asking him…

_Ianto: I guess, I've had no better offers after all…_

_Me: Cheeky sod! Oh and as for presents, I haven't got any either – fancy a shopping trip after work? Thursday is late night shopping so we could let the others go at 5.30 and still get in 3 hours or so before grabbing dinner or whatever_

_Ianto: Hmm, I don't know… after the last shopping trip…_

_Me: I promise I'll be good!_

_Ianto: Really? (I'm raising my eyebrows right now, just in case you can't see)_

_Me: Damn it I can't see! You always look so sexy when you raise your eyebrows… But yes, really, really good. _

_Ianto: I might live to regret this… but alright_

_Me: Perfect, I'll pick you up from your desk at 5.35 then and you'd better be ready – not sure I can trust your organisational skills anymore! But for now, back to work, or do you want the boss to come down there and give you a good seeing to? _

_Ianto: Splendid, oh and Somehow I don't think the others, Owen especially, would appreciate you doing that._

After he had sent that final message I saw Owen approaching Ianto's desk surreptitiously, followed by a loud outcry of "Like hell would I!" from the doctor and the blazing of a glorious flame in Ianto's cheeks. I couldn't help but laugh, and laughed further still after he had shot me a scowl signalling his disapproval.

I don't think that Gwen and Owen had realised that this festive time of year had already come upon us again either. At half past five on the dot when I announced that it was time for us to call it a day, and that I didn't expect to see anyone until tomorrow at seven ish for the Christmas party, Gwen looked as though I'd suddenly dropped a large and heavy object on her foot, but was desperately attempting not to scream. Frantically she began gazing around the hub, taking in all of the decorations that Tosh had put in place (god knows when) over the past few days, just as I had – clearly she had also forgotten. Owen, well, I'm not sure if Christmas holds such a great significance with Owen – and especially now that he won't be able to join in with many of the normal activities – and so I wouldn't really have expected Owen to remember.

Tosh, of course, having been the only member of Torchwood to successfully keep track of the calendar of the outside world, let out an excited squeal and began quickly packing away her belongings in a hurry to get home. The other two followed suit, though I suspect that it was more through a desperate need to rush out and purchase gifts and other Christmas necessities rather than through enthusiasm.

Ianto and I set off for our shopping trip almost straight away, not wanting to waste a single second of our finite time, and unlike our last shopping trip I was as good as my word and did not try and get up to any 'funny business'. We raced around on a manic spree to buy presents for Ianto's family first – I've never met them, so I'm not sure how much help I actually was for that part of the trip, but at least I wasn't a distraction, and besides, Ianto seemed to have a fairly good clue of what he was doing anyway.

The team were up next on the list to buy for, and as usual it wasn't too difficult to select what to buy for them – when you work so closely with a small group of people each day, it's incredibly hard not to notice their individual tastes. For Tosh, I bought her a signed copy of Brian Cox's the Wonders of the Solar System (She's not all that into astronomy, but I know she has a secret little crush on the professor!) and a t-shirt which said 'there are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't'.

Gwen was marginally harder, the two of us have always had a slightly strange relationship – as much as Ianto was concerned about it for a while, I've never been in love with her, I at most fancied her for a little while when she first joined (and before Ianto and I started whatever it was we had going on back then) but there's always been a funny sort of tension between us. I just wouldn't have felt comfortable with buying her perfume like Ianto did… in the end I went with Regatta de Blanc as I know she's a huge fan of the Police, but only has their music on ancient cassette tapes. Rhys had been invited to our little gathering tomorrow as well, and I had no idea if we were meant to be doing presents for him or not, but Ianto seemed to think it was better for us to play it safe and get something just in case, so I got him a case of Brains beer and a book on the history of Welsh rugby.

And then for Owen, oooh actually, I may have misbehaved a little when we were in Hawkin's Bazaar trying to find a present for Owen… They were selling these juggling balls in the shape of breasts and I was desperate to get them for him, but Ianto thought that perhaps it might only serve to remind him of certain physical acts which he can't engage in anymore. So instead I went for the book 'Trust Me I'm a (junior) Doctor' which is supposed to be quite amusing, so I hope he'll appreciate it.

After that Ianto and I split off in order to buy our presents for each other. We hadn't actually discussed what we were doing with regards to presents before we split up, which was probably a bit of a mistake but we were in a real rush by this point, so I had no idea if we were going to do smaller, jokey presents to open up in front of the others and then a separate main present to open in private, or if we were going to forgo the small present and just open our main presents up with all the others. In the end I decided to just go with buying two separate presents as we had done last year as, although we had done it for different reasons back then, it had been fun to open up our more personal presents in the comfort of my bed and it had been just as fun to receive a less serious present.

The 'jokey', less personal part of the gift was easy for me to sort out; I went for a miniature desk hoover (which I remembered having seen a few months ago and noted that it would be perfect for the Welshman) and series one of the original Star Trek on DVD.

His main present took a lot more consideration on my part… I wandered around all of his favourite clothing shops, browsed through endless selections of DVDs and CDs and books, went into numerous jewellery stores… but I just couldn't find anything special enough, anything that I thought he'd like enough or anything that I thought would outdo my present from last year. I was starting to get a little panicky in fact, when I finally stumbled upon a picturesque little antique book shop. I'm not entirely certain what it was that drew me inside in the first place; it just looked so inviting and enchanting from the outside that I just had to step inside, but as soon as I was in there, I realised that it was probably exactly what Ianto's version of heaven would look like, and that had been a complete stroke of luck for me to stumble upon such as place. After carefully looking over many ancient and rare and exotic titles, I decided upon an old book of Welsh Folk Tales which was written entirely in Welsh which I hoped that he would like. Once the book was bought I paid a telephone call to my good friend Miss Martha Jones who I manage to convince to agree to send a UNIT cap over to the hub ASAP so that I could add this to his present!

We reconvened outside of John Lewis at 8.00, and although we had both initially decided to go out to dinner at Prezzo's, we both agreed that we were far too tired from our speedy round of shopping to bother with going to a restaurant. Instead we just picked up a Chinese takeaway and took it back to the hub to eat in sat on the sofa in front of the television. Afterwards we were both almost too tired to make proper conversation with each other, so we stuck on an episode of the IT, and only spoke to comment on the program itself or to make random, unimportant drabbles of statements – it was a very pleasant waste of half an hour.

Once the programmes credits were rolling on, Ianto began to quickly tidy away our rubbish and gather up his own belongings, at the time I thought this was his preparation for us heading down to my bedroom for the night, but then he lifted up his jacket and turned to face me.

"So…" Ianto began to announce as he slipped into his coat. "You told everybody 7 right? I guess I'll see you at 11.00 am or there about then." He laughed lightly and leaned in for a kiss 'goodnight'.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Where do you think you're going Jones, Ianto Jones?" I protested, pushing a finger against his lips, refusing to allow him to make contact.

"Home" He said, removing my blockading finger.

"And why would you be doing that… unless there is an invitation for me to join?" I asked hopefully.

"Some of us have got to make a Christmas cake"

"Isn't it a bit late to start making a cake?"

"Well… it needs to be done!"

"Screw that Ianto, just stay here and we can have some fun!" I said wiggling my eyebrows and arousing a blush across Ianto's cheeks.

"Fine…" He grinned mischievously. "But, you know what that means" He finished, sounding almost flirtatious in tone.

"What?" I asked.

"That there'll be no cake tomorrow" He grinned wider.

"Oh" I replied, allowing my expression to droop as I realised what the serious consequence of keeping him here with me tonight would be: no cake.

"So Jack… which would you prefer, me or cake?" He asked teasingly raising an eyebrow.

I frowned, deeply contemplating my options. On the one hand there was the gorgeous Welshman with a voice like honey, perfect pale skin covering smooth muscle, beautiful blue eyes and contrasting dark brow – almost black – hair which always started to curl slightly by the end of the day… so delicious and almost good enough to eat… and then there was cake, delicious and actually edible… and with Ianto making it, it would no doubt be absolutely perfect.

"You… No cake… NO You! But cake… No you, definitely you… or Dammit! I want the Cake and you; I want to eat the cake off of you!" I finished, a little exasperated but, overall, pleased with my final conclusion as it had brought some rather enticing images to mind.

"Well, sorry but you can only have one, and I don't think the others would like it if they ended up with no Christmas cake tomorrow because we were too busy… or worse still, found that they're Christmas cake had already been eaten in that… way. So… Goodnight." He leaned in for that kiss goodbye again and, now understanding that he was being quite reasonable, reluctantly kissed him back.

"Fine, fine. "But we are totally doing the cake thing one day Mr Jones you mark my word" I said quite firmly.

"We'll see." He called back and left me alone here in the hub to brew over my lust for Christmas, and more importantly, the cake.

And so, that's why I am now here, frantically pacing about, trying to calm my excitement and occupy my busy mind with other thoughts by pacing around down here. It's not helping all that much I must admit, I just can take my thoughts away from the general enjoyable festivities that will come with tomorrow, I can take my mind away from the pleasantly surprised look that I'll see on Ianto's face when I hand him his present, I can't stop wondering about what he might have bought me (and whether or not he had had the same idea as I, with regards to purchasing two separate presents) and lastly – I just can't stop thinking about how good that cake will be! Perhaps I'll go upstairs and see if there's anything decent on the television, though I highly doubt it considering that it's almost midnight now…. perhaps I'll put Love Actually on… It's embarrassing to admit it, but I do actually quite like that one and I haven't seen it yet this year, and it certainly is very Christmassy after all!


	39. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

**A/N: **_Good evening! Again, I know it isn't really the rigth time of year for Christmas talk - especiallynot with Easter around the corner! - but here we go anyway! I hope you all like it! Hannah xxx_

* * *

><p>Well, I am ashamed to admit it (well not that ashamed…) but I did indeed resort to watching Love Actually last night. The thoughts of Christmas eve and the staff party, exchanging gifts, stealing kisses, and if I had been a good boy this year, hopefully more from Ianto under the mistletoe and generally seeing everyone making a festive fool out of themselves were far too much to bear and only Hugh Grant and Kiera Knightly were capable of distracting me right then… well and Colin Firth… and Martine McCutcheon… basically, if there was going to be no Welshman in sight for the whole evening, and if thoughts of a divinely delicious Christmas cake had been placed in my mind, then I needed the power of romance and good looking actors to take it all away.<p>

It was a much longer film than I had remembered, and by about five ish this morning when it ended I actually was starting to feel a little sleepy (amazingly, given that I had been buzzing just a couple of hours back) and so turned off the television set and headed back down to my bunker to strip off and curl up under the covers in my seemingly spacious and Ianto-less bed. But just as I was doing so, Ianto's presents caught my weary eye's attention – Ianto's _unwrapped _Christmas presents caught my attention. Frantically, I began scavenging up anything that vaguely resembled Christmas present wrapping tools that I could find, but I had no decent 'Christmassy' wrapping paper, so I had to settle for plain blue in the end, TARDIS blue no less, adorned with silver ribbon for his UNIT cap (which had arrived very promptly indeed thanks to Dr Jones) and book, and just brown paper for the jokey presents. He didn't seem to mind the brown paper earlier today, so hopefully the blue paper which is also lacking in festivity won't bother him on boxing day either when we are finally able to exchange our private gifts in peace!

It had been our plan to exchange them today, Christmas day, as we had done so last year: lazily in bed, half clothed and soaking up every last joyful moment of having a day off together. But of course, as it so often does, the rift had other plans for us and our glorious day of sex, the Sound of Music, Santa Claus and Buck's fizz will have to be postponed.

Things didn't take a downwards turn for a little while though, and we were all able to get a great deal of fun out of the party before things really took off. I'd told everyone to take the day off – Tosh, for generally relaxation and party preparation, and for the others frantic catch up for the forgotten holiday – and that the party would begin at seven; Ianto I knew wouldn't leave it until seven, and though he'd admitted himself that he would probably turn up at around eleven and I, if I were a betting man, would have suggested that he might have been in even earlier than that. By the time nine o'clock came and went I was getting highly impatient waiting for the Welshman in question, I was sleep deprived, bored, and severely unable to operate the coffee machine, so by the time half past ten came and he finally waltzed in through the door I was extremely relived and excited to see him

"Now there you are at last!" I grinned widely at the gorgeous man stepping into my sights, and hurried up from his desk at which I had been sat (there had been a sort of lingering, Ianto-y smell around his desk… it was nice…) to greet him with a ruffle of his hair. He's always so meticulous about styling it, and as much as I love it neatly perfected, I also love it when it's a little messy: it's cute, and it always makes him look as though he's a little ruffled from a good Weevil hunt or the like.

"What do you mean? The party doesn't start until seven or so, and I told you I'd be in around eleven and it's only just gone ten now…" He asked, frowning a little.

I laughed a little, he was clearly worrying that he was late for the first time in his life, which was quite hilarious – never the less I kissed the frown away cheerily: "I know, but I missed you and was getting impatient waiting for you to arrive" I replied.

"Well, it's a good job I didn't leave it any longer then isn't it… After all, I'd been pacing about in my apartment finding things to keep me occupied before eventually giving in and making my way here… I might have found some extra tasks to attend to" He replied in a devilishly teasing manner.

"It's a bloody good job you didn't! Now Ianto; what's in the bag?" I asked with one eyebrow raised, teasing back.

"Nothing Sir" He replied, almost purring, accentuating his beautiful Welsh vowels to the maximum.

I let my eyebrows rise even higher, "Jones, Ianto Jones – what is in that bag!" I asked, flirting back in the way that I do best.

He sighed slightly in defeat "Fine, fine. It's the Christmas cake, but you're not allowed to look at it until the party, let alone try any alright?"

"But… couldn't I just…" I protested

"No! I'm willing to hide it if necessary."

"That's ok, I'll find it easy; you're always rubbish at hiding in naked hide and seek" I grinned.

"That's because I want to be found" He replied ever so casually with a shrug. I was quite surprised, that our little (or not so little…) innocent Mr Jones would do such a thing!

"We could play now if you like… and the cake could play too" I suggesting, widening my dazzling smile even further in attempts to coerce him. For just a second I thought he might agree, but then the rift alert sounded and forced both of us to head out and hunt down an Ood with red eye, rather than stay at hub in the warm and have sexy cake time.

Not only were we soaked right through, as the Ood had wrestled us right into the water, but it had also started snowing as we made our way back to the SUV – so we were freezing cold on top of being dripping with sea water. We had a nice shared shower to warm ourselves up again once we were back at the hub, which did more than make up for the unexpected, unpleasant outing I guess, and we did have a lovey few hours chilling around in cosy pyjamas before Ianto dashed back home for a clean, dry clothes for the party (he wore a gorgeously tight fitting pair of black jeans and a charming fair isle jumper, both of which were almost begging to be stripped from him, but I restrained somehow, I myself was wearing his navy cardigan – but I don't think he minded too much!) I was hoping that he'd leave the cake here whilst he went, but he's evidently well wizened to my usual tricks as he took it with him for 'safety precautions'.

By the time it was nearing seven o'clock I was absolutely desperate for our delightful guests to start arriving, mainly so that I could get to sample the cake faster, but also because I was keen for Christmas day itself to hurry up and get here – though little did I know then that that particular day would turn out to be a little be disappointing. Much to our surprise, Owen arrived on time this year, accompanied by Tosh, but Gwen and Rhys didn't arrive until gone half past much to my growing frustration. Ianto insisted that we should at least try and make a little conversation before the cake was unveiled, and as much as I whined (he said I whined… I think I was being perfectly reasonable) about it, he refused to reveal it until eight o'clock. But when he did, it was clear that it had been worth waiting for.

He'd used a Christmas tree shaped tin for the cake itself, and decorated it with green fondant icing, silver baubles, edible glitter and to top it all of a fairy Weevil at the top of the tree – fabulous! It was all gone within little over half an hour, much to my disappointment, though after the cake we did follow on to exchange presents quite quickly, so that was a consolation I guess.

Ianto seemed to like his presents from me, and I assume that he understood that they were meant to be jokey, little ones, which was the main thing – though I was also extremely pleased that the other's enjoyed their gifts. The gifts I had received from everyone in turn were also highly appreciated – Owen had bought me aftershave, which he had apologised for not being the 'sexy pheromone' kind, but he had thought I had enough of those to last Ianto a life time; Gwen and Rhys had bought me a pair of leather braces and some superman socks; and Toshiko had bought me a Glen Miller greatest hits album on vinyl.

Ianto's present of Sing Star for Tosh went down rather well, after a few glasses of mulled wine at least, and she was soon begging us to all have a go with her:

"Please? It'll be fun I promise! We play on two separate teams, but that doesn't mean that it has to be taken seriously – we can just have a laugh!" She tried to persuade us all.

I was always up for it, I love singing and make no attempts to hide it, it's one of the greatest joys in life – and Gwen and Rhys gave in pretty quickly too, but Owen and Ianto needed a little more encouragement. Which is why I was so surprised that Ianto was so good at it. I mean, I don't think I could ever actually imagine the Welshman being _bad _at something… but… well, he never really sings at home, never in the shower or when a song he likes comes on the radio, so I had just assumed he wasn't the most tuneful singer, but he was certainly as good as me, if not better. Now that I've uncovered that beautiful voice, he won't be able to get away with holding it back from us any longer, you can mark my words!

A little while after our ability to concentrate on Sing Star had been exhausted, and we had relaxed into a quitter, more calming past time of general chatter, we all began to notice the apparent drop in temperature.

"Gosh it's cold" Gwen, the one to properly draw our attention to it, said shivering slightly.

"Really?" Owen asked. "Guess that's one of the perks of being dead – don't feel the cold" He winked. I winced internally at that remark…. I know I should just try and stop feeling guilty, but seeing him so accepting of what has happened to him… oh god it's Christmas, I should try and be happy!

Anyway…

"Hmm, yes you're right it really has become freezing down here – I'll go and make sure that the heating's still on" I'd said before running off to check said heating.

Unfortunately, as always seems to be the case with Torchwood, it wasn't happy news – the boiler had broken down. Tosh, the wonderful genius, managed to re-route the 50% of the energy supplied by our generator in order to power up some electric heaters for the time being so that we'd manage to avoid frost bite while we remained in the hub before everyone was ready to leave. But, of course, come 2.00 am when everyone wanted to leave the outside world had turned into a wonderland of snow, about four inches deep blanketing the ground, with still more falling, so I refused to allow anyone to leave at least until the snow had stopped falling.

Whilst we had been detained in the hub for about an hour now, a large crack in the rift opened right in the centre of the main floor. It was quite a shock really, as a) we were all extremely tired by this point and our senses were shocked by this sudden activity, and b) as it was completely unpredicted. We waited, with Gwen shushing away Rhys's inane questions, to see what would emerge from the crack and were all surprised further still, to so a Father Christmas like figure, holding what appeared to be a brass trombone, stepping through. However, it turned out not to be a trombone – or at least not _just _a trombone – but a gun disguised as a trombone as shortly after it had crossed through into our side of the rift, it began firing manically around the room – it's persistence only increasing as we in turn fired back at it. Unfortunately, though I suppose you could say _fortunately,_ one of the trombone bullets caught me right in the chest and I was sent painfully, plummeting into the darkness right there in the middle of the own bullets proved to be no real match for the Santa RoboForm, but I think that they managed to take it out for a short while as I lay there gradually healing and regaining life.

As I felt myself being drawn further and further out of the depths of the darkness, before I was fully conscious, I could hear Ianto's soothingly chastising words as he positioned my limp body in his arms. "Not again, that's another t-shirt ruined!"

"He's dead and your worrying about his t-shirt!" I heard Rhys said incredulously.

"Hang on, hang on. You told him that I was dead, yet you forgot to tell him that Harkness is immortal? Nice one Cooper!" Owen said.

"Immortal?" I heard Rhys almost shout

"I guess it just slipped my mind! Yes Rhys, Jacks immortal, he'll be fine in about…" Gwen was saying just as I gasped back to life in Ianto's arms as the robot Santa before us also came around once again.

The others detained it with further bullets whilst I rushed off to the armoury to grab a sonic ice gun which finished the job off nicely

Just as we were celebrating the triumph over our festive fiend, and celebrating the fact that the snow seemed to have ceased, Toshiko spoke up timidly from her work station.

"Umm guys…" She began nervously. "You remember how I set up that software to send the hub into automatic lockdown …?"

"Yes." We replied together.

"Well, it's just, it activated when that thing started firing and well…I can't override it!"

"WHAT!" We all cried out at once.

"I fixed the programme so that it couldn't be overridden until 8 hours after the incident"

"Well, that's not so bad, it means we can be out of here by 10 o'clock tomorrow and still have a normal Christmas day." Gwen said, attempting to be optimistic… ten o'clock… if only!

"Ah, you see…it takes two hours at least to bring the hub out of lock down…and that's with full power… with the generator only supplying at 50% capacity because of the heating, we're looking at more like five or six hours!" Tosh said anxiously as she broke the bad news.

"You mean it could be four before we get out of here?" Ianto asked.

"I'm afraid so… I'm sorry… I didn't know it would have consequences like this, I just –"

"Don't worry Tosh, we'll be glad of your thorough security measures one day, I'm sure" Ianto said trying to reassure her, but amidst Gwen and Rhys's 'not-so-quiet' bickering, and Toshiko's nerves, he had an air of disappointment about him, and when he rushed on off to the archives almost immediately afterwards I just knew that there was something not quite right.

So, when he hadn't returned for ten minutes I went off in search of him.

"What you hiding up here for?" I asked.

"Who says I'm hiding?" He replied in an ominous tone.

I laughed a little before taking on a more serious persona to ask:

"You alright?"

"Of course" He replied unconvincingly.

"Ianto?" I persisted.

"Well… you're going to think I'm silly…"

"Ha! As if that could ever happen!"

"Well, I guess I'm just a little angry and a little disappointed. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm very glad that Tosh takes the security measures very seriously… but if it wasn't for that stupid Santa then our day tomorrow wouldn't be ruined! I mean, I was looking forward to spending the day with just you…" He trailed of, biting his lip a little in that adorable way he always does when he's worried he's said the wrong thing.

"Ok, so maybe you've proved me wrong you daft man! So what if tomorrow isn't going to go exactly to plan? It doesn't mean we have to let it ruin Christmas! Besides, I've given everyone boxing day off as well remember, so we can just do our Christmas a day later" I replied reassuringly, now determined to make boxing day the very best 'Christmas' day that either of us had ever had.

"Really?"

"Really, really – can't miss out on the opportunity for more presents and a home cooked meal now can I?" I grinned and pulled out a, now rather crumpled, piece of mistletoe from my back pocket that I had forgotten all about, and drew him into a lust fuelled, passionate kiss.

We still have to endure what will in no doubt be a Christmas day filled with bickering, whining and complaining here at the hub with all of us trapped where we hadn't expected to be tomorrow – but it'll be worth it if Ianto and I manage to have our perfect Christmas after all.


End file.
